i just went for a walk around the academic buildings to check out some labs, and found myself standing in the portico right outside cheray. i stopped for a moment because the cold air felt great and helped wake me up a bit (three hours sitting at a computer waiting for phones to ring gets rather monotonous), and as i looked at the academic quad, it hit me that i'm graduating in exactly three months. and, while it's been on my mind constantly over the course of this year, it hit me that it feels (in some respects) like yesterday that i looked at the academic quad thinking that i would be spending four years on this campus. and how i couldn't imagine being here that long. the brick buildings were foreign to me and, because of that, they were intimidating. and i wondered who worked in the offices, who attended the classes and how things would turn out for me here.

now i realize that in approximately 90 days, i'm going to have to leave and find myself in a new environment of imposing buildings, unknown offices and people i've never met.

three months, and i don't have job prospects (yet), i have no idea of where i want to live, and the career choice i think i want to go into (theatre criticism) is one where there isn't really a big market unless i can crack into a paper in a city with a thriving theatre scene. or i can just do regular journalism, but i'm so exhausted with it (with d and f--i know i don't want to do sports) that it's not nearly as appealing as it used to be. maybe i just need a new scene and whatnot to get the thrill back, but because i've been editing, i haven't had a chance to really report anything for the past year and i wonder how many good stories i could have written in that span of time, instead of sitting in front of a computer fixing typos and lining boxes up in quark.

during a random little argument with my father last semester, he made a comment about how i'm too sensitive and that if i'm going to be a journalist, i need to develop a thicker skin. i shrugged it off at first because i knew he didn't mean i wasn't cut out to be a reporter, he was just mad. but the thought is in my head now, and i wonder if he was right. do i have what it takes to fight to get an interview? can i get into a story enough to spend hours researching a story? do i have what it takes?

i used to say yes without blinking, but now i'm not so sure. i know i've said it before, but i feel like i'm 21 going on 45, an old, jaded veteran of journalism. i need to get back into it again--find the reason i wanted to get into journalism in the first place. because right now, i'm just going from task to task, going through the motions to be done with my day so i can start it up again. i didn't even feel a big rush when i saw my byline in the f the second time--the first time, i admit, i really did, i thought that was snazzy.

what i think i need is to have one week where i just don't do anything with it. no defender, no f, no work. just a chance to relax, write whatever i want to write or not write if that's what i want to do. not have to answer questions for section editors, not have to meet a deadline for a story, not have to go to class.

break would be the obvious choice for such a time, but it's already looking rather hairy. it's right when basketball playoffs start up, ted wants me in the sportsroom as much as possible, i have to make money at home, and i have to plan for defender. and i really should be in the f because it'll help cut down on my hours i have to work for the magic 140--and, if i get those hours done early, as soon as i finish the necessary internship hours, t told me i can be completely done with the f so i can enjoy the last weeks of college.

so i think i'm going to compromise. i'm going to take a couple of days during break and be stupid and have fun. john mayer is going to be at higher ground on the 25th, then at lupo's in providence on the 26th--a monday and tuesday. so what i'm going to try to do is go to both shows--take off tuesday for a trip down to providence to catch the second show and, if things work out, try to meet up with lars? come back for work at the f wednesday, then work at home in the mornings and the f at night thursday friday and saturday. come back and relax on sunday, resume classes the following monday. i think that might be enough to give me a little sanity break but still help me get necessary work accomplished.

i was telling my mother while we chatted on the phone today, and she told me she thought it was a wonderful idea. i don't know what it is, but she has been so amusing as of late. she never would have viewed that favorably, but lately? it's a transformation. after the awards ceremony at ACTF, she told me to "go celebrate, drink a little and kiss a boy." the other day, she told me to "go party." and today? she's saying she approves of my thoughts of running around in a car to see a singer two nights in a row and driving hours because it'll be good for me?

ok, random stream-of-consciousness is over...

my exceptionally unscientific oscar predictions:

Best Picture: In the Bedroom, A Beautiful Mind, The Lord of the Rings, Gosford Park, Moulin Rouge
i'm going to go with LotR here. oscar voters love epics, and with 13 nominations, LotR has a lot of steam behind it. A Beautiful Mind might be close, but looking at the track record of voting, if it's a long movie with lots of extras, landscape shots and drama, oscar is likely. :) and because it was a kick-ass movie
Best Actor: Russell Crowe (A Beautiful Mind), Sean Penn (I Am Sam), Will Smith (Ali), Denzel Washington (Training Day), Tom Wilkinson (In the Bedroom)
russell crowe, no doubt. he's been winning everything, his performance has been given rave reviews by critics and the public alike, and voters love to be able to give back-to-backs.
Best Actress: Halle Berry (Monster's Ball), Judi Dench (Iris), Nicole Kidman (Moulin Rouge), Sissy Spacek (In the Bedroom), Renée Zellweger (Bridget Jones's Diary)
sissy spacek. while i haven't seen in the bedroom, so many people are so certain she'll win that i'm going to go along with their "expert" opinions. but part of me wishes it would go to either nicole or renee because i absolutely loved both their movies and their performances in said movies.
Best Supporting Actor: Jim Broadbent (Iris), Ethan Hawke (Training Day), Ben Kingsley (Sexy Beast), Ian McKellen (The Lord of the Rings), Jon Voight (Ali)
where the hell did ethan hawke come from? he swooped in to steal hayden christensen's nomination (yes, i'm bitter). as far as i'm concerned, anyone but ethan can win. a lot of people are saying jim broadbent (i really want to see iris--note to self), but i'd like to see ian mckellen continue a LotR sweep. i'm going to go with mckellen on this one.
Best Supporting Actress: Jennifer Connelly (A Beautiful Mind), Helen Mirren (Gosford Park), Maggie Smith (Gosford Park), Marisa Tomei (In the Bedroom), Kate Winslet (Iris)
they'll probably follow the golden globes with this one and give it to jennifer connelly. that's my prediction. but i'd like to see kate winslet get it because i've always liked her.
Best Director: Ron Howard (A Beautiful Mind), Ridley Scott (Black Hawk Down), Robert Altman (Gosford Park), Peter Jackson (The Lord of the Rings), David Lynch (Mulholland Drive)
peter jackson. i will be angry if anyone but peter jackson gets this award. the man deserves it, so give it to him.
Best Original Screenplay: Amélie, Gosford Park, Memento, Monster's Ball, Royal Tenenbaums,
i expect amelie will get it because everyone has gone crazy over this movie this year. i'd like to see the royal tenebaums get it, though.
Best Adapted Screenplay: A Beautiful Mind, Ghost World, In the Bedroom, The Lord of the Rings, Shrek
going with my LotR gut instinct here, although they might give it to a beautiful mind. but with all of the tolkien controversy with the adaptation and whatnot, i think it'll go to LotR.
Best Foreign-Language Film: Amélie (France), Elling (Norway), Lagaan (India), No Man's Land (Bosnia & Herzegovina), Son of the Bride (Argentina)
amelie. like any of the others stand a chance.
Best Animated Film: Shrek, Jimmy Neutron: Boy Genius, Monsters, Inc.
shrek, hands down. everyone seemed to be able to get a kick out of it. mature, cute, silly, it's definitely going to win.

so there you have it, i'm going to stick by these and we'll see how i do once oscar time rolls around. damn, i almost make it sound like i know what i'm talking about, huh? :)

oooh, academy award noms when i wake up!

best supporting actor, hayden christensen for life as a house

i will post my oscar predictions once i have knowledge of nominations...ah, dear awards season...

i am absolutely livid.

i should have been out of defender by 11 at the latest tonight. instead? 2 a.m. a couple of notes:

- changes made by paul or myself should be made before an editor leaves for the night.
- text should be justified - one of the first rules of layout.
- large holes on pages should be filled with content. not my responsibility.
- FRANK ZAPPA IS DEAD. therefore, he cannot be playing at higher ground on wednesday night. a tribute band, however, can and will play there wednesday night.
- if you list an event, please specify where and when it is being held.
- if you use a source, attribute said source.
- if one does not have the correct information for the security log, do not leave it as is and not inform editors of this. it is called false information.
- check the spelling of names, PLEASE. if you spell someone's name three different ways in one story, assume TWO OF THOSE SPELLINGS ARE INCORRECT.
- spellcheck.
- do not write "today" in a story. newsprint lives forever, so they say. so write the date.
- do not make me stay in the lab until 2 a.m. when i don't need to be there. is that so much to ask???

wednesday's class will be tons o' fun. but at least i have a fun new decoration for the lab--the zappa incident. i added to the proof, "SPECIAL GUESTS: jerry garcia and jim morrison. ONE NIGHT ONLY."

could you imagine if the zappa thing had gone to print?!?!? crikey...

ok, now i sleep because i have to be back there at 9 finishing everything. AURGH...

jesse gets the gold star for the day, even though he's off in boston, he's still a wonderful big brother.

so, yeah. don't know exactly what to say about today. it's been interesting. defender people scored points for being cool and understanding (paul on the phone with bethy, who answered my phone: "is she alright?" in his paul concerned voice), i scored points for speaking my mind, and as far as the outcome? we'll just wait and see. in many respects, it's a foolish situation anyway, but i'm a foolish girl and i'll just take it as it comes. and keep in mind some of the choices that were made.

c'est la vie. back to my editorial. i think we're going to be out early tonight (knock on wood).

utter confusion.

vh1 had a segment during one of its shows today talking about tim and jeff buckley. michelle called me downstairs and i squealed.

now i'm in defender, trying to get all this stuff done as quickly as humanly possible so i can visit later.

i picked up a copy of the sunday free press so i could get a clipping for my portfolio...it's neat to see my story in there--but the one thing i've learned thus far in my internship is that i have no real desire to be a sportswriter. everyone in my department is cool and i enjoy it enough, but i don't get the thrill of writing about sports that i had last year when i was sports editor of the defender. i was sitting at champlain, refs were tossing their jackets right by where i was sitting, the champlain people were tossing key rings onto my deskspace and i just wasn't into the game at all. granted, my mind was elsewhere, but i digress.

michelle, meg, lars and lars' two friends came down to visit me at the free press yesterday evening and save me from a really boring day for a few minutes. we wound up wandering around the little bookstore right by disc go round (i'm sorry, "downtown discs") because it was warm in there. lars asked if any of us have read marcel proust. i laughed. yes, yes i have. about 15 lines of it, anyway...

weekend assignment for literary seductions is to read gatsby. niiiiiiice.

audiogalaxy is finally working on my computer, i'm currently getting tim buckley.

mormans rule.

if you want to play a fun game next time the olympics roll around, take a drink everytime you see a new flag during the parade of nations. sure to be a fun time.

lars is coming to smc tomorrow, and i'm going to be stuck at the champlain college basketball game and then the free press.

AURGH!!!!!!

at least i definitely know i'll be able to see him sunday...and hopefully maybe a little tomorrow, depending on when he arrives...

liz mentioned josh clayton-felt on her blog the other day, so i decided to check out his music...thank you for another musical tip, liz! amazing music...i downloaded as much as i could last night and fully plan on buying "spirit touches ground" when it is released (feb. 12--BUY IT!). pity he's no longer with us. right now, "dragonfly" is my favorite track, but they are all astounding. i haven't heard an artist i fell in love with immediately in a good long while...

defender is frustrating the hell out of me. i don't have enough time for it all, i feel like whatever i do just isn't good enough, and if paul tries to "just remind" me of something one more time, i will have an overwhelming urge to tell him that i want to "just remind" him that i don't want to do it anymore. AURGH!

met with buff today for a press release. amusement. now i clean my room because it looks like a bomb hit it.

i think i just might be able to go.

"what's amazing is when you can feel your life going somewhere, like your life just figured out how to get good, like, that second."
--my so-called life

DEADLINE IS NEAR: ATCA Midwest Young Critics Seminar - Cincinnati, Ohio - March 7-10, 2002

The deadline is almost here for writers interested in the ATCA-sponsored seminar in Cincinnati for young theater critics. Anyone planning to attend the March 7-10, 2002, program needs to contact the coordinators by Monday, Feb. 4. Other than modest out-of-pocket expenses, the seminar is free.

Coordinators Jackie Demaline (Cincinnati Enquirer) and Rick Pender (Cincinnati CityBeat) expect the seminar to appeal to critics with less than seven years of experience who live within driving distance of Cincinnati - Illinois, Indiana, Michigan, Ohio, Kentucky, West Virginia and Western Pennsylvania. Others are welcome if they are willing to fly to Cincinnati at their own expense (the Greater Cincinnati-Northern Kentucky International Airport, CVG, is principally served by Delta Airlines). Participants need not be ATCA members: If you know of young critics who would benefit from the seminar, please urge them to contact Pender or Demaline.

Pender and Demaline, both ATCA members and critics with many years of experience, will be joined by Larry Bommer (Chicago Reader, Chicago Tribune, Chicago Free Press) as mentors. Participants will be asked to submit 6-8 previous reviews in advance of the weekend to familiarize mentors with their writing. During the seminar, participants will see at least three plays, write about them, share their writing with mentors (in one-on-one sessions) and fellow participants, and have time for discussion of other critical and professional issues.

Cincinnati has a thriving theater scene. On March 7-10, the centerpiece of our viewing will be two plays by Carter Lewis - the world premiere of Men on the Take (the Rosenthal New Play Prize winner at the Cincinnati Playhouse) and the local premiere of Women who Steal (Ensemble Theatre of Cincinnati). One or two additional performances will be chosen from productions of Othello (Cincinnati Shakespeare Festival), She Loves Me (University of Cincinnati College-Conservatory of Music), Ten Little Indians (Cincinnati Playhouse), Woman in Mind (Ovation Theatre Company) and a ballet of Dracula (Cincinnati Ballet).

The Crown Plaza Hotel, located on Sixth Street in the heart of downtown Cincinnati, has graciously provided rooms at no expense for seminar participants. Some meals will be provided; participants are asked to bring approximately $100 for several meals in moderately-priced restaurants.

Participants should plan to arrive by 2:30 p.m. on Thursday, March 7; seminar activities will conclude by 1:00 p.m. on Sunday, March 10. Participants wishing to see a matinee at one of several theaters on Sunday afternoon will have that option.

mary sent me notice of this--i want to go. i already contacted rick and jackie, left messages about it. i don't know if it's at all possible--i can't really swing airfare and spending money--but i really, really, really want to.

listening to: rainy day, guster (from my unofficial "life as a house" soundtrack)

user support discussion topic of the day: whether dinosaur spagettios taste better than regular spagettios. after eric figured out how to heat the dinos, we found that they do, in fact, taste better.

sophisticated college discussion at its finest...

the first defender came out very, very well. it's sparked a great deal of discussion, that's for sure...

hey, you wanted real news...

i don't know if it's just that i'm too tired to really give a damn or what, but today has been one of those days where i feel completely invincible. i'm enjoying work, laughing at the calls i have to try to respond to, i'm awake (for the time being) and i'm happy.

and every dream, every, is just a dream after all
and everything stands so still when you dance
everything spins so fast
and the night's in a paper cup
when you want it to last
- heather nova

i've decided to give up on the notion of sleep. at least, no sleep until sunrise. it's been too long since i was a vampire, and, although i've found it's almost like riding a bicycle, my schedule seems to be telling me that there's no reason to sleep while it's dark outside.

first defender is at the printer--shouldn't be any problems (knock on wood). i think the naysayers who bashed the defender for not publishing real news are going to be very surprised. and frankly, i'm looking forward to the response to my editorial. you want us covering the news, you've got it, buddy. :)

today is going to be a busy day. i'm working here until 5, then working f-style from 7 to 11. at some point, i need to write a 2-page response paper about proust's swann's way for literary seductions, but i haven't even really opened up the book yet. this will be an example of bullshit at its finest. and i already told paul to stop by the sports department tonight to make sure i'm awake. i thought we decided that there would be no more 5 a.m. defender mondays...

let another semester of defender officially begin...

all i've wanted to do for the last day and a half is sleep. this does not mix well with defender production days.

i'm currently a zombie, hopefully the paper will be a success.

that is all.

ACTF was another fun, much-needed week. it was great to get away from everything for a few days--defender, classes, free press, all of it. i was able to spend as much time as i wanted doing what i love to do--write, see theatre, meet hilarious people and just have fun. i didn't have responsibilities. i could stay up all night drinking or talking or writing in my journal and it didn't affect me or my work negatively.

it's not Real Life, and that's why i love it. everyone does crazy, irrational things and the justification is simply, "hey, it's ACTF. why not?"

during the past two regional festivals, i've been nothing but happy with who i am. here, i struggle with relationships and never feel like i have enough time for everything i want to do. i'm still, much as i try otherwise, shy. i can't walk up to a complete stranger and start a conversation, but there, i can.

i'm such a wise-ass there. i'm assertive and i make acquaintances relatively easily. it's interesting to see what people who meet me there think of me--it's a chance to see how the others perceive me and if i'm happy with how they perceive me. during a conversation with lars last night, he told me that i'm a big ray of sunshine and someone that people just want to know because i make things seem better somehow. it was one of the nicest compliments i've ever received.

coming back from the festival is hard, because getting back into the swing of things is a pain in the ass. i'm exhausted, i know i have a million things to do and the people i've been spending time with are now states away from me. it's somewhat depressing to know that i only get five days out of the year to live in that somewhat-warped version of reality.

but at the same point, if it was any more than that, the novelty would wear off. i can't stay up all night and write forever while having conversations about theatre or anything with random people because i'd get tired, the writing would get boring and the people would start to piss me off eventually. the thing about ACTF is to remember how i felt during those days and try to apply it to the rest of my life as much as possible. trying to bridge the gap, i suppose.

now that i've waxed philosophical, the basis summary of the week: a blast. met a ton of cool people (personal favorite is bobby, who, by the end of my time at the stonehill party last night, was proclaiming, "I LOVE THAT GIRL!!!" reminded me of joe o'leary--great guy. going to be a great actor.), wrote and wrote (both the critics' workshop and in my much-neglected journal--it felt so good to have a chance to jot down my thoughts), saw people from last year and got to know st. mike's people better this year (while we've always been friends, i now adore christine--i got back from defender tonight and had a note from her on my desk--such a sweetheart). we st. mike's people have such a good reputation at the festival--by the end of the week, if i told anyone i was from st. mike's, they would start going off on how nice and fun and supportive and alltogether kickass we are. made me happy.

i was able to spend more time with lars over the last few days, which was great. he's a great guy. :) he's going to try to get up here this weekend because meg wants him to come along to a rave in montreal--what i would give to not be working--and he told me that he's got to get the time off at work, but that he wants to come up here. i hope he can.

i'm going back to washington in april--won the workshop again. i honestly didn't think i would--all three of us had different qualities to bring to the workshop, and there were no guarantees. i'm proud of baz--she worked her arse off in the workshop, and it showed. i learned things about writing from her that i don't think she realizes. and the other guy? he and suzanne definitely opened my eyes to see that the stereotypical "theat-AH" people are still out there and they are still just as blindly snobbish as they've ever been. might be harsh words, but i think they are very accurate.

the best congratulations came from kirk this morning as i walked back to my room. jonathan and joe were laughing at me, kirk noticed me and said, "hey vic, congratulations!!!" jon and joe started laughing hysterically while i thanked kirk and hit them.

but now, the lack of sleep from the past couple of days (hour and a half the night before last, last night and today i slept from 7:15 am to 8:00 a.m., 9-11 a.m. (car ride home) and 4:45-6:45--paul ordered me to go home from defender and nap) and the normal routine of my life is making me tired. time for bed. classes tomorrow.

hahahaha--you thought i'd go through ACTF without finding a computer to blog with...but NO! here i am, coming at you live from keene state.

the festival is great fun. the people are cool, the weather is wretched at the moment (rainy and icy and alltogether nasty), but the festival is fun. yes, james dean is back, yes, i'm resorting right back to how i was last year. :) it's certainly been interesting to talk to him--i don't know what it is about him, but it's just so much fun to play this game and see what comes of it. and he's incredibly hot. not gonna lie about it.

i don't have much time for anything else right now--getting ready to head over to the wright theater for a show--i must get my critic hat on...

it feels so good to be back. :):):) i can't believe it's already friday...

the annual night-before-ACTF-and-vickie's-up-all-night tradition is underway.

senior sem proposal: done.
resume: just about done.
packing: haven't even started.
other things: i'm screwed.

i hope to be in bed by 4. really, really hoping.

i'm sitting here at the f, biting my fingernails wondering how the secretariat meeting is going...this is so frustrating!!!! wishing my joey and chucky all the best of luck...

i'm also waiting to see what t thinks of my first article. it wasn't an incredibly difficult story to write, and i think i did a good job, but i'm sitting here waiting for the "OK, good, but..."

ACTF tomorrow. very excited. presented today. didn't sneer, but did have a puppy-like yelp where the scream was supposed to go. i will have a full-out scream for wednesday.

work, then finish proposal for senior sem, emailing pat about work, packing, emailing resume, finishing up stuff, then sleep at some point. hopefully i won't run into a doorframe and kick the shit out of two toes this time (not like i've done that any other time, obviously...riiiiiight.)

last night was highly amusing. and yes, i did pay the price today.

senior social. i wore my "rock star" pants. these pants are wonderful and i love them dearly, but by the end of the night, the things are fucking HOT. i willingly changed into a short black skirt before going to the after-party (and having to walk across campus to reach said party). yeah.

the quote of the night came on the walk home. i was trying to say "i'm cocked" (which right there shows you how fucked up i was, if i was actually trying to use the expression "cocked"), but it came out more like "cauuuuuuucked" (like i had a really weird boston accent thing going on). so naturally, i had to use this expression from then on. i put it up as an away message, to which bethy asked me why i wrote that i was "caaaaaaaaaked". so then i had to say, "i'm so CAKED".

salsa con queso was unsuccessful--woke up today feeling like i wanted to curl up under a rock somewhere. had too much shit to do, no physical capability to do any of it. note to self: go to bed before 4. but after meeting jacques (the original jaccques, that is) and a ton of alleve, i went to get a haircut, which is a great cure for a hangover. walk in feeling like shit, walk out feeling like a million dollars. fortunately, i had a great woman cut my hair and i didn't have to go through the whole "i don't want to talk to you but you're making idle chitchat while you cut my hair with sharp objects so i'll chat back." she was cool, a blast to talk to. gold star for her.

i'm really excited about ACTF, drew's audition is going to be tight. we present to the acting I class tomorrow. eeek!

and before i go to ACTF on tuesday, i must finish my free press story, work on the senior sem proposal, buy necessary items, work on necessary things, AND try to get some of my literary seductions reading done. oh wait, and attend various functions.

..................

one thing i make a conscious effort not to do is make assumptions about other peoples' jobs. since i don't know what goes into those jobs, i'm not really one to act like i do know what they do and how much they work and whatnot. i think it's common courtesy.

therefore, i find it highly offensive when other people talk about MY job. my job in which i DON'T get any money, i get bitched at constantly, and i find myself struggling to get everything done on time.

i will now provide explanations for defender practice, for all those who seem to inquire about what we actually do over in the bergeron lab:

- we publish nine issues. we cannot publish more than nine because we cannot possibly publish during weekends in which we are not on campus. we cannot paginate when everyone is in different states. if someone has an idea about how exactly we can conference-paginate, feel free to contact me.

- allegation: defender does not cover "real" news. truth: where was this naysayer when we covered sept. 11 and how it affected the campus? was said person asleep when we sent an editor to new york city to cover the scene at ground zero? did any other oncampus publication (student-run, that is) effectively address how the campus was affected? the answer is no. we cover events objectively. were there other reporters in the ryan parking lot while two cars were being examined by police and firefighters after they were lit on fire? was there a photographer from any other campus publication? no. we refuse to publish rumor if it is not backed by fact, we examine issues that should be covered in a respectful way, and we expect our writers to produce polished, A.P.-style work. we ask questions, we try to look at the bigger picture, and we try, with our staff that is never more than eight people, to cover the events of the entire st. michael's campus plus juggle classes and our other responsibilities.

we are constantly learning. every semester, the old staff leaves and a brand new staff arrives. we learn programs for layout, photography. we learn editing skills and continue to learn about the craft of writing. those who return learn management, design, advertising and time management. we work 20-30 hours a week (at minimun) creating, finetuning, and presenting publications each week to inform the st. michael's campus.

i invite any naysayers to try doing what we do for a week. if you can produce better work than us, feel free to criticize. in that case, hell, i'll agree with you. however, until i see anyone else lining up to do what we do each week, i can do nothing but laugh at you. i don't pretend to understand what you do in your position. i don't pretend to like you, and i refuse to play the little social games you play. so DO NOT smile and say hello to me and then bash my newspaper with your little friends. get your ass over here and give it a shot. then see how much bashing you'll do.

highlights from the evening:

- leaving laundry my own personal message curosty of nicole

- senior social was fun. i was a rock s ar.

- after-party at josh & nicks. bastard boy is named. fun times. now can't feel finger.s

i love being a senior, 21 years old, and being able tohava fun night.

"i'm caaaaaaacked."

why doi think i'll delete htis blog tomorrow?

coming to a theatre near you: VORTEX, based on VORTEX: the great american novel, the tale of a band, vortex, trying to get ahead in this crazy world by making it big at a seedy LA club--VORTEX. starring: v, hayden christensen and pairing newcomers m and e. special appearances by casey affleck, jesse bradford, and cb.

doesn't it have a nice ring to it?

more john in rolling stone action...wheeeeeeee!

when one is tired when one wakes up, all one needs to start the day off on the right note is a little gonads and strife.

yo motherfucker, wheeeeeeeeeee!

work, then parental visit, then working with drew & kirk, then f. fun fun fun.

imagine my surprise to find that someone found this lil blog by searching for "shawn radley"--and my ranting and raving about him with the howie coffeehouse debacle comes up on the search engine.

official statement: i, victoria, do not have issues with shawn radley. it was a mixup that was unfortunate, but he did get in touch with me and was nice about it. i do not think he is a moron, i have no hard feelings, and i feel quite bad that someone stumbled across an entry that was written while i was exceptionally pissed off.

although i do find it amusing, in its own sort of way...but nonetheless, sorry shawn. you're A-OK.

seth yavacone band played in alliot tonight. i was impressed.

now i work out.

that is all.

take a listen to main street east--i really like.

approximately 15 minutes to go. forget growling, my stomach is roaring. my left arm is starting to look somewhat appetizing at this point...almost home. almost to my bowl of beautiful

wonderful

nutritious

special k with berries.

soon.

internship--day two. i have my first story--i'm doing an advance on the high school state cheerleading competition. it'll be my first f byline...

i've also got a few story ideas that t gave me that i'm going to be able to check out. i feel bad that i'm missing next week because of ACTF, but t amazingly cool and was fine with it. as long as i'm around in february and march for basketball games, i'm cool. i think it means that the next few weeks of my life will be devoted to basketball.

things are going to be fine, i just need to make sure i take time to relax, as well. today's been fully booked all day (work, ACTF, f), and i have classes all tomorrow. after everything settles into place (ACTF, defender, schedule), i'll be fine. right now it's a little hectic, though, because i feel like i don't have time to get anything accomplished for anyone. i just have to look at the small picture--focus on what i need to do each hour, get that done, and move on to the next.

working at user support was surprisingly enjoyable today. i had the best day there i've had in ages. i gave eric shit, he gave me shit, i showed people remarkably simple fixes to "impossibly annoying" problems, and the four hours whizzed by.

i just have to remember to find time to eat during busy days like this. i forgot to do that today (or rather, i didn't really think about it until i sit down here at 7 p.m...), and i know there's a bowl of special k with the red berries at home with my name on it. mmm...only three more hours... ;)

scotty's road journal entries are my drug--so good to get a fix. ;)

what the hell was that?!? apparently i'm on crack today...

maloney walked up to me yesterday as i was waiting to get into the classroom for literary seductions, put his arm on my shoulder, and told me that he was watching chocolat over the weekend and there was a character in it who looked like me. curses!!! my life of relative obscurity is crumbling as i speak...the general public is learning of my feature film debut... ;) i've wanted to watch the movie anyway, but now i'm intrigued. i know, i'm a narcissistic bitch at times. ;)

after working on some ACTF things in the library, drew and i walked outside to find nick, and we began talking about our respective futures and whatnot (a topic that is contstantly lurking in the back of my mind). after having said discussion, the three of us noticed the large, fluffy snowflakes that had begun to fall, so we spent time trying to catch them on our tongues. we would crouch down, jump up, and roam about trying to capture the snowflakes, and i realized that the simple action was an incredible comfort to me. there's something so reassuring about going from such a heavy topic to a childlike, fun activity...

today i work at user support from 1 to 5, then work on the scene for ACTF with drew and kirk, then my internship from 7 to 11.

in a week, i'll be on my way to the festival!!! the ACTF regional festival was one of the best weeks of my junior year. it's a week of complete immersion in theatre--seeing two shows a day, going to workshops, seeing acting competitions (or, in this case, supporting someone in the acting competition) and, if one chooses, writing about theatre continuosly for two days. besides that, there is the opportunity to meet theatre students from across the northeast, hang out in hotel rooms, and relax (party) for five days. i'd never experienced anything like it before--and i can't wait to go back.

it didn't tape. :( and hayden didn't win.

LotR was fantastic. following the production process (well, as much as possible, obviously) and seeing what i'd read about live in front of me on the screen was a fascinating experience. kudos to those associated with the production. i've only read the first book (chuck, having discussed this with me before christmas break, put a fabulous paperback edition of all three books combined into my christmas stocking--therefore earning a gold star for the next three years), but seeing how my imagination compared to peter jackson's imagination was thrilling--both when they lined up (my image of gollum, for instance, and some of the locations) and when they varied drastically (sean bean brought a whole new dynamic to boromir i never read into--his character had redeeming qualities and dignity, which i didn't see on the page).

and beth laughed heartily while i enjoyed my second big-screen viewing of the star wars trailer. as well as during one of the questions they always show before the previews start: "which is your favorite star wars movie?" my answer: "the one with hayden christensen in it..." (for the record, i did thoroughly enjoy "return of the jedi").

i returned home, read about 65 pages of henry james (not much of a fan, not going to lie about it), created the sign up sheet for defender story meetings, and now am preparing for bed, as i have to be in sue's class at 8-fricking-15 tomorrow morning to give my 5-minute talk about writing for the paper. oh, how i joyously await that experience...

i've decided, since no official soundtrack is being released for it, i am going to make my own copy of the "life as a house" soundtrack. there is a score available, but fuck that. look at this track listing...
- guster, "what you wish for"
- gob, "that's the way"
- on, "soluble words"
- default, "live a lie"
- marilyn manson, "sweet dreams"
- default, "somewhere"
- ohgr, "water"
- limp bizkit, "rearranged"
- guster, "rainy day"
- joni mitchell, "both sides now"
- deadsy, "gramercy park"
- radiohead, "how to disappear completely"

now all i need to do is see the movie...

golden globes are on this evening. since i might be going to see lord of the rings tonight (finally!!!), i'm probably taping the awards show. ever since i was a little kid, i have loved awards show season (shallow as that might be), so i'm looking forward to it. the official (as i see it) kick off to the awards season...

...then take me disappearin' through the smoke rings of my mind,
down the foggy ruins of time, far past the frozen leaves,
the haunted, frightened trees, out to the windy beach,
far from the twisted reach of crazy sorrow.
yes, to dance beneath the diamond sky with one hand waving free,
silhouetted by the sea, circled by the circus sands,
with all memory and fate driven deep beneath the waves,
let me forget about today until tomorrow...

Take the Which Radiohead Album are you? Quiz.

i went to baz's tonight for her new year's eve party. the rationale being that since we weren't able to be together for new year's for real, we could all reenact it so we are, in a sense, together when the clock strikes midnight.

i actually had a blast. bethy, drew, michelle and i went over, and it was a lot of fun. i had a chance to see people i hadn't seen yet, and i was able to reconnect with some that i hadn't talked to in awhile.

in other news, i've been playing guitar regularly, and i'm happy to say that my fingers are getting caloused again and i'm slowly teaching myself to be able to play howie's "after you."

now i sleep. first day of internship tomorrow.

"time heals all wounds."

hmm...if the situation was handled maturely, time does heal wounds. otherwise, however, you don't know me nearly as well as you think you did.

i'm determined: my senior seminar project is going to be putting on a benefit concert. and it is going to be great.

senior sem, besides it being three and a half hours long (?!?!?!) is going to be interesting. dyane and jon are already scaring me with how they keep talking about how it will be the last time we do this and the last time we do that and how the class is in one big group so we can all join together as the journalism class of 2002--i cannot believe i'm graduating...but i ran my idea by dyane and she seemed excited about it. and she kept stressing during class about how we have to love what we are going to be devoting the semester to and how we shouldn't be afraid to try something we normally wouldn't try--and this is ideal: i'm combining journalism with music, it's going to a cause (therefore providing a purpose), and it can have a great end result. baz might join forces with me for this one, which would be fantastic. it would be a great project and it would be wonderful to have someone sharing the experience with me...

i have a few ideas for bands/artists...i'm calling to find out booking prices tomorrow.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

oh, and the books we're reading for the class? stephen king, on writing (have it in hardcover, love it) and kerouac's on the road (have it, have been meaning to read it) among a couple others.

if all goes according to plan, at least i'll be going out with a bang...

bethy and i just kicked our asses working out.

we're hardcore!!!!

alright. after finding people have found my site through this, this, AND this, i have to start wondering...wtf? is there some growing pop culture trend that i'm utterly unaware of or is it something i just shouldn't question?

in other news, i found some stuff by a band called main st. east--i like.

i resumed my process of learning guitar this evening.

my poor fingers.

literary seductions is going to be a phenomenal class.

i know i'm horrible for being amused by this, but nonetheless:

"my fellow ameri--"

THUD.

after this post, i find that secret service starts viewing and monitoring my blog... ;)

topics: literary seductions reading list:
henry james, selected tales
evelyn waugh, a handful of dust
marcel proust, swann's way: in search of lost time volume 1
edgar allan poe, the fall of the house of usher and other works
margaret atwood, the handmaid's tale
a.s. byatt, angels & insects
f. scott fitzgerald, the great gatsby
jeanette winterson, written on the body
vladimir nabokov, lolita
anais nin, delta of venus: erotica

i am thrilled about this class. books i've either read and loved (gatsby) and books and authors i've always wanted to read. the class list is also looking great: bethy, drew, erikka, patterson, josh cook are taking it, and i'm hoping the rest of the class will be equally impressive. nat and kerry (sp?) kaplan are teaming up to teach it. i haven't had either of them before, but i've heard nothing but good things about them.

tomorrow at 10:30 a.m...

after a horrifically hectic day, i'm back at school.

i'm happy to be back. very much so. my first night back, however, left much to be desired. i'm attributing much of it to my being tired--i got about three hours sleep last night, so i've been more than a little cranky and i'm the first to admit it. however, in my tendancy to boost things up to an epic proportion they cannot possibly live up to, i expected to feel this amazing surge of empowerment and joy about my return--i'm happy to see my housemates, i'm happy to see drew, i'm happy to see the people i've seen--but other than that, it's just back to my normal state of...i don't know, whatever i normally am.

while i go through constant denial that i've grown up while in college, being back has forced me to realize that i feel old. not to mention more than a little jaded. i'm missing friends who graduated last year, i'm scared shitless that i'm a senior preparing for graduation. and i was more than a little pissed off when someone tried to give me tips on playing asshole--i've been playing the damn game since freshman year, throwing down one bad hand does NOT mean i don't know what the hell i'm doing. it's amazing how little things like a card game can make me realize how old and decrepid i sound (and feel at times).

i'm hoping that a full night's sleep will make me cheerier tomorrow. i just need to focus on the fact that i am going to have a good semester, i'm going to spend time with people whose company i enjoy, and i'm going to end college on a high note.

or else. ;)

the random arrival of a simplesimon mailing never fails to make me smile.

ah...the last night before the return to school. i made a mistake tonight and realized that this is probably the last official pack everything at the last minute in order to go back to school for a new semester night that i'll ever experience. i'm trying to ignore this.

i have a ridiculous amount of work to do before i sleep. unfortunately, i don't have the normal luxury of sleeping in as late as i'd like tomorrow morning, as i have to be at work at 10. and i'm packing the car before i leave so i can leave directly from work for the wonderful land i call burlington. hurrah!!! so i'm in the normal crazy pattern of washing things, drying them, cursing them for not being dry enough, and, naturally, waiting and not sleeping. had i not had a stressful workday today, this would be fine. however, by 7 tonight, i was ridiculously on edge. yes, i admit it, i yelled at a customer tonight. well, maybe i didn't "yell". "snapped" is more appropriate. but it was his own damn fault, he yelled at me, so i "snapped" back. all of the customers were incredibly rude today, i was tired, and i didn't want to be courteous. i felt better after. :)

i raided my parents' stash of clothing tonight. i found some gems. vintage...ah...new additions to my wardrobe that will make me very very happy.

alright, i do need sleep at some point this evening, so i should resume packing. at this time tomorrow, i'll be back at my house at school... :):):)

i think my music collection is about to get a boost...more on it later.

etherphyte searcher in cali...hmm...caleb or adam?

i have played the sims today far too much for my own good. it's so addictive!

i spent over an hour filling out the survey drew sent--then when i tried sending it (i tried smcmail AND yahoo), both gave me problems and i wound up losing my responses. AURGH! they were good, too!

must sleep. closing tomorrow, also stopping by the high school to say hello to frau burke. :)

i got the "i am sam" soundtrack. i am a fan.

that is all.

for now.

one less stress--got the official word on the internship. i'm set. looks like there will be two or three other interns--one from middlebury, one from champlain, and possibly one from uvm. all guys...so it'll be me and hilary taking on the men. we'll kick some ass. i'm now working on convincing the department that garrity will need some assistance when he goes to utah in february to cover the olympics. it's an awfully big event for just one person to cover. will post the progress of the "send vickie to the games" campaign as it develops.

"i am sam" soundtrack comes out tomorrow. i plan on purchasing it tomorrow. i've been anticipating it for some time now.

what else? my parents gave me a set of glassware for the house. plates and the like. i've never been so happy to get plates before. i'm thrilled, to be honest. something i don't have to buy!!!!!!!

what a DAY!!!

meeting of the smcssvs was great--went to bjarn's, we were served by a girl i graduated high school with--i'm hoping it was just that she had a bad night, because she was rather bitchy and it surprised me, to say the least. she used to go to trinity (when it was still open), so i hung out with her from time to time during college and it was always great...hey, c'est la vie. i'm over it.

but bjarn's is a restaurant owned by my high school soccer coach (and one of my favorite people from my high school days), so i was psyched to get back there. i went into the kitchen after dinner to say hello and got some hugs and well wishes, which was great. bjarne (pronounced like the damn purple dinosaur) is a kick-ass guy--not to mention that he was an amazing coach!

i hate that every time i see anyone from before college now, the third question i get asked, after "how are you?" and "how's college?", is "what are you going to do next year?" know what, public? I DON'T KNOW YET!!!!!!! i don't have a job lined up, i don't know where i'm going to live, i don't know what i'm going to do. THERE.

after dinner, which was quite good, bethy and i went to coffee exchange and talked--it was wonderful to spend time with her--yes, we live twenty minutes away from each other, but with working and sleeping and trying to get everything done and setting up some sort of a routine, it's hard to meet up on a regular basis. but every time we do, i leave cursing myself for not meeting up sooner. while i like to be able to spend time with family here at home, at some point during break, it's incredibly depressing because i start worrying about after school. what if i come home and i don't have somewhere else to go? i'm stuck in the rutland area?

seeing bethy calms me because i can relax and be more of myself and just have fun. i'm lucky to have her around me during off time.

we both have wednesday off, we're going to shoot for trying to get up to burlington to move in stuff, do some house shopping, and get away from southern vt. i just hope it stops snowing...

after i left bethy, i went to blockbuster and rented "an ideal husband." i approve. predictable as hell, but enjoyable and british. i wanted to rent "pride & prejudice" so i could finally see it (and colin firth as darcy!), but both episodes were out. so i went with "AIH". not the same, but not bad.

after that though, was another treat. i finally caught an episode of "inside the actors' studio" on BRAVO, which i've always wanted to see, and robin williams was featured. naturally, he was fucking hilarious.

after that, i caught two episodes of a show i was interested in seeing. it's called "the 'it' factor". think "real world: new york" with 12 actors who are followed as they try to get their big breaks. fascinating show, i taped it and plan on continuing to follow it. i don't know why i didn't start watching BRAVO ages ago...i love this station! tv worth watching now consists solely of "the west wing" and BRAVO. and "the daily show" because i love jon stewart. :)

good good day. work tomorrow, therefore sleep is necessary.

smcssvs meeting tonight at bjarn's...bueno!

i never mentioned that the installation of my car's cd player was successful. and as i've been driving around, i've been listening to my copy of remy zero's "the golden hum." originally, i wasn't overly crazy about it (because i didn't think it could possibly compare to "villa elaine"), but it's really growing on me now. i recommend it. it's odd, however, hearing "save me" on eqx...i always do a double take, wondering, "what the hell is remy zero doing on the radio?"

i also made a new mix that i'm very pleased with. includes (not in the correct order) ryan cabrera, ben kweller, john mayer, averi, stephen speaks, jeff buckley, toploader, five for fighting, howie & john's "sorry so sorry", radiohead, guster, belle and sebastian, and a couple others. it's pleasing to my audio palate, plus it's random selections from the artists (buckley singing "3 is a magic number" is hilarious, i love it!)

the verdict on red:
My car is 61 - 75% dependable.

This car is invincible. It can't be stopped. It can't be reasoned with. I think I will Skip work today and drive halfway across the country to see some bands. Now I just need to tint the windows, get a box for the trunk, and crank up my favorite Mineral or Sunny Day Real Estate album, but goddamnit I better get those pizzas there on time or they are coming out of my pay!

Take the Dependable Transportation Test! click here

quiz made by stranz

i got bored and created a new screenname for IM. i don't know if i'll use it frequently, but if you're online and i'm not on under my normal one, check here and see if i'm around.

name came from my brother tonight--he was talking about his distaste for popular music, and i said, "and you're talking about popular music with whom?" to which he replied, "i know, miss alternacoustic." i thought it was rather catchy.

chatted with megan at coffee exchange this evening. it was odd, in some respects, simply because it's weird enough to say, "so, how have you been the past three and a half years?" and also because we're both in such different places now. she was shocked when i told her about my theatre experiences, i don't think she ever saw that one coming. i also think she was surprised at everything i've done at school--i was filling her in on everything, and later i made a comment about the radio show last spring, and she said, "you did a radio show too???? how did you have time?"

she's doing well, yale seems to be treating her well, and it was good to talk to her. i hope we keep in touch as time goes by. i'm glad i decided to procrastinate from writing my research paper that night and emailed her instead. yet another example of how procrastination is actually a good thing.

after careful discussion with elizabeth, i have decided to try to get back to smc saturday night. that way i can get everything done for cleaning my room and organizing before the parents arrive the next day with more stuff plus we can go see "lord of the rings" saturday night (because rutland sucks and doesn't bother showing it here). plus because i'm looking forward to being back. :)

smcssvs meeting tomorrow, plus i call the free press to see what's going on with my internship plus i try to get in touch with paul to discuss defender. aurgh.

i meant to mention this awhile ago and just stumbled across it again. fred durst discussing why wes left limp bizkit:

"It's all about the music. We were trying to write the new album, and Wes was writing very eclectic stuff, and he became very, very obsessed with Radiohead."

hehehehehe. radiohead. breaking up a rock band near you. ;)

while i don't think avalon is the best venue for a singer-songwriter, i think i'm going to try to see john there on the 28th. i'm working on getting the jesse boy there as well!!!!

happy 22nd to androo!

jesse's still with us, i'm thrilled to report!

i'm not sure about michelle, though. m.i.a...

i'm meeting up with megan on saturday night for some coffee exchange action. i haven't seen megan since about the time i graduated high school, she went on rotary to russia while i went to college. now she's at yale. it will be neat to see her, since i haven't really talked to her in three and a half years or so and we used to be close, but i'm not going to pretend that it won't be somewhat awkward. in high school, i always felt just a little less...polished than she was. she was cultured and theatrical, i was sports girl. while a great deal has changed (i'm theatre girl now, i've changed radically since high school), i'm worried that i'm going to unexpectedly revert to how i was back then.

but whatever. it'll be good to hang out with an old friend at least one last time.

my father took my car in to get the cd player installed this afternoon. one fuse was blown somehow, so now it needs to go in again tomorrow. until it comes back with everything working, i'm going to worry about it. if for whatever reason, my sound system is messed up, i'm going to kick some ass. but chris says it's just the cd player and he's going to get a new one. so i'll just remain as optimistic as possible until it comes back working and happy.

in other news, i finally saw moulin rouge last night. while i appreciated ewan mcgregor before, i was head over heels in love with him while the movie was on. i need to see a life less ordinary now.

lord of the rings isn't playing in rutland. so i guess i'm going to wait until i get back up to school. while the movie's been out for awhile now, i still cannot believe it's not playing here. WTF?!?!?!

the palendromic year of 2002...welcome welcome welcome.

i composed a quick summary of 2000 last year at about this time, so it's time for victoria's 2001 in review. let's begin the trip down memory lane...

- ACTF at UNH: great shows, amazing acting (go kathleen!!!), and "hey, maybe james dean will be around." "thanks kirk, he's actually right there." also: "you know, i'm a vegetarian, but there's nothing more theraputic than watching meat turn on a stick." "i'm not gay, but if jim morrison was in my bed, i wouldn't kick him out." mr. bagel refers to me as howie. winning critic's workshop, enjoying the last night at the hotel.
- interviewing john mayer and glen phillips at higher ground. "your body is a taco stand..." babylon during soundcheck, added lyrics to not myself. "yeah, i was going to start that up again later in the set, but i forgot." yes, glen was sick, but he did play for us!
- stupid fucking kirk paper 1. shakespeare throughout the ages. vow never to write a paper for him again.
- nationals in d.c. one hour of sleep the night before with a seriously sprained toe (damn doorframe!), sleepy bethy. ;) flying to d.c. without being able to recline the chair because the woman next to me was already asleep. the sensation of flying into d.c. by myself. not being able to find my fucking hotel. roommates are margot and kc (one bad mutha)! phone tag with clint, roaming the city (camera in hand), shakespeare theatre!!!!! machinals sucked, the character was PROTEUS!!!! 2 a.m. nightmare. margot and i witness bohemian rhapsody outside the hotel. meeting up with the parental units, the newseum. missing p-day, but there in spirit. the kennedy center, especially the last night on the terrace. want to go back. SHOULD HAVE MET UP WITH CLINT!!!!!!
- spending the last day or two with jesse. graduation.
- tom's graduation weekend: graduation, dmb, then howie/john at paradise.
- coming home for the rest of the summer. being happy to be home.
- howie in northampton.
- defender. all year long. even at 5 a.m monday nights.
- moving into slut sanctuary/virgin vault. "it's like cheers..."
- spoons.
- 9-11-01.
- LEAP. worth the wait.
- we learn that moving jeeps are bad evil things.
- heaven, hell and purgatory party. how many jello shots? shaking the yuka and a shot of tequila to kick everything off. knowing the hangover is going to be a bitch, our heroines attempt to cure themselves by consuming tortilla chips and salsa con queso. they awake in the morning with no hangover, no illness. nothing. thus proving that salsa con queso is the ultimate hangover preventative resource.
( beth: LOL...and as all good stories end the heroines slay the evil hang over and wake up perky and fresh the following morning)
- halloween. rich didn't have the spirit like we did. we were the cutest smc cheerleaders in the place.
- birthday--"i'm a woman on a mission!!!" NIKEY!!!!!! JUST DO IT!!!! ("um...actually...") housemates cleaning bedroom in case of birthday hookup.
- arcadia. british accents. "kick some ass tonight." how many times did beth see the show? ACTF respondent: "hey, it was their loss." "hey, why don't chloe and bernard kiss?" strumpets. a monKEY! "that's right, you bloody WEREN'T..."
- dispatch. my girls got onstage, i got to add to the yellow concert t-shirt collection. :)
- "one tequila two tequila thee tequila floor." naming the trees on the walk home, as well as a fire hydrant. bethy names jacques.
- stupid fucking kirk paper 2. aristotle's criticism of deus ex machina was wrong. taking on a guy dead for 2000 years. vow never to write a paper for kirk again.
- the letter.
- annual december boston trip. the love of donald's life, pat mcgee band (again), naming jacques jr. spending time with drew and michelle in the city--the steps leading to fanuel hall ("oh, i love that dirty water...oh boston you're my home"), saying goodbye on the t (that's why he's going to ACTF!!!!!!)
- a year of memories, a few regrets, but mostly laughs and good times.

whenever i do one of those, i feel like i'm writing senior memories in the yearbook all over again. don't take offense to omissions, had to be brief.

hola from quincy-land...just got back from pat mcgee band at avalon...for a place that doesn't look like much from outside, it shapes up very nicely inside...it was definitely a wake-up call for the girl who loves paradise...gorgeous venue.

that said, i missed paradise during the show. there were so many people, and while i enjoyed the music, i couldn't feel the connection that i find in a smaller place. paradise is perfect for pmb--a fact the band obviously realized during the show, as pat kept talking about "last time at paradise", etc. etc.

but the band was on tonight--great set. shorter set than last time, but that was to be expected...they raffled off a guitar again--the last three digits of my ticket were 192. 188 won. the girl in front of me in line won the guitar and got to rock out onstage with the band. BITTER!!!!!!

but the days here have been great. last night i went with michelle, crystal and jess to flannigan's, then we went to the pony room. drunken revelry commenced. then today michelle and i went into boston to meet up with drew at fanuel hall--we went to lunch at the green dragon. i found it neat to be setting up the details of where we'd meet by saying "we're meeting at the statue of sam adamns.." where i've grown up, we meet at houses. in college, maybe church street or whatever. but meeting n such an historic place, going to lunch at a "hotbed for the british during the revolutionary war"--it was neat. :) and it was fantastically wonderful to meet up with drew--fun times were had by all.

will write more later, when i'm home. now i go to watch sense and sensibility. kareoke tomorrow night--it's gonna get ugly. ;) then home saturday. back to normal life...

Beth3161: and they interviewed the current boy bands about the effect New Kids had on them
magdalena281: LOL. nick carter: "i wanted to BE joey joe!"
Beth3161: LOL
Beth3161: joey joe talked about how difficult it was to grow up in the spotlight
Beth3161: and all the fun and girls they had
magdalena281: to think, what they were doing while we stared at their posters...we were so duped!
Beth3161: the funniest part was when they were like...little girls would offer their bubble gum and buttons to meet the band...the 18+ category offered every sexual favor imaginable and would take off their clothes
magdalena281: it's still so impossible for me to wrap my brain around...i can't imagine them saying that! it's like i have a 11-year-old teeny bopper girl forcefield around them!

alright, i prepare for my trip to the greater boston area. i finally set up voicemail for my cell phone, i emailed peeps, i wrapped gifts (one to go), i think i almost have everything done. now i'm trying to figure out what i need to do...

i can't wait to get down to massachusetts. for one of the the first times, i'm realizing that there are friends all around where i'll be. i'll be in beverly, michelle is in quincy, drew in lynn, amanda in peobody, megan in franklin, christine in...where is christine? around there somewhere.

it's odd though, because beverly, danvers, lynn, etc...i've known these places all my life. i've been going there for years, was born there, etc. but it's always been where my family is. now it's where my family and friends are. it makes the prospect of going there to visit all the better. i am exceptionally excited.

february 25.

higher ground.

john mayer.

i am so glad i went online before heading to work...now i have something to smile about!!!!!!!!!!

a random snippet of information brightened an otherwise dismal day. and not like the information directly affects me, but i thought it was neat. confused yet? read on...

first, my day. started with me at work at 9 a.m. yeah. i'm tired, i'm cranky, i'm just all sorts of not in a good mood. the day dragged on forever, i was stuck in a drive thru window with frozen fingers and obnoxious customers (while the holiday season brings out some of the sweetest people, it also brings out some of the snobbiest people in the world--particularly through drive-thru), and it just generally sucked.

now i'm sitting at home trying to motivate myself enough to do some excercizing before i crawl into bed to sleep for a bit before my 9 a.m. shift tomorrow. and then, after all that, i have to be in at 6 AM on christmas eve so i can be out by 2 so we can drive to my aunt's before going to my grandmother's. AND, because my brother's driving down to alix's, that means i have to be in with my parents, who are OPENING. which means 5 AM, in fair haven, probably curled up in a ball somewhere sleeping for an hour and cursing my existance i refer to as a life.

bad mood? yes.

my plans for immediately following christmas appear to be changing. we'll see. whatever winds up happening, it'll be nice to get away, if only for a day or so.

but the good random un-vickie-relevant news? hayden was nominated for a golden globe for "life as a house." i thought it was neat for him to be honored, particularly considering the company he's keeping in the category...plus the fact that he's my latest eye candy...hehehehehehe. i plan on seeing LAAH, as well as "lord of the rings"--which can't be seen in rutland until at least january because of the lack of an agreement between the film company and distributor. so i think i might try to get uncle tom to go see it with me when i go down to mass. or i'll see LAAH, i don't particularly care. i want to see both eventually.

now i need to excercise and sleep. i couldn't sleep last night and had a ridiculously fucked up dream i never want to experience again. very...graphic.

the grade fairy was good to me--i need to make sure to slip her a $20 next time for this miracle!

4.0 for the semester--first collegiate straight a semester...now a response to each grade for each class:

defender: paul is bribing me with an a because he knows that if my gpa suffered, i would have a perfectly good reason to say that i won't come back. perhaps it had something to do with all the work we did this semester, but i think it also has to do with the fear of a vickie-less defender semester. bribery...ah, nothing like the ethical journalism i know and love...obviously i'm kidding. i thought it was neat of paul to do. made my day...

chief patterns 1: alirght, my attendance in kirk's class this semester was probably worse than it was last semester. and when defender wrapped up last semester, kirk shook my hand and said he was looking forward to me actually being in class. um...yeah. plus the fact that i wrote my research paper pretty much in one day...i've come to two trains of thought on this. the first? my paper wasn't great, but the fact that i even attempted to take on aristotle using "america's sweethearts" and "raiders of the lost ark" as sources earned me points. second? the fact that i wrote ten pages for my final and put a lot of effort into it. or the fact that kirk and i get along well and i did the play. i guess i won't fight it. but i plan on emailing him to laugh about my paper. :)

liz class: i knew i'd do well. bethy told me before the class even started and i knew i was doing well all semester.

overall? shocked, but happy. i joke about it, but i did work hard this semester.

also got a new scholarship...bonus! thank you class of 1983.

alright, must go work out and then email peeps.

i was curled up in bed, unable to sleep. so i figured i'd check email and then go back to bed. which naturally meant i'd drop a line here, since i haven't in a bit.

i've been working working working. i've also decided that i'm an idiot and have selected the worst possible time of year to start working out. for whatever reason, i'm determined to get in shape now. during the holidays. when cookies, fudge, chocolate, cookies, fudge are being offered to me on what seems like a ten-minute cycle. i've been good. i've been working out and whatnot. but i don't know how much longer i can say no to peanut butter fudge...

christmas is rapidly approaching, i'm happy about it. it'll be good to see family, it'll be good to see smc friends while i'm "at home" in massachusetts. i hope to see drew, i'm staying at michelle's for a few days, and we're going to see pmb at avalon on the 27th. i finally bought the tickets today--so now it's official! while i have to work a lot over this break to make money (and thus be able to continue working on defender--note to self: talk to paul about defender), it'll be nice to have a chance to get away and actually act like a 21-year-old college student for once. :)

but it's been nice to be home. i'm getting along with everyone--my father is incredibly excited about christmas--for some reason, it seems more so than in previous years--and it's infectious. i think he's happy that both of his kids are home for a bit (although tom won't be with us for the actual holiday--he's going down to alyx's place--the trade off of holidays--we get her for thanksgiving, they get him for christmas) and that things are brighter than they have been in years past. it makes me all the happier to be home for the holidays--although every once in awhile, i get these ridiculously overly-sentimental pangs of "this is the last time i'll spend christmas 'at home'--next year i have to be out there in the world somewhere". what do you expect from the girl who STILL cries (as i recently discovered) watching the little mermaid, for christ's sake? my mother and i have had a chance to spend time together--the other day we went for a walk around town--it was absolutely gorgeous outside, warm, sunny, and snow everywhere--and talk and relax. besides my constant growls at my father for his working too much and my moaning about how muscles i didn't even know i had aching, it's been really nice.

but i know once january rolls around, i'll be ready to go back. i'm always ready to. much as i crave getting the hugs from my family, i need to be away just as much. that's one of the reasons why i'm looking forward to boston. a chance to get away for a few days, see my joey girl, have fun, and be free for a little bit.

in other news...it's crazy to think that it's already been a year since lexi passed away...i think about her constantly, obviously, but i try not to think about it too much and get overly sentimental. afterall, i know that if she was able to be around me when i did focus on it too much, she'd slap me upside the head and tell me to wise up. but it's been hard. particularly this year, because as we go through all of the "this is the last time we're doing this at st. mike's...", i feel like she should be there with us. hell, she definitely should. and thinking that it's been a full year she's been gone...i just miss her. how could you not miss someone who forgets to come back to school for the spring semester? honestly! so today, i told my family to be careful driving, went to work, visited becca and came home. and when i went upstairs and was by myself, i pulled out the ani difranco ticket i keep in my wallet and looked at it for a few minutes. lexi had ordered it for me, so it has her last name on it. and that was enough.

99 average in creative non-fiction writing...yeah baby!

i found a box of some of my things that my mom had put in my room--it has a couple of notes with andrew from high school...sweet 16 birthday cards...AND my online journal that i kept sophomore year. i was laughing my ass off reading some of the stuff...then i came across this.

february 14, 2000

happy valentine's day!!

today has been a good day. well, ignoring the fact that it's snowing, yet again, which means that whenever i walk into a building, i'm covered with wee lil snowflakes, obviously....

... i ended up calling c. over, and he came and chatted with me, and i will say that besides my jesse (my big bro, smc style), c. is the second best guy i know here...

... one of the things that has been depressing me had been that i felt like i was disconnected from everything. and when i talked to my mom, she said the classic line--'but vickie, everyone feels that way too, you're not the only one.' and i said the classic daughter line--'first of all, mom, they don't. second, that doesn't make me feel any better.'

but c. understood how i was feeling and he made me feel like i wasn't totally out of the loop. it's just so nice to hear that you're not alone, even if there's not much to say. plus it felt really nice to have someone around, just spending time with me, even when we were just singing along with my sinatra cd while he threw around my little piglet. i just didn't feel alone for once. plus when he was leaving, he said that we'd chat again soon because he was there for me and now he knew i was there for him too.

i told him that i felt stupid for leaving the voicemail, and what he said in response was one of the nicest things i've heard in ages. he gave me this look and asked, 'why?' and i shrugged my shoulders and said that i didn't know. i just did. and he looked back at me and asked, 'do you still feel stupid?' and i thought about it and smiled. 'no, i really don't.' and he smiled and said that he was glad because i should know that he's there for me no matter what. and that felt really great to hear.

i thought the timing of me finding that little gem was interesting.

alright, time to get stuff organized. i left my speaker cable at school, now all i want in the world is a set of headphones...

i'm home...we got about four or five inches of snow last night in burlington--made it fun for me to drive home at 8 a.m., but red held up like a trooper and made me proud.

i'm exhausted today--after driving home, i went christmas shopping with my father, and now he's napping upstairs, my mom is napping downstairs, and i'm planning on napping at some point in the near future.

oh! i got my journal yesterday--if anyone wants to participate, you know how to reach me...

it's official--jamie's no longer affiliated with howie day.

:-(

i just wrote my resume.

ACK!!!!

and i bit the bullet tonight and did something i probably shouldn't have--but i feel a lot better about it (aboot it?) now...so fuck it. it's all good.

talking with megan tonight about ACTF made me all sorts of excited!!!! and talking to kirk about it when i handed in my final (my final final of the fall semester!!!!!) was humorous--he was talking about the drew/vickie team, saying that the "intellectual power" that will be present will be astounding...to which i replied, "yeah, drew's wicked smart." no one can say i'm not modest. :)

alright, need to wake up early to bring resume over to mike so i can get my internship. the application process is funny--mike already told me i've got it, ted already told me i've got it, we're going through all this just so we can do the paperwork. i know mike is going to laugh at my cover letter--"high level of professionalism? you've WORKED with crawford, you know better!"

it's just scary to be doing this whole resume thing--collecting everything i've done and whatnot--making me realize the real world is just around the corner...

i saw harry potter tonight. very fun movie. and i didn't remember that the trailer for star wars was debuted with it! michelle was laughing at me as i gazed up at the screen. i was in heaven, and it was just a bloody trailer!

oh yes, since we left the theatre, our british accents have been back. yahoo!!!!

i learned my pirate name today: mad morgan read.

flashback to high school...gio romeo--scury man and rickets boy...arr...

and it's official--i'm drew's scene partner for ACTF!!! funfunfunfunfun... :)

blearg. need sleep. tired me, so tired i almost refused a hot chocolate. silly wabbit!

liz stuff done. down to my kirk take-home, then i'm home free!

must run to bookstore to sell back book and buy present.

paper is finished. whether good or bad, i worked my ass off, so fuck it.

now i shower, finish liz stuff for tomorrow, then tonight? red square. :):):)

all-nighter update 2:

on page 10. beginning to talk about movies. already talked about the contender, preparing for america's sweethearts, raiders of the lost ark and mighty aphrodite. i think i'm going to jote down notes and then wake up at 9 to try to finish. have all day to work on it.

and the scary thing is? so far, it actually seems to make sense.

all-nighter update 1:

now that i actually have research supporting what i am attempting to say, i am, in classic vickie form, starting from scratch.

the great all-nighter officially begins

one of the new topics of discussion is how similar "ghost" is to remy zero's "twister"--i was skeptical, but wow. the guitar is almost exactly the same.

well well well...it's interesting to see how many people seem to have issues with howie lately...

check out buzzing or the board and see what i mean...

one tequila

two tequila

theee tequila

floor

you do the math: three (3) long island iced teas consumed within about an hour and a half.

yet i'm completely fine by a third of the way through "the wiz".

?????

the show was good. the acting was great, the costumes were great. i was psyched for all of the cast and crew to have so many people there (for christ's sake, i'm a theatre person, how can i not be psyched about a full house???), yet i'll admit it smarted a bit. the wiz was good, but so was arcadia. i wish the smc campus was more receptive to a show that makes you actually think for once.

but for the wiz peeps: i'm proud of you all. you made me a happy girl.

now...good girl? aw, fuck it. cast party. :):):)

this is my weekend:

friday:
--happy hour at what ales you
--the wiz
--??? seriously doubt i'll work on my paper, but if i'm a good girl...

saturday:
--paper
--collect donations before the wiz
--paper
--paper
--paper
--wiz cast party

sunday:
--attend graduation?
--paper
--paper
--defender dinner
--paper
--paper

oh, how fun. shoot me now.

i had a delightful evening tonight.

bethy and i went downtown to see phil's play--"the eight: reindeer monologues." after getting off to a late start, we finally figured out where the show was being performed and went in. the "no admittance under 14" had transformed to "no admittance under 21." what does this mean? it means the bar is open for business! we ordered long island iced teas.

now i'm becoming the long island iced tea conissour (sp?) in my short time being legal--even i was amazed watching the creation of this drink. normally, the alcohol involved will fill approximately 1/3 to 1/2 (on a really strong one) of the glass. this bartender literally filled the glass 3/4 of the way with alcohol, then the lemon juice, then a splash of pepsi. i was amazed. this drink was STRONG. i almost didn't think i'd be able to drink it, and i drink these things like water all the time.

but like the champs we are, bethy and i rallied and consumed the demon drinks while watching the show. let me say--theatre + alcohol = one very satisfied victoria. and the show was really good. very dark--started off funny, but went really dark by the end. everyone did an excellent job (although some of the monologues ran a bit long--*cough* DANCER *cough*), and my phil-dog represented beautifully. the show was about an hour and a half without intermission, and at the end, bethy and i quickly decided that we needed to walk around downtown before even thinking about driving home (did i mention that this was the mother of all long island iced teas???).

church street was beautiful--no clouds, just stars, and while chillier than during the day, the night was beautifully warm--is it really december??? so we wandered about and finally went to manhattan's for what seemed to be the greatest pizza ever. it was nice to be able to talk and relax and have fun for awhile--get away from the pressures of finishing up classes and all that bullshit.

and home by 11 to do work. how great is that???

happy vickie.

i've been telling myself that i wouldn't let him bother me when i actually saw him.

this morning he came into work to get some stuff taken care of for graduation, and i felt an odd detachment. i didn't really care that he was there, and i was ready for him to leave.

i don't really like feeling that way.

i'll be shallow for a moment. i'm not going to lie about it.

i am looking forward to when star wars episode II comes out. why? two words: hayden christensen.

nothing like a james dean clone-type person to make me anticipate a movie. :)

seeing my brother with his bandmates in front of "their favorite store" makes me miss the boy all the much more (he's second from the left--lead singer...aw yeah...)

i will get to be a part of the 1000 journals project afterall.

i'm actually extremely excited about this! i love the entire premise--hell, i always like things like these. i have no idea how the idea originated, but i think it's fucking brilliant. i can't wait to get working on it!

got my senior pictures taken. some look ok. some look shitty. i think i know which one's going into the hilltop, so whatever.

howie was supposed to be here today. :(

the final newspaper has been put to bed. trip to the printer tomorrow and i am done for over a month!!!!

*crowd goes wild at this amazing feat*

no grippo this week. next week.

i completely understand that people had work to do and didn't have time to go. obviously that's fine. but it's hard--i was supposed to see grippo tonight. howie was supposed to play here tomorrow night. i find out howie's not playing, and i'm really disappointed. i had been looking forward to it for a long time. so howie's not playing, and i focus on the fact that i'm finishing the newspaper, i'm going to see grippo and relax, then completely finish the newspaper. screw howie, i wouldn't have really had time to see him anyway because i'm doing stuff tonight. and then no one wants to see grippo.

add onto that the whole making a fool out of myself and feeling like i had my heart TRAMPLED ON last week (and i don't need to hear i deserve better, because at this point, i deserve SOMETHING. and it's quite obvious to me that SOMETHING is not going to find me and i'm going to be old and become a librarian. so even if i deserve better, having said heart crushed sucks. so what if i am better off without him--it would feel nice to finally have something work out and cheer me up, rather than have me go through my days feeling like when i have a crush on someone, i'm not happy because it means i'm going to have to try to do something about it and make a jackass of myself and feel awful. because it's a huge deal for me to put my heart out there, and while it might not seem like a big deal to everyone else, it really is to me)

so instead of being disappointed by one show, i'm disappointed by two. both of which are made that much more disappointing by the dreary existance i call my life.

and i have still have to do my fucking research paper.

now i finish editing pages. thank god it's the last fucking issue.

p.s. no offense to any librarians out there in my readers. you're great. i just don't want to be one of you.

aurgh. why can't i just be happy this past week?

dmb's "everyday" video brightened my day. as did getting flowers! drew got poinsettas for me and my housemates and left them for us in our rooms. how sweet was that? i'm thrilled that i've been able to find such a great friend. :)

now i get work done because i think i'm still going to go downtown to see grippo tonight. i'm going to be stuck waiting for everyone to finish their pages anyway, i want to go, and editing will seem that much nicer with a drink or two in me.

oh, and i heard back from shawn about the show tomorrow--it's off (like i figured). i had a fantastically harsh letter ready to send if i didn't hear from anyone--then he was nice, so i have a letter i can't even send. dammit! shawn says he's going to try to get howie here next semester. he'd better...

i knew it would take a lot to top the staff photo from last semester (we had a 'virtual vacation' theme--we were all photoshoped onto a deserted island--looked great), but i think we managed to top it this semester.

hehehehehehe

not a happy camper. :-(

happy birthday to jen-kelly-one-word-one-space! everyone in my house is now officially legal. :)

last night was fun. cortni came up, and we went to the shaun d. extravaganza for 15 minutes (i got all dressed up and everything), then returned to go downtown at midnight. in jen's honor, i went all out--my pleather "rock star" pants, red "disco" shirt, and michelle's new million-inch boots...i was told that i was a sexy bitch--but trying to walk in those fucking boots was next to impossible. by the end of the night, i felt like i was going to break my ankles...but i digress.

went to rasputin's at midnight with jen, kevin, emilee, brendan, michelle and cortni, were there for enough time for one drink, then went to rira's for the rest of the evening--stayed there until michelle heard a waitress say "they have to LEAVE" a little after 2. was fun times...

now i have to finish my stuff for defender (oh wait, i actually have to START my stuff for defender...). bleargh.