after a horrifically hectic day, i'm back at school.

i'm happy to be back. very much so. my first night back, however, left much to be desired. i'm attributing much of it to my being tired--i got about three hours sleep last night, so i've been more than a little cranky and i'm the first to admit it. however, in my tendancy to boost things up to an epic proportion they cannot possibly live up to, i expected to feel this amazing surge of empowerment and joy about my return--i'm happy to see my housemates, i'm happy to see drew, i'm happy to see the people i've seen--but other than that, it's just back to my normal state of...i don't know, whatever i normally am.

while i go through constant denial that i've grown up while in college, being back has forced me to realize that i feel old. not to mention more than a little jaded. i'm missing friends who graduated last year, i'm scared shitless that i'm a senior preparing for graduation. and i was more than a little pissed off when someone tried to give me tips on playing asshole--i've been playing the damn game since freshman year, throwing down one bad hand does NOT mean i don't know what the hell i'm doing. it's amazing how little things like a card game can make me realize how old and decrepid i sound (and feel at times).

i'm hoping that a full night's sleep will make me cheerier tomorrow. i just need to focus on the fact that i am going to have a good semester, i'm going to spend time with people whose company i enjoy, and i'm going to end college on a high note.

or else. ;)