damn you, man ...

the ultimate kicker. i am pleased to have unleashed some creative juices with what i thought, upon a slightly later viewing, was something rather insightful. or deep. or just plain odd, which works for me too. i smile about a slightly successful attempt in the whole writing game.

and then it's a one-two punch. one - major typo in the post. not just your typical speiling error (hehehe), but one that, with a single mistyped letter, creates a completely absurd situation. and, naturally, is commented on by my dear friend elizabeth, thus continuing my "do i want to hug her or slap her?" debate (hahaha). :-)

and then the knockout punch. after all that, i dejectedly turn to some form of delight. i check out my normal online haunts. email? nope. new averi tour dates? nope. mraz? four new journal entries full of his typical wit and admirable ramblings.

Bill Withers rules. Tonight I’m listening to his savvy hits in the back of the bus, vibrating along, humming a song and looking forward to tomorrow. I’ve been looking out the window a lot more recently. Traveling at night you don’t get to see much of the world your driving by. I’ve been napping more so I can stay up or wake up for sunrises. I like the earth in the morning after it’s had a night to cool off in the darkness. Before the sun actually takes to the sky there’s a pleasant period when it seems the world is lighting itself up, anxious to get spinning again. Sometimes it feels like it’s our convoy that’s turning the world around on a conveyor, like we’re on a gigantic treadmill, like all anyone has to do is sit still and we’ll pull them closer.

aurgh. just as i start to feel as if i'm making some progress, as if the words are coming easier and with more style and grace, here comes mr. mraz, ready to show me how writers REALLY do it. beat any potential ego into submission.

and yet how i love these occasional beatings. i start thinking that maybe he's too far gone into teen idolatry - that maybe the 12- and 13-year-olds can have him and i'll go find some other underground voice to call my favorite. and then i see some phrase he comes up with. or the expression on his face right before singing the national anthem on thanksgiving day.

and i know i'll just keep listening to the music, tune out the pre-pubescent screams and work my arse off to try sounding half as good on the page as he does.

oh, one other thing. the other day i found the most shocking, bittersweet, amusing of all possible things. i was packing and looked in my closet for something (i can't even recall what it was i was looking for now), when i found a box. more of a time capsule, really. 1993-1994. my own teen idolotry years. we're talking about a treasure trove here, my friends. a stack of BOP and BIG BOPPER magazines. jonathan brandis centerfolds carefully preserved (in some cases, with the tape folded down because i couldn't bear to tear it off and risk damaging the poster). pages of my rider strong photo album scrapbook (including "15 ways to celebrate rider's 15th birthday!!!"). two of the BOP surveys i didn't actually send in, one of which includes the following words in my responses (in no particular order):
- 4-eva
- c-ya
- 2 be

and the ultimate in early '90s note-writing slang ...
u're.

how can i be a writer with this in my background????

but then i found the most unexpected thing ever, something that, considering recent events, was a bit creepy.

a version of the fan letter i sent jb when i was 13 years old. complete with vickie-at-13 handwriting and attempts at humor and earnestness.

i had completely forgotten that i'd kept a copy of it, but reading it a decade later, i could remember writing it, sitting pretty much in the same place i was reading it now. agonizing over what to say and hoping upon hope that i received something in response.

it was hilarious to find - and my laughing description of it (including my reading it out loud) for beth brought tears of laughter to my eyes.

but it was poignant as well. i remember it so clearly now that i came across such a blatant reminder, but to think i'd pretty much forgotten about it for most of a decade ...

almost makes me wonder which of the things i view as important now will i view that way when i'm, say, 33?