At Wits End

The words were staring at me in the black and white I usually love. Unrelenting, indisputable and unabashedly concrete.

"Never lose your passion -- but never misuse your passion."

I don't know what I did with it, but my passion is missing in action. Had I not been surrounded by a group of people who would have surely thought me mad, I would have burst into tears on the spot. Truth be told, I'm forcing down the tears right now.

I just want to get into my car, drive home and cry.

Other wants/needs right now:

- I want to draw on a sidewalk in chalk.
- I want to close my eyes and look at the speckles in front of my eyes that the sun makes when you're enjoying leisurely hours on a beach.
- I want to sit down for a long, carefree conversation over iced lattes.
- I want to kiss the boy I have a crush on.
- I want to sleep so late one morning that my body feels tired because it's so well-rested.
- I want to read a whole book in one sitting.
- I want to write a book.
- I want to attend a play or a concert and really write about it afterwards - so that others would be able to read my thoughts on it.
- I want to take a long trip on a plane.
- I want to get away from here and not have to keep a running countdown until I have to come back.
- I want to laugh until I'm crying and my sides ache.
- I want to curl up around a pillow and cry everything out, with sobs that die down in time with the steady rhythm of a hand making slow circles on my back.

I know some of my wish list are not feasible, but when I look at the others, I just have to ask.

Is that really so much to ask?