Cruiser Envy

School smell. Part bleach, musty lockered clothing, chalk (even in this era of dry erase boards) and rubber. No matter what school, the first steps inside hit the nose with the smell that brings you right back to schoolage angst.

You revert to worries that you wouldn't have anyone to sit with you at lunch and you want to be on your best behavior to save the trip to the principal's office.

The classroom was filled with junior high students, each sitting with legs stretched out beneath the desk ahead. Were I back in the day, I would have slid into a set about two thirds of the way back and pulled out a notebook. Maybe even started right in on the latest note to Cortni, written with emerald green ink.

The small stool at the front of the classroom was for me. I was speaking at a Career Day and I had no idea of what the hell I was going to say.

A police cruiser had been parked out front, and I imagined the officer leading a group of eager youngsters around the vehicle. "Look, here's the radio. Oh, and this is where I keep my firearm!" Ooh, that's cool.

As I began to speak to the class, I realized I had cruiser envy. I didn't have any cool props to show off.

"Hey, guys, what's up?" I began. I figured my age - read: I was a youngin' in comparison to many of the other CD types - could be an advantage. Relate to the younger audience. I started off with a short bit about myself - 24, went to college around here, have been doing this for - yadda yadda.

Around that point was when I saw the first set of eyes - third row from my left, four seats back - fly to the clock. I wanted to laugh. Oh, boy, just you wait. I've got 36 minutes left.

The first group was great. Once they got past the awkwardness of asking the first question, they had some great things they wanted to know and they actually seemed interested in my responses. I even got some laughs. From junior high kids! Huzzah!

The second group? Too cool for school kids. One made a paper airplane. Others rolled their eyes. I wanted to point them out and say, "Listen, chica, I know you. You're the Bethany of this class and I've already dealt with you once in my life. And I know where you're going to end up! You're going to grow up and you're not going to be as cool as you thought you were!"

But I thought that might get me kicked out of Career Day and sent down to the office. So I refrained.

As I wrapped up the second session and chatted with the teacher, I thought about how much I'd sucked out. I continued berating myself as I walked down the hallway, down the stairs and out the door. The police officer was showing the kids the cruiser.

Grrrr.

One of the students from the first session was in this group, and she happened to turn as I walked by. She grinned and waved wildly at me. I smiled and waved back.

Whoa. Maybe I wasn't that bad after all. A wave from a junior high student is pretty damn impressive.