so much for more regular updates. i suck. and i'm over it.

i promised this, and i know i'm going to have fun with this: begun, this clone war has...: a review

star wars episode II: attack of the clones isn't supposed to be a comedy. at least, i don't think it is. yet, for whatever reason, beth and i were laughing hysterically throughout the film when we went to see it thursday night.

the "geniuses" over at lucasfilm are obviously patting themselves on the back for a job well done on ep II. there are splashy special effects, completely digitalized characters (hello, master yoda) and battle sequences and cinematography that are incredible. it looks like a great film, and lucas has succeeded in again pushing the envelope in creating gorgeous images.

if you look at actual content, as i and hopefully many others tend to do, the film is appalling. laughable. a joke.

this is incredibly difficult for me to say, as i've been awaiting its release for months now. i've visited starwars.com religiously to get the latest updates. i downloaded trailers and the entire mockumentary "R2D2: beneath the dome," which i highly recommend. for a few brief weeks, i was as close to a true star wars fan as i think i will ever be.

but if george and his pals can promote the film this much, discuss its splendor this much, they can deal with a healthy dose of reality: it's not all flash and sparkle in the movie business. a film can be as pretty as can be (and trust me, with hayden and ewan in it, it's a VERY attractive film), but if there's no substance, there's no point.

how can anyone possibly buy the anakin/amidala love story? he hasn't seen her since he was eight. all of a sudden, he's there. she's there. i want you, i need you oh baby oh baby. yet there's a conflict: amidala says they can't. so she prances about in skimpy outfits, saying, "no anakin, we'd be living a lie," while batting her eyelashes and swooning. ???? and hayden doesn't have much to work with. he broods. he shows rage. he shows...oh can it be? ah yes, the dark side. but with the flat delivery of lines and rigid body language, he suffers the same fate as everyone else in the cast: completely wooden performances.

the hilarious points were unintentional, i fear. the confession of amidala's love (just as funny as anakin's confession earlier in the film),the kiss on the cheek during the lets-give-props-to-gladiator stadium battle (what the hell was THAT?!?!), C3P0's series of "i'm beside myself"-one-liners during the scene, shimi's death (the single WORST hollywood death i think i've ever seen), and, for the most part, any time the film seemed to try to be serious. harsh words? certainly. but it made for incredibly funny film.

ewan escaped the film with most of his integrity intact, although i was really pulling for him the whole time because he's ewan. his previous track record made it clear that he's better than this. i know hayden is, so he's still right at the top of my rankings. and yoda truly did kick ass. that was SUCH a cool scene, and i would have no problem being two feet tall, green with really big weird ears, spouting off random yoda-speak and possessing such fantastic skills.

i feel horrible writing this because it makes it sound like i had a bad time. far from it. i had a wonderful evening. i just don't think my reaction was at all what george wanted.

sorry buddy, had fun, but ep III had better be better!!!!