at week's end
status check - second wind (or is it fourteenth?)
background ambiance - phones, office chatter

hallelujah, it's friday. i don't recall being so ready for two days off in eons. work has been going exceptionally well, but has just been crazily busy this week. to say i've earned the weekend serves as a gross understatement. my agenda includes exploration, amusement and whatever else constitutes not having to think about responsibility. ahhhh ...

question for the day: how do you review something and thus think in-depth about something designed to allow you to not think for three hours? my attempt at it runs tomorrow. look for it. i enjoyed myself at the show, anyway, and managed to run into the delightful johnoghue, the person i'd planned on inviting to the show until i realized i had five minutes to find out if he wanted to go and had no idea of how to get in touch with him. all works out in the end. :)

my musical calendar is shaping up beautifully. averi tomorrow (as i told a colleague of my weekend plans, he laughed and said, "i didn't know whether to reply with "again?" or "of course."). graham colton on the 10th (perhaps a bit of averi's opening set, depending on when i get out of work), mraz on the 20th.

and then there is my dream show. featuring a lineup i never dreamt would come together on the same billing at a venue at which i've wanted to see a show. featuring one of my favorite live bands and the two artists firmly rooted at the very top of my must see list.

guster, ben folds and rufus wainwright. at the fleet boston pavillion. i still can't believe they are all touring together, even as my ticket is being processed. the only negative aspect of the lineup is that a three-way headlining tour means none of them will perform for as long as i want. but i can deal with that.

see paul? i told you i'd get to catch rufus live! i was just, uh, waiting for the perfect time. right. yep. ;)

in other news, i'm taping nightline tonight and applaud abc for its broadcast plan. i am shocked and disgusted that anyone would refuse to air it. anti-war propaganda? please. try reality.(please note the link)

in other news, today is one of those first glorious days of sprummer (spring/summer) where it kills you to have to remain inside. yet your spirits are bright and the world seems wonderful. ah ...

revamp
status check - better (thank god)
background ambiance - ringing phonescleansing my mind of any stress and clutter process begins.

fuck the stress. fuck the anxiety. fuck worrying about it when i know it'll get done. fuck getting myself worked up. i've never been good at being stressed. when i do it, when i let the stress hit me, i shatter into a million pieces. so i adapt. instead of being stressed, i generally (the past few days being the exception) turn stress into fuel to work. item one. focus, attack, vanquish. turn to item two. think about it - what is being stressed going to accomplish? it'll leave me with an ulcer or drinking problem by 30. no thanks.

i've been going crazy the last couple of days, trying to focus all of my attention on accomplishing things. apartment? been working on it. stories for work? getting those done, albeit rather sad ones (in an emotional way, not in a quality level manner of speaking). wake up, make calls. check apartments, head to work. file my copy, race home, say hi, to go sleep. let the cycle continue.

but i'm not going to let that continue. time to relax and enjoy the coming summer, dammit! to get a kick out of the little things, like a new journal entry (how could i not mention it) or the fact that i'm reviewing a play tonight. to prepare to clean out of the monstrosity that is my car so i can take to the road this weekend and enjoy city, song and sun. to trust my cohabitants when i'm assured that everything will get done and i'm stressing in a manner completely out of character. of course it will.

so there you have it. i'm chilled. i'm relaxed. it's all good. and, although i really did not need to see a polaroid of jason mraz's right retina, thanks to it, i can say i've laughed heartily today. what more does a girl need?

perks to this search
status check - groovy
background ambiance - rilo kiley

i just had a delightful chat with a potential landlord - laughing, comparing notes on area writing types we know, etc. i informed him that regarded of what comes of the apartment process, i'm going to keep him in mind and pick his knowledgable brain.

anyway, beth, check email if you get an opportunity.

off to prepare for the day and an apartment visit. i feel good about this one - wish me luck.

etc. etc. etc.
status check - 2 apts down, X to go
background ambiance - 6 p.m. news

those in the area who read the paper may have seen the two stories today of mine that ran today (or perhaps you didn't. in which case, you suck. kidding. xoxox). decidely not happy, feel good stories, to say the least (one on a pair of robberies, the other on ... well, it was sad. fire and animals). so upon arriving to work in my emo-emoting madness (so it seems from previous post, anyway), i was looking forward to something more ... upbeat. happy. i'd even be down with something bubbly to write.

instead, i get a story even more distressing that those previous. nothing like asking police to describe the details of an accident. ew. sad.

i have been given a huge ray of late-afternoon sunshine, however. as i walked back in from my second apartment visit, one of my editors asked if i'd be up for covering a play (musical, no less) tomorrow night.

lalalalalalalalalala, again - only this time i'm singing happily. everything else'll get done - gotta have fun along the way.

p.s. go here. pre-order. revel in the sd goodness and be all sorts of ahead of the game. i'll be doing the same.

did you hear that snapping sound? it was me.
status check - present. kind of.
background ambiance - the pixies, where is my mind?

i don't want to deal with anything today. i want to clamp my hands over my ears and sing "LALALALALALALA" until all the worries and headaches go away. tired, frustrated and not feeling overly confident about myself, i head into the rest of my day and start of my workday just wanting it to be over.

when you're younger, you can just ignore everything away and somehow, it magically gets done. now that i'm an "adult," i have to deal with it all. but that doesn't mean i can't wish for a fairy godmother to clear away the cobwebs.

or to just turn me into a pumpkin so i don't have to think. in fact, that might be better.

love the poltz
status check - pondering utilities, parking and the like
background ambiance - weezer, say it ain't so (yeah!!)

apartments on the brain. i'm preparing to walk over a couple of streets to check out a potential new home. i'm going to an "apartment showing." i hate those - i always feel as if i'm going to compete with others in a potential renter pageant. and i'd be prepared to beat down the winner with my runner-up roses. gimme that tiara, bee-atch.

fortunately, the one and only steve poltz brought me out of my home search mindset for a few moments, making me laugh out loud with the following. i thought i'd share it and hopefully brighten your wednesdays while i'm off asking about gas or electric heat.

take me oot the ballgame (excerpt from 04.04.04 journal)

As they say in canada; "take me oot the ballgame eh? take me oot to the crowd. buy me some beer eh? screw the crackerjacks just get me a beer eh or i'll puck ya in da mouth der eh boy." blah blah blah "fer it's 1--2--3 srikes yer oot at the old ball yaaard."

my music listening patterns have begun to return to some vickie classics - i'm quite pleased. jeff buckley has been on my mind as of late - rereading "dream brother" and have been listening to "grace" and various mp3s constantly. weezer has also made a series of strong appearances on my playlist. i haven't found any that dog yet, though. i sense a trip to pure pop in the near future.

aka: don't fuck with me!
status check - amused
background ambiance - beth alerting us to red sex tickets

What is Your Destiny? by Valcion
Name
Color
Birthday
Destiny	Destroyer of Human kind
Date when you fufill your destiny	August 8, 2022
Created with the ORIGINAL MemeGen!

prompted
status check - AURGH.
background ambiance - nada

i drove by higher ground today on my way back to the office, planning on taking a snapshot of the building as i've always known it - and, thus, as i'd always remember it. sentimental? me? i don't know what you're talking about.

it was not to be, however, as by the time i got there (please note: less than 24 hours after the last show - and yes, trey was there), the sign was already off the front of the building, a couple of u-haul trucks already out front, gear already being loaded out of the building and off to storage until the new venue (wherever it may ultimately be) is ready for more fans and more shows.

and i felt blue. not nearly as blue as i'll feel when the building's completely gone, but blue nonetheless.

-------------------
(warning, melodrama follows)

i will admit that a portion of the blame belongs to me. i let myself be dazzled, focusing on the brief flash more than what may be standing in the shadows. it's easier to float away on a whimsy, wondering 'why not?' as i laugh, joke or otherwise carry on. because it's only temporary, i tell myself. they won't have time to get to know the real me and, thus, say 'uh, no thanks' and move on. they're moving before they know and i can daydream about what might have been. what might have been always seems better than what was denied.

but this has only been perpetuated by the amazing individuals i've encountered. they blind me and captivate me for a short time before disappearing to all corners of the godforsaken globe, leaving me dazed and amazed in a land that suddenly seems less vivid than before.

and i'm left unable to forget, not at all the way i intend it to be. they're off, charming someone else, while i remain under a spell cast long ago.

they have no idea, while i have no intention. and it's juvenile and pathetic and i need to just stop. i can try romanticizing it on paper (fine, screen), but nevertheless, it's just a series of impractical, over-idealized notions that never amount to anything substantial. nor will they.

Each time my heart is broken it makes me feel more adventurous
(and how the same names keep recurring on that interminable
list!), but one of these days there'll be nothing left with
which to venture forth.

deja who?
status check - decent
background ambiance - the printer

i've found myself in a number of deja vu situations as of late - triggered by a phrase or situation into feeling as if my life has temporarily raced full circle - or that i've dreamt of the situation i later find myself in. i loathe such moments and have been grimacing as they've appeared increasingly over the past two weeks. i always wonder if i'm imagining things or if they're founded in reality. did i really dream writing about a specific brief? and if so, why would i waste my dreams or (depending on what one wishes to describe them) premonitions on something so random?

with such a backstory, waking from last night's dream sent me into a slight panic. i'd turned off my cell phone before drifting to sleep and awoke to the need to call my family and make sure all was quiet and safe. in my dream, my father had suffered a heart attack during the late night hours and the following frantic calls to my cell phone were obliviously unanswered.

when i woke, i needed to call and check. turning on my phone, i discovered that a message was left during the middle of the night - from my brother. a feeling of dread sets in until i hear the message, during which he informs me that he'd had a grand day and simply hoped to let me know and chat. relief washes over as i call home and my father answers.

dad: "hey there, you're awake early. what's up?"
me: "uh, hello! just wanted to make sure everything was ok with you guys."
d: "of course - why wouldn't it be?"
m: "i assumed it was, but know those dreams where you don't know if they're real and you want to make sure?"
d: "i hate those. what was the dream?"
m: "um ... nothing important. i'd rather not say."
d: "what was it? did something happen to one of us?"
m: *thinking "yes, actually, you died."* "eh, yeah. but it's all good. don't even sweat it. i'll talk to you soon, ok? i love you."
d: "love you too. we're fine, don't worry. talk to you later, ok?"
m: "great. tell mom i love her, too. take care of yourself! bye."
--------------
in other news, al green and lucinda williams will be playing the shelburne concert on the green series. this pleases me very much.

and as for the graham colton show scheduled for the 10th at nectar's? the show i'm looking forward to catching part of for a good start to a work week? averi's opening.

i know, i know ... the irony does not escape me.

only jason can kind of pull of the trucker hats, dear.
status check - indifferently amused
background ambiance - chucky d, reading portions of "the hipsters' handbook"

this amused me far too much.

Which Band Should You Be In? by couplandesque
Your Name
Band Name	Weezer
Role	Keyboardist
Trademark	Well-Worn Doc Martens
Love Interest	The Vocalist
Created with the ORIGINAL MemeGen!

"i'm just like a pile of leaves"
status check - peachy keen
background ambiance - scanner

it's often said that in order to further one's writing, one must further one's reading. while i'm sure the original author of said quote hardly expected it to carry over into blogs and livejournals and things of that nature, i've adapted it for the times. many a time (such as now, during a saturday morning shift), i will look through the work of various online authors such as myself to see how other people in the world are doing - what they're thinking, what they're like. it's paid off numerous times over - i've been introduced to music that now dominates my playlists, ideas that i've mulled over and writing i've connected with. such is the case today, as i came across a reference to a poet i've been reading all morning.

------

an excerpt from Meditations In an Emergency
Frank O'Hara (1956)

My eyes are vague blue, like the sky, and change all the time;
they are indiscriminate but fleeting, entirely specific and
disloyal, so that no one trusts me. I am always looking away.
Or again at something after it has given me up. It makes me
restless and that makes me unhappy, but I cannot keep them
still. If only i had grey, green, black, brown, yellow eyes; I
would stay at home and do something. It's not that I'm
curious. On the contrary, I am bored but it's my duty to be
attentive, I am needed by things as the sky must be above the
earth. And lately, so great has their anxiety become, I can
spare myself little sleep.

hmm.
status check - calm, at the moment
background ambiance - scanner. i'd like to "office space" that sucka

to say my day has raced by would be a gross understatement. instead, i'll say my day reached warp nine speeds and i was holding on dear life.

but i've made it (she says, knocking on wood with an hour left). snippets: called the office of my old bossman for the first time since starting work as a journalista. press conference (of sorts). trip to court. many, many a call to make and receive. i had "hey ya!" stuck in my head all day. thought i was going to drown in a sea of briefs or shorts (stories, that is). i learned what a "hoosegow" is. i was saddened to read about pat tillman's death in afghanistan. i wish "the calcium kid" would wind up playing in the us, ideally somewhere around me. i'm looking forward to next weekend. i'm delighted to see that graham colton will be playing at nectar's early next month. i'm ready to make the last of my calls before heading out for the evening. kbye.....................

.
status check - fine
background ambiance - the frames, rent day blues

i had almost forgotten how much i enjoy living with someone. so nice to walk through the door, say "hello!" and hear a "hi there!" in response from upstairs. the fact that it's beth makes me all the happier. although we (by which i mean i) need to work on this whole opposite schedule thing.

in completely unrelated news - funny when you realize people don't have the same thought processes as you do ... i would have thought it goes without saying. but it's all good. whatever.

it's friday - but, since i'm the ever-nice colleague, it's really thursday. figure that one out. eh? eh?

the man i'm used to seeing almost every day as i walk by (or in, as is often the iced coffee case) dunkies is, i believe, the man found by the waterfront yesterday morning. never knew him, but we said hello once, and i still feel a sense of loss. much as if the d.c. corner prophet (i realize now that i used to think of her as a curbside prophet, in a completely non-mraz-related way) by union station, who scolded me and others for our coffees, cell phones or anything else, or the mud-caked woman by the fountain, who always said "hello there, honey," in a ragged whisper, were to pass. never a chief player in my life, but played a supporting role in my day-to-day travels for a time.

da da da
status check - spacey
background ambiance - scanner (of course)

it's my one allowed (by myself) spacey work day. i arrived at work awake, alert and ready to take the journalistic world by storm. i'd gone to bed at a reasonable hour the night before (for once), woke early (for once), walked down to church street and then went running. i was back home, finished with all of my daily or semi-daily tasks before i've been waking up as of late. good start!

after that, crash. just out of it - not sure why. taking me twice as long to do what shouldn't take long at all, sources are frustrating me ... ugh. and i hate feeling like i'm not with it. i can't help it if the people on the other end of the phone line aren't cooperating. i should be able to help it if i'm not cooperating.

but there's a definite silver lining to the day. my phone rang during the late morning and i answered, surprised to receive a call from ,my parents during the day. i heard my father on the other end, sounding positively giddy with excitement. after torturing him by not asking what was going on (i was kind, it was only a few minutes), i finally asked and received word that my attempt at helping him with his tournament had scored a success. this morning he found a six-foot tall box waiting for him at home (i interrupted: "my mail-order groom finally arrived! SWEET!"). the letter he had sent (after i found the contact info) for a raffle prize was answered - with a hockey stick autographed by john leclair. !!!!!! he was elated and i was thrilled. i don't even like hockey (unless i'm actually at the game, in which case i go nuts), but a john leclair stick? SO COOL!

he wanted to thank me, since, he said, he wouldn't have gotten the stick had i not helped him out. i'd forgotten that i had in the first place, so hearing his elation on the other end of the phone was an unexpected, but certainly welcomed, surprise.

(side note: if anyone wants to go in on this raffle, which he holds at his annual golf tournament, contact me and i can get you entered. lots of prizes, generally including tickets to baseball games - i was invited to fenway to join a winner last year, where we saw the sox kick arse - and other cool things. there are always a lot of prizes and it's a great cause - the ronald mcdonald house. send me email or comment and i'll get information your way. winners do not have to be present at the time of the drawing.)

still a little bit of your song in my ear
status check - lovely
background ambiance - scanner & the song in my head

i've begun to think that less is more at times, when it comes to this whole posting business. i tried to write succinctly about last night's show (mr. damien rice & company at higher ground), but it just wasn't happening. so i gave in and rambled on as i felt fit.

consider that the official disclaimer. read at your own risk.

-----------

i used to wish that every concert i attended would be magical. that i could walk out of a venue moved to the core of my being, shellshocked and giddy about having participated in such an amazing musical experience as the one i had just expereinced.

now, with more shows under my belt (amazing, good, not-so-good and horrible performances among them), i neither hope nor want such a wish to come true. the reason why such amazement follows a truly great performance is because they are so rare. there are many good performers out there who put on engaging, enjoyable shows. but the shellshock kind are few and far between. i'm fortunate in the respect that i've been able to experience as many as i have*, but a good amount of time had passed since the last time i'd been in such a state. probably since ... well, when were last fall's ani and guster flynn shows?

damien and company's set last night left me dazed and grinning like a fool. i've felt ridiculously overdramatic all day today, thinking about it. but fuck it, i don't care - i loved it and i will gush as i see fit. the show reminded me of why i love music so much and how it can move me so deeply.

everything just seemed right: the drive to higher ground, windows down, singing along to old school pearl jam and dmb on the radio, hitting every green light along the way. a perfect pint of vodka cran, a good crowd for the show. being able to say hi to kj and hopefully being able to help out with future food drives. lingering near the back of the audience, but able to see the stage perfectly. the way bass and intention electronic static can, when amplified, make your feet shiver and energy surge through your body as you wait for the inevitable explosion of sound. followed by the whisper of a collective audience voice adding ghostly accompaniment to a ballad. the focused silence shared by everyone present. the rendition of "cold water" performed with a blacked-out stage.

i could not have asked for a better set. i didn't get to hear "childish," but the song wouldn't have fit the set's mood. "cannonball" surged to the top of my list of favorite songs - i played it constantly all this morning and am singing it to myself this afternoon. "volcano" was a high moment, but didn't dominate audience response, as is often the case with singles. "older chests," "amie" and "eskimo" were brillaint.

and he covered "hallelujah." ok, i've heard covers of buckley originals and buckley covers live before. howie covered "lover you should've come over" at the iron horse. matty nay teased "last goodbye" at the st. michael's show. and many, many a musician has covered "hallelujah" since leonard cohen wrote it. i know this, of course. but as damien sang, i felt like i could close my eyes, reopen them and see jeff buckley on stage. i was in shock. it was the closest i'll ever come to hearing buckley live.

lisa got in on the action, presenting a brilliant cover of "seven nation army" (yeah!). and damien's first encore song, "black is the colour" was spellbinding.

it's so frustrating to try to write about such a show. don't want to overly gush, but want to give enough credit where it's due ... i just wish those who couldn't be there had been. and i hope those who were were similarly moved. next time damien is anywhere around here, i'm there, no questions asked. probably one of my top five concert experiences.

* among the list of astounding performers i've seen (in no particular order): aerosmith, live, counting crows, dmb, pmb, mayer (pre-"room for squares"), day, mraz, ani, tori, and guster. at least one show of each of these performers have left me with that glazed-over astounded post-show feeling all concert-attending fans love.

so come on courage, teach me to be shy
status check - soaring
background ambiance - silence

i thank the stars for nights like tonight.

a very merry unbirthday
status check - happy
background ambiance - general office chitchat

i say unbirthday because i have failed to mention here two birthdays that recently occurred. one of which because the day itself was crazy and i didn't have time to provide proper online observation, the other because, well, i didn't know until today.

anyway. very happy birthday congratulatory wishes (albeit slightly late) to miss rebecca and mister pete. hurrah!

tonight i will say hello to damien rice (live, that is) and goodbye to higher ground. i suppose it fits that my last hg show will be an opportunity to check out someone's live performance for the first time. some of my best concert memories of the place stem from that very premise.

i will be giddy if i have the opportunity to hear "childish."

my flatmate arrives tomorrow!!! hurrah!

ok, bye. xoxo - v

never change
status check - amused
background ambiance - wind howling around my lair - er, apartment

it's funny, those people you know/knew/perhaps will know again one day. i've found that they generally fit into one of two categories.

the first: you hear something or see something. either from or about someone you've known. but you feel the person is so different from what you knew that you get angry. or you want to cry. because the person was important to you, for whatever reason. and someone who has meant something to you should not be relegated to the appendix of your life. there should be something tangible left to look on. nor should you be relegated. you should not have to wonder what the other is doing. how the other is doing. and either not get an answer or really not want to know the answer. you should not have to come across a reference and sneer because you question the intentions. the person you knew is not the person who remains.

to you, i say goodbye. i have spent far too much time focusing on you, losing out in this situation. you think not of me, i shall think not of you.

fortunately, i was reminded today of another group.

just as before, you hear something or see something and laugh because while the details have changed, the fundamentals remain. the outlook, the use of an expression or style are just as they were whenever the person last flashed into your life. you feel your awareness of the past enhances your enjoyment of the present.

i was grinning tonight, as i saw the familiar style and flair of someone i used to know. it was if i was suddenly back in a room, hidden away from the rest of the world, early in the morning. flipping through sheets of papers, surveying the results of another night's labor. always reading one first, wondering where in the reading order i fell.

he's still brilliant, still a pain in the ass in the best way. because he's so bright and talented. he served as my gilbert blythe two years ago, pushing me through his skill to produce the best work i could. and he made it look so damn easy.

but i digress. i suppose the point of my rambling tonight is that i'm happy to have read of him. i hope someday we can get back in touch. but i thank him. after spending far too much time lately upsetting myself with thoughts of people who are now shades of those i once knew, seeing that someone still resembles what i remember was a welcome treat.

-------

in other news, i was also able to forget my own musing for a bit to help someone else. i speak to my brother quite regularly, generally quick calls from one to see how the other's doing, chatting or laughing about something. but he called tonight after having a frustrating few days. and wanted to talk to me to see if i understood anything going through his mind - or if i could make him feel better about it all. the fact that he sought that from me was the greatest feeling. well, second to hearing him say that i helped.

-------

and now i provide the laughter for the evening. please visit the following links.

Victoria Beckham Disappointed That Nobody Claims To Have Had Affair With Her

David Beckham Affair Sparks Increase In Cheating Teenage Boyfriends

unexpected unconsciousness
status check - dazed
background ambiance - lord of the rings: two towers

somewhere in the midst of frodo's struggle to reach mordor, i fell asleep, streched out on my couch, a light blanket tucked under my chin. while i had been watching the movie, i was more focused on the sound of the first thunderstorm of the season raging outside, noting each flicker of lightning and counting until the thunderclap growled. i thought of how i am looking forward to warmer nights like this, when i can open my bedroom windows and feel the heavy air enter my room, marked by the clean scent of the rain.

when i awoke, the thunder had passed on. i had dreamt i could smile as i said goodbye and looked away. and be content.

but i better be quiet now, i'm tired of wasting my breath. - elliott

a reminder.
status check - athletic (post-workout)
background ambiance - drice, childish

for those planning to attend tuesday's damien rice show - rock for a remedy food drive. please bring something. i recall matty nay saying on the point awhile back (before his rfar performance) that highly recommended items include tuna fish and tomato soup. and no glass items.

thank you.

and if kj happens to swing by here between now and tuesday - hope to be able to say hi! i'll be late, but i've got a bag of goodies to contribute. :-)

you do you remember how this goes? i don't.
status check - decent
background ambiance - bushwalla & jmaz, jesus bo beezus @ lestat's

quick thoughts as i return to the beautiful sunday outdoors world (sunday? really it's my saturday ...):

it's so nice to have someone else's things in the apartment ... can't wait to have my flatmate actually here! good times yesterday evening, despite one of the worst waitresses ever (at least the cranberry sauce waitress had an excuse - she had no clue. this one was just a bitch).

after not feeling well last night, settled in for a night of "donnie darko," thanks to chuck turning me onto the dd website. lost myself in that for about an hour - LOVE IT. "pay attention. you may miss something." so good.

the extended/deleted scenes are brilliant. although i agree, the film really is better without the aftermath shot.

i haven't found a version of "jesus bo beezus" i prefer to the first i heard. although i love that the lestat's version is already available. i also love "it takes." i don't know why, i didn't think it would be my favorite new song, but it is. it just appeals. "it takes a thought to make a word. and it takes a word to make an action."

i have a traveling companion for the first may boston road trip. good times. an introduction to the city will be involved.

sunshine and saturdays
status check - happy
background ambiance - keyboard clicking and muted sounds from outside

i wrote a brief post earlier this morning, talking about how i was in the office alone, putting my obligatory saturday hours that will pop up on the schedule every blue moon. but i decided such a post did not reflect the day. so my blog-goddess-like self deleted the sucker and decided to start fresh.

it's a glorious saturday. while i'm working for much of the afternoon, i made a story-related trip to the waterfront and decided to treat myself to a walk. the sun was shining, breezes blowing in off the lake and other area residents were out jogging, walking and riding bicycles. i was shocked to see that the lake has completely melted - it seemed like i'd just been standing on thick ice, looking at the city from the breakwater. but waves are now lapping the stones on shore and kayakers were dotting the water.

on my way back, i picked up a ticket to see damien tuesday - the clerk at the record store asked me what day the show was and i wanted to stare in shock. what day is damien rice going to be in burlington? how can you not KNOW, man!?! (side note: johnoghue - are you going to the show?) funny what a giddy mood will do to me.

so now here i sit, clicking away at the keyboard to get my writing mind started. i'll shortly turn to the two stories i must file today, then be productive for my final hours before returning home, hopefully in time to catch my soon-to-be flatmate as she brings up the first of her items.

a grand day indeed.

...
status check - bored
background ambiance - the ticking of my life going by

working late tonight so i can talk to a sox fan at a bar - little color piece for the first yanks/sox game. while i don't mind (at all) being paid to watch part of the game, i'm exhausted. loooong day. and i work tomorrow.

oh well, no point in bitching. now i try to write a story for next week while waiting to head to the bar (too bad i can't drink, eh?) feel free to send me email. please.

rock on.
status check - determined
background ambiance - printer productivity

a colleague aware of my appreciation for damien rice raised a good point this afternoon. even if i don't get tuesday's shift switched, with an opening act and higher ground's late tendancies, getting out of work at 10 would still ensure i can see a good portion of damien's set. so dammit, i'm going to do it. whoo hoo!

crazy day today. funny story, in a not so funny way. something about walking in and realizing a story you wrote has furthered an investigation. it's all sorts of crazy-like.

p.s. i'm sending out a request for email. during downtime over the past few days, i've been going nuts without anything new in my inbox.

um
status check - envious
background ambiance - birds chirping

new songs. jesus bo beezus and soul train line with bushwalla. "it takes" with gpage and toca.

i find last night's "surprise" show setlist all the funnier considering my previous post. good god, how cool would that show have been.

p.s. it's close enough, so i'm closing the approximate two-week window of potential delay. c'est la vie.

friday five ...

1. what do you do for a living?
i am a journalista.

2. what do you like most about your job?
my job requires me to spend time trying to learn everything i can about another person or an event and relay it to others. each day i'm learning something new and i always find something interesting about it. i make a living finding out about what's happning in the lives of others. and there are strangers who trust me to provide them with everything that is relevant about those things i cover.

3. what do you like least about your job?
my current schedule isn't exactly ideal for trying to enjoy human contact outside of the job.

4. When you have a bad day at work it's usually because _____...
i don't feel as if i've been able to produce anything up to the calibar i want it to be. or if my comparative youth to my colleagues shows my lack of experience in certain areas. or when people hear a younger voice (that being mine) coming over the phone line and, as a result, talks down to me.

5. What other career(s) are you interested in?
i'm going to be a journalist for as long as the field will have me. it's what i'm supposed to do. i'm interested in other aspects of it (different beats). but if, for some reason, journalism wouldn't have me for a period of time, i'd love to work behind the scenes at a theater company. a record label might be neat, too. something with theater and/or music involved.

rally time
status check - sleepily optimistic
background ambiance - courtney love, being weird on leno

a plan was hatched this evening - a movement, really. a movement that will not move at all beyond this initial hypothetical stage, but nevertheless. we can feel good for feeling proactive - if even only for a moment.

was delighted to learn that among those sharing the bill with mraz at the boston show is bushwalla's dj - dj bob neck snapp. so i share this information with my future company for the show and, naturally, she replies, "but bushwalla needs to be there too!"

well, obviously. how much would that rock? but it shouldn't stop there. mr. pthurston should come too.

so we spoke of our plans to beseech bushwalla and petition pete to attend.

i think much of it was thinking of what a killer show that would be. but it also came down to the chance to use alliteration. gotta be honest.

anyway. sleep calls, looooong day tomorrow.

i thought for sure kwame was going to win. huh.

they say it's your birthday ...
status check - sentimental
background ambiance - office chatter


21 years ago today, i lost my prized status as a single child. i'm surprised by how much i remember of the day.


i can recall traveling with my grandmother to beverly hospital, where i felt silly donning a paper gown over my patterned turtleneck and green pants. i wasn't sure of what i was going to see inside, all i knew was that my mother and father were there.


we walked into the room and i saw my mother propped up on a hospital bed ahead of me to the right. the walls were sage green. my father sat on the other side of the bed, by a window, and there was a fascinating phone on the stand by the bed. it was a streamlined and white and i kept staring at it. i don't recall who else was in the room.


i don't remember my first thoughts upon seeing the little creature also present. but i do remember sitting in the chair my father vacated so i could hold my brother. i was scared of dropping him and thought his face was red and funny-looking. my parents have a picture of this moment. i'm looking up at the camera, biting my lower lip as a i smiled and held the baby.


i remember giving my parents hugs before we left. as we drove back to my grandmother's house, she told me that i would need to help mom and dad take care of tommy - i was a sister now and i had an important job.


funny to think of tom as that little red bundle of human, now that he's six feet tall and a full-fledged legal adult who could drink if he so chose. he's not an adult to me yet, although hanging out with him recently has shown me how we've matured and grown close as siblings and friends. to think, he was the little kid who knocked my two front teeth out (with his head) during a pillow fight at the old house in middleton. the kid who was as accident-prone as can be and loved monster trucks and anything loud (wait, the monster trucks might be a thing of the past, but anything loud still seems to appeal to him).


i used to always tease him about his birthday. "april 15. titanic sinks, lincoln dies, taxes are due, you're born. notice a trend?"


anyway, sentimentality concluded, i'm happy to wish my brother the happiest of 21st birthdays. love you, tombo.

a commentary on various pop culture snippets
status check - present
background ambiance - it's actually eerily quiet in here ...


learned today that there is a list of music one is encouraged and discouraged to listen to while driving. of course - there's a list for everything else, right? the top song to not listen to is wagner's "ride of the valkyries."


what? how can they do this to me? what am i going to listen to now? i'll have to make my way over highways and byways in silent protest.


among those songs good to listen to while on the road are norah jones' "come away with me" and gary jules' "mad world." i love both, so was proud to see they earned further recognition.


but really? i must be honest. if i'm driving at 2 a.m. and i have to choose between norah or prodigy, prodigy's got it. even wagner would win out. because much as i don't want a speeding ticket, i'd much rather be awake. furthermore, in this world of road rage and whatnot, is it advisable to recommend driving to a song with lyrics like "the dreams in which i'm dying are the best i've ever had"? ponder that ...


speaking of death (cheery segue, eh?), caught the new britney spears video last night (i know, i'm shocked too - finally saw the "toxic" video for the first time as well). "everything" - the video gaining controversy over the suicide/reincarnation bit. while i don't pity britney for having a difficult time living as a self-made sex siren, i'll admit that i was impressed with most of the video concept. the song serves more as a soundtrack to a dramatic interpretation of the whole vegas scandal. and it shows our dear brit angry. throwing things. pushed around in a crowd. which makes her seem slightly more real than anything else you've seen lately. so i give her credit for that. as for the bathtub bit - i think it takes away from the overall concept of the video (as i perceive it). no need for it other than sensationalism. leave that out, keep the rest and i'm surprised - in a good way. (side note: i will admit that i had "me against the music" stuck in my head for the rest of the evening.)


read that joey mcintyre is married. i was saddened for a moment, then realized he still refers to himself as joey. dude, you're 31 (and i'm frightened that i still remember his birthday). joe. joseph. something other than joey. it was cute when you were joey joe with nkotb and i was making a trip to virginia to see you at my first concert. but that was 1990. i was nine. i'm 23 now. you do the math. thank you.


speaking of concerts (i'm all about the seques today), i'm looking forward to the concerts coming up on the calendar. there's nothing better than having a crop of good shows pop up out of the ground, just waiting for me to attend. damien rice on the 20th, teitur on the 30th. averi the night after that and mraz (hurrah!!!) on the 20th of may. granted, i only have purchased tickets for one of these shows thus far, but details, schmetails. i'm working on it.


and i realized this afternoon that the actf national festival is occurring this week. it's the first time in three years i haven't been in dc during festival time (granted, i was just living there last year, but becca and i made a trip to the kennedy center so i could show her what the center was like).

god bless presales
status check - delighted
background ambiance - el presidente on the telly


presale for mraz tomorrow morning and i'm going to get good seats. i'm going to try to top the tori seating in virgina - but it'll be hard! if anyone wishes to accompany me, let me know between now and 10 a.m. tomorrow. i'm definitely going - being solo at a show has never stopped me before ... but if you're down, let me know and i'll pick up a ticket for you.


people are going to be innundated with concert voicemails at this show, i reckon ...


and the ultimate injustice. i get a text message on my cell today.


from tom. whoohoo!


just saw 'intermission.' fukkin brilliant.


DAMN YOU MAN!!!! i've been wanting to see that since i first heard about it!!! you can't see it first!!! but i felt better about it later, when t. mentioned that he watched it and thought, "oooh, vic's gonna love this."

musical calendar
status check - pleased
background ambiance - clicky keys and productivity


my attempts at securing some free time catch my upcoming shows appear to be successful. i'll hopefully pick up a damien rice ticket this evening and will be ready to order mraz tickets when they go on sale friday morning. who's coming, so i know how many tickets to order?


trying to get someone to switch shifts with me next week was somewhat embarrassing - talk about having to write an email to colleagues asking them to help you get out of work early on 4.20. i almost added a p.s. - "it's not for that." should have - already got three, "WEEEEELLLLLLL ..." jokes. haha.


random little emails make me smile. apparently not everyone thinks my emails are an annoyance. :) i don't even have to wait two weeks.

sing it, sister
status check - better
background ambiance - charlotte martin (hurrah!)


i was delighted to find a shn of charlotte martin's "i'm normal, please date me," one of my favorite songs from the 9.29 avalon show. while i cursed up and down for being in beverly saturday night (while charlotte was opening for pmb at paradise - dammit), at least i'm able to enjoy the results now. yes, i realized on saturday that i was on the north shore while cmartin and pmcgee played paradise and ben kweller and death cab for cutie played avalon.


i know. horrible, isn't it?

it's true
status check - frustrated
background ambiance - nmh


beth's right - i do have wanderlust.

vt, ma, vt, ma and vt again
status check - worn out
background ambiance - neutral milk hotel


as someone who will happily hop into the car for a road trip, tonight's exhaustion comes as a surprise. i realized this weekend that i can drive anywhere and be more than content. stick me in the backseat of a car for a trip and i'm out like a light. naptime for victorias.


nevertheless, the great family new england road trip was quite the success. beyond the general visits with familial types and a three-day weekend, i can now challenge anyone to beat me at the ps2 "american idol" game. hey, when you're entertaining a 10-year-old "ai" addict, you wind up doing crazy things. and singing a lot of robbie williams. um, yeah.


but good times. caught up a bit with my favorite bostonian sibling, which is always a good time. while my parents said goodbye with all this "we'll see you soon, be safe," tom and i just looked at each other, hugged and said, "uh yeah. see you in a couple of weeks." it's funny how i'm so much closer to the kid now. i'm quite the fan. the great boston bike tour is again being planned. bwahaha.


so yeah, spent most of my weekend in a car, but was able to convince my parents to listen to something other than boston radio oldies for once (score). enjoyed hearing hd, matty and the like on the radio. then was shocked to hear "toxic" for the first time once we hit vermont. since my car sterio is always either set on the buzz or cds while i'm driving, i don't exactly have much chance to hear britney (i'm not complaining). while i was shocked to hear the song, my parents were shocked that i'd never heard it. hmm.


during a stop at newbury (love), picked up neutral milk hotel's self-titled. i like. about time i listened to it. and discovered my long-lost musical treasure trove diabolically hidden in my parent's vehicle. ten cds i thought i'd lost for all time - including damien rice, charlotte martin and ben kweller - waiting for me to discover them amidst my parents' beatles, roy orbison and james taylor cds (while i missed them, at least i can be comforted knowing they were in good company in my absence).


a very happy reunion followed, particularly as i drove back to burlington this evening, blaring "in parenthesis" and singing along at the top of my lungs as i drove to the magenta-hued horizon, the lake glowing ahead.


funny to see pictures of rockstar mayer and laugh. shortly after this was taken, i bet he busted into his rap. pity - i was hoping to possibly see maroon 5 this summer.


whenever you look you can see that everybody wants to be part of the rockscene
- athlete, "westside"

needless to say, i am determined to get that thursday off.
status check - delighted
background ambiance - "while you were out" - CABLE!!!!


live from SoVt ...i would like to announce to my readership that mraz is playing in boston in may. thursday, may 20 at the orpheum!!!


i'm going. who else?


ponder while i trapse around new england for the weekend. i expect comments when i get back.

random friday moments and ponderings.
status check - ready to hit the open road
background ambiance - clicking of my (new) keyboard keys


so mraz is playing dc in may. naturally, i'd love to go. particularly since they haven't posted all the tourdates yet, but there's nowhere else i could get to. and the fact that he's playing dar amuses me - i recall pondering whether i should see him open for jewel at dar a good year and a half ago. it would almost be like completing a full circle.


however. it's a weekday. i don't have the vacation time requested off and have no idea of if it would be feasible. and i'm going to dc in june anyway. not to mention that i'd be shocked if he doesn't play somewhere closer to me. boston, maybe. or hell, i'd go to new york if he's really playing the small club show that's been unofficially mentioned.


hmm.


other notes. said good luck to a colleague who's off to other parts of the country. i hate goodbyes. even if they're for a good reason.


run-up-threatening-to-tackle-but-instead-giving-big-bear-hugs run-ins are fabulous.


it's like a sauna in here.


if a peeping tom leaves you money after staring in at you, would you be a considered a paid stripper for accepting it? kind of an odd case, indeed.


about an hour to go. have a good weekend.


<3 vickie

haven't done one of these in ages ...
status check - good but a little tired
background ambiance - silence


last night i tried to fall asleep at a reasonable hour, but i was ridiculously awake. thoughts were running through my mind and the final pulses of adrenaline kept me alert, no matter how hard i tried to push them into my subconscious. i was half-expecting something exciting to happen - or at least something that would keep me awake. i've started to grow used to having something present it self to be handled just as i start to settle into a sense of calm. my body thought it would continue, even at 1 a.m.


i even woke up early - early for me, that is. awake at 7:30, i tried to drift back to sleep, but i kept waking every ten minutes or so. i've finally accepted that the non-logical part of me wants to be awake. funny that now i feel a little tired.


anyway. thought i'd answer a fridayfive, since i haven't in eons. i think i've actually answered this one in the past, but hey, it's all good.


what was the first band you saw in concert?
my first show/concert was sharon, lois & braham. i saw it at the flynn when i was seven, i think. but as far as real concerts, my first two shows were new kids on the block. i saw them when i was nine - the first show was in richmond, va., the second in montreal. i even wrote about the montreal experience for our class "newspaper," describing the trip up and the show itself. early signs that i was meant to be a journalista?

who is your favorite artist/band now?
there are many potential answers to this, none of which i can answer simply. i have a lot of musical loves. i suppose, if i had to pick one that i were to label as my favorite, it would be mraz (surprise, surprise, eh?). but among a list of my favorites, one would find mraz, hday, averi, bushwalla, matty nay, rilo kiley and gpage. please note that i said "among a list" - there are many more.

what's your favorite song?
again, a tricky question. this changes frequently, depending on my mood and other factors. this minute, i would say mraz's "the darkest space," although "galaxy" is right up there too. gpage's "don't look back" is brilliant as well and i've been listening to averi's "flood" frequently lately (although "daffodils" and "flutter" still remain top choices for favorite averi song).

if you could play any instrument, what would it be?
gee-tar. and if i ever finally get around to practicing it continuously, i will eventually know how to play it.

if you could meet any musical icon (past or present), who would it be and why?
there are several i'd like to meet now, but i feel as if this answer requires a look to the past. what's the point in wasting my answer on someone i could potentially meet now? i'd still go with jim morrison.

inquiry
status check - curious (although i don't know why)
background ambiance - 11 p.m. news


what ever happened to rider strong?

my adrenaline rush
status check - impatient
background ambiance - immer das scanner


the last four days have featured yours truly waiting for the other shoe to drop. work-wise, each day has managed to top the day before. i thought today would be a low-key day, but instead, i've got several stories i'm working on, all interesting, all great to write.


the past five and a half hours have flown by in a flurry of activity, yet now i sit at my desk, waiting for a return call so i can finish what i think will be the last major project for the day (she says, half-expecting to hear the scanner go beserk and send her on some new adventure now that she jinxed things). my adrenaline wave is, i fear, beginning to crest. i love having a crazy amount of work to do for almost all of the day and then resting at an unwanted standstill. such is life.


but it's been grand and i'll have plenty to do in the coming workdays, which pleases me immensely. not to mention that it's (already?) almost the weekend and saturday will find me driving to southern vermont, then massachusetts before heading to extreme southern vermont for easter sunday with the family types. i love the logic my immediate family possesses. "oh, easter plans? right. ok, you can come down here, then we'll leave to go to your grandmother's, where we'll meet up with tom. then we'll all head to your aunt's for easter sunday, then go back to grammy's. we can enjoy our long weekends and head back monday so you can get back to burlington for work tuesday." so we're heading from vermont to vermont, by way of massachusetts. of course that makes sense. right?


i'm rambling again. it has been the pattern today, as anytime i have time to write or talk, everything comes out in these huge long rushes of words. i had email waiting for me this afternoon from the magical land of san diego and, when i replied, i wrote this long rambling graf about how crazy the day has been. then i apologized for said ramble. i should have been sensible and deleted it before sending, but that would have made the writing of it a waste, so instead i just add a disclaimer. real smart, vic. sorry, pete.


but it's just the way things go. this week has (thus far) managed to top the week previous, which i didn't think would really be possible. yet here i am, working hard and (i think) doing well professionally. feeling motivated physically, thanks to the last two days of the gym and the calm that comes from exercising (calm being a relative term, since i rocked out today to "justified"). snow's gone. spring approaches - again. good times coming up, good friends coming up. i'm going to dc in june and it's going to be crazy (i've been assured). progress is being made in several goals and i feel focused and enthused. it finally feels like everything is lining up as it is supposed to.


or, it will as soon as i get the callback for this story. ;)

my random life continues
status check - infinitely amused
background ambiance - laughter (mostly mine)


i love the way police work. if you read through the lines, it reads like this:


oh hi, you're calling about a brief? ok, and while i'm at it, why don't i throw you a front page story in the most random, nonchalant of possible ways? you're welcome ...


thank you, my dear men and women in uniform - you have continued the best mood i've been in ages. i'm truly on top of the world today. huzzah!

they like me! they really like me!
status check - basking in the glow of compliments
background ambiance - someone's phone is ringing incessently


now this is what i'm talking about. walk into work, be greeted with congratulations on accomplishing so much as of late. have the phone ring several times to hear further compliments and hear about the feedback others have received.


since i generally tell myself that i'm generally doing an adequate job, to hear that i did something particularly well is a big esteem boost. the way i look at it, i should always be working to improve and i'm never really happy with the status quo. so hearing that i am improving is outstanding. makes it feel like i'm doing something worthwhile.


hurrah!

refusal to erase
status check - dopey
background ambiance - johnatha brooke - "linger"


my apologies to those who tried calling the cell today and received word that my mailbox was full. i know. i suck. i remedied the situation and deleted some of the unnecessary voicemails.


it amused me, however, that i still have a voicemail from september 1. that message stays, no matter what. sure, it's over ... what, seven months old now? but i keep it for rainy days, blue days and other dreary mood-inducing days. two of my favorite voices coming over the phone line to make me smile.


anyhoo. good god, i'm exhausted. my pattern of working my tail off continues ... stayed late trying to get everything done and succeeded (go me!). three "good job" compliments in three days as i prepare to walk out the door. such compliments are like gold, i tell you ...


was also greeted today with a note on my desk from a colleague. nothing fancy, just a compliment about the lede to today's fun story. a great way to start the workday, let me tell you. i received several such compliments over the course of the day and was beaming like a fool, even as i ran around trying to get everything done - scratch that. even as i ran around and got everything done.


as i told beth tonight, i have decided to definitely make the trip to boston at the beginning of may to hit up the paradise show. i'd been deliberating about it, but finally decided any reason i had against going was really just foolish. i love seeing the band perform. i love paradise. i love attending paradise shows to see the band perform with friends. all of the elements will be present for the upcoming show. and so will i.


so there's a mini, weekend road trip in the works, if anyone's game. hit up a show, spend some time in the city. good times.


but, as for now - sleep calls. must wake up at a reasonable hour (for once) tomorrow morning so i can hit up the exercise room and continue this whole getting into shape business. watch out, i'm going to be ready for scene-stealin' and pointy shoes (my feet hurt already).

and, click here and enter the contest! if you win, you can feel so grateful that you take me with you.

bah.
status check - blah
background ambiance - howie day "morning after" - 11.03.03


i'm sick of feeling lethargic and lazy. time to get back into shape. heading to the gym (well, exercise room). but before i do, a couple of notes:


- think good musical thoughts around 7 tonight. averi'll be playing its set at the mass 9/11 fund event. sharing the billing with bnl and guster - i hope it goes well for them.
- found this today and it amused me. from hd's 11.03.03 (birthday? what birthday?) show in texas and needed to post it. (no, i didn't dictate it - that was jordan)


Alright, here we go, we're gonna unite the whole room. I've
been waitin' for it, I've been waitin' for the moment to feel
right, and I think this is the moment...we're gonna unite in
hatred against...people that suck, 'cause that's a
pretty...pretty normal thing to hate. It is true, about 90%
of people...suck, I've done a, uh...a survey. Just think of
someone that you had a really good time with, and someone
that you really were close to, maybe even had kind of a
serious relationship with...and then they...you called them
up one day and they sorta said, "Hi...No." Just think about
that person, and come to the dark side with me, and
sing...with hatred....we're gonna, we're gonna sing a little
song about those motherfuckers. On the count of
four...1...2...
***Crowd Sings***
I think if you did it about half--maybe twice as loud as that
it'd be good. This time we'll all sing with you on
stage, 'cause we all know this song, don't we? Listen to how
quiet it is in here, I like it....okay, feel the hatred...
***Crowd Sings***
That was pretty good, but I still think...I still think
there's no way that those of you who aren't singing haven't
been burned at least once and can muster up the
hatred...maybe Les and I have to do a little solo to get you
excited?
***Les solos***
Alright, here we go. Swear to God, fucking scream it at the
top of your lungs, it's all about...it's all about comradery
at this point in the night. If you let your guard down you
might get that hot girl next to you, she'll think, "Oh, he's
so...comfortable with himself." Otherwise, if you don't
sing, you play the cool card, you're all like, "Yeah,
huh...Howie Day's pretty good, huh? I saw him a couple years ago, it was awesome." That's not the way to do it,
though...GIRLS REACT TO VULNERABILITY.
Bitch fuck, scream it loud, scream it loud, huh huh!


p.s. no response yet. should i wait another week and a half before i view no response as its own response? and wait - why does it matter?

.
status check - tired
background ambiance - "madrigals" howie day


you know, howie's had this song out there for a couple of years now, yet everytime i hear it, i think of when it was called "everyone everything." but then he changed it, because (i believe) it could get confused with "everthing else." but look where things have gone. does he still even play "everything else" anymore?


HEY!!!!!!! each night on the 11 p.m. news, one of the local stations runs the upcoming headlines for various papers. i've started watching lately to see what gets mentioned. and tonight, one of the three was my story! ok, little things amuse me. deal.


anyway, found these tonight and they struck a chord. i have pretty much stopped posting song lyrics in their entirety here, but i thought they were particularly interesting.


standing in the sun


I wanna turn it round for you, don't turn away
I wanna turn it round for you, don't turn away
I know you and I
Shoulda known better
I know you and I
Are turning in
I don't mind
You don't care
If you and I go down
And we come undone
Find us a way out


I wanna turn it round for you, don't turn away
I wanna turn it round for you, don't turn away


Standing in the sun
I should'a gone out there
Standing out but I'm giving in
Well I can't find where I am
Standing on the edge
Of a curtain call
Is it good as done?


I wanna turn it round for you, don't turn away
I wanna turn it round for you, don't turn away


And I'm standing in the sun
I could recall the looks on their faces
I would've turned around for you
For you...


I know you and I could'a done better
I know you and I are turning in
I don't mind if you care
You and I go down
And we come undone
Turn it inside out


I wanna turn it round for you, don't turn away
I wanna turn it round for you, don't turn away
Yeah


Don't don't don't turn away
Don't don't don't turn away
Don't don't don't turn away


red sox won tonight. san diego's winning. yankees lost. perfect.


sleep well. read the paper tomorrow. g'night.

if it ain't broke
status check - exasperated
background ambiance - phones 'n' convos 'n' phones


enlighten me. is this really a recipe for success?


take a talented singer-songwriter.


add a cup of devoted fan base, a quart of touring and a dash of success.


add band.


mix, serve, enjoy.
______________


apparently matt fish isn't going to be touring with matty nay anymore. word is that he's getting married and taking some time off and whatnot - all very good things to hear. while i only saw him perform with nay once, he absolutely rocked. i've never been so in awe of a cellist.


but now the word is that mr. nathanson will be touring this fall with a band.


i am so sick of my favorites turing into frontmen for bands! first mayer sucked out. then mraz got the whole grand show bit (i offer him a slight exemption on the grounds that he's been with ian and toca for ages. they added a few more people). then howie started to look like his band would be a good thing, but now i'm not crazy about it (note to howie: play near me. play "more you understand." thank you.) and now matty nay is going to be fronting a band.


the reason why these guys WORK so well is because they're great musicians who are capable of grabbing the attention of an audience all on their own. it's the combination of voice, guitar, banter - it all works.


why screw it up with adding all this unnecessary stuff? am i being selfish for thinking this? or am i looking at past attempts and realizing that those attempts steal the essence from the music i've come to love?


i'm just so tired of these new bands. leave them at home or in the studio.

all better.
status check - calm
background ambiance - bloody blinkin' bloomin' scanner


it's part of my routine, i suppose. i freak out for ten minutes because i have a lot to do. i convince myself that there's no way i'm going to get it all done. and then, per usual, i get it done. today i think i even did well.


you'd never know from my previous post that i prefer the busy days over the quiet ones.


as a victoria, i feel i have the authority to say i have major issues with bob dylan as the newest singing man to be featured on victoria's secret commercials. come on - bob dylan? if it was jakob, perhaps i could see it. but i had issues with sting and i have even bigger issues with dylan. beyond the basic sell-out aspects of it that should go without saying ...


and, finally, i meant to comment yesterday on the decade that's passed since cobain died. it's funny to think that's it's been (only) ten years (already). i say this because i can remember so vividly what i felt and saw when i heard the news, yet it feels like it happened a lifetime ago. i suppose it feels that way because it has been a lifetime since it happened - i mean, i was what, in junior high. i remember being surprised, but i wasn't a huge nirvana fan at that point (not that i ever really was a huge fan, but i appreciated the music much more later on). but i remember my friend ariana was incredibly upset and we all discussed the fact that we just couldn't believe he was gone. and then i tried to find out everything i could find out about what happened. i felt that i needed to know.


huh.

random
status check -
background ambiance -


a few minutes to kill.


1: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, find line 4. Write down what it says:
"more on ensuring the food was restaurant quality because, and"
2: Stretch your left arm out as far as you can. What do you touch first? a blanket
3: What is the last thing you watched on TV? snippets of letterman
4: WITHOUT LOOKING, guess what time it is: 1:20
5: Now look at the clock, what is the actual time?: 1:24
6: With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?: snow dripping off the building as it melts.
7: When did you last step outside? about ten minutes ago.
8: Before you came to this website, what did you look at? checked my email
9: What are you wearing? red turtleneck, jeans, black boots.
10: Did you dream last night? yes. i recall i thought i was grace from "will & grace" - not debra messing, mind you, but the actual character.
11: When did you last laugh? about an hour and a half ago, during an interview.
12: What is on the walls of the room you are in? lots of things. "cafe terrace at night" print, framed album covers (guster, beatles and billy joel), framed tour poster, unframed tour poster, framed vintage print ("la victoria arduino per caffe espresso), framed photographs, plaque, etc.
13: Seen anything weird lately? yeah. snow. in bloody april.
14: What is the last film you saw? "eternal sunshine of the spotless mind"
15: If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy first? a house for the parentals.
16: tell something about you that most people don't know: i have new kids on the block mp3s.
17: If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do? i have no idea.
18: Do you like to dance? yes.
20: Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her? without the crap of having the name ruined by knowing people? kathryn, caitlyn, something along those lines.
21: Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him? andrew.
22: Would you ever consider living abroad? can i go? please??
23: Say something in a different language: ich habe alles vergessen. es tut mir leid.

sharing the wealth
status check - getting sleepy
background ambiance - "day in the life"


thought i'd be nice.


click on me and be amused through video.


click here and be amused through audio.


and click here to be amused through more audio (that is, if you get the irony of the selection. otherwise, just be impressed.)


ooh, one more! click here, then click on the splash photo, then click on the house with the guitar in the middle. then (i promise, last click) click on the top option. it's worth all the clicking. promise.

a giggle, then a chuckle, then an all-out laugh
status check - laughing me arse off
background ambiance - pthurston's musical movie review - "walking tall"


a good day. a monday. the two rarely go together hand in hand.


yet here come the pair of phrases, not only going hand in hand, but with fingers laced. they're getting along so swimmingly that the two phrases are just about ready to duck into a dark corner and make out.


hmm. so why such a good monday, my dear readers ask in shock. what is it that's made your first day of the workweek so grand and lovely? why the hell can't i get such a great start to my week? why are you hording it all, miss victoria? share with us, dammit!


fine, fine, settle down, friends. i'll share. a little patience, please.


first, the local good news. one of the dearest wabbits in the land will be making a long-anticipated trip to the northern country. i screamed with delight when i heard the news. i'm elated and excited and just all-out can't wait. mostly because i'm very proud of said wabbit, who deserves many congratulatory wishes, many of which i've already given. and the fact that i learned of this shortly before heading to work made my approaching hours of labor all that much better.


then, after conducting a typical afternoon of meetings and calls and all of that fun stuff, i managed to track down information about a story no one thought i'd be able to get at 9 p.m. haha - i got it. sure, it's only a brief. sure, my name won't be attached. but i got it and it's running tomorrow. i was rewarded with a "hey, nice job. way to go." and those words brought me the great joy. hurrah!


then i arrive home and check email, per usual. find a mailing list message from the westie musician friend. new album to buy soon, which makes me happy. and reference to a pin that i must purchase. there is little that could top my (now lost, soon to be re-purchased) jmraz "i <3 sex" pin. but i think a "pete thurston thinks i'm hot" pin just might be able to do it. or perhaps the two will work well together, creating a harmony of san diego singer songwriter goodness i can display somewhere on my person (or my purse). yes, i would proudly proclaim the message of a pair of horny singer-songwriters.


and THEN i check the aforementioned sex-lovin' fellow's site to find a new journal entry. while this would be the icing on the proverbial cake anyway, this particular entry was all too perfect an end to such a lovely day. i typically link or just make reference to the entries, but i feel the need to post it in its delightful entirety (editor's note: please be aware that the converse to which he refers are, i believe, the pair he acquired in a shoe trade he made with a fan in manila. if i'm wrong, my apologies but hey, like you'd know anyway. so assume i'm right. and if i AM right, don't say a bloody word. i know, i know.)


wednesday march 31. airport shoe stimulation


Is it possible for shoestrings to be defective? What would be the grounds for returning them or filing a claim? Indeed, they are still strings of equal length with no strays or frayed edges. I should add they are actually one string, wound through a series of punched holes reaching the top in unison, grasping arms in harmony and protecting the foot by safely sealing the canvas of the shoe at the ankle. I’m only having a problem with the left shoelaces. You’d think they’d learn from watching the other how simple their job is. Unfortunately, the left foot rebels and demands much of my attention. Each time I bend down to tie them in a pretty bow I swear it will be the last. I try pulling the bow taught to one side and even tucking in the excess lace into the crevasse between my sock and shoe. I try the double-bow method and use as much of the remaining material in the tie itself. Still I get nothing. No reward of stability. I swear I’ll die tying. The time has come to rest this hectic exercise and either give it one hell of a knot and force the shoe to become a permanent slipper or break down and suck up having to have that new laces look. Whatever the cost, I’m not giving up these shoes. They’re my favorite tattered pre-worn converse that I scored in Manila and they’ve already taken me everywhere. Oh, What it’s like to walk in another man’s shoes. From airport to airport to airport we go, my shoes and I, and with a comfortable bounce we are able to bypass the stresses that one usually finds in connecting terminals, especially when those said flights are running behind. With these shoes I find my stride. With these shoes I thee glide. With these laces however, I’m losing my mind. I wonder if my right leg is actually stepping on the laces of the left and untying them, but looking down all the time, concentrating on the converse, kind of defeats the purpose of the carefree casual stroll. With that said, I realize it is my right side pulling on the left. I never noticed how clumsy I tend to walk. Does my right foot just love the other so much that it constantly brushes up against it in some kind of erotic foot fetish activity? Is my subconscious revealing to me just how much I love myself? Is one leg shorter than the other? My mind is frantic with questions all of a sudden. Perhaps the nerves in my feet are the end of the line from what starts in my brain… I need a pedicure.


And where is my plane?

the best news i could hear today
status check - elated
background ambiance - beth on the celly


BETH WAS OFFERED THE JOB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


this absolutely RULES! gold star for miss elizabeth!

fuck you, charlie kaufman
status check - ajkdfjlejaijv
background ambiance - raindrops


saw "eternal sunshine" today. movie = absolutely fucking brilliant. i could not rave enough about this movie, so i won't even try.


seeing it this afternoon was, however, not exactly the most brilliant of decisions i've made. after such a mindfuck kind of movie, to walk outside in april and see rain/snow/sleet, to see cars in daylight with every headlight on, only messes with one's head even more. and considering the "delete" concept i examined a couple of posts ago, my head was ready to explode as i walked back to my car. it's totally messed with me.


pro: i love mindfuck movies. and i knew that's what i was going to see. and i love charlie kaufman's work - this is by far his best (considering how much i loved "adaptation" and "being john malkovich," i wasn't sure if this could top them). jim carrey blew me away and kate winslet is once again right back in my top 5 favorite actresses. she made the film.


con: i shouldn't have gone to see it this weekend. really shouldn't have.


AURGH!!!!!!!!! i'm hoping to just relax for a few and let my mind try to process.


doubt i'll have much luck.

p.s.
status check - amused
background ambiance - still bushwalla


after my overly dramatic description of deleting phone numbers (perhaps i'm meant to write for soap operas or 7th heaven?), i did come across something ridiculously funny to me.


an email, subject titled "greetings and good luck," that i wrote my now-favorite musician after listening to the free sampler i'd been sent back in october 2002. before i listened to wfmrtc and way before iota, back when i would cue up "the remedy" so the intro would kick in as the metro approached my station each morning.


it's always funny to read about my first impressions of someone who would eventually become a staple in my music collection.


i know, i'm a dork.

cleaning house
status check - nostalgic
background ambiance - bush w what?


saw the most random person while walking on church street late this morning. or, rather, saw the most random handbag. i've adopted a new phrase, which will be used at any point when something doesn't go quite according to plan.


as i was feeling lazy for much of the day, i decided to resume going through boxes and envelopes that have accumulated over the past several years. i always throw everything into boxes when i move out of somewhere and never fully go through them. these mementos are, therefore, lugged from place to place and i have no idea of what's actually in them. so i've decided to work on my pack-rat ways and get rid of some of the things that don't hold particular significance (i'm sorry, do i really need a copy of the metro bus schedule for a line i never used?).


after a bit of going through things, i decided to finish a task i've meant to do for ages that would have a far more immediate completion. so i finally went through the cell phone and deleted the numbers i never use. i know, it doesn't sound like much, but as i contemplated deleting each number, memories flashed back and made me feel like i wanted to call each person, just to say hi or something.


one number - memories of comparing notes on jeff buckley and howie day while working and watching cnn. laughing as i walked into work and prepared to give the first of my two tours that day. "hi, ok, bye!"
delete.


another - navigating through a crowded bar, looking for a face i hadn't seen in almost five years. wondering if i'd still recognize it and what on earth you say to catch someone up on how you've been since high school. realizing just how far off your predictions are when you're the big fish in little high school ponds.
delete.


one, two, three - realizing they never knew me, nor did i really know them.
delete.


a confidence boost when i needed it most - a ray of sunshine whenever he'd enter a room. pub hopping with our group, we wound up in a whole other bar from the others and carried on a fascinating buzzed discussion. i still don't know what the name of the bar was.
delete.


but the final unnecessary number was the hardest to get rid of. i didn't know if it even worked anymore, as i hadn't used it since a november night almost a year and a half ago. what i'd thought was the beginning of a friendship became ... well, awkward and strained. it would be easy to get rid of it if i didn't think of when it was first used and what the person was like at the time. a reassuring conversation while i attended the o'neill, phone tag when i moved to d.c. a message saying he was around my old stomping grounds and wanted to send me good luck wishes.


but that's different now - the number's probably different now, too. but i'll never call it, because i don't think i should.


delete.

edited.
status check - la la lovely
background ambiance - bushwalla & tprettyman, "november"


last night was one of those nights where (almost) everything feels right. laughing, drinking, spending time with friends around tables, on the dance floor and sharing the mic.


beyond the craziness of trying to meet up with everyone and whatnot, the evening went smoothly - better than smoothly, actually. johnoghue snagged some great seats for everyone at nectar's and we enjoyed a decent averi set that was enhanced by the fact that chad heeded my requested favor and wished becca a happy birthday shortly before "this liminal life." that part could not have worked out any better. i'd hoped to thank chad after the set, but that didn't work out. i think he knew i appreciated it - i KNOW he knew becca did.


the set was good, but i think our group was what made the night so fun. we were the few bodies on the dance floor, we were rocking out from our seats - we were just there to have a good time. others should have taken note. it was strange - it definitely came across to people from when we got there that the sense of looking forward to the evening was not shared. fine. but if you're going to be in an odd mood, don't come over and make me feel like i forced you to. don't give me a hug, just say hi or don't say anything at all. frankly, if it comes across to several people that you don't look like you want to be somewhere, you either shouldn't be there or you should make the best of it and have fun. to think that i had to briefly wonder what was really being thought about the crowd at the metronome show is sad.


but i had fun. my friends had fun. and, frankly, that's all that matters. stu walked by at one point and i was able to tell him that i thought he played a great set and he grinned and thanked me for saying it and thanked me for coming. when becca spoke with michael, he wished her a happy birthday and chatted with her for a few minuets. those little gestures are marks of good performers. chad should take note.


i'd been looking forward to seeing averi with my friends. turned out that i had a blast spending time with my friends while averi performed. and that's the way it should be.


moved on to manhattan's a little while after averi finished up (but not before becca made me proud - and chatted up the antisocial one), where we ran into more people (liz! mary! phil! work peeps!), continued the debauchery and, on a couple of occasions, rocked the keraoke (good god i can never spell it) mic. john and i continued the tradition of singing "babylon" and beth, michelle and i paid tribute to whitesnake (and matty nay) with "here i go again." we enjoyed our first fan waving a lighter in the air. we're rockstars, i tell you.

london, vermont
status check - pleased
background ambiance - discussion about literature (what a lovely change!)


the waning hours of the workweek - ah. in just a few hours, i'll be free to relax, have fun, listen to music and otherwise carry on. it's a good feeling to have.


it's been overcast/drizzly for the past couple of days, most noticeably today. it looks like what i imagine london to be. i'd prefer sunshine, but this isn't bad, either.


averi tonight. fun times are to be had.

yawn
status check - exhausted and proud
background ambiance - letterman


good god, i worked my arse off today. there should be a couple of stories by yours truly in the paper tomorrow, so look for them.


and i have one more big story to do before the week is out ... well, big in terms of trying to get it all done. big as in gigantic ... titanic, even.


you can tell when i'm exhausted when even i don't find the groan-enducing humor of such wretched puns as that. sleep = very necessary. g'night, sleep well.

NEAH!!!!
status check - aggravated
background ambiance - the blasted scanner


is there a tactful way of saying, "hi, thanks for approaching me about a story, but i can't talk right now, as my interview is WALKING OUT THE DOOR"?


if so, please enlighten me.


aurgh.

according to nectar's ...
status check - tentatively happy
background ambiance - phone interview a few desks away


according to nectar's, who only had a second to talk, averi's going on at 9 tomorrow night. no cover. hurrah!

listen.
status check - impressed
background ambiance - bushwalla show recording


you must go to the live archives and find the 8.15.03 bushwalla show. at that point, you must download track 7 (but make sure to download the md5 file first!) and listen to it immediately. billy & tristan prettyman pairing up for "november."


absolutely amazing - and yet another example of how incredible music is waiting for me on the opposite side of the country. must get out there.

april arrives.
status check - rushed
background ambiance - wind and rain


my parents had mentioned coming up today at some point last weekend, but i didn't think anything of it, as i hadn't had a chance to speak to them again until last night. but, sure enough, they were fully intending a visit to bring my various necessities i couldn't bring up on my own last time i was home. while having the tv and odds and ends on hand, it makes for a rushed morning when i oversleep and realize i must clean clean clean ...


nevertheless. when did april arrive? (ok, no smart arse responses of "well, at about midnight, actually.") the next two days will consist of me running around frantically, trying to complete the 45 million stories that will (hopefully) run early next week. while i'm happy that tomorrow's averi show is really only a day and a half away, it feels like eons - so much to do between now and then. i'll earn the right to rock out with my friends, that's for sure.


i've still been asked about what the deal is with the show. truth is, i don't know. as i said, i emailed chad, but have yet to hear from him. i'm calling nectar's today when i get into work to inquire. as far as i go, i'm working til 8, but will try to duck out a little early (hopefully 7:30) and will be able to meet everyone at nectar's. if you're planning on getting into town before the show, send me an email and we'll chat about it today.


sounds like everyone's looking forward to the evening - sounds like everyone's earned the right to enjoy him/herself! good times.


ok, back to cleaning. but i leave you with my traditional april 1 bit of lyrical wisdom. be well.


oh what a shame that your
pockets did bleed on st. valentine's
and you sat in a chair thinking
boy i'm such a prince!
well life's a train that goes
from february on day by day
but its making a stop on april first


chorus:
and you will believe in love
and all that it's supposed to be
but just until the fish start to smell
and you're struck down by a hammer


sure you were swift when
the handsome greek boys
dropped by with gifts
you are suave thanks to
ribbons that opened sesame
but in the stars and closer
to home in every planet
it ain't hard for me and
dear jojo to see


(chorus)


so let it all go by looking at the sky
wondering if there are clouds and stuff in hell
- rufus wainwright, april fools