The bodyguard

I'd joked that I was the bodyguard.

By the time I realized his post-show spot would be directly in front of where I had stood for most of the evening, I hadn't many relocation options. The crowd swarmed around him on all sides, save mine. I was comfortable in my spot, neither he nor his manager seemed to mind and I was available if either of my friends working merch needed assistance. So I leaned back against the wall and folded my arms. I laughed over to L about the responsibility I had decided to assume and then worked on looking tough.

It offered a fascinating view. From his perspective.

I watched as giddy faces took on new expressions as he turned to them. Some coolly nonchalant, others unabashedly giddy. There were a few that flickered between demeanors as their owners tried to settle on one particular approach. Almost every set of eyes widened significantly during the initial exchange of greetings.

It was overwhelming, the number of shining faces and blinding smiles that spread out before him (and me). I thought of riding in the backseat of my parents' car as a youngster, staring ahead at the nighttime road. I could never understand how my mother or father could tune out the line of painfully bright headlights well enough to keep the car on the road. I always had to blink or close my eyes entirely. It was too much - far too bright.

I leaned my head against the wall as I watched the greetings. Some offer a simple hello before extending a CD case, ticket or bookmark. More outgoing individuals mentioned previous shows or cities, where there had been another exchange of mutual admiration or photo opportunity.

And that was what struck me most about the display before me. Mutual admiration. It truly seemed as if he wanted to be sure to thank them for coming, just as they wanted to thank him for putting on a show. He sought out names if they weren't offered, and he found ways to tough a shoulder or elbow. Camera mugs involved hugging. He laughed, he joked, he showered each with a special moment of undivided attention before one more thank you before a turn of the spotlight onto the next person.

I had my own copy of the album in my bag - same as I'd had it earlier in the day at the instore - and could have asked for a similar turn with silver marker. But there was no reason for me to. I'm not an autograph seeker (unless we're talking about something where it's funny or exciting for the person signing), and I liked standing where I was. I had no desire to go onto the other side of the exchange. I'd been surprised into saying a hello and making an introduction earlier. And I found that expereince preferrable to this.

Although as I watched him, I did feel an impulse to hug him, thanking him for never ceasing to amaze me.

But I was the self-proclaimed bodyguard - and hugs aren't tough. I kept my arms folded instead.