"That'll be weird, won't it?"

I laughed and took another bite of my DIY Chipotle handiwork. "And it isn't already weird?"

B nodded. Point for me. "But think of it. 'No, I don't care.'"

We were discussing the hypotheticals that have been raised repeatedly over a span of time longer than I care for. The duration, actually, was the topic, in its own wrapped-into-itself, MC Ecsher style.

I was a hand holding a pencil, writing about the hand holding the pencil that was writing about me. So to speak.

She came back to our basic thesis.

"One of two things will have to happen. You'll have to either never see him again or make out." Me and The Crush.

Which was more realistic? I hated to say it, I knew I sounded cynical, but I was convinced that it would be the former.

"You're being too hard on yourself."

I was being realistic.

There should be a statute of limitiations on emotion. Er, crushes. At a certain point, one's brain should turn off the synapses that make one's heart jump a bit at the thought of another individual.

It's happened in the past, of course. About a week ago, I untied the red bead strings that bound The Book - the blue velvet-lined journal that documented a significant chunk of my sophomore and junior years of college - and the eventful summer sandwiched in the middle. I looked upon the yellow lined pages and laughed as I flitted from that first actor to the summer romance, then recalling the stolen moments underneath the shade of a tree as I documented the frustration of Working Too Much and Not Spending Time - and then resorting to flirtation with the crush from days gone by.

Each of those crush-turned-relationships faded, as did the ones that preceded and followed. I acknowledge that the very sporadic random references to them causes me to blink in surprise and experience a bit of the nostalgic heart flutter, but they have been relegated to shadowy figures in the past. Strictly "aw shucks" status.

So I'm waiting for this to follow the same course. It has grown worn and tired, clearly having extended its welcome into the giggling girl portion of my being.

I'm waiting for the circut channels in my hot-wired brain to finally shut off and just let me be.

But I think I have to either make sure I never see him again or make out.

----------
Things to file under Enjoyable Aspects of Being a Grownup:

- "Hey, I'm in need of iced espresso-based beverage goodness. Can you escape for a few minutes?"
- Observing that the process of buying a gift card requires having said card placed not only in a small gift bag, but also a small gift box that is then placed in said bag. Walking out of store, both individuals thinking to themselves that the pretension involved is one of dizzying intensity. "I think I'm going to take it out of the box and put it into the envelope. That just makes more sense."
- "Do you mind if I stop in here and take a quick look?" Slipping into the dressing room to try on various sizes of a potential purchase. Being treated to lighting and mirrors designed to make you look like a million dollars and entice you to spend a fraction of that money on clothing.
- The delight upon discovering that the item you grabbed off the rack as a lark fits perfectly. Asking friend if she wouldn't mind going back to get smaller sizes for the other potential purchases. Choosing among which item's style you prefer, as both suit you well. Walking to counter with purchase you really shouldn't purchase and masking the delight upon seeing that the item is On Sale and thus Economically Savvy. Seeing another pleasing item as you walk out. Thought to self: Will have to think about picking that up tomorrow.
- Placing small, fancy bag next to backpack - with running items - beneath desk. Realize ends do justify healthy means.
- "I need to check out the train system to see where we should drive to. I already Mapquested the hotel and how far it is from Rockefeller Center."
- "You should get them a truffle slicer." Learning about what a truffle slicer actually is.
- Checking out prices for an espresso machine.
- "Hi, could I get a venti iced caramel non-fat latte, please?" Pause. "I'm going to need it today." Smile of commiseration.
- "That journal is on sale."