Pssst psst ssssss pssst

Whispers. They drive me nuts. Hate them. Loathe them.

I'm not talking about your standard asides - when you're in a crowded room and the background noise is pulsing so loudly that you couldn't hear the words unless they were softly spoken directly into your ear. Or the coy flirtation. Those are fine. Whispers, yes, but acceptable.

I'm talking about sitting in a room with a very small group of people, and two of the people start to whisper back and forth. So softly that you just hear the hiss of the s words and air wheezing through.

Pisses me off like you would not believe. All the more so when I thought I was carrying on a conversation with one of the whispering parties.

The whisper is rude because it invariably creates an awkward situation. If I'm speaking and the whisper kicks in, I feel out of line, continuing my end of the conversation. If my voice continues to dominate the space, the person being whispered to won't be able to hear the other individual. Which means the other individual will have to keep on whispering. It is my duty as a considerate human being to cease my talking to allow the whispered conversation to carry on.

So most often I'll stop. Pause. Silence fills the air, broken only by that hissing air. Most often, one or both of the whispering parties will give me an odd expression, surprised that I stopped my thought half-way through.

Do I continue? The moment has been broken - whatever I was saying suddenly seems all the less interesting. If I continue, it's only to try to play off the interruption. I will, of course, feel awkward about it and nonplussed about not being as interesting as I thought I was.

If I don't, it becomes an issue. Oh, V's mad that she was interrupted. Drama, drama, drama. "No, it's cool. You guys can go ahead." But wait - I'm not supposed to be in on the conversation. Would you like me to leave? Would you like to call me back when you're through? I can easily go wait in another room. If it'll be a lengthy discourse, I'm happy to go for a walk.

Inevitably, the whispers seem to occur most often when I'm already feeling snippy. Perhaps they wouldn't bother me as much on a better day. But when I'm already feeling down, the whispers make me want to pick up something and throw it against a wall.

IF YOU WRITE NOTES, I WON'T HAVE TO HEAR IT.