canned or dry, we neva die.

status check - sleepy
background ambiance - strong bad email

because she knows i can never find enough ways to procrastinate and otherwise waste time, michelle introduced me to the addictive, wiley ways of strong bad email at homestarrunner this weekend. which means i'm going to be going through all of the amusing goodness for the next several days. damn you - i mean, thank you - michelle.

thought i'd post something that i wrote over on the addictionspace this evening. one might think such a double-post serves as an attempt to make sure as many readers as possible could view my take on the war in iraq and explanation as to how i developed my anti-war philosophy. i would say to one that one should keep on thinking that, even after i admit that the post wound up taking a completely different tone than i'd expected when i wanted to comment on the fact that i'm seeing ani difranco at the flynn tomorrow night. i tapped into thoughts i hadn't thought in a good long while - thus feeling so happy about the writing process.

there's something about the coming show that just leaves me awed and nostalgic at the same time. the awe is the easy part to recognize, as she's the goddess of all that is righteous and i never cease to feel disappointed in myself for not playing my guitar (which is in need of a new name, by the way) more often than i do. i see her tearing up the place with her 5-foot-nothing frame and i realize the guitar is nearly half the size she is. if she can do it, there's no reason why i shouldn't get off my ass, turn off the strong bad email and get back to playing (ok - learning to play). per tradition, i'll spend the several days following the show playing my little heart out and my little fingers raw. hopefully i'll stick with it this time.

but the nostalgia is prompted a bit by ani, a bit by this time of year. the first time i saw ani, i didn't know much about her, other than the fact that lexi thought she was a goddess. lexi, then my hall-mate, invited me along to the ani show at memorial aud and i thought that was the coolest thing. so i went, was amazed and wound up talking with lexi more than i had before.

so you take ani and the realization that december's coming up and i get a little sentimental and sad, thinking of my fabulous, india-bound friend. i've been doing it a lot lately - thinking of her. the realization that it'll be three years on december 20th doesn't really register. it feels like it's been longer. she's already taken on this sepia-toned image in my mind - she's always been there, but she's also always been gone and i've always missed her.

anyway, ani. the myspace post. which officially makes this my "let's think back on people we knew until something stupid/tragic happened and they were taken away" post for the year. harsh-sounding? not intended. but somewhat fitting, you've got to admit.
------------------
an additional 420 vermont national guard soldiers are likely to be deployed in january and february, thus adding to the number of green mountain boys and girls who are putting themselves in harm's way so as to placate the chimp in charge who nestles in the oval office.

truth be told, i give credit to those put aside their own personal thoughts to follow through on what they signed up for - which turns out to be a war without purpose or solution. granted, i give even more credit to those possibly facing court-martials for refusing to go into a particularly dangerous mission, but that's neither here nor there. the fact of the matter is that there's no way in hell i could possibly even attempt to do what the troops overseas are doing on a daily basis.

i've always been about as far from a militaristic type as one could imagine - a reality that amazes me, considering the family genes. both of my grandfathers served, and my father desperately wanted to go to vietnam.

i kid you not - he wanted to go. he tried to enlist several times, but couldn't get in because his vision wasn't up to snuff. i grew up with stories of how he wanted to be a soldier. how he and his friend both enlisted - and he actually passed through the tests that one time - but when he showed up at the buses to head off to training, they said his vision was really just too poor to go. he watched his friend leave in the bus and felt lost and uncertain about what he would do if he couldn't be a soldier.

turns out, he would start a career, meet a wife and have a couple of kids, all the while reading his war books and watching his war movies. "M*A*S*H" was a household staple, as was "tour of duty."

but his daughter? i used to laugh when army recruiters came to my high school to talk about a potential future in the military. i finally told one particularly persistent recruiter that the reality of the matter is "that you just don't want me representing or protecting the united states. first roll call of boot camp? the sergent would get in my face, i'd start crying, you'd send me home. but let's say i advanced and was on active duty. you'd actually trust ME with a GUN? let's just cut our losses here and now."

that military placement test you take as a sophomore? i drew pictures with the dots. and, oddly enough, placed in the high percentiles in mechanics because of it. which perpetuated things.

a few of my classmates went into the service following graduation - which meant a large chunk of my class enlisted (hey, you graduate with 32 others, anything three people do that's the same is pretty remarkable). i figured i'd see them at some reunion a decade down the line, with wives they met during their service years and little army brat children.

and then justin died in an ambush in tal afar and any possible "ok, i'm really stretching here but maybe i'll think about not completely disagreeing" thoughts i could have had about the war's justification flew out the window. we had our reunion, but it was at his funeral. think "the big chill" without the sex, alcohol or witty banter.

my republican father knows talking to his democrat daughter about politics will result in a long debate. but he knows it's better not to talk to me about the war. it's one thing to have idealized, romantic notions about a war like those he reads about in his books. it's another to try justifying a war with no cause, no end in sight, and nothing but broken bodies strewn along the way.

appropriate considering i'm seeing the kickass righteous babe tomorrow night:

and i must admit
today my inner pessimist
seems to have got the best of me
we start out sugared up on kool-aid and manifest destiny
and we memorize all the president's names
like little trained monkeys
and then we're spit into the world
so many spinny-eyed t.v. junkies
incapable of unravelling the military industrial mystery
preemptively pacified with history book history
and i've been around the world now
and i can see this about america
the mind control is steep here, man
the myopia is deep here

and behold
those that try to expose the reality
who really try to realize democracy
are shot with rubber bullets and gassed off the streets
while the global power brokers are kept clean and discrete
behind a wall
behind a moat
and that is all
that's all she wrote

alert! alert! (OR peanut butter jelly, bread and butter)

status check - good
background ambiance - tv (desperate housewives - whee!)

have you seen this pink blur? be warned - this monstrosity is the embodiment of concert spoilage. a fan of the lousy slightly stoopid, this otherwise lame-but-oblivious person became the target my disdain during ss's set, as michelle and i tried to escape the wretched "we're dispatch on seriously drowsy medication" sounds that filled the orpheum last night.

why this pink-clad, trucker-hat-high-and-backwards fellow? because he was among the rowdy minions who made the staff decide to not allow out-of-state licenses without a second form of ID at the drink station - not to mention the decision to forbid a duplicate ID in any attempt to purchase. so, since i don't live in boston yet and i lost my original ID, i wasn't even able to try drinking the music out of my head. yet this guy, who looked all of 17 and probably had a lovely new fake ID? he walked by me with his overflowing cup of alcoholic goodness - and my 24-year-old-competely-legal-for-three-years self wound up directing all my faux-rage at him.

so, without even a cup of beer (which i would have happily consumed, i didn't like slightly stoopid so much), i instead stood with michelle in the lobby, watching staff kick out drunk, stoned, rowdy or oblivious people out of the orpheum during the stupid set. which actually proved far more amusing than one might think. i couldn't believe the crowd there last night ... it really seemed as if every truly obnoxious person i've ever known was cloned and handed tickets. but perhaps i should have expected it? the gramatical atrosity of slightly stoopid's name alone turned me off - i imagine that's part of the appeal for the "oh damn we're too late for the grateful dead" crowd.

why am i starting off the post on such a sour note? so i can get my good-natured bitching out of the way early. the fact of the matter is that i had a fabulous time during my return to the orpheum last night. i walked in excited to see tristan perform (again - it's been funny to realize how frequently she's performed in this area lately - thanks, t!), walked out with a mini-crush on garrett (g. love).

i went to the show to see tristan. well, truth be told, i went to the show because michelle bought me the ticket as a birthday present - i didn't know until yesterday afternoon whether we were seeing t&g or ari hest at the paradise (it was a surprise. note to michelle: good selection and thank you again!). but upon being told that the orpheum was the "venue has an e in the name, you've been there in the past 12 months and we can get there either by driving or by taking the t to a green line stop" she referred to, i was psyched to see tristan again before she returns to the west coast.

and she was fabulous - again. the set was short (as to be expected, as she was the first act of the night), but she included "guest check," "love love love," and "evaporated." not to mention a brand new song that i really dug. the slightly stoopid crowd was absurdly rude, shouting throughout her set, but she made sure to playfully threaten to kick their asses, so we were whooping for her from our seats in the balcony.

and after the whole lobby hangout episode, we went back to our seats to be thoroughly impressed by g. love. i was shocked - i'd seen g. love perform five years ago and wasn't overly crazy about the performance (funny anecdote: we actually left g. love's woodstock set so we could be sure to get over to the other stage and see lit perform. hmm. g. love's still around ... can't say the same for lit). but the set was a crazy kind of fabulous. i'd recommend anyone catch a live show - the music that doesn't come off overly well on an album just needs a space to fill, while g. love brings a legs-pumping-body-dancing-with-attitude charm to his performance. i was singing along to songs i didn't even think i remembered and falling for the funk/blues/r&b/hip-hop flavor presented.

the evening's expectations were beyond fulfilled by the time garrett invited tristan onstage to perform "beautiful, beautiful." singing along and cheering accompanied said song.

as we walked away from the theater after stopping by to say hi to tristan, i danced around a bit and realized the show was a great cap to a delightful day. after arriving in southie, michelle and i headed into the city and wandered the common, tremont, boylston, washington street and the north end. admittedly, we were limping our way to the orpheum by the time doors opened, as we were both wearing shoes not suited for distance walking (my feet still ache), but we laughed, chatted and took photographs throughout it all. not just fine holiday fun. grand holiday fun.

walking through the city, i again vowed to get there sooner rather than later. after the alcohol fiasco, i added a side vow: to go to a show there after moving and acquiring a massachusetts driver's license. i'm going to order a beer and take a big ol' swig of it right in front of the table. and laugh.
 

pre-sleep

status check - tired
background ambiance - television

a couple quick posts can be found on my myspace account, but the past few days have been busy with rushing about from here to there to back again. i'll be hitting the roads again tomorrow night, so as to eat turkey and treats with my family come thursday.* after returning to burlington, i'll work that dangling friday shift, sleep and then hit the roads again - an encore performance of victoria in boston (due to popular demand).

as for now ... paul - "dream brother: the lives and music of jeff and tim buckley" is the book to which you referred. i recommend it - i found it insightful and interesting.

to boston and back - photography

status check - tired
background ambiance - silence

in desperate need of sleep, but i will provide tales and anecdotes from the weekend tomorrow. look for a tristan interview piece in notebook nightlife by the end of tomorrow or tuesday at the latest.

as an added bonus, the first in several batches of digital photography is now available here. photos from the paradise saturday night and from the ira allen chapel friday night will be available by tomorrow night. for guest logins: user name - alternacoustic. password - DA36. 

lovely.

status check - happy
background ambiance - howie day, after you (thank you, digicam!)

there's nothing quite like the feeling of walking out of an interview you were super nervous about and realizing just how much fun you wound up having.

tristan was a delight - an interview piece and reviews of both her set and howie's will be on notebook nightlife early next week (probably monday).

quick summary? both were incredible. best tristan set i've yet attended, definitely the best howie set i've witnessed in a loooong time. i can't really compare tonight's set to the old days - they're apples and oranges in my mind. but he was outstanding, even managed to fit "moose cock" into the set.
 

lovely - cont.

now that takes skill, my friends.

and i've got video of a couple tristan songs and bits of howie's set - including "after you," the inclusion of which made me grin like a fool. no buckley tease, but i was more than content.

oh. someone actually hollered for "#41." michelle and beth, i thought of you both and laughed myself silly.

"'bunnies?' you play 'bunnies.'"

alright, sleep now. i plan to leave for boston in less than seven hours. 

admission

status check - sheepish, yet proud
background ambiance - rufus wainwright, the art teacher

OK! fine! i admit it! i watch it!

and know what? i'm not going to hide anymore. i will embrace the fact that i take advantage of the opportunity to catch glimpses of the album production process. i think it's a neat (albeit slightly egotistical) thing to do for those outside the process.

and dammit - it's funny at times. the frequently changing cam title alone makes me chuckle. afterhourscam, karmakamelcam, kirkcam(eron), camchowda. they're stupid and amusing, a bit over the top, but they make me smile and that's ok.

so yes. from time to time, i do watch the mrazcam. no, i don't spend every waking hour in front of it. no, i don't make screen copies. but i do watch it sometimes. OK? are you happy? LAUGH ALL YOU WANT!

xoxo - v.

my chat with turk.

status check - amused
background ambiance - typical

copied from my myspace blog. i should note that you ought to sign up for the addictive little e-space, as i find myself addicted to it as of late and posting more there than i have here. for that, non-myspace types, i apologize. but go check it out! you can read my rantings about baseball, music AND politics!

anyway. back to turk.

my chat with turk.
Current mood: amused

or, rather, jeff, turk's representative at 916-CALL-TURK. cool fellow, manning the phones over at NBC to take calls from "scrubs" fans like myself who figured "aw, why not? i'll try calling the number."

for those not aware, part of last week's episode included turk freaking over getting the 916-CALL-TURK phone number. and, because the show is brilliant like that, when you actually call the number, you get either a voicemail left by turk (donald faison, a crush of mine since the "clueless" days, i admit) or someone who picks up and fields the call.

my new friend jeff informed me that cast members are often the ones picking up, but they were on set when i called, so he's picking up and chatting with folks.

little quirky things like this raise the show even higher in my esteem. silly? of course. but funny? most certainly. and, as an added bonus, i was able to forget about feeling so lousy today. see? "scrubs" does have medicinal benefits.

i kinda dig the three-person crowds

status check - contemplative
background ambiance - rufus wainwright, want two (thanks, paul)

one of the best musical experiences ever, pulled out of my archives (pre-revelry archives - the madderrain era, circa march 2001):

... it was small, and i felt badly enough about that, and to make things worse, it was his birthday. i felt like a tool. but then i realized that those who were there really enjoyed his music and it was a great opportunity to hear him play and see his live show ... he was packing up when a group of four wandered in and jokingly asked if he'd play a song since they missed the show. matt pulled out his guitar and we (10 of us, i'd say) circled up in couches and chairs and he played for awhile longer. i requested "maid", and he did an amazing rendition of it. i'd say i preferred the second set because he sounded fantastic unplugged and completely accoustic. there's something about someone who can just sit down, strum a guitar, and sing that amazes me...even more so when there isn't anything electric (mics, amps, what have you) around. he also played "wings" for michelle because she missed it during the first set, which i thought was awesome.

i went searching for my thoughts on my first matt nathanson show after reading the latest mraz journal entry. per usual, a deftly worded run-through of several thought processes and events. but one particular chunk of the entry grabbed my attention - a comtemplative query about the nature of performance.

jason writes:
when you go to a show and you crowd into a room full of people who share the same idea of excitement and love for the music which you are about to see, you get that much more of a lift. you get to actually feel something. whereas, if you go to a show and only three people are in the audience, it's harder to find the energy to dance and make noise and participate in the show. it's how a musician gets high. it's what makes the show fun for you and your friends. it's what makes positive postive and negative negative, too much of one thing: a collective energy.

i give jason credit here. he brings up a very good point, and from the unique perspective of the performer. but while i think the idea of collective energy from a packed crowd is great - in theory - the actual experience of a shared musical moment emerges in those three- -- or ten- -- person shows more often than any crazy crowd.

why? call me cynical, but the packed houses aren't there for a shared sense of excitement and love for the music. they're there for the singles and the sex appeal. they're people who have perhaps listened to all of the major label release disc and think the music sounds kind of catchy. they're the ones who talk through an oldie but goodie so you get to the mtv hit. they're also the ones who stand outside a tour bus and scream for you to sign their sneakers, but hey.

the larger the show gets, the more ideas and expectations clash against each other to wreck the vibe. someone wants to hear the old stuff. someone wants to hear the tracks off the major album. someone else wants to hear the songs you've barely written.

the best shows i've attended have been the smaller ones - the ones where people go out of their way to make sure to see someone's set because they connected with the performer's sound in some special way. seeing people stop en route to the snack bar to listen to howie day's sets back in 2000. sitting in a ring nearby the fireplace to listen to matt's unplugged set. sitting in a room with the 20 other people who braved a snowstorm to hear an unknown john mayer play "not myself" hunched over his guitar.

have you ever been totally into a set and then realize the huge crowd around you is busy waiting for the next musician to come on? you just deflate a bit inside. because the crowd doesn't get it and the musician a mile away onstage doesn't know that someone out there really DID get it.

those are the shows that really get me. the ones where i feel like i'm right up there in the room with the musician - and he can sense my presence as much as i can sense his. there's a collective energy there too - but one with a face.

status check - sappy
background ambiance - tv news

the really good days always creep up on you.

you have a lot of decent days - nothing horrible, but nothing too spectacular. they're the norm and you're pretty content to have your inconsequential grumbles.

you have the clearly labeled "big days" - a trip, a show you've been looking forward to. some of them meet your expectations, while others, for whatever reason, fall short. but those are the days that are supposed to be great, the date circled on your calendar - either physically or, more often, simply set apart from the others in your mind.

then you have days like today, when nothing particularly out of the ordinary happens. but there are all the little pices of your day that come together to form sense of ordinary spectacle. you go shopping with your mother and get her to finally buy some things for herself. you find the perfect winter coat. you bicker and laugh as you try to fit a piece of lumber into the back of your car and you hear her giggle uncontrolably as the board hits you in the head as you get ready to drive home (there's an explanation, i swear). you burn her a mix cd of songs she really wants and laugh as you find the bay city rollers song she wants. you take some neat photos of a beautiful sunset on your new digital camera. you drive home, smiling and singing along to the mix you made for yourself, and you walk in to find your roommates wearing smiles that match your own. warm brownies and good television. more laughter.

nothing amazing happened, nothing that should set the day apart from any other. but realizing how well it all turned out - and realizing that you were happy and carefree throughout it all - you don't want to let the day end because it was all beautiful, in that ordinarily gorgeous way.

you wind up writing about it before bed, inexplicably crying because you realize how out-of-the-ordinary the day about to end was. and the people who really mean something to you - whether they were a part of this day or not - are more amazing than you feel you deserve.

you're just happy to have them. 

checking in

status check - worn out
background ambiance - "the daily show" (tivo!)

for someone with a particular interest in writing, i've had the damndest time with that whole communication concept as of late.

my apologies. blame myspace, as i've gotten hooked on it. again. but really? it's just a blah week and i don't feel like recording my sense of general disinterest so as to be remembered for the rest of time.

enlightened obsession

status check - tired, frustrated
background ambiance - typical

from rob brezsny's free will astrology ...

Scorpio -
According to philosopher George Santayana, "A fanatic is one who redoubles his effort when he has forgotten his aim." Let's make sure that doesn't become an apt description of you in the coming weeks, Scorpio. I have no problem with you redoubling your already-intensive efforts. In fact, I encourage you to take your dogged, concentrated approach to new levels that are unprecedented even for you. Just make sure that you never get sidetracked by fantasies of revenge or other irrelevant diversions. Stay hyper-focused on your worthy, noble goals. Show all of us the meaning of enlightened obsession.

well, my digital camera arrived ... 

a muck of a monday

status check - disheartened
background ambiance - typical

burlington's first snowfall is descending with a styrofoam swirl. these aren't snowflakes, instead small pellets of hard frozen fluff. they're so odd and hard on the outside that individual balls don't even feel cold when you try to squeeze them beween your fingers. i'm trying to imagine it's a cruel hollywood prank being played on already stressed vermonters - the snow's not real and it's not ready to be here through april. it's soundstage snow, not nature's.

i'd take foam snow over the real thing anyday.

i'm not ready for winter, not ready for cold, not ready for much of anything. i'm just tired and annoyed.

it's hard not to start feeling alone and melancholy when the skies are dreary and the wind is brisk. i feel colder, rougher around the edges and i have a lower tolerance level than normal. i don't want to let anyone in and i certainly don't want to start looking forward to something that will, like everything else, wind up blowing up in my face.

i see it in everyone else - people seem steelier and sharper just at the time i want someone to rub my back and let me get out a good cry. perhaps if i cry, i'll be able to wake up.

a resignation

status check - cold
background ambiance - television

there's that moment when you dig out your wool peacoat and put it on for the first time each season - when you resign yourself to the fact that winter's coming, whether you like it or not. all you can do is bundle up outdoors, curl up indoors, and wait for spring to save you.

well, that was interesting

status check - disappointed
background ambiance - silence

ok, let me clarify. for the record, if you will. i admit wholeheartedly that i was checking out michael as he stood over at the table. but i wasn't doing so with the thoughts his grandmother must have thought were going through my mind. i was noticing how much better he's looking now - and how relieved and happy i was to see him happy. it certainly did not warrant telling him about said checkout and pointing me out in my small group of friends!

that bit of hilarious birthday embarrassment aside, let me say this.

averi, i'm done. have a nice career.

it's a disenchanting moment
when you can finally say
it's just another sad example
of the basic rock & roll cliche

what's all this aboot?

status check - amused beyond belief
background ambiance - typical

i fucking LOVE THIS.

marry an american

notebook nightlife update

status check - peachy
background ambiance - live howie day - madrigals/new year's prayer/sweet

notebook nightlife has been updated with links to theater reviews published in the paper, some from a bit ago, two more recently. i've got several concerts lined up that will be reviewed for it in the coming weeks, as well as a scheduled interview with tristan prettyman when she's in burlington in two weeks. and since i'll have my digital camera shortly, i'll be able to add photos to the pieces. stop on over and check out the reviews if you haven't seen them in their print form - there's a link in the index on the right.

saying thanks

status check - good
background ambiance - phone call

i sent my parents flowers today.

normally, one might think the situation should be reversed. it's my birthday, so shouldn't i be getting the flower arrangements and accompanying card?

i say no. about a month ago, my mom joked around about birthdays, remarking, "you know some children send their mothers flowers on the child's birthday so as to say thank you."

she forgot about the comment, but i remembered, as i liked the idea. so today, my parents received a display of variously-shaded pink flowers in an old-fashioned sodashop glass. a "cherry" red-rose topped it off, as did two bent straws. it looks like a strawberry ice cream soda. inside the card, i added "thanks for that whole having me thing."

they loved it, which made me happy. after all, they're the ones who should really be celebrated today - hell, they've put up with having this crazy girl in their lives for 24 years.

that is one heck of an accomplishment.

so yes. the election put a rather somber tone on the day, but it wasn't a complete loss. i awoke to a message from my brother, reminding me that i'm old. i walked into the living room to find a message on the computer from my flatmate, reminding me that i'm old. spoke to my parents on the telephone and they reminded me that i'm old. add a birthday lunch to the mix and i'm happy but ready to break a hip or something.

and hey, not everyone gets a protest of anarchists ready to overthrow the bush regime on their special day. take that.

but thanks to those who remembered and sent messages and the like. especially to beth, julie, michelle, tom, parentals and becca. you're most fabulous.

the speeches - read between the lines

status check - old
background ambiance - television

first, john kerry

I wish that I could just wrap you up in my arms and embrace each and every one of you individually all across this nation.

by "all across this nation," i mean those that mattered - i.e. california, massachuetts (my peeps, represent!), new york, jersey, and ohio - or at least the ohio voters who cast ballots for me. and those who voted for me even though i never stepped foot inside your measly, skimpy-electoral-vote-touting states.

I will always be particularly grateful to the colleague that you just heard from who became my partner, my very close friend, an extraordinary leader, John Edwards.

dude, sorry about that whole being unemployed thing. that's gonna blow. whoops.

They braved the hot days of summer and the cold days of the fall and the winter to knock on doors because they were determined to open the doors of opportunity to all Americans.

the hot days, the cold days - every day except november 2.

The time will come, the election will come when your work and your ballots will change the world. And it's worth fighting for.

gore/kerry 2008, bee-atches!

and now, bush:

America has spoken

and i say this: i hate you, california.

and I'm humbled by the trust and the confidence of my fellow citizens.

i can't believe they actually fell for that whole wolf thing.

I will need your support and I will work to earn it

and if that doesn't work, i will blow new england off the continent. dumbass yankee liberals.

and God bless America.

like, for real. you all actually bought the wolves thing? no joke? PUPPETS! ALL MINE!!!

*****

seriously. i live in a nation of morons.

one down, one to go

status check - pleased
background ambiance - johnny damon on letterman

i've been in a huge picture-taking phase as of late. after two years of taking virtually no photographs, i've gone wild with the camera and film, with various trips, visitors and adventures to document for the ages.

and for the past couple of weeks, as my family began asking what i wanted for my birthday and christmas, i've been saying that i only want two things: contributions to the "vickie goes to san diego in february" fund and a digital camera with which to document previously mentioned trip to san diego.

this evening, i picked out and ordered the lovely digital camera my parents and grandmother are giving me for my birthday ... which only leaves that whole contribution thing come christmas.

i'm going, dammit!

nanomo

status check - ambitious
background ambiance - typical

i'm participating in national novel writing month (nanomo) and will have a novel finished by dec. 1.

i'll write nothing more about it here until it is finished.

in other news, i have a new theory that i must further test out. it's somewhat exasperating, but i think i might be onto something. hmm ...