catching up

for those who didn't make it over to the lj side, i figured i'd update this with my written rambling for the last week or so. for your consumption and my archives.

enjoy.

xoxoxo - v.

p.s.

to: beth
from: victoria
re: message

huh???
--------------------------------

back when the buzz back was the buzz [Mar. 24th, 2004|04:21 pm]
[ status check - | ancient ]
[ background ambiance - | ben folds five is playing in my head ]

imagine my shock this afternoon to head to the grocery store cranking the buzz - not realizing that it was, in fact, the buzz's "buzz back lunch." (for those not in the buzz know, 99.9 fm up in hea) now why i didn't realize it is the alarming part. because i was rocking and singing along to ben folds five (army), the cranberries (zombie), live (i alone) and the like.

when did songs i remember from high school and college become dated and retro-like? and, as a result, when did i become retro? when did i get old(er)?

nevertheless. i have embraced jet as my "i don't give a damn, i'm rocking out" band of late - "cold-hearted bitch" is a great rock song and you can't deny it - and contemplating picking up an elbow album. recommendations are welcomed.

only took me a year to re-realize ... [Mar. 24th, 2004|10:30 am]
[ status check - | shocked ]
[ background ambiance - | mraz - the darkest space ]

first, good news in the etherphyte realm - the site is back up. check it out. i've always liked etherphyte - never much of a poster, but i tend to lurk from time to time. it's good to see where that old gang is and what people are up to. thanks to rewt for the heads up.

after that, i was looking through my blog archives and came across something shocking. terrible. so disappointing. from 11.16.01

in other news, i found a bunch of new music yesterday. gabe dixon band, god street wine, ari hest, jason mraz, stephen speaks, onelinedrawing...very excited about it!

now i know i downloaded mraz before i knew who he was and how brilliant he was. i realized this when i went through my "new stuff to listen to" folder (pre-electronic labotomy) and found mraz mp3s, to my utter shock. but i made reference to him in my blog and never realized it until now? apparently i listened to the mp3s, but i didn't realize how great the music is until about a year later???

oy. so much wasted time. hehehe.

game on [Mar. 23rd, 2004|11:03 pm]
[ status check - | geeky ]
[ background ambiance - | bushwalla & jmraz - jesus bo bezus ]

for all those anxiously awaiting confirmation of the nectar's gig, let me be the first to alert you to the fact that the show is confirmed on the venue web site.

let the dual birthday celebration preparation officially begin. good times!

you may now return to your tuesday evening while i sing myself to sleep.

bush w what?

honeysuckle whore [Mar. 23rd, 2004|10:38 pm]
[ status check - | feisty ]
[ background ambiance - | captain obvious theme song (words? there are words?) ]

open up the cracker jack box, take out the secret spy glasses, and read between the fucking lines!

the ying for the previous yang [Mar. 23rd, 2004|07:58 pm]
[ status check - | amused ]
[ background ambiance - | i wish i was listening to rilo kiley ... ]

to balance my previous deep, soul-searching post, i offer this bit of superficiality. just to keep you guessing. hell has frozen over, as hd updated his rj. i think it's a march thing. generally gives it about a year, then updates. i found it amusing, considering yesterday's rambling about days gone by. sounds happy (happy or Happy?), and he reaffirmed my belief that everyone needs to do a better job including shiznit in their lives.

what's meant to be will be was said by some other man to make himself feel better [Mar. 23rd, 2004|05:51 pm]
[ status check - | enlightened ]
[ background ambiance - | snow-related accident reports on the scanner ]

as i drove through today's gray afternoon, sipping the first decent french vanilla iced coffee of the season (i <3 thee, dunkies), i listened to a long-forgotten mix cd i came across in a frantic car-cleaning session (parents visited last night and stayed until today). i laughed when i heard the first strains of "the sweater song" and realized i still didn't know the damn second verse to "daffodils." i know it better than i did the night at metronome, at least. it's all about taking steps.

it's been a good couple of days, although quite random, i should say. while happy to have company in parental form, i felt badly for having to maintain my odd schedule while they relaxed in my apartment. while my schedule, however odd, is generally pretty set in its ways - whenever i'm not anticipating company. last night i received a press release about a fatal at five of ten, then was on hold waiting to talk to a hospital for fifteen minutes. i was not amused. and today i had a meeting an hour earlier than i usually head into work. my guests, naturally, understood and we enjoyed our brief visits nonetheless. they were awarded extra bonus points for bringing my bike (although with the snow falling again, i expect to use it in august - maybe) and the unexpected gift of a new toaster oven. yeah gardenburgers and veggie nuggets!

i slept last night without pulling a judy garland - i'm making insomnia my bitch. today has been productive - the day racing by (she says this fully aware of the fact that time will, from this point on, drag). i'm doing my best to not be bitter about the thick snowflakes, instead smiling because i'm not on 89 this time. and listening to the accidents come in on the scanner.

i'm determined to excise demons in the coming days. it was prompted by the realization of my own foolishness, confirmed by reading words i stumbled across yesterday.

waiting to rush about and race deadline, i looked around online, clicking a link here and there until i stared at my own thoughts, written by someone i've never met and with whom i will likely never speak. some of the details were vastly different, but the core emotions, hopes and fears were exactly the same. i spent the next hour reading voraciously, realizing the author of these echoed thoughts was, in many respects, in the same place as i am and have been (emotionally, at least). and has damn good taste in music, which didn't hurt. it made me realize the waste of time and thought in which i incessently partake with hopeless infatuations. save my energy, save my strength. maintain my childlike wonder and optimism, but maintain it for something worth focusing on.

it felt good to realize. now i just have to do it. the easy part, right? indeed.

like [Mar. 22nd, 2004|07:09 pm]
[ status check - | thoughtful ]
[ background ambiance - | a's "telephone voice" across the room. ]

whoa.

new to you maybe ... [Mar. 22nd, 2004|05:39 pm]
[ status check - | reflective ]
[ background ambiance - | clickedy click of the keyboard keys ]

shortly before turning onto 89 (and into the blizzard waiting ahead) yesterday, i listened to wbos fade into static. but before i completely lost signal, i experienced one of those moments of joy that have popped up with increasing frequency lately.

i heard familiar guitar chords and raced to place them in my mind when the dj mentioned that the musician had just been in town recently and that this was the newest off his major label debut. "here's 'suspended' by matt nathanson."

while i had my window down (as it was still warm in new hampshire, thank god), i'm glad my fellow travelers did not. because i squealed and cranked up the radio, singing along. i think hearing one of your favorite musicians on the radio for the first time is one of my favorite musical moments. they haven't blown up and gained stardom, but they're still getting radio play and you can bask in the glow of knowing all the touring and recording is starting to pay off. while those unfamiliar with the musician could perk up their ears at an intriguing new sound, you know the words by heart and recall singing along in a club somewhere, downloading shows and laughing over road journal posts.

after the first radio play is over, i'd prefer for them to return to where they were before, but it never happens that way. but at least you can recall realizing how significant that first radio play was.

i thought of this later, mid-storm, when i popped a cd into the stereo without looking at it and realized i was listening to a 2000 howie show for the first time in years. i listened to the 19-year-old boy with funny hair sing while on cold medication and grinned like a fool. i sang along with songs i love but, at the time, didn't think i liked and laughed at the banter he offered between every song. talking about learning to use the pedal he'd recently purchased and asking the audience if anyone knew how "slow down" started because, in his medicated state, he couldn't remember.

i miss shows like that.

musically minded [Mar. 22nd, 2004|02:51 pm]
[ status check - | productive ]
[ background ambiance - | the scanner - up and running again. ]

well, i'm not going to coachella on eqx's dollar, i discovered today. kansas beat my pacific tigers in the second round. bollocks. one contest opportunity remains, but the odds are slim to none. c'est la vie.

speaking of concerts, i have no idea of what the hell is going on with the nectar's show. according to averi's site, the show's on and they're playing with spookie daly parade. according to the nectar's and sdp site, spd is palying with honey roasted nuts and doors open at 9. according to hrn's site, they're playing at 8. needless to say, i have no clue of what's going on with it - i have a feeling no one else really knows what the deal is either. if i was feeling more ambitious, i'd email nectar's or something. but i'm not right now and hey, the show is two weeks away. it'll get figured out. i won't email the band because much as i love their music, far too many times i've relied on info on the web site and learned the error of my ways at the venue (ex: arriving and shivering at the living room before the band showed up). we'll see what happens.

speaking of averi, check out the new front page on the site. they played. looks good.

what i would give for five minutes and a pair of scissors.

for your enjoyment. [Mar. 21st, 2004|10:35 pm]
[ status check - | medicated ]
[ background ambiance - | steve poltz - california ]

i started to fill out this whole survey thing. got bored, lost interest. c'est la vie. you'll live.

but i offer a consolation gift - a consolation gift much better than the original gift.

( listen and thank me later. )

with that, feeling very judy garland, i drift off to sleep.

kisses - v.

ich liebe boston. [Mar. 21st, 2004|08:24 pm]
[ status check - | happy ]
[ background ambiance - | tv - american dreams ]

early yesterday afternoon, i walked down a street in chinatown, feeling melting snow drip onto my head from the ornate tower that stood behind me. as i chatted with tom, we came upon a corner market. people moved from box to box, inspecting piles of oranges, mesh bags of nuts and packages of spinach. dozens of conversations mingled together, many in languages i did not understand.

we continued past the market, looking at the white signs with red chinese figures on them. i watched an older woman pick up an orange and draw it close to her face. after a careful once-over, she put it back, repeating the procedure with another.

as i observed this, without the knowledge of today's winter wonderdoom, i smiled and felt a flush of happiness spread across my face. a small moment in a delightful spring afternoon full of conversation, laughter and exploration of city streets.

while heading to davis square on the t later, we spoke of the realization that comes with age, that a brother or sister is a friend more than just a sibling. we spoke of how grand it will be when i progress to boston journalism life and we can meet up for coffee on a weekly basis and chat. we joked of how the family will finally make the complete progression back to the area from which it came. i rested my head on his shoulder, happy to be able to laugh with my brother in person.

i wanted to spend time this weekend wandering the city, relaxing and chatting. tom's impromptu schedule catered to those needs perfectly. vegetarian goodness for lunch at the south street diner (including what i now call "the five dollar shake on sale"), a walk around and a chance to see emerson (i stress again, see "true west" when it goes up). seeing his enthusiasm over showing me the partisians statue and being equally amazed by the piece. returning to davis square and taking him on in my first games of candlepin bowling since i was four. and winning one, despite the fact that it looked more like i was pitching softball again than bowling. sipping coffee at the someday cafe before heading home. "don't squeeze the shaman." it was the best afternoon i've had in ages. i can't wait to visit again. as long as he can deal with me. ;)

steve poltz brings me joy. stopped at newbury comics on the way home (naturally) and found, to my delight, a copy of "chinese vacation." who else could write a haunting song called "i killed water matheau," i ask? and he covers tlc's "waterfalls" - left eye's rap and all. and it's amazing. my envy of pete seeing him perform (with the rest of the rugburns, no less!) last week increased tenfold.

heading home this afternoon, i drove through the snow and wondered how people could be so foolish. 89 in snow? of course you'll race by me now and wind up in a ditch later. what did you expect?

blah blah blah [Mar. 19th, 2004|10:54 pm]
[ status check - | medicated ]
[ background ambiance - | ben folds - someone always cooler than you ]

some sleep medicine and a couple of phone conversations later, i am ready to float away to dreamland. i'm as ready for tomorrow's trip as one can be - that is, without packing and all - and looking forward to hitting the open road with a full tank of gas, a box of cds to sing along to and - ah yes - a skyline to blow a kiss to.

here's to adventure, wandering and the weekend to come.

pro and con [Mar. 19th, 2004|04:58 pm]
[ status check - | listless ]
[ background ambiance - | police scanner on the fritz ]

pro: while i love hearing response about stories i've written from readers/friends/etc., there's nothing quite as satisfying and a completley unprompted compliment about a story from a colleague. since i'm the newest (and youngest) on staff, it's grand to hear one of the writers i respect and admire tell me they enjoyed my work. especially when it's about my review (which, i'll say, i wasn't overly satisfied with, but all in all thought was pretty ok) and i'm told i should do those more often. damn straight!!!! i needed that today - especially since that story's editor continues to ignore my existance. whatever, dude.

con: someone hit my car today. either while i was at home or in the gas station. fortunately only hit the back bumper. not enough damage that i can't drive (so road trip is still on, baby!), but enough that i think i'm going to have to either have the bumper repaired or replaced next week. and whoever did it didn't even leave a note. bastard. i have enough shit to deal with.

but anyway. three more hours until i head home, clean, pack, sleep (ithinkicanithinkican), rise and hit the open road! nothing will stand between me and my favorite skyline except a few hours, miles of road, and a stop at panera along the way for a frozen coffee drink* and a bagel. good times.

* many thanks to panera bread execs for brining your delights, one of my favorite dc treats - closer to me - lebanon is still a bit far away, though. make that last push. set up shop in burlington. thank you. xoxox - v

it's all the good that won't come out of me ... [Mar. 19th, 2004|03:12 pm]
[ status check - | listless ]
[ background ambiance - | scanner and printer noises ]

the past few days have been filled with posts decidedly unenthusiastic. i know they don't make for the most cheery of reads (and, to be honest, i have felt more like a secondary character in a dreary 18th century british novel where it's always raining and everyone dies of a cold). but things are dreary and posts reflect.

the thing is that nothing is really going horribly wrong. i could deal with that easily. remedy the situation and move on or just ride out the bad stuff and wait for the good. but i've felt the past week has consisted of watching situations crumble, each event collapsing onto another and another. little things that are largely imperceptible to others that just frustrate the hell out of me.

a few examples: the need to find a new place. realizing my car is pretty much on its last legs. feeling lethargic. sleep patterns with no pattern whatsoever. the random oblivious editor. writer's block. planning for events that probably won't happen. long days, longer nights.

when someone asks, "hey, how's it going?" i can't say things are going poorly. there's nothing significant fouling things up. but i can't say i'm doing particularly well. as i sit here, working my last five hours of the week, i wear my glasses because my eyes are exhausted. i'm in decidedly comfy wear (although i do think, for my current situation, i look rather cute - i have to find some silver lining) because i hadn't the energy to iron or search through the wardrobe. i have an apartment to clean when i get home and a bag to pack for tomorrow's trip. cleaning my car won't happen, as i'd hoped. and the back bumper's making me nervous.

i think this weekend will be a last blast of sorts. when i return, i must begin my burlington rejuvenation process. grow stronger in mind, body and spirit and organize this mess my life has descended into. find a spark to light things up. and have fun this weekend with friends and relaxation. it's going to be fun. i'm going to have fun. and things are going to shape up.

1 a.m. [Mar. 19th, 2004|01:04 am]
[ status check - | awake ]
[ background ambiance - | silence ]

Life is something that happens when you can't get to sleep. ~Fran Lebowitz

as i lay in bed, staring at the walls, the ceiling, the window on the opposite end of my room, i started wondering if there was a reason i was still awake. i dozed briefly this evening, about a half hour's worth of slumber curled up on my couch in the living room while the tv droned on. when i woke up, the exhaustion continued, but little else.

i remember reading - or imagining or dreaming - of writers who spent their sleepless nights huddled over a notebook or manuscript, scribbling off new lines of work. perhaps i'm meant to start this myself. who knows what else it could be ... i'd like to think there's some creatively satisfying reason.

ok then. a deal. i'll give in to the midnight muses. as long as it's not tonight. as long as i can finally rest my head on the pillow and just leave consciousness for awhile. make that happen and then i'll do whatever i'm supposed to.

i have a feeling i'll be pouring nyquil into a shotglass tomorrow night. bollocks.

insomnia - the cheap girl's liquor [Mar. 18th, 2004|06:03 pm]
[ status check - | crazy ]
[ background ambiance - | police scanner ]

6 p.m. and still going strong. well, perhaps strong is a slightly exaggerated word choice. does it matter? i didn't think so either.

it's appropriate to be in the newsroom as the no-sleep feelings rush back for the first time since college. i remember this during defender mondays, as i tried proofing and writing and whatever else as the loopy haze fills my head. it is just about as much fun now as it was then.

i'm currently waiting for comments on my review. i continued my trend of totally pysching myself out as i prepared to write - truth be told, i was busy thinking about what i would/should/could write last night while i was supposed to be enjoying some short-lived REM cycles. the feeling continued as i raced deadline this evening, earning surprisngly nasty glances from my editor as i tried to phrase things properly. hey, i tried to get out of the conference today and wait, i'm helping you out. a "thank you" would make the glares so much more acceptable.

but who am i to bitch? just a writer monkey feeling drunk. looking forward to (hopefully) getting out a little early tonight, enjoying some dinner and curling up under the covers for a long winter/spring/whatever's nap. soon. soon.

hey! damien rice's performance at higher ground will actually be at higher ground! according to the website, shows will continue there until at least april 25. see? anything can happen. maybe pacific will win the ncaa and i'll win the coachella tickets or a million dollars or whatever.

maybe i should not write while incoherent. yeah.

new high, low? [Mar. 18th, 2004|07:17 am]
[ status check - | loopy ]
[ background ambiance - | sell out - reel big fish ]

my alarm went off this morning at 6:30 and i had to start the day, which is filled with a conference i don't really want to go to (and tried to get out of last night), a review i need to write and the other requirements of my job.

surprisingly, i had no problem getting out of bed that early.

i think it had something to do with the fact that my insomnia dealt me its harshest blow yet.

i did not sleep last night. at all.

time for a fun day! whee!!!!

hurry up and wait [Mar. 18th, 2004|12:06 am]
[ status check - | sleepy ]
[ background ambiance - | bushwalla - say anything game (with jmraz & pthurston) ]

today was an exercise in patience, followed by the frenzy to get everything done in the most narrow of possible timeframes. such is life. such is deadline.

after waiting and cursing with frustration, i heard from police officials about a story i was working on. or trying to work on, as the case was. my patience (in a manner of speaking) was rewarded, as i received much more information than i would have anticipated.

but as i began to compose a story out of the facts presented, i realized i had to run off to the play i was reviewing. yes, i was reviewing a play - hurrah! about damn time. but there's a catch - i was playing guinea pig to a new system they're trying to put into place. so instead of just writing the review tomorrow, i wrote a short blurb when i returned tonight. that'll be on web in the morning. the full review will be in the paper friday. just need to, well, write it.

so i raced back to write the blurb, finish my cop story and make all the necessary end-of-night calls. a whole lot of running around while the rest of the normal world was celebrating st. patrick's day and their irish heritage (whether real or imagined is anyone's guess and, frankly, it doesn't matter). it was strange to be sober in burlington for st. patty's. i wasn't overly fond of it. making a note for next year and looking forward to the parade in southie on sunday.

now i sit, my adapted sleep schedule already bitching about my need to be at the paper at 8 a.m. tomorrow (later today?). one-day conference to attend. review to write in the car (i hope). then ride out the rest of the day and grumble about attending work friday. i'm determined to get the 2nd off so we can relax before hitting up the boston band at nectar's. i should have just taken the overtime.

c'est la vie.

speaking of friday. revised weekend plans. leaving here early saturday. mofa and wandering with tom for part of the day, after that, not sure (that's where you massachusetts types come in). returning sunday mid-afternoon. hopes: relaxation, wandering, fun. discuss.