a conversation between my brother and myself:

me: at least be happy they wanted to make sure you were ok. they could have just said, "hey, we don't know if he's lying dead somewhere...oh well, let's eat cheesecake."
tom: HAHAHAHA
tom: cheesecake
tom: death of a son comfort food
tom: mmmmmmm

i love seeing how talented writers can find creative and vivid ways of describing a feeling or outlook--whether through an analogy, turn of phrase or basic style.

chad's latest journal entry, for instance. while i'm sitting here hoping that things are going alright, i'm also incredibly impressed by the style of the entry.

anyway...i had fully intended to comment on this in my earlier post, but i forgot, as i often to, so here goes.

while getting ready for work this morning, i put on a new outfit, picked out which heels would look best with it, pulled back my hair into something that would look both fun and mature enough for work, put on my ID badge, picked up my messenger bag and headed to the metro. i watched the rest of the daily commuters go through their morning routines--reading a few chapters from a massive book, one father reading a story out loud to his young son, some tuning out the din with walkmans and headphones while leafing through today's issue of the post. at union station, i left the metro stop and crossed in front of taxis and buses at the fountain and stood with the rest of the capitol hill commuters as we waited for the street light to switch to 'walk'.

a young man stood to my right and caught my eye--predominantly because he looked my age and was dressed in a black suit, crisp white shirt, shiny black shoes and a blue and gold-striped tie. the phrase "he is completely dressed the part of the young congressional staffer" crossed my mind and stuck with me for the rest of my walk and for a majority of this morning.

we both looked the part of young staffers--he in his suit and tie, me in my own crisp white buttondown, mauve plaid knee-length skirt (which, when i bought it, pleased me because i feel a little bit 1940s when i wear it), and black pumps. and i don't know exactly what it was that i was feeling. part of me is getting a kick out of doing something i never thought i'd do and wearing clothes i never thought i'd wear--assuming a new role (it's true, i am definitely picking up on the theatrical aspect of this experience). part of me feels like i must be playing a part more than assuming a new lifestyle (that's where the "it's only a year" part kicks in) and yet another part still can't believe that people my age are as old as they are--old enough to wear suits and professional wear every business day while talking into cell phones or sipping cups of coffee as they make the daily commute and briskly walk to their office buildings. when did this happen?

i love it when people from home visit. i make it sound as if i have a constant stream of visitors at my apartment when, in reality, i've played hostess to the fuck yeah tour and my parents, but still. i love the opportunity to have people around that i know and love and don't feel as if i am still in that "getting to know you" stage of the game (granted, i do have some people here where i don't feel that way, but i feel safe in assuming that you know what i mean).

but what's hard is that when people from home leave, there is the little emotional backswing. for instance, my parents left at 6 this morning, and i had to gear myself up for a day of work. i miss home more during these backswings--home in the respect of feeling comfortable being a complete and utter idiot with the people i know and love.

once my father got past being grouchy friday night, we had a great time. they were introduced to chipotle (naturally) friday night and we spent saturday getting a few things for my room and moving everything around. i now have an incredibly comfortable living space with the luxuries i've been missing (turning on the tv as i prepared for work was quite lovely). they brought some photos and whatnot, so there's some personality beginning to show up in the place. we explored my neighborhood on saturday (as my mother hadn't spent any time here before) and enjoyed dinner at the cheesecake factory (score!). i took them to eastern market yesterday because i knew my mother would get a kick out of it, then we relaxed and decorated yesterday afternoon while my father watched football.

it was nice, low-key and incredibly energizing (despite waking up both days at 8 a.m.--crikey). and now here i am at work, feeling great, talking to some friends online and ready for a great week.

so we're getting out early this afternoon...should i go hunting for protesters? ;)

i should actually be reasonable and get home so i can have time to go running and then frantically clean my room so the parents don't have a heart attack when they see it...

IMF protesters arrested in DC

it's actually rather sad...500 people are arrested in this city and the thing i have to look forward to is the "new england clam chowda" kevin scored for us for lunch.

it's so pathetic i find it funny.

if you asked me back in february of 2000 if this would happen, i would have said absolutely not. yet here i am, looking at the dates for mayer's fall/winter tour. he's going to be headlining at the patriot arena on 11/29 (same venue as tori a few weeks earlier), and i had absolutely no desire whatsoever to see him perform live.

what, do i not like his music anymore? of course i still enjoy his music. i'm a fan of his and will be for a long time. do i follow his success as much as i used to? no, but i still check in periodically to see what's going on.

but do i want to see him headline a show at a large arena like the patriot? absolutely not. i'd much rather remember the small mayer shows i saw--at higher ground, at paradise. considering that i had a hard time seeing him headline at lupos in providence, i think i'd find a much better use for the money that would go to a ridiculously overpriced ticket to see him headline an arena show.

it's funny--i'm so excited about seeing tori, and that's at the same venue...but since it's my first experience with seeing tori live (and i consider her a very established name) and we've got great seats, i'm estatic. with john, i've sat down and spoken with him. i've sat at a table with a small audience and watched him perform a solo set, and i've been in the front row at paradise, looking directly up at him while he looked down at me.

i'm sorry, i just can't enjoy sitting in a huge arena and watch the little figure on the stage that is john mayer. not gonna happen.

alright, so i came into the city early this morning expecting to be surrounded by protesters clogging union station and attempting to wreak havoc on the city's public transportation. i wanted to see protesters, i brought in my camera to document the mayhem, etc. etc. etc.

i walk out of union station with dan and see police officers across the street from the fountain, but have i seen a single protester?

big negative.

and i, for one, am disappointed by this. what, a little drizzly weather and they don't show up??? the union station demonstration was supposed to start at 7:30. i was there at 8:30 and there was nothing. i think it's important for people to speak out against what they don't believe in--and i always give protesters (who handle things civilly) credit for getting out there. so when i saw no protesters, no nothing...yes, i definitely was deflated a bit.

but there's a lot going on downtown, apparently. we've got "the today show" on, as normal, and the channel 4 news is covering the marches and civil disobedience. i only hope that i can catch some of it when i get out of work tonight...perhaps i'll have to take a little walk before i head right home.

i remain optimistic about today--i'm bound to have a good day, as the rest of the week has been so tricky. and, in about an hour, my parental units will begin the trek here! goody...

my thoughts are with LEAPers this weekend. :)

i swear it's just one of those weeks.

i decided to pass up the chance to see "igby" because i wasn't feeling overly well at the end of my shift yesterday--something that is still continuing today. upon arriving home last night, i got into my pjs and curled up on the couch to watch the boss on "60 minutes II" and the season premiere of "the west wing"--how much do i LOVE THAT SHOW--and then went right to bed.

woke up at 7:15, the time i'm normally on the metro to get to work. aurgh--i jumped out of bed, threw on clothing, ran a brush through my hair and put on my glasses, grabbed a granola bar for breakfast and ran out the door. so here i am at work, tired, cranky, without a lunch which means i have to buy lunch either here or at union station if i want to eat (undecided as to whether or not i will at this point--as i did have a big dinner of chipotle last night because i decided my face looked thin when i got home from work) and i'm expecting a million phone calls today and i just want to be able to get through the day so i can go running (in my "i don't feel well and i'm going to pity myself" mood, i decided to take yesterday off) and get back on track. not to mention that i want to get to tomorrow so i can observe the protesters and wait for my parents to arrive...

hey, it's been a lousy week, but it's almost over, so it's all good.

i need to take some pictures of higher ground when i make the burlington trip columbus day weekend--all this talk about tearing the building down didn't really hit me until today. it's crazy to think that it probably won't be there in a year--especially when put in the perspective of all the things i've experienced there: socials (including the senior slide show--huge memory right there), a ton of concerts (including cherry poppin daddies--collin and will in the zoot suits--and melissa ferrick) and concert-related activities. thinking of kicking the snow away from behind riggott's car so he could get me and michelle down to higher ground to meet with and interview john mayer and glen phillips...i can't believe it won't be there anymore...

not to mention that i am shocked by all of the work that is going on on campus. i'm gone for a few months and there's a new dorm, work beginning on the welcome center and now this cafe cheray thing??? this is making me feel incredibly old.

LOOK AT THIS.

this is the view we will have to see tori amos and howie day on november 12.

SIX ROWS BACK.

i am absolutely bursting with excitement to the point of nearly bouncing up and down in my seat.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

going to see "igby goes down" this evening (yes, i am taping "the west wing" and will be home for most of it), so i'm going to try to write a movie review tonight (keep my criticism practices going). the buzz about this film has been nothing short of stellar, so i'm excited...it's my one indulgence of the week that i'm allowing myself. :)

the closer my parents' trip here comes, the more excited i'm becoming. excited about seeing them, excited about having people from home here for a little bit, and excited about having my things here so i can feel settled in. i realized yesterday that my guitar will be with me again. while i still can't play to say my life, knowing that i will have it there to try to play when i'm stressed is fantastic. not to mention the rest of my non-work clothes and more work clothes and a think comforter for my bed so i can feel all cozy when i wake up in the morning and my photographs to put on the walls and in frames and posters and a tv so i can watch things in my room and my stero so i can actually listen to the radio and the furniture i've been missing and my weights so i don't have to do everything at the gym and all of that fun stuff that i haven't needed as far as getting by, but have really missed in the past month.

there is a possibility that i'll be going to see "igby goes down" with chloe and nicole tonight, although i think it all depends on how i feel, as i've been a little less than 100% the past day or so. if i do, i'm obviously taping "the west wing" (TWO HOUR SEASON PREMIERE TONIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) and enjoying it when i get home...

i'm determined to have a good day today. i got here and had a surprise email from a member of my dc actf crew (spencer!), so it started off on a good note and will continue on one, dammit!

by the way, i am really looking forward to seeing what the IMF protests are like on friday...when i was last in dc at actf, i spent my last afternoon taking photographs of another huge protest on the ellipse and got some wonderful shots--i plan on trying to cover this event in a similar manner.

beth: to answer a question you asked--did the phone call brighten my day? not so much. making an appearance in the office, however, certainly did.

while i still prefer my artist/actor/rock star types (what can i say? if they brood, are creative, or play guitar, i seem to become smitten every time), i must say that in my days here, i have gained a definite appreciation for a man who looks good in a suit.

these two points are, obviously, completely unrelated. ;)

this concludes my incredibly superficial post.

like there was any doubt...

Which My So-Called Life Character Are You? Find out @ She's Crafty

ok, forget discussions of how much i <3 the library of fucking congress. i abhor the library of congress.

after a long, frustrating morning, i trapse over to the loc during my lunch break, figuring i can pick up my books, head back to the building and have twenty minutes to down my salad (it's not like i'm trying to eat a five-course meal here, afterall) before heading back to work.

i pick up my books and check to make sure i don't have to do anything else before heading to the door. security stops me and says i need to get the books charged.

now i've been patient. i've been understanding. at this point, i'm pissed off.

"where do i go to charge out the books?"

down the hall to this random door. fine. i go through said door and get a look from the woman there that says, "what the hell are you doing here?" i ask to charge the books. she sends me through another door to another woman who obviously doesn't want me there. she asks what i want. i ask to charge the books. she starts to but stops, saying i don't have an account. she sends me through another door and down a hallway to a guy so i can set up an account. he doesn't want me there. i'm doing everything in my power to not scream. i get my damn account, charge my damn books, and get back to work (without eating) just in the nick of time.

AND when i get to the elevator, the damn "senators only" light is on, so i have to walk up the four flights of stairs so senators can get on on floor two and get off on floor three.

I AM PISSED.

yes, ladies and gentlemen, yesterday is continuing into today. but i will conquer these days, despite the bullshit and the fact that i'm not feeling the fact that i'm still freezing and now extremely hungry...NEAH!

i do not <3 the library of congress anymore. while i appreciate all that it offers the nation (and, since my office is just down the street, all it offers me), i went through an ordeal trying to figure out how to make the system work for me last night.

after work, i went over to the adams building (since the website said jefferson closes at 5:30 on mondays) and presented my printout sheets for the three books i wanted. the very nice gentleman working the book request desk informed me that all of the ones i wanted were in jefferson, which (contrary to the website) closes at 9:30. so i filled out the requests and he called them over for me so they'd start looking for the books while i walked over to the other building (keep in mind that i'm from vermont. walking through the tunnel from one library building to another boggles my mind). i got to the reading room in jefferson (which is absolutely GORGEOUS) and walked up to the desk to say i was waiting for my books. the people at the desk vaguely gestured to the opposite side of the desk, murmuring something about how my books would be there when they were found.

while i waited, i was roped into conversation with an older guy who wound up talking about the bullshit of the red tape that comes with so much of washington bureaucratic systems and how it all comes down to race. needless to say, i did not want to particpate in this discussion, but there was no where else i could really wait for my books, so i listened with half an ear and, when the time came, found a way to escape.

walking up to the desk again, i asked the people to explain how the system works--how long i can take out the books and whatnot. and then i find out about the stupid system they have. i had to wait for the books to arrive so i could fill out another request slip for each book, place slip in book and put the books on a shelve, where they would be processed the next morning, at which point i could take them out of the reading room. since i was there at 6:30, an hour and a half past the limit for same-day requests, i had to wait. so i had to wait until 7:10 for them to find my books, then fill out three slips of paper, shelve the books again, and leave empty-handed. and i get to walk back to the l.o.c. during my lunch hour so i can actually pick up the books and bring them home.

it's a good thing this library has almost anything i could want, because otherwise, i'd be a whole lot more angry than i was last night. it was the perfect end to a perfectly long, frustrating day--filled with phones ringing off the hooks and tension. when i got home, i went running (which my body did not want to do, but i convinced myself--and was partially right--that running would clear my head and remove some of the tension in my body. true enough, i was exhausted after a mile and a half) and then came home to make dinner and confirm flight info with my father for my trip home for thanksgiving. while making dinner, i managed to lightly cut my finger. this is not a problem normally. however when one is cutting a slice of lemon (read: citric acid), this is not fun.

but i digress. today is shaping up decently enough, i suppose--it's really starting to feel like fall, so i'm happy about that. i'm sitting here in a sweater, shivering--but that's a combination of this building being cold (a lot of marble and high ceilings makes for drafty hallways) and the fact that my mother's probably right about my having an iron deficiency. i finally had to go outside and stand in the sunshine for a few minutes because when i looked down at my hands, the fingertips, besides feeling like icicles, were bone white. i don't think that's a really good thing--time to start taking the vitamins again.

in other news...one of my roommates got her first byline in the national journal today! she is certainly deserving of a revel...revelrevel...

i <3 the library of congress. i'm going to stop over there after work this afternoon, i do believe. and i'm going to, if all things go according to plan, pick up at least "alias grace", "someone who'll watch over me" AND lee blessing's "a walk in the woods."

*squeal of delight* this is like christmas! all the things i've been wanting to read without having to either search everywhere or pay an arm and a leg for my own copies! life is good.

how does one spend one's day when working in the office? prompted by donnie darko, engaging in a deeply philosphical discussion about the sexuality of the smurfs. prompted by this quote, which i have been using as an away message all day:

First of all, Papa Smurf didn't create Smurfette. Gargamel did. She was sent in as Gargamel's evil spy with the intention of destroying the Smurf village, but the overwhelming goodness of the Smurf way of life transformed her. And as for the whole gang-bang scenario, it just couldn't happen. Smurfs are asexual. They don't even have reproductive organs under those little white pants.

care to add your own two cents on the matter? add a comment, show you care.

hi, have i been living under a rock?!?!?

david gray will release his fifth studio album, a new day at midnight on october 5th

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

naturally i spent last night enjoying all that is the emmy awards. after all, dear "west wing"ers were up for a wonderful 21 nominations, so i had to see how many they picked up.

obviously i wanted janel to win for supporting actress, but i was very pleased to see stockard channing pick up the emmy. john spencer's win was wonderful, as was, obviously, allison janey's (see? you're press secretary, you get mad props). we won't talk about how i think martin sheen was ROBBED! but the academy made up for it by giving the show best drama. and i was happy to see jennifer aniston get her lead comedy emmy for "friends" (although i have to say, while i appreciate brad pitt--i am female, after all), is it just me or does he currently resemble leonardo dicaprio's "hi, i'm apparently trying to look like a sleezy frenchman--no offense to the french, but still).

the weekend was entertaining. another friday night on the town--happy hour at the bottom line followed by relaxation at patrick's and dancing at adam's mill. collapsed into my bed around 4 a.m.--woke up the next morning and realized that i feel old--i used to be able to do that without problem constantly--what happened?

saturday was relaxing--chloe and i made a blocbuster run and decided on donnie darko--a brilliantly interesting film that i thoroughly enjoyed. i recommend it if you like indie films--and if you like jake gyllenhaal (which i can now say i really do). i enjoyed the opportunity to just spend some time doing nothing--all i really needed to worry about was going for my runs (i'm up to running two miles now--my legs are only slightly pissed off at me and i'm a happy camper) and figuring out what i wanted to watch. while i've typically been exploring each weekend, i enjoyed not for a change.

hillary is shorter than i thought she would be.

i was talking to chloe on our way to front page last night (where, since she knew one of the bartenders, we got our cranberry vodkas in pint glasses--score!) about the tori concert, and she expressed interest in going as well. apparently fairfax is only about a half hour's drive from my apartment and she said she could drive--yeah yeah! the concert's over a month and a half away and i don't even have tickets yet, but i'm still sitting here, giddy just thinking about it...

so another friday workday comes to a close...and i prepare for another friday evening out on the town. i figure i'm fully justified in having a good time this weekend, as my parents will be in town next weekend. not that i won't have a good time having my parents here, because obviously i'm looking forward to it, but i just won't be going out (thus saving money) and whatnot--ok, i can feel the hole i'm digging growing deeper the more i try to justify what i wrote so yeah. bye. :)

i knew it would happen...

i do everything i can to get howie to play burlington again while living in vermont. three weeks after moving to washington d.c., i learn that howie will be playing higher ground in november.

but i get to see him supporting tori..

tori tour dates (try saying that five times fast)...

november 12th, i will finally have my first live tori experience. not to mention the amusing/shocking/terrifying/depressing/hysterical experience of witnessing howie day performing in a venue other than the small club/coffeehouse scene i've grown to know and love...

i'm realizing how quickly the next couple of months are going to go by. my parents are visiting next weekend to bring the rest of my belongings (wow, i'll actually feel moved in!) and enjoy some d.c. fun times...i'll be going to vermont a couple of weeks after that. michelle and beth visit over veterans' day weekend for the 203 reunion/jack johnson experience, then i'm home for thanksgiving and i'll be home again for christmas. it's strange to think about it that way...but good!

inspired by my "west wing" experience today, i visited the 2002 emmy website to see who was nominated from my show...this makes me so happy to see:

Outstanding Supporting Actor In A Drama Series
Alias • ABC • Touchstone Television
Victor Garber as CIA Agent Jack D. Bristow

Six Feet Under • HBO • The Greenblatt/Janollari Studios and Actual Size, Inc., in association with HBO Original Programming
Freddy Rodriguez as Federico Diaz

The West Wing • NBC • John Wells Productions in association with Warner Bros. Televison
Dulé Hill as Charlie Young

The West Wing • NBC • John Wells Productions in association with Warner Bros. Televison
John Spencer as Leo McGarry

The West Wing • NBC • John Wells Productions in association with Warner Bros. Televison
Bradley Whitford as Josh Lyman

The West Wing • NBC • John Wells Productions in association with Warner Bros. Televison
Richard Schiff as Toby Ziegler

Outstanding Supporting Actress In A Drama Series
Judging Amy • CBS • Barbara Hall/Joseph Stern Productions for 20th Century Fox Television in association with CBS Worldwide, Inc.
Tyne Daly as Maxine Gray

Six Feet Under • HBO • The Greenblatt/Janollari Studios and Actual Size, Inc., in association with HBO Original Programming
Lauren Ambrose as Claire Fisher

The West Wing • NBC • John Wells Productions in association with Warner Bros. Televison
Mary-Louise Parker as Amy Gardner

The West Wing • NBC • John Wells Productions in association with Warner Bros. Televison
Stockard Channing as Abigail Bartlet

The West Wing • NBC • John Wells Productions in association with Warner Bros. Televison
Janel Moloney as Donna Moss

look at that domination! lovely...

go averi!

i was just told that i look just like donna on "the west wing."

see? the new season hasn't even started yet and i'm getting signs!

if you know me, if you even REMOTELY know me, you know that i don't need to say another word about this. just laugh and "revel...revelrevel" with me.

son of a monkey's uncle--i just wrote an entry and it didn't go through.

alright, so i need some commenting love, people. and here's a little incentive:

columbus day weekend. lovin vermont style when i return to the green mountain state for a little visit. i fly out of baltimore friday night, so i'll be around saturday, sunday and early monday. a possible trip to burlington on sunday for some muddy waters, church street and waterfront action. who's game?

so i got one of these emails awhile ago from someonelikesyou.com. didn't do anything with it because you have to type in the addresses of other people and i'm not going to submit myself to passing along the chain of "ooh, someone likes you!" when i'm primarily trying to guess who sent it to me, not necessarily that i'm interested in someone else (nor would i use someonelikesyou.com as a way of confessing a crush), because that's probably how i got this, anyway--someone thought i was being a wiseass and sending something in, etc. etc. etc.

but if you know anyone between the ages of 19 and 23 who has four vowels in their first name and does happen to have a crush on me, please encourage them to contact me via some other form, because i will not be participating in this one. ;)

i had a discussion with paul near the end of last semester, discussing the transition from student to professional, where he told me that it's actually less work to be a professional than a student. you leave your work at the office, you don't have a million different responsibilities and different obligations, etc.

i acknowledge that this is true in many respects. i do get to leave my work at the office, i do get to have a few hours each night to do whatever it is that i want to do.

but i'll say this: this whole 9-5 (or in my case, 9-6) thing is kicking my ass! i'm amazed by how tiring it is and how i feel as if there really aren't enough hours in the day for everything i might like to do. let's take my 9-6 day (twice a week it's actually 8-5): i wake up around 6, get ready, eat some breakfast and walk out the door by 8, take the metro into the city and walk a couple of blocks to work. work until 6 with my hour lunch break, then walk back to the metro station and head home. a run follows (whether around my neighborhood or in the fitness room in my apartment building's sister buidling), then dinner followed by relaxation. i've been here for two and a half weeks and they've gone by pretty quickly because you get into the grind and just go go go...by the end of the week, i'm worn out! i know it's just a process of getting into the routine, but it's hard when you're first starting such a different schedule. after all, i've always been a night owl and have never needed a signficiant amount of sleep (although i've always enjoyed oversleeping from time to time), and now 11 rolls around and i'm getting ready to head to bed.

!?!??!?

but it's another monday, a new week. the weekend was pretty decent: got out of work around 4:30 and headed down to red river grill for a drink with a bunch of coworkers. then five of us headed somewhere in adams morgan, where we stayed for awhile before moving to the front page. met up with carrie and kelly (carrie's friend from undergrad) and tried to meet up with a group of carrie's friends at a place in dupont, but that kind of fell through, so we then went to the lucky bar, where we stayed for about five minutes before going to the citron cafe (a latin club slightly on the swanky side). i never barhopped before coming here, and it's an interesting experience. i know that, right now, i'd love the opportunity to just be able to sit down with some good friends and share some laughs over drinks or meet someone interesting. let's face it, i've always preferred taking it a little easy to being the wild and crazy type...but i know that doing all this now will (hopefully) pay off and i'll be able to have those chats down the road somewhere...

i decided to spend my saturday recharging the batteries and stayed in and relaxed by myself and had a nice evening of it. i had picked up a dvd at blockbuster when grocery shopping, so that night i curled up in my room and watched "the cat's meow", which i had wanted to see when it was in theaters, but couldn't find a place around home where it played. i recommend it--pretty decent film.

it was nice to relax and not run out and do anything--i have to keep in mind that there's no way i should feel as if i have to do something every weekend night. if i do, not only will i be exhausted, i will also have no money and will depress myself because i will feel compelled to be Out and With People and feel like there is something wrong if i'm not out. so i'm a fan of, unless there's something wildly exciting or somone asks me to hang out with them, spending one weekend night out and spending one weekend night relaxing and doing whatever.

i think it works out well...or at least i hope it does!

this morning is stressful...not a good start to the week!!!

SCORPIO:
Monday, September 16

You may not yet be entirely sure of the best approach to a domestic, real estate or family matter, or to a long-range goal. This is why they say patience is a virtue and good things come to those who wait. And this is why your horoscope says sit tight!

man killed by metro train

yeah, he jumped.

and the some of the cookies i brought into work today for the group birthday party were crushed in the commute. *pout*

is anyone else intrigued by what they're hearing about the movie "igby goes down"? i really want to see this movie when it comes out.

friday the thirteenth has always been a lucky day for me, but it started out with a less-than-stellar hour-and-a-half commute to work because someone either fell into or jumpted into the path of an oncoming subway train at union station.

NEAH!

but in better news, i'm in the middle of a little game of phone tag, which makes me happy...

if there was one thing i didn't expect to hear last night, it was "this little light of mine."

the boss let us out an hour early last night, thanking us for a job well done, so i hurried home, attempted to go for my run (although my body really wasn't feeling it at the time, so it was just an abbreviated version of my normal route), took a shower and headed back to the capitol for the candlelight vigil that had been announced at the reflecting pool. my candlelight vigil experience last year was so memorable that i wanted to be able to experience another one--albeit one that i knew would not be comparable to the previous year. more like apples and oranges.

it was a beautiful night, as the skies were clear and washington is gracefully easing from summer into autumn. i walked from union station to the west side of the capitol building, talking with a guy who was heading to the vigil as well. when i arrived at the reflecting pool, those gathered had formed a ring around the pool and had begun to light their candles. the sun was setting, so the washington monumen and lincoln memorial were illuminated by lights, white against the lilac, pink and orange sky, the candles glimmering in front (i brought my camera, so hopefully my shots will come out). there was a large group and i settled down on the steps in front of a statue so i could observe the crowd.

it started off formally enough: two military bugalists led the crowd in "america the beautiful", then walked away from each other and gave a chillingly beautiful rendition of "taps" before walking away. at that point, the vigil took a freeform turn. people started singing "god bless america," "amazing grace," the national anthem, and whatnot. because of the size of the group and the distance from one side of the pool to the other, an unintentional round of each song was the result--but it was a nice touch. it was difficult to keep the candles lit because of the breeze, but people tried and many were able to. if a candle went out, nearby flames were offered to relight it. news cameras roamed the group, capturing the expected images of hands holding candles and faces illuminated by the light. i stayed at my perch for about twenty minutes before moving about myself. i moved to a group standing in front of a backdrop of the stark white capitol against the night sky and took some pictures of the impressive sight. then i tried to relight my candle with a lighter. i was having difficulty and a cameraman was watching me try, so he lit the candle for me while i cupped my hand around it to protect the flame.

"i want this shot," he said with a smile. strange to go from covering the news to being covered--i prefer covering it, thank you very much.

and as i was leaving, someone started singing "this little light of mine." so i stopped and sang along before i headed home.

i was interested in seeing how this vigil would compare to "our" vigil, and i found it comforting in an entirely new way. at the st. michael's vigil, i knew everyone--or at least, knew of everyone--and was surrounded by close friends, sharing out shock and grief. being able to raise money for the red cross was an amazing process and increidbly uplifting. at this service, i didn't know anyone, but we had all come together to share what we did have in common--a need to remember. while there were many more people at this one, the sense of comradery was still there, but more of a dogged comradery--naturally it was not as raw as last year.

i'm certainly glad i was there. it was a surreal end to a surreal day.

it doesn't feel like it's been a year since i wrote this. yet at the same time, it feels like it happened eons ago. while any anniversary is accompanied by that paradox, today is an extreme example of it.

i know we'll all be innundated by images and thoughts and commentaries today, but it's time for my mini-commentary (it's my blog, so just deal with it). looking back now, i don't believe i ever discussed here where i was or what i was doing and whatnot. baz called at 10:20 and woke me up, telling me that something had happened at the world trade center. still half-asleep, i didn't get it. "hun, that happened back in the 90s. bomb...it was a tragedy, but it was awhile ago."

"no, a plane hit the trade center. turn on your tv."

"fine, i'll call you back."

i went downstairs in what i thought was my empty townhouse and turned on the tv to nbc, absolutely amazed/horrified/shocked by what i was seeing. katie and matt were trying to figure out what had happened, i was trying to follow them figuring it out. i went outside and spoke with soo, and when i came back inside, the second tower had collapsed (the first had already fallen). i spent the rest of the day glued to the television, just like everyone else in the country, leaving to attend a service in the chapel.

i didn't cry much or anything--i didn't know anyone who would have been in danger. the only time i remember crying was when i thought they would resume the draft, because i was worried that my brother would be drafted and something would happen to him. but i don't even believe that was on the first day--i think it was the day after. the lack of planes flying overhead was a jolt--i had grown so accustomed to the background sound of the jet engines that i hadn't noticed them until they were silenced and an eerie quiet filled the air.

and here we are, a year later. back then, i was just beginning my senior year of college. i didn't know where i would be in a year or what i would be doing--figuring out how to handle the first issue of the defender was enough of a pressing issue for me. i was surrounded by a community of friends at st. michael's, sharing the unbelievable experience with all of them and communicating with my family at home.

i didn't realize until today how today is not only the anniversary of a horrific moment in our lives, but a marker from which we can see how each of us have changed in the past year. i feel so much older now. i went from a college student in vermont to someone who is working for the very government we turned to on that day. i watched the television and saw news reports from washington--and on this september 11, i'm in washington. surreal...

i'm carrying on business as normal in the office, presently watching the pentagon memorial service on c-span. walking out of union station this morning, i took a small american flag from one of the numerous people passing them out, so the flag is currently displayed on my desk. all of the flags that are in front of the fountain in front of the station were at half mast while many people were wearing red white and blue. i personally struggled with what to wear today--much as it sounds utterly shallow--and fought my initial impulse to wear black, deciding instead to wear something lighter and cheerier in color, but still professional and tasteful enough to be respectful, considering what so many were observing. i wasn't the only one who struggled with this--i've spoken to several people who went through the same thing (which was a relief, as i felt incredibly superficial while having this internal debate).

there's a candlelight vigil at the capitol reflecting pool this evening that i plan to attend, then i'll come home, possibly run (depending on the time) and reflect, then watch the rebroadcast of "9/11" on cbs (i was only able to see bits and pieces of it the first time it aired because i had defender responsibilities to take care of). other than that, i think it's important to think and reflect on things, but also carry on as normally as possible--otherwise, we're still being attacked, in a sense.

but i hope everyone out there is safe and remembering the day in their own special ways...my parents were a little worried about me being here today, but i can say with confidence that i'm in one of the safest places in the country right now and nothing will happen today, so fear not. just take care.

the timing could not have been better.

yesterday was difficult. i hadn't slept much the night before, i was frustrated by my apparent lack of common sense--one of those inevitable days where things just don't quite work out the way they should. add to that the fact that i've had a little time to be in this new environment and try to start settling in, only to realize that there's no way i can really settle in quite yet: i still don't have things of my own in my room (as they won't be here for another couple of weeks), i don't have a comfort level at my job yet, i'm still placing faces with names and don't have anyone here that i feel completely comfortable yet (how can i? i've only been here a week and a half and have been busy running all over the place). so some homesickness and, yes, some self-pitying crept into my spirits over the course of the day. i made a couple of phone calls on my way from work to union station so i could feel connected to people i care about and planned on calling home after i went running so i could just talk to my parents and cry for a bit. nothing particularly shocking, you see, just something that was due.

so i get home and go running right away (it was gorgeous--it's slowly starting to feel a little cooler in the evenings and i was witness to a technicolor sunset, one that cast rose and amber tones onto the limestone and granite buildings in my neighborhood--lovely), running the farthest since i've been here and feeling better about it--maybe i'll touch base with my inner runner again after all--and actually ran into chloe, who was also out for a run, in my travels. i'd been planning on picking up the mail when i got in, but she beat me to it. when i returned to the apartment, i had three deliveries waiting for me on my desk.

thank you thank you thank you. becca sent me her own special form of care package ("dude, you've got a package! details inside..."), while beth sent an incredibly sweet card that made me feel as if the card makers had the two of us in mind when creating it--so appropriate it's almost frightening! meanwhile, i had a note from the fuck yeah tour waiting for me, as well as some of the munchies to stock up my supplies in the kitchen. to have love and votes of confidence from back home arrive on just the day that i needed them most--it could not have been a better series of surprises. thank you!

i was riding into work yesterday when an attractive guy, probably mid- to later-twenties sat next to me. as i sat there, i instinctively glanced at his left hand. no ring, i thought to myself with a smile. then i realized that, without thinking, i had checked to see if someone i found attractive was married. and i felt incredibly, shockingly old.

random moments.

oh! before i forget: veterans' day weekend. d.c. jack johnson at 9:30 club, 203 reunion--i'm all about it (aboot it), so let's plan for it! very, very excited me.

you're having a rough day, it feels like you've got a cloud over your head, and then, all of a sudden, there's this bright ray of perfect-wave-surfing-palm-tree sunshine that breaks up the gray.

fun times this weekend.

friday night's happy hour turned into friday night's debauchery. went to buffalo billiards with a bunch of people from work for the "welcome to the group vickie and dan" happy hour. it was nice to be able to see how people from the office interact outside of the office...then erica, her roommate carrie and i went to lucky's bar for an event held by carrie's law school (or something along those lines). after a little bit of time there, we moved on to dan's cafe in adams morgan to meet up wtih the office group again. dan's cafe is home to the flask and bucket special. for twelve dollars, one gets a glass of the alcohol of one's choice, a chaser, two glasses and a small bucket of ice. while i did not partake in said special (yet--after such a long, emotionally draining week, i had a few drinks at happy hour and realized i would be on my way to a bad drunken stupor instead of a good one, so i made sure to remain only buzzed), i did witness it and know that i will partake at some point in the future. then we all headed to patrick's for a party there, where fun times were had. while heading back to respective apartments, e & c & i experienced the "big slice" at pizza mart--for three dollars, you get a slice of pizza that must be three times larger than any other slice of pizza i have ever seen. we're talking mammoth, gigantic, colossal proportions here. and when you're buzzing, it is tastier than any pizza i've had in a good long while (although i will say that i don't know if it quite hit the spot like manhattan's pizza in burlington after a knock-you-on-your-ass long island iced tea).

walking around the streets of adams morgan was amazing--the area was pulsing with life. people pouring out of bars, clubs, restaurants onto the sidewalks, blowing away the steam from the pizza slices that precariously balanced on thin paper plates and squares of aluminum foil. cars attempting to dodge the people who moved out into the street, honking horns that blended in with the bass pumping from the bars--it was an amazing explosion for each of my senses. if i ever get to the point where i take something like that for granted, i need to leave immediately.

i woke up pretty early on saturday and went for a run, then relaxed for awhile before heading out to find dccd, a music store i had read about online. this place rules--the underground, badass, shades of "high fidelity" place i've been searching for. it's a bit of a hike to get to from the metro (i thought it was closer to dupont, but it's actually in adams morgan), but so worth it. good prices, good selections. different bands i'd heard of but could never find much information about--wilco, spoon, finch, etc.--and they've got it there. and there are stations set up where you can sit down, relax and listen to one of five cds they have at that particular station, so i listened to "rush of blood to the head"--coldplay takes the next step, fucking brilliant--and the latest wilco--i've got to get it at some point soon. howie's album was available to listen to at one of the stations--i couldn't help but laugh.

wound up going to eastern market shortly thereafter to experience everything available there on the weekends--fell in love with that as well. there's a market area that sells produce, meat, breads, flowers--you name it--inside during the week, but during the weekends, vendors open up shops all around the outside of the market. you'd think it's your typical farmer's market type deal, but there's something about the atmosphere that gives it a special feel. i got such a kick out of being able to look through the vegetables and fruits...moving on to the craft stalls across the street to see what special little trinkets are available...

relaxed at home saturday night for most of the time...chloe, nicole and i went to bethesda and hit up ben & jerry's (aw...vermont!), but it was nice to just relax and watch television and not have to do anything.

and then there was sunday. around 1 maybe, i get voicemail from the fuck yeah tour (meg, christine, the guy, jesus kleist) with the announcement that they're on their way to d.c. yeah yeah! they arrived at casa victoria, relaxed for a bit, then we headed out to do the sightseeing thing (the mall and surrounding monuments). got back to my metro and raced to chipotle, praying it was still open (score--it's open til 10, even on sundays) and i introduced them to my new favorite mexican-type food. after searching for a grocery store that was still open, christine and i left everyone else at the apartment, hopped on bikes and rode farther up the street, searching for the market the guy from clyde's said would be our best bet to buy beer. after passing two closed liquor stores and riding uphill (hello, watery legs), we wound up at a 24-hour cvs and learned that there was nowhere in the area that would sell this late on sunday. but at least it was an adventure...spent the rest of the night playing some card games with the beer the tour still had in mary jane (and a little rum for me) and all fell asleep in my room watching "the family guy" (i got a special episode played for me: the episode where he becomes a lobbyist for the tobacco industry on capitol hill).

i will admit that i had a brief relapse of sorts (put two and two together and you'll know what i'm talking about), but it was only for the night and i am right back on track. not overly thrilled with myself in that respect, but what are you going to do?

you can tell when i'm missing the internet, when i have to blog about my entire weekend--but it was a very good time and it was wonderful to have some st. michael's life in the area--i had a great time but also realized how much i miss everyone. hearing about who the gang ran into during their road trip and how everyone's doing--it was comforting, but also made me realize that people are starting their new lives in different places--and i want to be able to at least know how they are all doing.

so yeah, that's where i'm at right now. another day, another week, another set of adventures just around the bend. i'm hoping the gang stops by the office around my lunch break so i can see them before they head off, but regardless, it was great to be able to have my first houseguests and show someone a bit of my area of the city (as much of it as i happen to know, that is). it was just great to have some friends around that i'm not still in the process of getting to know. a comfort that came at a great time.

revel...revelrevel.

can't you see that i want to be there with open arms?
it's empty tonight, and i'm all alone
get me through this one

do you notice i'm gone?
"where do you run to, so far away?"

i want you to know that i miss you
i miss you so
i want you to know that i miss you
i miss you so

i'm writing again
these letters to you, aren't much i know
but I'm not sleeping, and you're not here
the thought stops my heart

do you notice i'm gone?
"where do you run to, so far away?"

i want you to know that i miss you
i miss you so
- finch, letters to you

i like that song. and i like the prospects of this evening: happy hour at buffalo billiards followed by other forms of drunken debauchery, it seems...bwahahaha...

i'm checking out eastern market this weekend, exploring, hopefully making a trip to the kennedy center and trying to find independent music stores...revelrevel...

SCORPIO:
Friday, September 6

You know how you said you wanted new contacts, new excitement, new affiliations and new intrigue? Well, thanks to the New Moon, you are about to receive these in spades. Better yet, some of these chills, thrills, excitement and activities will really appeal, and may turn out to be lasting and profitable.

groovy.

Man with 16 guns arrested in D.C.

whoo hoo!!!!!!! now if it had been 20, i might have been concerned.

i am driving up 85 in the
kind of morning that lasts all afternoon
just stuck inside the gloom
four more exits to my apartment but
i am tempted to keep the car in drive
and leave it all behind

cause i wonder sometimes
about the outcome
of a still verdictless life

am i living it right?
am i living it right?
am i living it right?
why georgia, why?

i rent a room and i fill the spaces with
wooden places to make it feel like home
but all i feel is alone
it might be a quarter life crisis
or just the stirring in my soul

either way i wonder sometimes
about the outcome
of a still verdictless life

am i living it right?
am i living it right?
am i living it right?
why georgia, why?

so what, so i've got a smile on
but it's hiding the quiet superstitions in my head
don't believe me
when i say i've got it down

everybody is just a stranger but
that's the danger in going my own way
i guess it's the price i have to pay
still "everything happens for a reason"
is no reason not to ask myself

if i am living it right
am i living it right?
am i living it right?
why georgia, why?

it amazes me how much a song i've listened to regularly for almost two years now is just not resonating with me on such a completely different level. i listen to it every day.

greetings from d.c...no, i have not fallen off the face of the planet or been mugged or gotten lost on the metro. i am, for the time being, simply without internet access at home (the horror of horrors for me, one would think, but i'm handling it remarkably well, i'd like to think). today is my first day at work and i'm getting used to things and figuring out what the routine is--and growing accustomed to my "professional" wardrobe (i'll admit it, i still almost do a doubletake when i catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror or a reflection). a few thoughts about the past days:

- roommates are cool, room is cool, apartment is cool.
- the cheesecake factory: the second coming of carbur's. the menu has ADVERTISEMENTS IN IT.
- like the legions of other d.c.-area types, i'm running every other day. stop laughing.
- i have everything i could possibly need as far as resources within a walking distance of my place. this is very odd to me, but i like it. a lot.
- dupont circle: fuuuun on a saturday night.

i'm enjoying myself well enough, but it's hard to be away from everyone. my cell phone doesn't work in my apartment (not yet, anyway, and not to mention that i can't find my phone charger--grrrr) and, after i do something or see something or come home, i expect my family to be around or my friends to be a short distance away. it takes a moment for me to realize that they're not--and it's very bittersweet. i've always thought that life is supposed to completely consume you--there's always supposed to be something going on, some adventure or, at least, some burden to deal with. i'm already realizing that this isn't always the case--there's downtime and times where you don't have things pressing on you.

now me? i like keeping busy (i know, surprise surprise) and knowing that i have things to do because that way i'm constantly stimulated. and involved with people and interacting. so i think that i'm going to be looking for things to do in the coming weeks--maybe a weekend job that's fun or volunteer work--i don't know, just something. but then again, i don't know exactly what's coming up for me--meeting new people and whatnot--so i can't do that right away.

yet i feel like there's this big ol' city in front of me, filled with all of these people, and i'm wondering how on earth i'm going to track down some of those people to call my own. it's not as if it's like college, when we were all together in this little community and we couldn't NOT get to know each other because we were falling all over each other. here i feel as if i'm supposed to do something to find people...but i'm not sure of exactly what. so, for right now, i'm going to just keep what i'm doing and hope that i'm doing it right. what else can i really do? after all, i've only been here a few days...

so yeah...d.c. is a bit intimidating, a bit frightening, but exhilerating as well. this morning i packed my lunch, grabbed my carryall bag and bought a copy of the post to read while i rode into the city on the metro. it was my first experience as a full-fledged commuter. definitely a change of pace and made me realize (as if i hadn't already, but you know what i mean) that i'm officially a city-dweller. how crazy is this?!?