time for a few surveys ...
first, the friday five from this past weekend.
1. how are you planning to spend the summer [winter]?
well, working, enjoying myself and, for right now, focusing on getting healthy, spending time with friends and figuring out what i'm going to do next.
2. what was your first summer job?
summer of '96. a naive 15-year-old enters the realm of ronald mcdonald and the twisted world that turns beneath the golden arches.
3. if you could go anywhere this summer [winter], where would you go?
hmm ... i'm pretty content where i'm at right now.
4. what was your worst vacation ever?
i don't think i've had any really BAD vacations, to be honest ... the worst short leisure activity was third grade, when my class went on a whale watch and we were caught in a huge storm and the boat almost capsized ...
5. what was your best vacation ever?
i was in seventh grade when the fam went to florida. disney world, an orlando magic game and a trip to kennedy space center. it was awesome.
and now, stolen from my brother ...
1.) what was your fav 80's cartoon?
it was all about the smurfs. and while i have no recollection of actually watching the cartoon, i used to LOVE rainbow brite - i dressed up as her one year and had all of the dolls and books and whatnot. so i'm going to assume that i loved that as well. in the later 80s, one must give props to jem as well!
2) what did you dress up as the last time you went trick or treating?
the last time i went trick or treating, i was dressed as a little kid, pjs, pigtails, pacifier, etc. that was freshman year of college. the last time i dressed up for halloween, it was a two-night affair - one night i was little red riding hood, the second night i was a flower child.
3)if you could be an inatimate object, what would you be?
this opens up so many possibilities ... i think i'd go with a guitar.
4) when did you realize that you didn't believe in god?
i don't know what i believe when it comes to religion, so i can't say i don't necessarily believe in god or a god-like being ... but i can't say i do, either. let's just say i've decided that there are other things, tangible things i can figure out, that i can spend more of my energy figuring out.
5) would you rather die by drowing, being hanged, being beheaded, or shot in the head? why?
wow, the feel-good question of the survey ... if i was guaranteed to die, i'd want to be shot in the head from behind - that is, being completely unaware that it was going to happen. i don't want to know that i'm dying - i'd much rather die suddenly, without fear and without wasting away.
6.30.2003
6.25.2003
well, ok, i'm almost bound for bed. but i can't pass up these damn survey things. they're like my reality tv addiction.
1. what's your favorite cheese? con queso. hehehe. ;-)
2. how long do you hold onto odd socks before giving up on finding their mate? it ultimately comes down to a basic reality - the second i get rid of the mateless sock, the mate shows up. so i hold onto them for awhile - i always wind up with a little collection of them. kind of like the island of misfit toys from the claymation rudolph tv show, if you know what i'm referencing.
3. who was your favorite musical artist when you were 15? hmm ... i can't remember ... that would have been sophomore year of high school? at that point, i believe i was in my country phase - might have been tim mcgraw or garth brooks. but at that point i was listening to all sorts of random stuff, so you can also throw weezer into the mix.
4. what shape are your fingernails in right now? ah, i wish i'd been asked before the return flight. not the greatest, i must admit.
5. two scoops: of what? how appropriate, as i initiated operation i this evening, rounding up my family and taking us to seward's - hey, it was for medicinal purposes. so as of tonight, it was strawberry frozen yogurt in frappe form.
6. what's your earliest memory? i'm not sure which came first, but my two earliest memories are the hospital room where my mother stayed after giving birth to my brother (green walls and a white streamlined phone that i was fascinated with) and lying on the rust-colored carpet in the living room of our house in middleton (massachusetts) - both of which date back to the age of two and a half.
7. when does your pet look funniest? when it's imaginary. as it is now.
8. what do you collect? memories and anecdotes, photographs, concert posters. at times, shot glasses.
9. what's better than sex? how many people do you think answer this with "chocolate"? i bet zillions do ...
10. what things are you brand-loyal to? chicken fajita burritos, man. ;-)
11. favorite dr. seuss book? while i connect with "oh the places you'll go!", i had an experience in junior high involving "the zorax" that rendered it my favorite - and i think it always will be. although i must say i've always been more of a shel silverstein girl.
12. best meal you've had lately? hmm ... i've had quite a few, courtesy of vegas ... probably dinner at either bally's or the golden nugget. buffets with endless quantities of tasty options.
13. peanut butter and ________? it was always preferrably pb and fluff. or, more appropriately, it was fluff with a hint of peanut butter. but i haven't had a pb & ___ sandwich in eons.
14. who's your favorite poet? sylvia plath.
15. where are you going on vacation this year? did i mention that i was having a lovely time in las vegas at this point a week ago? and that i'm currently vacationing (sort of) in vermont at this moment in time?
16. if you could change careers tomorrow with no strings attached, what would you be? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. make me lois lane.
17. whaddya drive? when in vt, trusty red (my green saturn sl1). when in dc, an imaginary flinstones car.
18. what's your poison? arsenic. if that's not available, vodka or midori.
19. the color of the carpet or the kind of floor in the room you are sitting in right now. wood floors painted a slate blue.
20. what's on your walls? which walls? the walls of the room i'm in right now? endless punk rock posters (i'm in my brother's room). in my vt room? not much of anything at the moment. in my dc room? various pieces of framed artwork (including some french posters and a van gogh), photographs and theatre mementos. as well as particularly meaningful cards and whatnot. basically, my memories are on my walls there.
1. what's your favorite cheese? con queso. hehehe. ;-)
2. how long do you hold onto odd socks before giving up on finding their mate? it ultimately comes down to a basic reality - the second i get rid of the mateless sock, the mate shows up. so i hold onto them for awhile - i always wind up with a little collection of them. kind of like the island of misfit toys from the claymation rudolph tv show, if you know what i'm referencing.
3. who was your favorite musical artist when you were 15? hmm ... i can't remember ... that would have been sophomore year of high school? at that point, i believe i was in my country phase - might have been tim mcgraw or garth brooks. but at that point i was listening to all sorts of random stuff, so you can also throw weezer into the mix.
4. what shape are your fingernails in right now? ah, i wish i'd been asked before the return flight. not the greatest, i must admit.
5. two scoops: of what? how appropriate, as i initiated operation i this evening, rounding up my family and taking us to seward's - hey, it was for medicinal purposes. so as of tonight, it was strawberry frozen yogurt in frappe form.
6. what's your earliest memory? i'm not sure which came first, but my two earliest memories are the hospital room where my mother stayed after giving birth to my brother (green walls and a white streamlined phone that i was fascinated with) and lying on the rust-colored carpet in the living room of our house in middleton (massachusetts) - both of which date back to the age of two and a half.
7. when does your pet look funniest? when it's imaginary. as it is now.
8. what do you collect? memories and anecdotes, photographs, concert posters. at times, shot glasses.
9. what's better than sex? how many people do you think answer this with "chocolate"? i bet zillions do ...
10. what things are you brand-loyal to? chicken fajita burritos, man. ;-)
11. favorite dr. seuss book? while i connect with "oh the places you'll go!", i had an experience in junior high involving "the zorax" that rendered it my favorite - and i think it always will be. although i must say i've always been more of a shel silverstein girl.
12. best meal you've had lately? hmm ... i've had quite a few, courtesy of vegas ... probably dinner at either bally's or the golden nugget. buffets with endless quantities of tasty options.
13. peanut butter and ________? it was always preferrably pb and fluff. or, more appropriately, it was fluff with a hint of peanut butter. but i haven't had a pb & ___ sandwich in eons.
14. who's your favorite poet? sylvia plath.
15. where are you going on vacation this year? did i mention that i was having a lovely time in las vegas at this point a week ago? and that i'm currently vacationing (sort of) in vermont at this moment in time?
16. if you could change careers tomorrow with no strings attached, what would you be? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. make me lois lane.
17. whaddya drive? when in vt, trusty red (my green saturn sl1). when in dc, an imaginary flinstones car.
18. what's your poison? arsenic. if that's not available, vodka or midori.
19. the color of the carpet or the kind of floor in the room you are sitting in right now. wood floors painted a slate blue.
20. what's on your walls? which walls? the walls of the room i'm in right now? endless punk rock posters (i'm in my brother's room). in my vt room? not much of anything at the moment. in my dc room? various pieces of framed artwork (including some french posters and a van gogh), photographs and theatre mementos. as well as particularly meaningful cards and whatnot. basically, my memories are on my walls there.
6.24.2003
.....because the only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars.....
- jack kerouac -- "on the road"
haha - thought i disappeared, didn't you? fear not, i'm still kicking, albeit in vermont at the moment ... but kicking nonetheless. i'm now in the midst of the vickie vacation in vermont via vegas, and a surreal experience it has already been. i suppose it's to be expected, having kicked off in the most blatant example of a city of surreal reality, right?
but i'm getting ahead of myself, as normal. i suppose a good place to start is at the beginnng. so here goes ...
so last tuesday, i hopped on a jet plane and flew to sin city for approximately five days. there's something so calming about flying thousands of feet in the air, the clouds a thick blanket below while the sky above is a shade of blue that seems almost to glow, it's so rich in hue - i've tried numerous times to describe the sky when i'm in an airplane and have never been able to do it justice - one of the reasons why it's never made it on here before. but i love it, regardless. i flew from baltimore to vegas making a stop in louisville - no offense to all of the kentucky-ites out there, but i wasn't overly impressed. sorry. ;-) fortunately, it was only a brief layover before i made my way to pacific time - how much do i love being able to say that!!!
the time in vegas was a blur of activity - pretty much consisted of walking, eating, walking, gambling, eating, walking, drinking, gambling. it's always difficult to take a bunch of people, each of whom have specific things they want to see/do and make sure everyone's hopes for the time are met. since i had already been there and done just about everything i'd wanted to previously, i took a bit of a backseat, letting the more insistant members of my family get their way. the only two disappointments i found were that i didn't get to get into the guggenheim museum at the venetian for the pop art exhibit they have there and that we didn't get back to the stratosphere to do the big shot (but i'd done that last year). as far as i was concerned, i wanted to make sure 1) everyone had fun, 2) we got to the hard rock hotel and 3) we stopped at harrah's to see the bartenders there (who are famous for "cocktail"-like displays of acrobatic skill). all three goals were met, so i was happy. bonuses: 1) the double bed room we had booked at bally's for the first night turned out to be a bit different than expected. instead of two beds, we wound up with a two-room suite - seven couches and two tvs in the living room (one television was over the BAR - yes, there was a photograph taken of yours truly wearing a cowboy hat sprawled coquettishly on top of said bar, fear not) and one bed in the bedroom. all in all, we wound up with two bathrooms (huge bathtub and bidet in one - hahaha), two rooms, tons of space ... i had no problem curling up that night on one of the couches and drifting off to sleep with a view of the eiffel tower from the paris resort out my window ... 2) i found a fabulous new drink. frozen green lizard. basically similar to a frozen margarita with midori. bueno! 3) freemont street was as fabulous as i remembered. 4) lunch at the cheesecake factory one of the days we were there (haha) - i didn't realize they had one at caesar's palace!
all in all, good times. i stuck to the slot machines and broke about even - didn't gamble too much, but i did manage to score a free cocktail, which i'd always wanted to do, so that was fun. if anything, i actually might have finished a few dollars up, so that's always great.
anyway, sunday was spent crossing back across the country to the right coast of the country, at which point the vermont portion of the vickie sanity break tour began full force. as my mother puts it, i'm "going to learn how to relax and take it easy" if it kills me. which it very well might, i tell you! relaxation is a foreign concept for me - i've already felt bits of stircraziness while everyone else is at work. so i'm writing a great deal (could the great american novel begin to emerge? perhaps ...) and taking care of some other things while i focus on getting stronger and all that.
i'm still adjusting to the whole time zone thing, though, and i realize it's 11:30 and i'm exhausted, which might explain part of the incoherency of this post. but i wanted to drop a line and announce that i am still among the land of the living - paul, expect email and/or a phone call tomorrow!!! :-)
alright, my bed is calling me. ah ...
- jack kerouac -- "on the road"
haha - thought i disappeared, didn't you? fear not, i'm still kicking, albeit in vermont at the moment ... but kicking nonetheless. i'm now in the midst of the vickie vacation in vermont via vegas, and a surreal experience it has already been. i suppose it's to be expected, having kicked off in the most blatant example of a city of surreal reality, right?
but i'm getting ahead of myself, as normal. i suppose a good place to start is at the beginnng. so here goes ...
so last tuesday, i hopped on a jet plane and flew to sin city for approximately five days. there's something so calming about flying thousands of feet in the air, the clouds a thick blanket below while the sky above is a shade of blue that seems almost to glow, it's so rich in hue - i've tried numerous times to describe the sky when i'm in an airplane and have never been able to do it justice - one of the reasons why it's never made it on here before. but i love it, regardless. i flew from baltimore to vegas making a stop in louisville - no offense to all of the kentucky-ites out there, but i wasn't overly impressed. sorry. ;-) fortunately, it was only a brief layover before i made my way to pacific time - how much do i love being able to say that!!!
the time in vegas was a blur of activity - pretty much consisted of walking, eating, walking, gambling, eating, walking, drinking, gambling. it's always difficult to take a bunch of people, each of whom have specific things they want to see/do and make sure everyone's hopes for the time are met. since i had already been there and done just about everything i'd wanted to previously, i took a bit of a backseat, letting the more insistant members of my family get their way. the only two disappointments i found were that i didn't get to get into the guggenheim museum at the venetian for the pop art exhibit they have there and that we didn't get back to the stratosphere to do the big shot (but i'd done that last year). as far as i was concerned, i wanted to make sure 1) everyone had fun, 2) we got to the hard rock hotel and 3) we stopped at harrah's to see the bartenders there (who are famous for "cocktail"-like displays of acrobatic skill). all three goals were met, so i was happy. bonuses: 1) the double bed room we had booked at bally's for the first night turned out to be a bit different than expected. instead of two beds, we wound up with a two-room suite - seven couches and two tvs in the living room (one television was over the BAR - yes, there was a photograph taken of yours truly wearing a cowboy hat sprawled coquettishly on top of said bar, fear not) and one bed in the bedroom. all in all, we wound up with two bathrooms (huge bathtub and bidet in one - hahaha), two rooms, tons of space ... i had no problem curling up that night on one of the couches and drifting off to sleep with a view of the eiffel tower from the paris resort out my window ... 2) i found a fabulous new drink. frozen green lizard. basically similar to a frozen margarita with midori. bueno! 3) freemont street was as fabulous as i remembered. 4) lunch at the cheesecake factory one of the days we were there (haha) - i didn't realize they had one at caesar's palace!
all in all, good times. i stuck to the slot machines and broke about even - didn't gamble too much, but i did manage to score a free cocktail, which i'd always wanted to do, so that was fun. if anything, i actually might have finished a few dollars up, so that's always great.
anyway, sunday was spent crossing back across the country to the right coast of the country, at which point the vermont portion of the vickie sanity break tour began full force. as my mother puts it, i'm "going to learn how to relax and take it easy" if it kills me. which it very well might, i tell you! relaxation is a foreign concept for me - i've already felt bits of stircraziness while everyone else is at work. so i'm writing a great deal (could the great american novel begin to emerge? perhaps ...) and taking care of some other things while i focus on getting stronger and all that.
i'm still adjusting to the whole time zone thing, though, and i realize it's 11:30 and i'm exhausted, which might explain part of the incoherency of this post. but i wanted to drop a line and announce that i am still among the land of the living - paul, expect email and/or a phone call tomorrow!!! :-)
alright, my bed is calling me. ah ...
6.13.2003
friday the thirteenth has always been a lucky day for me, and this particular friday the thirteenth finds me in a particularly unique situation. it's my last day of formal work for a bit. i'm sending out an email to everyone at some point today to let them know and all, but i'm not exactly sure of at what point during the day i'm going to send out said email. i am also taking a tour of the white house today, as it is congressional tour coordinator appreciation day at el presidente's place - so i'm dressed to the nines and feeling uber-professional as i sit here and type. i'm looking forward to the weekend, as there are plans to hit up adams morgan this evening and potentially tomorrow evening as well. i had an enjoyable last-front-page-happy-hour-for-a-bit last night with chloe and serena - fortunately, as i was ready to go crazy after my day at work yesterday. oy.
so much to do today at work, then so much to do before tuesday - it still hasn't hit me. i suppose i should work on that, eh?
but for now, the friday five ...
1. what's one thing you've always wanted to do, but never have?
while i've wanted to go to london for the past few years, for as long as i can remember, i've wanted to travel to l.a. i want to be able to stand in the southern california sunshine and gaze over palm trees and imagine hollywood as it was in the 50s. and i want to see the pacific ocean and know that i have traveled as far west as i possibly can - that the only thing ahead of me is water.
2. when someone asks your opinion about a new haircut/outfit/etc, are you always honest?
ok, i'll admit it, no. i won't blatantly lie about it and say i love it if i hate it, but i'll definitely soften my criticism because i don't want to hurt the person's feelings. but with some people, i'll be blatantly honest.
3. have you ever found out something about a friend and then wished you hadn't? what happened?
of course - who hasn't? there have been tons of examples of this - the most common is finding out that a friend said something about me behind my back or whatnot. i think the worst is when i've discovered that a friend said he or she thought something about me or thought i was capable of something that indicated that the person really doesn't have an understanding of who i am or what i'm about at all - that's always really hurtful.
4. if you could live in any fictional world (from a book/movie/game/etc.) which would it be and why?
hmm ... this is a good question. i think ... rivendell from lord of the rings. i recall being amazed by the beauty described in the book and then the depiction of it in the movies blew me away.
5. what's one talent/skill you don't have but always wanted?
THE ABILITY TO WRITE DIALOGUE!!!! but i'm working on it. ;-)
so much to do today at work, then so much to do before tuesday - it still hasn't hit me. i suppose i should work on that, eh?
but for now, the friday five ...
1. what's one thing you've always wanted to do, but never have?
while i've wanted to go to london for the past few years, for as long as i can remember, i've wanted to travel to l.a. i want to be able to stand in the southern california sunshine and gaze over palm trees and imagine hollywood as it was in the 50s. and i want to see the pacific ocean and know that i have traveled as far west as i possibly can - that the only thing ahead of me is water.
2. when someone asks your opinion about a new haircut/outfit/etc, are you always honest?
ok, i'll admit it, no. i won't blatantly lie about it and say i love it if i hate it, but i'll definitely soften my criticism because i don't want to hurt the person's feelings. but with some people, i'll be blatantly honest.
3. have you ever found out something about a friend and then wished you hadn't? what happened?
of course - who hasn't? there have been tons of examples of this - the most common is finding out that a friend said something about me behind my back or whatnot. i think the worst is when i've discovered that a friend said he or she thought something about me or thought i was capable of something that indicated that the person really doesn't have an understanding of who i am or what i'm about at all - that's always really hurtful.
4. if you could live in any fictional world (from a book/movie/game/etc.) which would it be and why?
hmm ... this is a good question. i think ... rivendell from lord of the rings. i recall being amazed by the beauty described in the book and then the depiction of it in the movies blew me away.
5. what's one talent/skill you don't have but always wanted?
THE ABILITY TO WRITE DIALOGUE!!!! but i'm working on it. ;-)
6.12.2003
anyone passionate about journalism has to take at least a moment to pause today and pay her respects.
6.10.2003
i think it says a great deal about our culture when you log onto e! online one morning and find that the news of "survivor"'s jenna posing for playboy is posted higher than the fact that an actor featured on "jag" died of a drug overdose believed to be suicide.
ok, so i'm back in d.c. after a weekend in vermont - good times were had by all. if the weekend is any indication of the way the v.s.b.t. is going to be, i'm going to be back in kickarse condition in no time. the positivity and determination (at a higher practical level, i should clarify - the determination has been there for awhile now) continued through yesterday and i'm feeling focused and optimistic today. it's all about taking on each day as it comes.
a week from today, i'll be heading out to vegas - it has not hit me whatsoever, to be honest. there's so much at the moment that just seems so random - the upcoming weeks, my current state, how things are going - that being in sin city, the land of distorted reality, is going to be an incredibly interesting experience. i'm looking forward to it, though. it's a great place to focus on my on-going process of reclaiming my sense of self - one of the biggest things i've been lacking is my willingness and desire to be a jackarse and silly. why should i have any reservations about being silly in las vegas?!?!? i'm already demonstrating an eagerness and will to be a goofball. my aunt's big thing whenever she goes to vegas is that she makes absolutely sure anyone who's there as well has a hat available when we're out in the sun. you know, the whole sunstroke thing. so i'm going all out - who's rocking the straw cowboy hat? it's me ... it's me ... so unlike the girl who's been hanging out down here, but shades of the "aw hell, have fun with it!" vickie of the "i love rock & roll" shirts and whatnot ...
it's just time to be happy, dammit. the thing is, though, i admit there are things i'm going to miss while i'm away from dc - hanging out with chlo, spending time with my saving grace down here (i'm going to miss you, paul!!! we must hang out before i leave), chipotle (haha), adams morgan ... haha. but i need to do this to be able to be back on my game, and this will make me happier. so bring it on, i say! just have to get through this week of work, enjoy the weekend, and i'm leavin on a jet plane tuesday ...
ok, so i'm back in d.c. after a weekend in vermont - good times were had by all. if the weekend is any indication of the way the v.s.b.t. is going to be, i'm going to be back in kickarse condition in no time. the positivity and determination (at a higher practical level, i should clarify - the determination has been there for awhile now) continued through yesterday and i'm feeling focused and optimistic today. it's all about taking on each day as it comes.
a week from today, i'll be heading out to vegas - it has not hit me whatsoever, to be honest. there's so much at the moment that just seems so random - the upcoming weeks, my current state, how things are going - that being in sin city, the land of distorted reality, is going to be an incredibly interesting experience. i'm looking forward to it, though. it's a great place to focus on my on-going process of reclaiming my sense of self - one of the biggest things i've been lacking is my willingness and desire to be a jackarse and silly. why should i have any reservations about being silly in las vegas?!?!? i'm already demonstrating an eagerness and will to be a goofball. my aunt's big thing whenever she goes to vegas is that she makes absolutely sure anyone who's there as well has a hat available when we're out in the sun. you know, the whole sunstroke thing. so i'm going all out - who's rocking the straw cowboy hat? it's me ... it's me ... so unlike the girl who's been hanging out down here, but shades of the "aw hell, have fun with it!" vickie of the "i love rock & roll" shirts and whatnot ...
it's just time to be happy, dammit. the thing is, though, i admit there are things i'm going to miss while i'm away from dc - hanging out with chlo, spending time with my saving grace down here (i'm going to miss you, paul!!! we must hang out before i leave), chipotle (haha), adams morgan ... haha. but i need to do this to be able to be back on my game, and this will make me happier. so bring it on, i say! just have to get through this week of work, enjoy the weekend, and i'm leavin on a jet plane tuesday ...
6.04.2003
you know, there are times when i think it's got to be me - that there's something about me, victoria, that doesn't quite jive with the joint and everyone else has made an effort. it must be, right?
but then something will happen, something will be said, when i realize that really, perhaps it is the case that things have, for whatever reason, not been examples of my stellar social skills, but it is a two-way street. for example, someone who shall remain nameless (but can be identified by my collegiate classmates as the person of note also attended our institute of higher education) walking through, introducing someone to members of the office, pointing out that the three staffers present were all graduates of the same journalism program and making particular note of the fact that one was editor of the online publication and completely failing to mention that i was editor of the print publication. the same person walking with me and two other staffers a couple of days ago and asking me what my plans were for the fourth of july and, after i replied that i wasn't sure, making sure to specifically invite the other two staffers to his hometown for fourth festivities (saying, "well, you know the two of you are more than welcome to ..."). another staffer stopping by to say hello and chatting it up with everyone else while giving me a "hey there," before continuing the chatting it up with everyone else. and similar examples of the general sense of enjoyment people have when i walk into a room.
know what? that's ok. really. because there are a lot of things that i don't have in common with everyone else, i realize more and more. and i haven't had a chance to really show them who i am because i did spend a lot of time trying to convince them - and myself - that i did have those things in common with them and belonged where i was. but know what? the basic, underlying fact is that they want to be a part of this group, part of this population working on the hill and serving as professional political employees. whereas i am becoming more and more aware of the fact that that is nothing remotely resembling what i want to do with my time and do not enjoy it anymore. and i don't want to play the little political social games and discuss the silly little political issues and focus on the little political goals. i want to focus on making myself happy and do what makes me happy - which is not in the political realm.
i have done a damn good job doing what i was hired to do. i have expanded and assisted in other things as well, doing a good job with those things too. i've shown that i am capable of handling anything thrown my way.
i just don't want to continue to do it. which is why i'm looking at options so i don't do it anymore. and that way there can be someone here who wants to be, who will jive with the rest of the joint and i will be free to do what i want to do with people like me who want the same things i do and who i can feel like myself around, therefore enriching their lives and mine.
not to mention that i'll be physically and emotionally stronger by then so i'm prepared to give them what i have to give and what i deserve to give.
whoo hoo!
anyway, that's my little tirade for the morning. the weather continues to be dreary and london-esque - bah. vermont will be a welcome change when i travel there this weekend to celebrate my mother's birthday. not to mention the V.S.B.T. - almost there!!! i have an appointment this afternoon that i am both looking forward to and dreading at the same time ... but it's another in a series of steps that i've got to take. that i want to take while wanting to hold back at the same time. i'm such a contradiction in terms, but i just have to fight through it.
quote of the day: "another odd feather of the parallel universe is that although it is invisible from this side, once you are in it you can easily see the world you came from. sometimes the world you came from looks huge and menacing, quivering like a vast pile of jelly; at other times it is miniaturized and alluring, a-spin and shining in its orbit. either way, it can't be discounted."
i'm on my way.
but then something will happen, something will be said, when i realize that really, perhaps it is the case that things have, for whatever reason, not been examples of my stellar social skills, but it is a two-way street. for example, someone who shall remain nameless (but can be identified by my collegiate classmates as the person of note also attended our institute of higher education) walking through, introducing someone to members of the office, pointing out that the three staffers present were all graduates of the same journalism program and making particular note of the fact that one was editor of the online publication and completely failing to mention that i was editor of the print publication. the same person walking with me and two other staffers a couple of days ago and asking me what my plans were for the fourth of july and, after i replied that i wasn't sure, making sure to specifically invite the other two staffers to his hometown for fourth festivities (saying, "well, you know the two of you are more than welcome to ..."). another staffer stopping by to say hello and chatting it up with everyone else while giving me a "hey there," before continuing the chatting it up with everyone else. and similar examples of the general sense of enjoyment people have when i walk into a room.
know what? that's ok. really. because there are a lot of things that i don't have in common with everyone else, i realize more and more. and i haven't had a chance to really show them who i am because i did spend a lot of time trying to convince them - and myself - that i did have those things in common with them and belonged where i was. but know what? the basic, underlying fact is that they want to be a part of this group, part of this population working on the hill and serving as professional political employees. whereas i am becoming more and more aware of the fact that that is nothing remotely resembling what i want to do with my time and do not enjoy it anymore. and i don't want to play the little political social games and discuss the silly little political issues and focus on the little political goals. i want to focus on making myself happy and do what makes me happy - which is not in the political realm.
i have done a damn good job doing what i was hired to do. i have expanded and assisted in other things as well, doing a good job with those things too. i've shown that i am capable of handling anything thrown my way.
i just don't want to continue to do it. which is why i'm looking at options so i don't do it anymore. and that way there can be someone here who wants to be, who will jive with the rest of the joint and i will be free to do what i want to do with people like me who want the same things i do and who i can feel like myself around, therefore enriching their lives and mine.
not to mention that i'll be physically and emotionally stronger by then so i'm prepared to give them what i have to give and what i deserve to give.
whoo hoo!
anyway, that's my little tirade for the morning. the weather continues to be dreary and london-esque - bah. vermont will be a welcome change when i travel there this weekend to celebrate my mother's birthday. not to mention the V.S.B.T. - almost there!!! i have an appointment this afternoon that i am both looking forward to and dreading at the same time ... but it's another in a series of steps that i've got to take. that i want to take while wanting to hold back at the same time. i'm such a contradiction in terms, but i just have to fight through it.
quote of the day: "another odd feather of the parallel universe is that although it is invisible from this side, once you are in it you can easily see the world you came from. sometimes the world you came from looks huge and menacing, quivering like a vast pile of jelly; at other times it is miniaturized and alluring, a-spin and shining in its orbit. either way, it can't be discounted."
i'm on my way.
6.03.2003
SCORPIO: tuesday, june 3 - where do we go from here? and other tales. saturn, the supreme taskmaster, is arriving in the most adventurous sector of your solar chart for a prolonged stay. this visitation will, over time, encourage you to do the necessary to shake off the shackles, expand your range and broaden your horizons - even if it entails getting out of dodge.
"i've never met a person, i don't care what his condition, in whom i could not see possibilities. i don't care how much a man may consider himself a failure, i believe in him, for he can change the thing that is wrong in his life any time he is ready and prepared to do it. whenever he develops the desire, he can take away from his life the thing that is defeating it. the capacity for reformation and change lies within." -- preston bradley
"to know what is right and not to do it is the worst cowardice." -- confucius
"we all live in suspense from day to day; in other words, you are the hero of your own story." - mary mccarthy
"only i can change my life. no one can do it for me." - carol burnett
"each person's only hope for improving his lot rests on recognizing the true nature of his or her basic personality, surrendering to it, and becoming who he or she really is." - sheldon kopp
"if you have a skeleton in your closet, take it out and dance with it." - carolyn mackenzie
"when you are looking in the mirror, you are looking at the problem. but, remember, you are also looking at the solution." - anonymous
"i'd rather be a failure at something i enjoy than a success at something i hate." - george burns
"we cannot become what we need to be by remaining what we are." - max depree
"my life has a superb cast but i can't figure out the plot." - ashleigh brilliant
can you tell i'm trying to psych myself up? ;-)
"i've never met a person, i don't care what his condition, in whom i could not see possibilities. i don't care how much a man may consider himself a failure, i believe in him, for he can change the thing that is wrong in his life any time he is ready and prepared to do it. whenever he develops the desire, he can take away from his life the thing that is defeating it. the capacity for reformation and change lies within." -- preston bradley
"to know what is right and not to do it is the worst cowardice." -- confucius
"we all live in suspense from day to day; in other words, you are the hero of your own story." - mary mccarthy
"only i can change my life. no one can do it for me." - carol burnett
"each person's only hope for improving his lot rests on recognizing the true nature of his or her basic personality, surrendering to it, and becoming who he or she really is." - sheldon kopp
"if you have a skeleton in your closet, take it out and dance with it." - carolyn mackenzie
"when you are looking in the mirror, you are looking at the problem. but, remember, you are also looking at the solution." - anonymous
"i'd rather be a failure at something i enjoy than a success at something i hate." - george burns
"we cannot become what we need to be by remaining what we are." - max depree
"my life has a superb cast but i can't figure out the plot." - ashleigh brilliant
can you tell i'm trying to psych myself up? ;-)
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