cleaning house
status check - nostalgic
background ambiance - bush w what?


saw the most random person while walking on church street late this morning. or, rather, saw the most random handbag. i've adopted a new phrase, which will be used at any point when something doesn't go quite according to plan.


as i was feeling lazy for much of the day, i decided to resume going through boxes and envelopes that have accumulated over the past several years. i always throw everything into boxes when i move out of somewhere and never fully go through them. these mementos are, therefore, lugged from place to place and i have no idea of what's actually in them. so i've decided to work on my pack-rat ways and get rid of some of the things that don't hold particular significance (i'm sorry, do i really need a copy of the metro bus schedule for a line i never used?).


after a bit of going through things, i decided to finish a task i've meant to do for ages that would have a far more immediate completion. so i finally went through the cell phone and deleted the numbers i never use. i know, it doesn't sound like much, but as i contemplated deleting each number, memories flashed back and made me feel like i wanted to call each person, just to say hi or something.


one number - memories of comparing notes on jeff buckley and howie day while working and watching cnn. laughing as i walked into work and prepared to give the first of my two tours that day. "hi, ok, bye!"
delete.


another - navigating through a crowded bar, looking for a face i hadn't seen in almost five years. wondering if i'd still recognize it and what on earth you say to catch someone up on how you've been since high school. realizing just how far off your predictions are when you're the big fish in little high school ponds.
delete.


one, two, three - realizing they never knew me, nor did i really know them.
delete.


a confidence boost when i needed it most - a ray of sunshine whenever he'd enter a room. pub hopping with our group, we wound up in a whole other bar from the others and carried on a fascinating buzzed discussion. i still don't know what the name of the bar was.
delete.


but the final unnecessary number was the hardest to get rid of. i didn't know if it even worked anymore, as i hadn't used it since a november night almost a year and a half ago. what i'd thought was the beginning of a friendship became ... well, awkward and strained. it would be easy to get rid of it if i didn't think of when it was first used and what the person was like at the time. a reassuring conversation while i attended the o'neill, phone tag when i moved to d.c. a message saying he was around my old stomping grounds and wanted to send me good luck wishes.


but that's different now - the number's probably different now, too. but i'll never call it, because i don't think i should.


delete.