Rally and whine

I'm trying to rally, but my body's railing against me.

The problem is that I've been rallying for a week. Mustering those last bits of energy for whatever it is that I need to do. Whether it be work or activities rationalized as much-needed and much-deserved play.

Truth is, I've got nothing left to rally. I've crammed hours, events, miles and adrenaline into too short a time that I extended too long. And the physical portion of myself is tactlessly informing my mental portion of that by refusing to function.

I don't get sick, after all. I might get a slight headache. I might have a cough. And yes, on very rare occasion, I might get a delayed and magnified hangover. But all out body-not-working kind of sick doesn't happen to me unless I really wear myself out too much.

But I have to rally, whether it be entirely psychological or not. Because I neither expect nor desire sympathy for "I've been just doing way too much lately."

Beyond that, when I'm feeling under the weather, I begin to think about anything that will take my mind off the general malaise I am feeling.

I start thinking about conversation ended with a short, cold "Take care" instead of the "What the fuck is your DEAL?" I talked myself out of. And I start thinking about almost missing being disappointed by it all.

I start thinking about how I kept looking around for a familiar face and had to stop myself before I felt disappointed in not seeing it anywhere.

I start thinking about people who expected me to explain myself when we both knew there was no way I'd be heard with any consideration of my point of view.

I start thinking about how I've experienced a number of doubletakes lately, in which I have to stop and stare for a moment to be sure that this chance he isn't the he I saw last during an Easter dinner.

All things not worth my time when I'm fully with it, let alone when I'm fuzzy-headed and prone to being too honest for my own good.