7.30.2003

i feel like something great is right around the corner and i just want it to materialize already! i don't know what exactly has brought this feeling on, but i'm not knocking it - it feels so good to feel happy anticipation and feel like there are good times ahead of me, whatever they might be!

i know that probably doesn't make a whole lot of sense, but nonetheless, it's what's running through this blonde head of mine ...

early tomorrow afternoon, i climb into a car and head down to dc-land for the weekend - to see the red sox massacre the orioles on friday and to relax and catch up with people! yay ... good times. :-)

7.29.2003

dopiness (n.): sitting in front of the computer, prepared to write an email that i REALLY want to write, but being unable to write email because you know you a) shouldn't b) don't know what to say c) are afraid of not getting a response.

i suppose that i should hold it in
but you awake my every cell
sources say that senses are your friends
my senses say that i should tell
you that i'm not ashamed
you might just feel the same
but you have to try it
if you're ever really going to know
my dear, i went for the steal
maybe it was rushed
oh my crush
i've got a crush
...

ok, time for my weekly date for "real world", then i return to write other email that i know i should write and am looking forward to writing (hi paul, i know, i suck at life for not writing!!! i'll make it up to you!)

7.28.2003

i swear i've become a survey whore. ok, answer survey, then go to bed. long day tomorrow.

1. name: victoria marie.
2. single or taken: single.
3. sex: that would be female.
4. bday: the third day of november in nineteen hundred eighty.
5. sign: scorpio.
6. siblings: thomas, age twenty.
7. hair color: blonde.
8. eye color: blue.
9. shoe size: um ... depends. anywhere from a seven to an eight, although i swear my feet have been shrinking over the past few months.

r e l a t i o n s h i p s

1. who are your best friends?: while they know who they are, i will say that those who accept me and love me despite my quirks - in fact, at times, because of said quirks. basically those who i can be myself around and just be comfortable.
2. do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?: i have a future husband or two who are simply unaware of the fact that they are going to be future husbands, but as far as a boyfriend, not at the moment.
3. do you have a crush?: now that i'm feeling more like myself, of course i do. when does vickie not have a crush? the question should be "do you have a crush on someone at all attainable?" at which point i could answer in the negative. ;-)

f a s h i o n | s t u f f

1. where is your favorite place to shop: a wide variety, depending on mood and the amount of money i want to burn.
2. any tattoos or piercings: holes in my ears are all that remain of my piercing phase. never rocked the ink train.

s p e c i f i c s

1. do you do drugs?: we were in college and we were wild and crazy. now we have to be all mature and whatnot. bollocks.
2. what kind of shampoo do you use?: depends. i actually just bought this new shampoo today at rutland's closest attempt to a trader joe's. it's made with henna and it's supposed to bring out the red highlights in my hair pretty soon. i will keep you posted on the progress made in this process. but before that, herbal essences fruit fusions. i'm a sucker for tasty-smelling shampoos.
3. what are you most scared of?: undesired solitude.
5. who is the last person that called you?: that would be miss elizabeth.
8. if you could change anything about yourself, what would it be?: there are a plethora of possibilities, many of which i'm currently working on.

f a v o r i t e s

1. color: water tones.
2. food: um ... probably mexican. much veggies and rice = a very happy victoria.
3. boys names: i've always loved the name andrew, as well as nathanial.
4. girls names: claire, caitlin, molly.
5. subjects in school: they were theater and/or writing-based classes.
6. animals: wallabies. simply because i love saying the word wallaby.
7. sports: soccer. football to all of my european peeps.
8. soda/drink: not a fan of soda. at the moment, french vanilla iced coffee, flavored waters, regular water. if you're spiking it, vodka crans, midori sours and margaritas (frozen, ideally strawberry).
9. doll owned: doll owned??? uh ... my huge HUGE piglet from college (the piglet that i swear wound up getting more action than i did - i've got the photos to prove it)

h a v e | y o u | e v e r

2. smoked?: hahahaha.
3. bungee jumped?: not yet, at least not in the real sense. the day after high school graduation, cortni and i did the quasi-bungee thing they had at six flags in new jersey - it ruled. someday i will do the real thing.
4. made yourself throw up?: not intentionally, although paying excessive homage to dionysus has resulting in a few run-ins with jacques in various states ...
5. skinny dipping?: nope.
6: ever been in love?: i thought i was at the time, but looking back now, i don't believe so.
7. made yourself cry to get out of trouble?: when do i get into trouble? ;-) of course i have.
8. fallen for your best friend?: yep - and the worlds of trouble THAT created ...
9. done something you regret?: see answer to question eight ... in all seriousness, though, yes, i have. although i don't regret as many things as one might think - as past mistakes have shaped the roads that have gotten us to where we are today. there are only a couple of things i would change now if i knew then what i know now.

f i n a l | q u e s t i o n s

1. do you like fillings these out? they're not exactly what brings me joy in life, but it's like this sick addiction - i see one and i just have to answer it myself. i told you all i have an addictive personality ...
5. gold or silver?: what happened to questions two, three and four? regardless ... definitely silver. not a fan of gold.
6. what was the last film you saw at the movies?: "alex & emma"
7. favorite cartoon?: simpsons, animaniacs.
8. what did you have for breakfast this morning?: i was livin it large with life cereal and milk. i know. i am ever so wild and crazy. whoo whoo.
9. who would you hate to be locked in a room with?: mike tyson. rodney dangerfield. derek jeter. gilbert godfried. ryan seacrest. c.t., adam, ace, mallory OR leah from "real world: paris". shaun d. colby. shaun OR mariusz.
10. who would you love being locked in a room with: *unabashedly admitting to crushes* orlando bloom. jason mraz. howie day. weezer boy (if you want to destory my sweater ...). vickie's original musician crush. the tour guy with snowe. wow, i sound like a strumpet when i provide a LIST. also fun roommates (teehee) would be simon from "real world: paris" or dave or chris from "road rules". bob from "the bachelorette". any of my good friends would make the experience of being locked in a room bearable - perhaps even hilarious, so you guys as well.
11. could you live without your computer?: briefly. but then i'd start twitching and going through the motions of moving my mouse and typing on a keyboard. it would get ugly pretty quickly and i would beg to be put out of my misery.
18. what hurts the most, physical or emotional pain?: emotional, no question.

7.26.2003

i am unabashedly head-over-heels in love with the first single off of howie's upcoming album.

i have no idea of what i expected, but i know it sure as hell wasn't this.

but i love it. it doesn't sound like a typical howie song at all ... i definitely echo the sentiments on the hdtb that make references to u2 - kind of like u2 with some of the new guster sound thrown in.

as i was listening to it for the first time, i was staring at the computer with an expression of complete, utter dumbfoundedness on my face. thought process:

what?
well, it IS howie's voice, and the dj said it was new stuff from howie day, so it's not NOT the new song.
simma down now, bono!
it's catchy as hell ...
wow, i'm really digging this ...
is this REALLY howie?
wow, i love this ...
only howie day would release a single called "a perfect time of DAY" ...
god, i need to take another listen.

on a related, unrelated note - i had the opportunity to take my first listen to guster's "keep it together" last night, thanks to miss elizabeth ... i'm really digging it. i'm going to have to pick up a copy of it ... while i haven't listened to the actual recording yet, just going off of the lyrics, i am crazy in love with "come downstairs and say hello" - it's one of a handful of songs that i'm completely connected with right now. LOVE IT!!!!!!!

i am still reeling from the howie shock. note to self: i should pick up the madrigals EP at some point, eh?

7.25.2003

the making of a great compilation tape, like breaking up, is hard to do and takes ages longer than it might seem. you gotta kick off with a killer, to grab attention. then you got to take it up a notch, but you don't wanna blow your wad, so then you got to cool it off a notch. there are a lot of rules.

while i've always loved making mixes, the above quote, as well as the rest of "high fidelity", shaped the compilation cd creating process for me. i used to make mixes all the time, but haven't in eons, mostly due to the fact that i lack a burner on my laptop in d.c. but since i'm here and have access to my trusty desktop computer, which has diligently created many a mix for yours truly, i decided to get back into it and make myself the july 2003 mix (or, considering that i had so much fun playing around with what tracks to put on it, july 2003 mix vol. 1). i'm quite pleased with the results, although i was sticking strictly with mp3s, which limited some of my choices for selections (as you can see, there is no mraz on the tracklisting, perhaps the biggest flaw with an otherwise stellar compilation, if i do say so myself).

what did i decide to put on it, you ask? well let me tell you:

1. howie day - daysay - beer song (live)
2. averi - garden of eden
3. rufus wainwright - moulin rouge
4. tori amos - cornflake girl (live in denver - 10.11.99)
5. dave matthews band - #41
6. janis joplin - me and bobby mcgee
7. natalie merchant - son of a preacher man (live at lilith fair)
8. jane horrocks & ewan mcgregor - you're just in love
9. god street wine - when the melody plays
10. blues traveler - canadian rose
11. ani difranco - not a pretty girl
12. andrew sutherland - untitled (or, at least, i don't know the title - instrumental)
13. beatles - instant karma
14. ani difranco - when doves cry (live prince cover)
15. remy zero - twister
16. guster - barrel of a gun
17. simon & garfunkel - the sound of silence
18. howie day - fake plastic trees (live radiohead cover - 4.15.00)

i am currently in the process of searching for a blank cd so i can burn this baby and have it for my musical enjoyment while i trapse around the area in my car ... hurrah!

while on my search for a blank cd, however, i stumbled across a fantastic compilation my brother has in his possession - yet another example of how tom manages to impress me with random gems of music. a tori compilation his ex-girlfriend made for him back in the day that i NEED to copy. check this out:

1. precious things
2. happy phantom
3. tear in your hand
4. take to the sky
5. pretty good year
6. the waitress
7. cornflake girl
8. honey
9. mr. zebra
10. blood roses
11. caught a light sneeze
12. samauri
13. raspberry swirl
14. hotel
15. bachelorette
16. concertina
17. riot proof
18. here in my hand

are you as impressed as i am? i thought so! beth, i am going to certainly make you a copy of this treasure.

hmm ... what else to report? oh yeah! add to my list from last night of random realizations - i meant to add that i came across a setlist from an averi show, but i have no recollection of taking said setlist ... i don't remember if i was given the setlist (for some reason, i'm thinking michelle gave it to me since i couldn't be at a show, but i don't recall for sure) or if i acquired it at a show i attended ... for anyone particularly averi savvy, does this setlist sound familiar?

tendencies of a hypochondriac
numb
flutter (stu solo)
more than what i need
waiting for a ghost
the time it takes to disappear
this liminal life (album ending)
she waits

????? it's written on back of a piece of paper that lists "what they're saying about averi" - including such quotes like, "these four talented young musicians display a penchant for strong songwriting, superb musicianship and great vocals" - metronome magazine (obviously from before the band grew to five members), "averi is the future of pop in new england (and likely beyond)" - bostonherald.com, "a musical mind or someone simply looking for entertainment would both agree on the talent of these four musicians" - the suffolk journal, "a major contributor to [the] enjoyment of averi's performance was definitely the skill that went into everything, making their music seem so polished and clean without being typical" - the crusader (holy cross), "[averi's latest cd] brings you back to the early 90s when boston rock meant something" - fat city magazine and "averi's music just gets you in smile-happy mood ... a rare found collaboration of instruments" - the suffolk journal. (i put these in here primarily, i admit, to encourage anyone who happens to stumble across this blog to check the band out or further urge anyone who's simply heard of the band to listen to some tracks or hit up a show!!! plug, plug, plug ...) i was obviously delighted to come across said setlist, but i was thoroughly befuddled ...

anyone with access to the rutland herald tomorrow might have the opportunity to laugh heartily at my expense, as i ran into a.j., the herald's photographer (and guy who used to tease me constantly when he covered my high school sports and other events) while checking out the sidewalk sales in rutland early this afternoon. i became his "model" and he took a plethora of photographs, so i'm frightened to see if i make it into the pages. i mentioned to him that i'd just come from dropping off resumes at the newspaper (as in about fifteen minutes prior to our encounter) and he picked on me constantly and wound up encouraging to buy two more shirts than i'd intended. damn the pressure!!! it was great, though - i love random t shirts and wound up coming across a booth with a ton of random ones, each going for one or two dollars each. so i picked up a green shirt emblazoned with "portland parks & rec girls softball", a franklin pierce baseball t (primarily so i could wear it and tease my brother, who went to franklin pierce before deciding to transfer to emerson) as well as a huge field hockey shirt (this was an a.j. encouraged purchase - he said it would make a great nightshirt and said i HAD to get it once i exclaimed with delight that it was #13, my old soccer number and favorite number in the world) and a red pinkerton soccer jersey (the other a.j. purchase, but i knew i had to have it because it was A) bright red B) a soccer jersey and C) emblazoned with pinkerton, which made me think of weezer, so i instantly loved it. i know, music whore, music whore, not to mention the second connection i made with it - weezer makes me think of "if you want to destory my sweater" which makes me think of ... well, you know. pathetic am i!!!!).

so it has been a day of resume submitting, shopping and cd burning, as well as some more resume writing - i'm feeling so productive - i know, scary, right?

i've also come to terms with the addiction i'd forgotten to comment on - add to the list of gum and lip gloss dunkin donuts french vanilla iced coffee. it's become sick, really - i can't not indulge in it! so today, when i stopped at the dunkies next to sofas & more (i do not go to the one by bowlerama anymore, as it's always bitter and nasty, not to mention i always get grief from the people there for not wanting cream in it - i'm making things easier for them, so why question it???) as i always do, they asked if i wanted my french vanilla (i told you it was sick!) and i said yes, but upon viewing the size selection and prices, i decided to just full out accept my addiction and buy one of the summer sipper cups filled with my french vanilla goodness, as it was only an extra thirty cents or something like that. now if you've seen these beasts, you know why i'm commenting on it. it probably holds ... hmm ... let me check.

*running over to sipper cup to check size*
*gasping at the realization of just how big it is*
*returning to computer*

it holds 34 ounces. 34 ounces of black french vanilla iced coffee. you'd think i'd be bouncing off the walls after consuming that much caffeine, yes? oh, no - calm, cool as a cucumber, i contentedly consumed and catered to my coffee craving. i felt like one of the people you see at various sporting events, like i should have had one of the helmets on my head with the two straws running up to two cans of beer or something. only mine would be coffee. caffeine IV drip, anyone? bring it on, i say ...

so yes, i'm addicted to that as well. yet another example of how i continue to demonstrate my addictive personality. although i will say i've been spoiled, thanks to beth and chuck - while the dunkies iced coffee (at this particular branch, anyway) proves to satisfy me, it doesn't compare to the flavored iced coffees at honeydew donuts ... mmm ... but, alas, there is no honeydew near us. (for those who haven't experienced honeydew, think of the iced coffee in the same manner as one would think of chipotle when one thinks of burritos. yeah, it's that good.)

ok, i'm rambling on and blathering as i have email to write (hi paul!), blank cds to find and friends to call to see what they're up to on this friday evening (the weekend - hurrah!). so, with that, i bid you adieu and leave you with this week's friday five ...

1. if your life were a movie, what would the title be?
the great american movie (inspired by the great american novel)

2. what songs would be on the soundtrack?
ok, first, let me laugh, as this makes me think of the girl outside t's pub last friday ("my soundtrack would have lots of sublime, some janis, some random rap shit ..."). now that i've gotten that out of my system, i'd say that it would have to be a massive soundtrack (at least a double-disc album like "forrest gump" but probably more like a boxed set!). among the track listing, you would find some classic rock (van morrison's "moondance", aerosmith's "dream on", billy joel, simon & garfunkel, the beatles, the rolling stones, janis, tim buckley, cat stevens, moody blues, the doors, zepplin and the like) and then a wide, WIDE range of more modern music, from dr. dre (yes, i admit that i bought both dre's "the chronic" and snoop doggy dogg's "doggystyle" when i was in sixth grade - laugh all you want, i know you did it too) to new kids on the block to sublime to garth brooks. throw in some korn and limp bizkit to represent my "angry rock girl" phase during sophomore year of college; blink 182's "dammit"; ani; reel big fish step lively and edna's goldfish (my ska/"hey, i know the band, they crashed at my house" phase); lit, bush, rusted root and everclear to represent the woodstock '99 experience; obviously howie, john mayer, matt nathanson, glen phillips and david gray ("say hello, wave goodbye"); dmb, pmb, virginia coalition; jason mraz should go without saying; tori tori and some more tori (particularly a live track of gold dust from the fairfax show); averi, jess klein, dispatch, melissa ferrick, counting crows, live, etc. then selections from "rent", "les mis", "phantom" and "once upon a mattress", various selections from the arcadia soundtrack and selections from leap memories and some jeff buckley and josh clayton-felt to pay homage to my love of dead singer-songwriters (it sounds horrible to word it that way, but nonetheless) ... also add a track or two from andrew sutherland (ideally, he'd record the "it's vickie" song strictly for the soundtrack), the police, rancid, sublime, ben harper's "steal my kisses", green day, eve 6, grippo and soulive ... the list goes on and on. like i said, it would be the world's hugest soundtrack. i can map my life by the music i listened to at the time - so many memories are triggered by the opening notes of a song.

3. would it be a live-action film or animated? why?
definitely live-action - so it could really put the audience in the places i've been and the way i've seen things through my eyes. not to mention so howie, john, averi, dmb and matt nathanson could be in it. ;-) and so orlando bloom could be cast as the love interest.

4. casting: who would play you, members of your family, friends, etc.?
hmm ... well, if i couldn't get everyone to play themselves ...
me: i'd like to think i would, but i'm not a good enough actress. ;-) so i think the people who bear at least a little resemblance to my physically and would be able to balance the serious side and the admittedly perky off-my-rocker side could be kate hudson or claire danes. donna from "the west wing" would be really amusing as well.
family: dad - robin williams (in his serious manner, obviously, as my dad's not at all zany like comedic robin can be). mom - anette benning, only blonde. tom - hahahaha. this could be fun. um ... the role of tom would be played by jamie kennedy.
friends: i've got to spend more time thinking about that one. will add later after i go through the list of young actors/actresses.

5. describe the movie preview/trailer
voiceover of my character as you see a closeup of a hand writing in a journal: "life is just reality, altered." it would include a sequence of shots from various times in my life - sports, college (including drinking, altercations and times of hugs and laughter, a kiss on the cheek goodbye outside a townhouse one warm spring night), leading up to graduation. then voiceover continues. "so what is my reality?" my character looks up, into camera.

that's all i can think of for right now ... this was a great set of questions, though, so i know i'll be thinking about this and will surely add to it later on!
now this poses an interesting question ... let's say this particular ailment befalls you. do you suffer in quiet agony, making sure no one knows it's happening ... or do you seek treatment, knowing the odds are good you are likely to become known as "fly boy" and have your story and predicament plastered all over the international news?

"he told his parents, but they didn't initially believe him." how exactly do you explain this to your folks? "mom, dad, gee, the oddest thing has been happening to me lately ... i know you said i'd be going through some ... changes ... around this age, but i didn't think you meant THIS!!!"

comment with your take on it ... i'm intrigued.

7.24.2003

today has been, among other things, a day spent creating order out of the chaos that is my life. ;-) i am pleased to report that much success was made on this front, not to mention i made a few discoveries:

- it's remarkably easy to fit $15 worth of change in a very small purse, apparently.
- i really need to come to terms with my addictions - namely sugarless trident gum and lip gloss, both of which have resulted in large collections of each. it's sad when i realize that i have ten different kinds of lip gloss stored in two bags. um ... yeah.
- things i'd previously thought of as long gone were really simply just in hiding (two pairs of sunglasses, a ring, necklace and bracelet - go me for finding them ... we'll focus on that rather than my ability to misplace them ...)
- i apparently collect boarding passes for southwest airline flights, as i wound up getting rid of the boarding passes for at least five different flights ...
- i did bring "white oleander" back to vermont with me ... amazing, as i thought i'd not simply left it in d.c., but actually returned it to the loc ... hey, extra reading material is a bonus, right?
- paul rules for the number of jason mraz cds/shows he's given to me, as i realized just how many i have (thank you paul, you rock the casbah!)
- i have far too many journals that i've started to write in and then abandoned for new ones. when they try to organize the collection of them following my death in order to publish them, they're going to have a bitch of a time figuring out the timeline ...

i'm on a mad resume-sending spree, feeling quite productive and happy about accomplishments made thus far. now i prepare to send/deliver more and await enthusiastic responses.

congratulations are in order for two of my favorite teachers! i can say that now, as they both will be shaping (corrupting) the minds of america's youth in the fall ... plymouth and bridport made the right decisions in hiring chuck and becca, respectively ... CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!! you're both going to be amazing and inspirational ... hurrah!

i was delighted to read the latest entry in averi's journal ... the biggest party on commonwealth indeed! chris writes, "we never had so much fun at a gig before and we’d like to thank everyone who came out that night." thank YOU, guys, it was a blast! the dancing during "this liminal life" is documented for the ages in photographs ... sure enough, you can see yours truly with my concert partners in crime, elizabeth and michelle ... good times, good times. such a fun night.

hmm ... what else to report? not a hell of a lot ... things are going well. after a couple of admittedly self-pitying days, i'm feeling positive and optimistic, convinced that karma will pay off for me as well as it has for my friends. i also had the ... interesting ... experience of sampling bernie botts every flavour beans, courtesy of ms. rebecca ... i'm going to pick up a box to torment my brother with them. bwahahaha ... it's something that must be shared with others, i believe. particularly when they don't know that they're bernie botts ... for those wondering which flavors i sampled, i'll provide the answer ... besides the typical and always tasty toasted marshmallow, banana and the like, i tasted sardine, grass, dirt and earwax. tragically (riiiiiiiight), there were no vomit beans left. weep with me. ;-)

7.23.2003

how pleased am i with this year's nominees for the boston music awards?!? make sure to vote for averi (club band/best live show and new rock/pop band - independent), howie (best debut album - australia and male vocalist) and john mayer (song of the year - "your body is a wonderland", male vocalist and act of the year).

yeah yeah!
ok, here's my political rant for the week:

i've never been in favor of the war/military conflict in iraq. i found it unnecessary and untimely - in my opinion, there was/is so much to focus on within our own borders that are more important/pressing than anything going on in iraq, regardless of what the president has to say about it.

as can be expected, my opinion of the iraq situation was only intensified upon hearing about justin. i spent some time yesterday digging around online for any articles about him and came up with a great deal of information that helped me catch up on what he had accomplished following graduation and in the years after and only became more angered by what i read. according to his mother, the first weeks in iraq showed him that there was nowhere he could have been more needed - the people were so appreciative of the u.s. presence and the civilian situation was so dire that he was filled with gratitude for having the opportunity to be there. in typical justin fashion, he was more focused on how he could help others than the potential risk he was facing by being there.

however, as time passed by and anti-american sentiments grew, he became frustrated and wanted to come home. people were beginning to threaten the american military on a more regular basis and the gratitude was beginning to turn into anger and resentment. and, naturally, as this was unfolding, the date at which he was going to be able to leave the army (july 18) was pushed back to august. nonetheless, he continued to do his duty until sunday, when he was ambushed and killed.

the president can say whatever he wants about weapons of mass destruction and the threat of saddam hussein, but anything he says is conveyed to the public from behind the safety of secret service officers and advisors. the odds of his ever being near the actual combat, of facing the animosity head-on, anything the actual soldiers are experiencing is virtually nonexistant. only when he is in the same town justin was in when he was killed, only when he sees what justin saw and what justin's fellow military officers see will i be able to even consider giving the president's justification for our presence in iraq credibility. i want the president to look justin's wife, mother, father, sister and nine-year-old brother in their faces and explain just why justin was there. and then i want him to do the same thing for the familiies of the other soldiers who have died in this conflict.

ok, political rant over.

i don't want to sound like i'm referring to justin as a close friend or anything like that, as the reality of the situation is that i hadn't seen him since the day after graduation five years ago. i had no idea that he had married kate, i heard no news of his serving in pakistan and afghanistan following the september 11 attacks. i've thought of him maybe a handful of times in five years.

that said, it's unfortunate to have to learn of what someone's been up to when you're reading a summary of his life alongside the description of his death. one of the realities of life is that there are people who remain in your existance while there are others who slip away into their own respective lives, careers and journeys. nevertheless, when the reality of that slaps you in the face, it's tough and more than a little surreal. afterall, i saw him everyday for the better part of six years - sitting in classes with him, cheering him on and being cheered on in return at our respective soccer games. sitting in my hotel room the night of graduation with him and three others, playing cards, jumping on the beds, taking snapshots of memories that now keep him forever at age 18 - barechested in jeans, mid-jump, a huge grin on his face as he and everyone else celebrated the end of our proctor lives and the beginning of the rest of those lives.
THREE THINGS THAT SCARE ME:
01 | unwanted solitude
02 | lack of success in my desired field
03 | being strangled

THREE PEOPLE WHO MAKE ME LAUGH:
01 | elizabeth
02 | becca
03 | paul

THREE THINGS I LOVE:
01 | writing
02 | music
03 | skylines

THREE THINGS I HATE:
01 | drama (in the non-theatrical sense)
02 | being viewed as less capable than i am
03 | being perceived as not telling the truth

THREE THINGS I DON'T UNDERSTAND:
01 | how to appease people so i can focus on what i need without their bullshit
02 | the french language
03 | myself - not to mention a lot of other people as well

THREE THINGS ON MY DESK:
01 | a glass of grape flavored water
02 | a book ("wintering" by kate moses)
03 | my journal (with pen)

THREE THINGS I'M DOING RIGHT NOW:
01 | drinking grape flavored water
02 | taking a break from resume work
03 | listening to "fools rush in" on the television behind me

THREE THINGS I WANT TO DO BEFORE I DIE:
01 | travel (see the pacific, go to europe - particularly london, australia)
02 | skydive
03 | publish a novel

THREE THINGS I CAN DO:
01 | write
02 | harmonize (albeit somewhat poorly, but nonetheless)
03 | miraculously shrink to 2/3 of my normal size (just ask beth, she witnessed it last night)

THREE WAYS TO DESCRIBE MY PERSONALITY:
01 | optimistic
02 | sarcastic
03 | guarded

THREE WAYS TO DESCRIBE MY LOOKS:
01 | at the moment, slender
02 | "you're how old??? you don't look 22 ..."
03 | donna from "the west wing" with shorter hair

THREE THINGS I CAN'T DO:
01 | eat shushi (except the vegetarian kind)
02 | write dialogue
03 | play guitar (yet)

THREE THINGS I SAY THE MOST:
01 | uber
02 | what have you
03 | wicked (this increases at least fourfold after crossing the new hampshire/massachusetts border)

THREE OF YOUR ABSOLUTE FAVORITE FOODS:
01 | chinese
02 | chipotle (or other forms of tex-mex)
03 | lasagna

THREE THINGS YOU'D LIKE TO LEARN:
01 | guitar
02 | life lessons (i know, weak cop-out answer)
03 | how to write dialogue ;-)

THREE BEVERAGES YOU DRINK REGULARLY:
01 | dunkin donuts french vanilla iced coffee
02 | water
03 | apple spice tea

THREE SHOWS YOU WATCHED WHEN YOU WERE A KID:
01 | mr. rogers' neighborhood
02 | gem
03 | square one

7.22.2003

after an exceptionally random dream i don't really want to get into on here at this moment in time, i should have known something was up, but i didn't. well, there's no way i could have known or anything ...

nonetheless, it's another of those uncanny moments where you find that maybe you knew something was wrong even before you really knew. all i know is that i had an exceptionally unnerving dream about former high school classmates last night and i learned this evening, while preparing for the game to begin at fenway, that a different proctor class of 98er, justin garvey, was killed in iraq yesterday.

if you want to talk about a good guy, justin was, during the five years i knew him, right up there among the best of them. funny, kind, laid-back but driven to succeed in life, he got along with everyone and never seemed overly cliquely or whatnot. he was cool without being too cool - i have pictures of him from project grad on the night of our graduation, playing cards with me in our room, jumping like a little kid on the beds ... i just can't believe he's gone.

7.21.2003

1:00 p.m.: victoria settles in front of computer to work on resumes.
1:05 p.m.: victoria is reassured of her brilliance when she is relieved to find she emailed herself her updated resume and kickass cover letter before leaving the d.c. area.
1:07 p.m.: victoria, having downloaded resume and accompanying clips to her computer, begins making the first customizations to resume and cover letter for first position she is applying for.
1:08 p.m.: power goes out.
6:09 p.m.: power resumes as victoria and her mother are walking out the door to go to dinner (as there was, well, no power to prepare food).
8:27 p.m.: returning home, victoria and mother prepare for "sex & the city".

resumes will be customized tomorrow, i suppose. talk about a frustrating day ... i was without electricity, without a car (if i'd had a car available, i would have been trapsing around burlington, which would have been ever so much more delightful), without phone capabilities (no electricity for land phone, no reception for cell phone), without the ability to listen to music and an abundance of bees that seemed to be lying in wait to try attacking me if i tried relaxing on the front lawn. everything i tried to do was met with another obstacle ... it actually wound up being quite amusing by the end to see how things could get messed up. fortunately, things improved after i had an opportunity to connect with another member of the human race when my mother came home from work at 4:45. hurrah!

the tigers had better be preparing for an asswhoopin' tomorrow evening ... yippee for fenway park festivities!!!

7.20.2003

while currently experiencing the fun exhausted/wired sensation derived from overall lack of sleep, i need to post about the events of yesterday and today, as they proved to be absolutely phenomenal ...

yesterday was the great boston road trip with miss elizabeth, as we were traveling to paradise to see averi - beth's introduction to the venue and my first trip there in just under a year, not to mention my first real experience with actually driving into the city (note: probably because i don't have to do it frequently, there is something i just love about driving in or around boston. probably also because i just love boston in general, but i digress). after making storrow drive my bitch (bwahahaha), we arrived at the upper end of commonwealth and made our way to t's pub, which brought back memories of paradise concerts of the past and overall warm fuzzy feelings about the city (not to mention my glee about having the red sox game projected onto a huge screen behind me, despite the fact that the sox were losing to the blue jays while we were there and, in fact, wound up losing 4-1 - boo ... ). since our timing was impeccable, we were in the club with plenty of time to spare (we actually wound up having more time than expected, as the schedule for the night was pushed back an hour - averi was originally to go on around 10:30, but when we arrived, we found that they were going to go on at 11:30 instead and, upon discovering that, we counted our lucky stars for deciding to drive into the city instead of taking the t, the last of which left north station at 12:10. it would have been "hi averi, bye averi" if we'd ridden in from beverly). after listening to missing joe, who were pretty good and were obviously having so much fun, which was great to see in an adorable they're-living-out-their-rock-star-dreams sort of way, we met up with miss michelle and waited through a set by another random band that i wasn't impressed with (the three of us agreed that attempting to channel bono is an impossible task that no one, no matter how talented, should attempt to do - covering a u2 song is one thing, but trying to BE u2 is something else entirely) before averi (which, for the record, i should make sure everyone is aware is pronounced a-ver-e, not ah-ver-e ... if you're going to try to come off like a huge fan, know the band's name, ok?) took the stage. the guys obviously were having a great time performing for the packed and highly energetic crowd - in fact, having a great time in more ways than one. not only were they incredibly excited about the crowd energy and devotion, they also were enjoying the libations provided ... a band that takes shots onstage together sticks together, right? ;-) chad proved particularly hilarious, providing a plethora of hilarious quotes for the night, including "if elivis was here, i'd tell him his daughter's a bitch!" and "mom, your son drinks like a champ!"

while the entire set was phenomenal, probably the best i've seen them play (save, of course, my show, as that will forever be my favorite averi experience - what can i say? i'm biased.), my favorite two songs were probably "flutter" and "this liminal life". while my favorite song off of "direction of motion", "flutter" was particularly amazing because i was able to participate in and experience one of my favorite types of concert moments - when a musician or band tells the audience to feel free to sing along and the audience winds up singing so loudly that the singer/singers stop singing and just accompanies instrumentally. i always love the expression on the particular musician/musicians face/faces ... the look on chad's face as the audience sang the first four lines was so full of joy - i can't even begin to imagine what an amazing sensation it must have been for him.

and then there was "this liminal life". i can't believe i didn't like the song when i first got the album - it's one of my favorites now and always a favorite when i see them live (largely because matt has the greatest facial expressions while he plays drums on that particular song). since it's the big averi "dance song", the band invited anyone interested up on stage to dance and i wound up heading up there with michelle to rock out (after being pushed towards the stage, i wound up getting her up there with me - someone who shall remain nameless - oops, i lied - BETH - chose to remain in front of the stage) with the crowd of others who wanted to move their bodies and spill their drinks on the stage while dancing around or with various members of the band (the gold star goes to the tall guy who was grinding with and pretending to spank the ass of chad). SO MUCH FUN.

anyway, the set was tight, the band was incredible and everyone seemed to have a great time. it was wonderful to hang out with beth and michelle and be the three silly, fun girls we've been known to be from time to time (hehehehehe ... debauchery). following the performance, everyone was crowding around the merch table to congratulate/request autographs from the band and i made my way over to say hi to chad and congratulate him on a great show. he was signing tons of cds, posters and whatnot and looked up to see who was next and did a major doubletake (not quite as huge as my howie doubletake back at the paradise pmb show, but a valiant effort) upon seeing me and, to my delight, recognized me in his tipsy state and gave me a huge hug and said he was happy to see me and that he'd thought he saw me earlier but didn't know if it was me and if i'd cut my hair or not. i congratulated him quickly and wished him well before letting the rest of the crowd talk to him, but it felt great to be able to get a big hug and smile and to be able to give him props for a job well done.

after a brief return to t's pub, taking on mapquest directions (honestly, who says to take a slight left when you really want to just go straight?), storrow drive, bumper-to-bumper traffic at 3 a.m. (let's give a big hand to the big dig for making it next to impossible to get to 93 north!) and a thunderstorm, we arrived in beverly safe, sound and exhausted. but because at that point we were so tired we were wired, sleep didn't occur until around 5 ... so while i woke up at 10:30 and immediately cursed myself for sleeping in too late, i quickly realized i'd only slept for five and a half hours.

after preparing for the day and thanking my grandmother and uncle for letting up crash at their house, beth and i headed to downtown beverly to meet up for lunch with andrew, a friend of mine from high school now living in the area. i hadn't seen him for about three years, so it was a fun trip down memory lane, laughing over names and faces we hadn't thought about in years and catching up on what we've all been up to. good times ...

following that, i introduced beth to richardson's dairy, my favorite ice cream place growing up, before heading back to vermont, making a quick driveby down central street in middleton to show her the first house i ever lived in. i hadn't seen the street in years - it's amazing how it looked the same yet so incredibly different ... while i have my memories of living there, it felt like a sort of twilight zone form of reality, actually seeing the house, seeing the house across the street where my friend meghan used to live painted a completely different color, seeing flowers where there was simply grass before, my red house now gray with white trim, the small bushes my parents planted now large and plush ... then realizing i haven't lived there for, what, almost eighteen years?

aaaah - and now i sit here, reflecting on the past two days, the memories birthed during the past 48 hours and the memories dug up from the past, looking at a small pile of mementos - a concert ticket, a flyer, a bumper sticker, averi's first EP (finally bought myself a copy - about time, right?) and a random cd by a female singer/songwriter they were handing out at the show. a smile on my face while "flutter" dances in my head and my bed begins to beckon to me, offering to sweep me away to the land of dreams ...

but, before i answer the call of my bed, this week's friday five, only a little late ...

1. when was the last time you cheated?
cheated at what? a game? a test? or just overall? probably a couple of days ago, when i skipped the last part of my kickboxing routine because i was tired.

2. when was the last time you stole?
i stole my brother's green day album a couple of weeks ago - he never listens to it anyway and i think it's classic. :-)

3. when was the last time you lied?
this evening, when i tried to come off like there was no twitterpation this weekend. "no, it was just good to see them - i'm not THAT silly." they called my bluff. damn my lack of ability to keep the s.k. expression off my face (of which i was reminded many, many times last night by elizabeth and michelle).

4. when was the last time you broke or vandalized another's property?
hmm ... does my brother's hair count? if so, i accidentally vandalized it a couple of weeks ago when i was trying to shave the non-mohawked parts of his hair and wound up taking off a chunk of one of his spikes ...

5. when was the last time you hurt a loved one?
last week, getting into a foolish little fight with my parents.

7.17.2003

the whirlwind road trip adventure begins tomorrow! i'm psyched - the next few days should be great ... tomorrow afternoon, beth and i are heading to boston for averi, followed by a return to vermont saturday. perhaps a mini-roadtrip on sunday, followed by the just-offered opportunity to go back to boston on monday for the red sox/tigers game at fenway with my father and a couple of his coworkers ... whoo hoo!!!

7.13.2003

because it seems that all i do lately on here are surveys (a post of substance follows - just to keep y'all on your toes!):

Name Four Things That You Wish You Had:
* a journalism job
* orlando bloom ;-)
* a british accent
* stamps in my passport (oh wait - make that that i wish i had a passport to have stamps in)

Name Four Scents You Love:
* vanilla
* cocoa butter
* coffee
* the scents that drift out of a dressing room in a theatre (flowers, makeup, powder, perfume all mingled in together with a healthy dose of excitement)

Name Two People You Know Best:
* my family (they should count as one entity)
* beth

Name Four Things You'd Never Wear:
* bikini
* tube top
* stilletto platform shoes
* dog collar jewlery (sorry, tom)

Name Four Things You Are Thinking About:
* what to do, career-wise
* where to live
* when i'm heading back to d.c.
* how much progress i'm making in the whole recovery process

Name Four Things You Did Today:
* ate breakfast
* fought unsuccessfully with a vcr
* found the world's cheesiest exercise program on the health network
* cleaned the kitchen and living room

Name Four Artists/Albums Most People Don't Know You Like:
* old school aerosmith
* the doors
* green day
* the beatles

APPEARANCE
- hair: currently in a state of discontent. blonde, kind of short, but not supershort. i tried to have it cut like kiera knightley has it in "bend it like beckham" but, because it's so thick, it didn't work out the way i hoped it would and i now have these sort of layers that i'm not crazy about. i'm contemplating having the ends bobbed so it's all relatively the same length so i can just grow it out again.
- height: i'd always thought i was at least 5'6, but i found out that i'm actually 5'5 3/4. i never thought the phantom 1/4 of an inch would be a big deal, but i was informed that i am NOT 5'6 - i am 5'5 3/4. so i'll just go with that.
- favorite feature: probably my voice.

STYLE
- clothing: depends. in my down time, i dress for comfort, but i've also started, without fully realizing it, adding a more classic slant. primarily, i think, so i didn't have to buy a ton of clothes between work, going out and down time. but i like a ton of different things and love, on occasion, to add to my silly clothing collection. i also have a plethora of concert/band tshirts because i'm a music whore. ;-)
- music: a genre i have dubbed "alternacoustic" and a variety of others. primarily singer/songwriters and alternative, but really, almost anything can go - although i'm not crazy about country or rap.
- makeup: depends on how ambitious i feel.
- body art: no ink and far fewer holes than i used to have. now it's just the ears, although i used to have my ears, cartiledge, tongue and navel.
- shoes: sneakers (black adidas sambas and old-school-looking red reeboks), sandals and swinger shoes.

LAST THING YOU...
- did: started chewing a piece of gum (yes beth, i'm addicted)
- read: my brother's livejournal.
- watched on tv: bodies in motion - the cheesiest exercise show EVER.

EITHER / OR
- club or house party: depends. generally house party, though.
- tea or coffee: coffee!!!!
- high achiever or easy-going: high achiever.
- cats or dogs: ferret. ;-) both are fine, although i don't want one in my place.
- pen or pencil: pen. blue ink.
- gloves or mittens: gloves.
- cassette or cd: cd.
- snuff or cigarettes: snuff is nasty.
- coke or pepsi: coke.
- matches or a lighter: lighter. less likely to burn myself.
- sunset beach or the bold and the beautiful: neither.

WHO DO YOU WANT TO...
- kill: no one?
- hear from: a newspaper. preferrably with a job offer.
- look like: kate hudson
- be like: linda winer (theatre critic - NEWSDAY)

FAVORITE
- food: mexican.
- drink: behaving myself: french vanilla iced coffee. debauchery: vodka cranberry or midori sour.
- color: water colors (blues, greens, indigo)
- shoes: since it's summer, sandals or nothing.
- site: jasonmraz.com ;-)
- song: constantly changing. currently, "you and i both" (mraz) or "follow through" (gavin degraw).
- vegetable: broccoli.
- fruit: strawberry.

LAST TIME..
- last movie you saw: hmm ... i think that would be "death to smoochy".
- last movie you saw on the big screen: "alex & emma".
- last thing you had to drink: water
- last thing you ate: bowl of strawberry burst cheerios.
- last time you cried: a couple of days ago.
- last time you smiled: about thirty minutes ago.
- last time you laughed: last night.
- last time you danced: last night. something about oldies - can't NOT dance to them.
- last person you hugged: my mother.
- last thing you said: "i'm awake, i'm awake ..."
- last person you talked to online: over email - carolyn. over IM, left a message with andrew.
- last thing you smelled: uh ... my house? cocoa butter body lotion.

ok, so now the Post of Substance. no pressure there, right? i'm still here, i'm still doing well. actually, i'm doing really well, which proves to be both positive and negative. first, the positive. i'm happy. i feel like myself again - silly, a wise-ass, energized, etc. i don't feel the tension, both physical and emotional, that has been plaguing me. i'm also much healthier - i've gained about fifteen pounds since leaving d.c. yay ... go me. anyway. while i'm feeling the itch to work again (from the desire to move and have a sense of purpose standpoint, not necessarily from the standpoint of wanting to resume my office work), having the opportunity to take time to think things over and reevaluate has been incredibly beneficial - i needed this. furthermore, it has been amazing to be around my friends and feel like there are people around me who are really interested and invested in how i'm doing and how i'm feeling. the sense of being able to give and receive love and friendship with no questions asked is something i didn't realize i was (for the most part) missing until i had it again - and i love it. for that, my dear friends, i thank you.

anyway - quick summary. a lot of eating ;-), a lot of laughter and visits with friends. discovery of "the search for america's next top model", enhanced by wine and con queso. fourth of july weekend spent in ashland, massachusetts (chucky d's hometown) and boston, where beth, chuck and i had a great day roaming the city, posing with oversized goldfish and, in the evening, experiencing the boston pops in person (complete with leann rimes and the mormon tabernacle choir - how much more appropriate can you get???). honeydew iced coffee is better than dunkies - although the reunion between vickie and dunkies iced coffee has been great, except for the morons who work at the rutland dunkies by the bowlerama. the latest harry potter book was fantastic, "girl, interrupted" is a better book than the movie, i'm learning to cook. a quick visit to the north shore, adventures with deer (damn bambi), but i inacted my revenge with the venison burger i had at chuck's last night. god bless all-new episodes of "sex & the city" and the morons of "real world: paris" - they should have kicked donnell off of "road rules" if they booted abrahm.

what else? tomorrow begins my return to soccer exercise - can't wait to run around and kick around a soccer ball! other than that, that's the real quick summary. vermont has been good to me. ;-)