prompted
status check - AURGH.
background ambiance - nada

i drove by higher ground today on my way back to the office, planning on taking a snapshot of the building as i've always known it - and, thus, as i'd always remember it. sentimental? me? i don't know what you're talking about.

it was not to be, however, as by the time i got there (please note: less than 24 hours after the last show - and yes, trey was there), the sign was already off the front of the building, a couple of u-haul trucks already out front, gear already being loaded out of the building and off to storage until the new venue (wherever it may ultimately be) is ready for more fans and more shows.

and i felt blue. not nearly as blue as i'll feel when the building's completely gone, but blue nonetheless.

-------------------
(warning, melodrama follows)

i will admit that a portion of the blame belongs to me. i let myself be dazzled, focusing on the brief flash more than what may be standing in the shadows. it's easier to float away on a whimsy, wondering 'why not?' as i laugh, joke or otherwise carry on. because it's only temporary, i tell myself. they won't have time to get to know the real me and, thus, say 'uh, no thanks' and move on. they're moving before they know and i can daydream about what might have been. what might have been always seems better than what was denied.

but this has only been perpetuated by the amazing individuals i've encountered. they blind me and captivate me for a short time before disappearing to all corners of the godforsaken globe, leaving me dazed and amazed in a land that suddenly seems less vivid than before.

and i'm left unable to forget, not at all the way i intend it to be. they're off, charming someone else, while i remain under a spell cast long ago.

they have no idea, while i have no intention. and it's juvenile and pathetic and i need to just stop. i can try romanticizing it on paper (fine, screen), but nevertheless, it's just a series of impractical, over-idealized notions that never amount to anything substantial. nor will they.

Each time my heart is broken it makes me feel more adventurous
(and how the same names keep recurring on that interminable
list!), but one of these days there'll be nothing left with
which to venture forth.