the speeches - read between the lines

status check - old
background ambiance - television

first, john kerry

I wish that I could just wrap you up in my arms and embrace each and every one of you individually all across this nation.

by "all across this nation," i mean those that mattered - i.e. california, massachuetts (my peeps, represent!), new york, jersey, and ohio - or at least the ohio voters who cast ballots for me. and those who voted for me even though i never stepped foot inside your measly, skimpy-electoral-vote-touting states.

I will always be particularly grateful to the colleague that you just heard from who became my partner, my very close friend, an extraordinary leader, John Edwards.

dude, sorry about that whole being unemployed thing. that's gonna blow. whoops.

They braved the hot days of summer and the cold days of the fall and the winter to knock on doors because they were determined to open the doors of opportunity to all Americans.

the hot days, the cold days - every day except november 2.

The time will come, the election will come when your work and your ballots will change the world. And it's worth fighting for.

gore/kerry 2008, bee-atches!

and now, bush:

America has spoken

and i say this: i hate you, california.

and I'm humbled by the trust and the confidence of my fellow citizens.

i can't believe they actually fell for that whole wolf thing.

I will need your support and I will work to earn it

and if that doesn't work, i will blow new england off the continent. dumbass yankee liberals.

and God bless America.

like, for real. you all actually bought the wolves thing? no joke? PUPPETS! ALL MINE!!!

*****

seriously. i live in a nation of morons.