so, here i am, about 36 hours away from graduation.

how am i feeling, you ask? i'm not sure, actually. i'm a mix of dozens of emotions--nostalgia, sadness, but at the same time excitement and joy. and everything in between. it's not as if i never thought sunday would arrive--despite popular belief, i do have a healthy dose of realism running through me--but at the same point, i honestly didn't. it comes with the territory, i suppose--with every new step comes the shock that i've actually reached that point and the difficulty in imagining life beyond that point. i never thought i'd graduate high school, never thought i'd go to college, and now here i am, never thinking i'd graduate college.

the past week has been pretty decent--the highly anticipated, much-hyped "senior week" at smc. really, senior week is comprised of three days--tuesday, wednesday and thursday--where the class spends lots of time together looking back at the past four years and reconnecting with close friends and those we haven't seen since freshman year. it was pretty nice. tuesday consisted of the bbq at the president's house (where we had to wear name tags--come on, it's not like we're a huge school. does uncle marc honestly not know who we are?), followed by the senior slide show at higher ground. the slide show was great--a good mixup of people, and i was shocked by the number of times this silly mug made it into shots. very sentimental. and we all know how i do with that. at the end of the show, i cried (be prepared, this becomes a theme).

wednesday. hypnotist in the afternoon--ian, billy and tim were all under the hypnotist's "spell" and uproarious antics followed. then the booze cruise. classy sounding, isn't it? we're all sorts of sophisticated here. it was actually pretty nice--took the spirit of ethan allen III out onto the lake for a few hours, all were dressed up and the bar was pulling in lots of money for their over-priced drinks. it would have been nicer to have the cruise leave earlier--a sunset cruise would have been gorgeous. at nightfall, however, we couldn't see far and the top deck didn't have any lighting. um...yeah. but grippo played in the first floor dining room--yeah yeah!

and yesterday, orange crush (an eighties cover band) performed on the 300s field. i had been drinking all afternoon (i was in rare form), and being able to rock out to the band was incredible. we were all screaming along more than we were actually singing. good times, but also emotional. got my first official goodbye. naturally, i cried.

and then the bonfire. the bonfire is an anual tradition on the thursday night of senior week, as it gives everyone a chance to get ridiculously drunk and, if they feel so inclined, streak around the fire. my class didn't disappoint. there were some surprising streakers and others that i thought would who instead stood by the fire and laughed at everyone else.

i stood there, looking at the fire, and realized how symbolic it was...the community that has grown among the 400-odd class of 2002 members was destroyed--or at least, its current form. the members of the class are blowing away to their various jobs, activities, homes, and, except for sunday, will never be together again. but it's ok. i know i'll keep in touch with those who are important to me, and the others? who knows? maybe we'll meet up on a sidewalk somewhere one day or we'll be at a wedding where we meet up...i know these people are out there, and i know that one way or another, we'll connect again. it'll just be different.

i don't know what the hell i'm saying. i'm just looking too deeply into a process every college graduate goes through. i'll be fine, i'll be strong, i'll have the degree, i'll have my future. simple as that. the college has prepared me, now i have to go show everyone a thing or two.

i just can't believe it all starts in just over a day...