ACTF was another fun, much-needed week. it was great to get away from everything for a few days--defender, classes, free press, all of it. i was able to spend as much time as i wanted doing what i love to do--write, see theatre, meet hilarious people and just have fun. i didn't have responsibilities. i could stay up all night drinking or talking or writing in my journal and it didn't affect me or my work negatively.

it's not Real Life, and that's why i love it. everyone does crazy, irrational things and the justification is simply, "hey, it's ACTF. why not?"

during the past two regional festivals, i've been nothing but happy with who i am. here, i struggle with relationships and never feel like i have enough time for everything i want to do. i'm still, much as i try otherwise, shy. i can't walk up to a complete stranger and start a conversation, but there, i can.

i'm such a wise-ass there. i'm assertive and i make acquaintances relatively easily. it's interesting to see what people who meet me there think of me--it's a chance to see how the others perceive me and if i'm happy with how they perceive me. during a conversation with lars last night, he told me that i'm a big ray of sunshine and someone that people just want to know because i make things seem better somehow. it was one of the nicest compliments i've ever received.

coming back from the festival is hard, because getting back into the swing of things is a pain in the ass. i'm exhausted, i know i have a million things to do and the people i've been spending time with are now states away from me. it's somewhat depressing to know that i only get five days out of the year to live in that somewhat-warped version of reality.

but at the same point, if it was any more than that, the novelty would wear off. i can't stay up all night and write forever while having conversations about theatre or anything with random people because i'd get tired, the writing would get boring and the people would start to piss me off eventually. the thing about ACTF is to remember how i felt during those days and try to apply it to the rest of my life as much as possible. trying to bridge the gap, i suppose.

now that i've waxed philosophical, the basis summary of the week: a blast. met a ton of cool people (personal favorite is bobby, who, by the end of my time at the stonehill party last night, was proclaiming, "I LOVE THAT GIRL!!!" reminded me of joe o'leary--great guy. going to be a great actor.), wrote and wrote (both the critics' workshop and in my much-neglected journal--it felt so good to have a chance to jot down my thoughts), saw people from last year and got to know st. mike's people better this year (while we've always been friends, i now adore christine--i got back from defender tonight and had a note from her on my desk--such a sweetheart). we st. mike's people have such a good reputation at the festival--by the end of the week, if i told anyone i was from st. mike's, they would start going off on how nice and fun and supportive and alltogether kickass we are. made me happy.

i was able to spend more time with lars over the last few days, which was great. he's a great guy. :) he's going to try to get up here this weekend because meg wants him to come along to a rave in montreal--what i would give to not be working--and he told me that he's got to get the time off at work, but that he wants to come up here. i hope he can.

i'm going back to washington in april--won the workshop again. i honestly didn't think i would--all three of us had different qualities to bring to the workshop, and there were no guarantees. i'm proud of baz--she worked her arse off in the workshop, and it showed. i learned things about writing from her that i don't think she realizes. and the other guy? he and suzanne definitely opened my eyes to see that the stereotypical "theat-AH" people are still out there and they are still just as blindly snobbish as they've ever been. might be harsh words, but i think they are very accurate.

the best congratulations came from kirk this morning as i walked back to my room. jonathan and joe were laughing at me, kirk noticed me and said, "hey vic, congratulations!!!" jon and joe started laughing hysterically while i thanked kirk and hit them.

but now, the lack of sleep from the past couple of days (hour and a half the night before last, last night and today i slept from 7:15 am to 8:00 a.m., 9-11 a.m. (car ride home) and 4:45-6:45--paul ordered me to go home from defender and nap) and the normal routine of my life is making me tired. time for bed. classes tomorrow.