nightmares and deamscapes

like many, i tend to go through cycles when i dream. i'll have a span of time during which i can't remember a thing about my dreams upon waking. then i'll dream so vividly that i can't tell where dream ends and reality begins.

lately i've been experiencing the latter. i had my ridiculously vivid job nightmare tuesday night (see earlier rant). i can recall snippets of my dreams wednesday and thursday night (thursday included the fun "five more minutes - i'm working on a story").

i dreamt of summer last night. it was july and i had traveled to this camp of sorts with friends for a concert. we thought it was being held outside, but it turns out that averi was playing inside this cabin-like theater. so we went in and rocked out with the best of them (good because there were only about 20 attendees present). i knew all of the people there, but most of them didn't recognize me because my hair was so different. so i was able to do what i wanted - talk with those i wanted to talk to and not deal with people i didn't feel like dealing with. it was grand. however, i did hear people discuss me - in particular confirming my suspicions about someone else's opinion of me. surprisingly, i shook it off relatively easily and just enjoyed myself, opinions be damned.

after the show, people went off to the swimming hole to cool off and i wound up wandering about a bit, finally settling at a picnic bench. it was so warm and bright - the sun made my eyes water and i was searching everywhere for a pair of sunglasses - and just a perfect summer day. as i finally gave up on sunglasses and leaned back to soak up the warmth of the sun with my eyes closed, thinking about what i'd heard at the concert. i heard footsteps behind me and ignored them until i sensed someone sit beside me.

long conversation ensues.

it was odd - added to the mix at different points were happy meal toys (the singing heads from "the haunted manion"), singing along to jason mraz tunes at the top of our lungs and a huge, battlefield-sized parking lot.

i know why some of the elements came together. i had listened to averi on my drive back to burlington yesterday and had read chad's rant about winter on the website (which, in many important respects, i have to give a big ol' "hells yeah!"). that coupled with my discussion with beth the evening before about how san diego's looking damn good this time of year (as is st. martin) probably contributed to the summer bit. while at st. michael's last night for the play, people i knew didn't recognize me with my hair. i had just seen the happy meal toy that morning. i had been thinking about woodstock '99 a few days previous, talking to someone about the huge lots of cars parked outside the actual festival.

but others i have no idea. it was just incredibly random ... but i didn't want to wake up when the alarm went off. i returned to the dreamland in five-minute intervals for about the next hour and a half.

hmm.

anyhoo. i'm working on my column - good times. the newsroom is mine, and i'm typing away on this computer, my laptop next to me so i can enjoy some music. i'm trying to feel inspired, so i'm listening to my "one ill theater mix" from almost a year and a half ago ... could it be that long already? can it be that the howie track i just listened to was heard live from the front row at paradise two and a half YEARS ago?

while it was grand to be able to see a show at smc and see familiar faces, it was almost a little sad to sit in mccarthy and see people i didn't know. not necessarily just because it made me feel incredibly old (i know, archaic at 23 - good god), but because even thought i didn't know many of the people, i could fit them into their pegs almost immediately.

during college, we all worked so hard to just be ourselves - whatever selves they may be. we were determined to find out who we were as individuals. yet, as i sat there looking at the audience, i could see the latest lucas - the latest billy - the latest andrew c. it was as if the years had changed and the faces were different, but the roles were still present and ready to be filled - if they weren't filled already.

it was bizarre - i felt as if i was casting the adaptation of my college years.

anyhoo. i must stop procrastinating and return to the wonderful world of theater criticism and column-writing. good times indeed. then it's christmas shopping (or, rather, christmas painting ...).

music: howie day - "sorry so sorry" - paradise 6.18.01