a muck of a monday

status check - disheartened
background ambiance - typical

burlington's first snowfall is descending with a styrofoam swirl. these aren't snowflakes, instead small pellets of hard frozen fluff. they're so odd and hard on the outside that individual balls don't even feel cold when you try to squeeze them beween your fingers. i'm trying to imagine it's a cruel hollywood prank being played on already stressed vermonters - the snow's not real and it's not ready to be here through april. it's soundstage snow, not nature's.

i'd take foam snow over the real thing anyday.

i'm not ready for winter, not ready for cold, not ready for much of anything. i'm just tired and annoyed.

it's hard not to start feeling alone and melancholy when the skies are dreary and the wind is brisk. i feel colder, rougher around the edges and i have a lower tolerance level than normal. i don't want to let anyone in and i certainly don't want to start looking forward to something that will, like everything else, wind up blowing up in my face.

i see it in everyone else - people seem steelier and sharper just at the time i want someone to rub my back and let me get out a good cry. perhaps if i cry, i'll be able to wake up.