Hey little dreamer's eyes open and staring up at me
Oh little lonely eyes open and radiant
Wait until I come and I will steal you
Wait until I come I'll take your soul
Wait until I come and I will steal you
Wait until I come and I won't go
Darlin' dreamin in the night
Shadows on the windows
Lead oh and everyone go
Well leave me on the night
I will give you lightning
I will not relinquish light
Oh little dreamer eyes open and raving here
Wait until I come and see you little girl
When we come I'll leave with you too
When we come I'll let you come low
Hey we'll leave it all behind
Oh and then the nightmares
I'll fill them in good time
Oh they will seat your mind
When the light hits
And you maybe'll ask me
Why do you run around here
Why do you come inside of me
Why does it rip me out in dream
Why then why then watch this little fuck
Going away
Why this lonely
Why this lonely
Why this lonely love
Why this lonely
Why this lonely
Why this lonely love
Halloween
Carry on
Bury all
Bury all
Bury all
Bury all
Bury all
And in this dream
Tell us are you satisfied with fucking
Don't walk away
Don't walk away
Don't walk away
I'm talking to you
Love is hell
Love is hell
Love is hell
Love this I'll tame you
Love
Love
Love
Love this not me here
Love
Love
Love
Love him up to you
10.31.2001
i needed today desperately.
went to classes, came home and relaxed. i was the only one in the house for most of the day, so i cranked my speakers and sang along at the top of my lungs to howie, john, anything that was playing, even if i didn't know the words.
played my much-neglected guitar so much that my fingers (much in need of callouses again) ached. granted, most of it sucked (i worked on "watchtower", "she says", and "lover, you should've..."), but i was playing it. i had time to play it.
went to the defender story meeting, everyone was in good shape, so i left about ten minutes after writers started showing up.
went home, played guitar more, sat on the couch and did nothing, watched "the west wing" (IT'S GETTING SO GOOD! my one hour a week of 'much-see tv'), watched part of "the mask" simply because it was on and i was too lazy to change the channel...
i should have done work. every rational part of my brain was telling me to work on my essay for liz, figure out defender stuff, write, read, something.
but my body was perfectly content to just sit there for a few precious hours and relax. i think it was the longest period of continuous relaxation i've had all semester.
and as i realized this, i grew more content. and the rational parts of my brain grew quiet because i was content. i can get everything done tomorrow and friday. i needed today desperately. and i loved it.
so now, to continue my self-indulgent day, i'm going to bed early. before midnight. who would have imagined?
went to classes, came home and relaxed. i was the only one in the house for most of the day, so i cranked my speakers and sang along at the top of my lungs to howie, john, anything that was playing, even if i didn't know the words.
played my much-neglected guitar so much that my fingers (much in need of callouses again) ached. granted, most of it sucked (i worked on "watchtower", "she says", and "lover, you should've..."), but i was playing it. i had time to play it.
went to the defender story meeting, everyone was in good shape, so i left about ten minutes after writers started showing up.
went home, played guitar more, sat on the couch and did nothing, watched "the west wing" (IT'S GETTING SO GOOD! my one hour a week of 'much-see tv'), watched part of "the mask" simply because it was on and i was too lazy to change the channel...
i should have done work. every rational part of my brain was telling me to work on my essay for liz, figure out defender stuff, write, read, something.
but my body was perfectly content to just sit there for a few precious hours and relax. i think it was the longest period of continuous relaxation i've had all semester.
and as i realized this, i grew more content. and the rational parts of my brain grew quiet because i was content. i can get everything done tomorrow and friday. i needed today desperately. and i loved it.
so now, to continue my self-indulgent day, i'm going to bed early. before midnight. who would have imagined?
i will say rehearsal was interesting, to say the least. but exceptionally amusing...
aw, fuck it. i have to be an actress. i can at least be mature about it. it's part of the job. it's all good.
a couple of cars were torched tonight in the ryan lot. rob and i responded to it--i've got the start of a story, rob pulled through and got some pictures. i'm glad he came down for it--paul will be impressed tomorrow, and i feel more like an actual newsy newspaper for being "at the scene of the crime."
aw, fuck it. i have to be an actress. i can at least be mature about it. it's part of the job. it's all good.
a couple of cars were torched tonight in the ryan lot. rob and i responded to it--i've got the start of a story, rob pulled through and got some pictures. i'm glad he came down for it--paul will be impressed tomorrow, and i feel more like an actual newsy newspaper for being "at the scene of the crime."
10.30.2001
i ran some errands today, making a stop at barnes & noble. it was so nice to have some spare time to browse the aisles--although, for what seems like the first time in my life, i couldn't find anything that i wanted to read! i finally stumbled across on the road and picked it up--it was a staff selection with a little sign saying "read this while you're still young!"
so i decided to. :)
rehearsal tonight, then sleep? well, story ideas, then sleep. but it could, in theory, be an early night. yay...
so i decided to. :)
rehearsal tonight, then sleep? well, story ideas, then sleep. but it could, in theory, be an early night. yay...
oh, how much do i want to go to this??? i'm assuming we'll be going to my grandmother's in massachusetts for thanksgiving--i think i'm going to have to drag my brother to this with me. just reading about it makes my body want to explode with glee.
fuck. i need to sleep. i have to wake up around 8. fuckedy fuck fuck fuck.
fuck. i need to sleep. i have to wake up around 8. fuckedy fuck fuck fuck.
finishing the newspaper. well, as much as possible tonight, anyway. have to share all of the news i've acquired thought--i'm so proud of my music boys!
- howie was not only featured on "dawson's creek" (she says), but also on the season finale of "road rules" (disco). and i'm counting down the days until he plays at smc (dec. 4!!!!)
- john will be on "conan o'brien" on nov. 9. john will also be playing in springfield, ma. on the 17th, and if things work out accordingly, a michelle, bethy and vickie combo will be in attendance--my first 21+ concert. i love being legal already--and i'm still a few days away...
the musical surprises of today make all the defender bullshit seem that little bit better. :)
- howie was not only featured on "dawson's creek" (she says), but also on the season finale of "road rules" (disco). and i'm counting down the days until he plays at smc (dec. 4!!!!)
- john will be on "conan o'brien" on nov. 9. john will also be playing in springfield, ma. on the 17th, and if things work out accordingly, a michelle, bethy and vickie combo will be in attendance--my first 21+ concert. i love being legal already--and i'm still a few days away...
the musical surprises of today make all the defender bullshit seem that little bit better. :)
10.29.2001
i found a link to the 1000 journals project, courtesy of elizabeth. i love the concept. how impressive is this??? if you happen to find one and want someone to pass it along to, let me know.
it never fails. we lost our a & e page. bad file, the computer says. motherfucker.
but, in fine defender form, it will all get done. no matter how crazy we go, it will get done. it always has, always will.
i must get my story about colby put together, finish editing down the letters to the editor and then wait for everything else to get done so i can finish the paper tonight.
bleargh.
but, in fine defender form, it will all get done. no matter how crazy we go, it will get done. it always has, always will.
i must get my story about colby put together, finish editing down the letters to the editor and then wait for everything else to get done so i can finish the paper tonight.
bleargh.
10.28.2001
NAME ANALYSIS FOR: V.
V.:
You have difficulty getting emotionally close to others. You believe in live and let live. You are future oriented. You are relatively demonstrative in your affections. You enjoy being stroked verbally and physically. You are clever, inventive, imaginative and youthful. You enjoy socializing. Your privacy is important to you. You have a rich inner life. You have a great deal of loyalty to those you love. You have much inner strength. You enjoy a challenge. You can take thought-directed actions. You need to learn to give and receive love for love's sake. You have a need to be assured of affection. You have much enthusiasm with a driving attitude toward achievement in life.
Middle name:
You want to be productive and feel useful, and enjoy helping solve problems. You like to be busy and not waste time. You have a need to be up front. You have a lack of confidence in your mental abilities and do not like being forced into giving your opinion. You need to learn to give and receive love for love's sake. You have a need to be assured of affection. You can be quite inventive and quite curious.
Last name:
Take advantage of all opportunities. You must develop your creativity and talents. You are determined to prove yourself to others. You need to learn to be expressive. You are a person who cannot tolerate being misunderstood. You have a diplomatic flair to your nature. Equality and fairness are important to you. You need to learn concentration and not to scatter your mental energies. You work hard to achieve material success through your own efforts.
from here
V.:
You have difficulty getting emotionally close to others. You believe in live and let live. You are future oriented. You are relatively demonstrative in your affections. You enjoy being stroked verbally and physically. You are clever, inventive, imaginative and youthful. You enjoy socializing. Your privacy is important to you. You have a rich inner life. You have a great deal of loyalty to those you love. You have much inner strength. You enjoy a challenge. You can take thought-directed actions. You need to learn to give and receive love for love's sake. You have a need to be assured of affection. You have much enthusiasm with a driving attitude toward achievement in life.
Middle name:
You want to be productive and feel useful, and enjoy helping solve problems. You like to be busy and not waste time. You have a need to be up front. You have a lack of confidence in your mental abilities and do not like being forced into giving your opinion. You need to learn to give and receive love for love's sake. You have a need to be assured of affection. You can be quite inventive and quite curious.
Last name:
Take advantage of all opportunities. You must develop your creativity and talents. You are determined to prove yourself to others. You need to learn to be expressive. You are a person who cannot tolerate being misunderstood. You have a diplomatic flair to your nature. Equality and fairness are important to you. You need to learn concentration and not to scatter your mental energies. You work hard to achieve material success through your own efforts.
from here
my first really sour smc halloween experience. i don't know what exactly it was about the evening, but i wasn't a fan at all. i think a great deal of it did have to do with the fact that i've been running around like a chicken with my head cut off--normally, at least the week before halloween is dedicated to figuring everything out. this year, i didn't even know what i was going to be until i got home from work.
michelle, bethy and i went as smc cheerleaders--the only time i will EVER be seen in a cheerleader's uniform. i went through my high school years and most of college avoiding the pom poms, but it was fun to be silly and goof off. i'm not gonna lie about it.
today has been hectic. arcadie run-through followed by defender evening. i still have to go over the printed proofs, but it seemed as if things went well this week--keeping my fingers crossed.
tomorrow will be crazy. class, defender all afternoon (including trying to get my story written), then arcadia in the evening, then back to defender around 11 to finish everything up. i hope to be out of there, paper to bed by 1. we'll see.
i talked to my brother tonight--he's going to make a trip to burlington so he can see me saturday. it's going to be a crazy day--at midnight friday night/saturday morning, we're going downtown, then my parents are taking me to lunch saturday, visit with the brother, then have fun and do whatever saturday night.
it's so odd to think that in less than a week i'll be legal. it always seemed so far away--this pinicle i never thought i'd be able to reach. hmm.
anyway, proofs need to be edited.
michelle, bethy and i went as smc cheerleaders--the only time i will EVER be seen in a cheerleader's uniform. i went through my high school years and most of college avoiding the pom poms, but it was fun to be silly and goof off. i'm not gonna lie about it.
today has been hectic. arcadie run-through followed by defender evening. i still have to go over the printed proofs, but it seemed as if things went well this week--keeping my fingers crossed.
tomorrow will be crazy. class, defender all afternoon (including trying to get my story written), then arcadia in the evening, then back to defender around 11 to finish everything up. i hope to be out of there, paper to bed by 1. we'll see.
i talked to my brother tonight--he's going to make a trip to burlington so he can see me saturday. it's going to be a crazy day--at midnight friday night/saturday morning, we're going downtown, then my parents are taking me to lunch saturday, visit with the brother, then have fun and do whatever saturday night.
it's so odd to think that in less than a week i'll be legal. it always seemed so far away--this pinicle i never thought i'd be able to reach. hmm.
anyway, proofs need to be edited.
10.27.2001
today is most likely my last day as a clerk at the f. due to a number of reasons (mostly the aftermath of 9/11--damn you osama), the clerk program is being cut for the time being. i suppose in one respect it makes it easier--i'll have spare time on saturdays now, yippee--but i'm disappointed. much as it's a pain the ass to be working on a saturday, i love being here in the newsroom and covering all of this stuff. fortunately, my internship here is pretty much set--yay!--so i'll be back in january. but i'm still rather blue about it. the fact that i have a pounding headache doesn't help me at all...
t let me use his desk today, and he had internet going--so for the first time, i get to use internet while i'm at work! little things that make me happy. i've been working on my 9/11 fundraising story, utilizing a connection to my email. ah...technology is a grand thing.
patternson was playing my guitar downstairs last night (michelle snuck in while i was sleeping so he could use it--because he was going to tune it as well) and broke a string--good boy that he is, he's going to restring my guitar for me and tune it. plus, rumor has it he's going to play a song for me tomorrow ("yellow"--i'm so excited!). michelle and i were joking about how he should show up at rehearsal and play it for me there. i could just imagine kirk's face with that one...
speaking of rehearsal, i had a chloe breakthrough last night. i feel so much better about my part--i've been ridiculously nervous/in despair about it for awhile. i actually feel like there's a reason i'm there now. always a good thing, eh?
you can always tell when i have nothing else to do when i'm blogging non-stop...
t let me use his desk today, and he had internet going--so for the first time, i get to use internet while i'm at work! little things that make me happy. i've been working on my 9/11 fundraising story, utilizing a connection to my email. ah...technology is a grand thing.
patternson was playing my guitar downstairs last night (michelle snuck in while i was sleeping so he could use it--because he was going to tune it as well) and broke a string--good boy that he is, he's going to restring my guitar for me and tune it. plus, rumor has it he's going to play a song for me tomorrow ("yellow"--i'm so excited!). michelle and i were joking about how he should show up at rehearsal and play it for me there. i could just imagine kirk's face with that one...
speaking of rehearsal, i had a chloe breakthrough last night. i feel so much better about my part--i've been ridiculously nervous/in despair about it for awhile. i actually feel like there's a reason i'm there now. always a good thing, eh?
you can always tell when i have nothing else to do when i'm blogging non-stop...
10.26.2001
rumor has it remy zero will be playing at higher ground right around the same time dispatch plays here. but i can't find any confirmed information about it.
if remy zero plays burlington, i must be there.
if remy zero plays burlington, i must be there.
i'm exhausted, so sleep is coming early tonight. thank goodness...
liz, my creative non-fiction writing professor, gave me a welcome lift in the spirits today when i got back my annotations for my essay. i was walking on air when i left the class...
my parents stopped by briefly to give me groceries, halloween candy, and possible ideas for costumes, which i thought was amazingly sweet. my mother slipped a card into one of the bags for me--i found it when i got home from class:
this is a test of the emergency sanity system. this is only a test...hang in there.
my father included a roll of life savers. i called home later to thank them for stopping by and bringing me love, mom made a comment about how i'm almost 21, almost an adult who won't need her parents anymore because i'll be an independant woman (no destiny's child references, i beg you).
i assured her that i won't stop needing them any time soon. i'd go mad without them.
the improv show tonight was amusing--i played "what are you doing?" with everyone--i made chris improv winning a beauty pagent. hehehehehe.
now i need sleep. long day today, long weekend this weekend. blearg.
liz, my creative non-fiction writing professor, gave me a welcome lift in the spirits today when i got back my annotations for my essay. i was walking on air when i left the class...
my parents stopped by briefly to give me groceries, halloween candy, and possible ideas for costumes, which i thought was amazingly sweet. my mother slipped a card into one of the bags for me--i found it when i got home from class:
this is a test of the emergency sanity system. this is only a test...hang in there.
my father included a roll of life savers. i called home later to thank them for stopping by and bringing me love, mom made a comment about how i'm almost 21, almost an adult who won't need her parents anymore because i'll be an independant woman (no destiny's child references, i beg you).
i assured her that i won't stop needing them any time soon. i'd go mad without them.
the improv show tonight was amusing--i played "what are you doing?" with everyone--i made chris improv winning a beauty pagent. hehehehehe.
now i need sleep. long day today, long weekend this weekend. blearg.
10.25.2001
jen kelly one word one space was actually awake last night--so rather than get all of my work done, the four of us hung out in my room, laughing, talking, and laughing some more.
highlight of the night--"i'd rather be that tin thing he's screwing!"--pumpy
i walked into work today and eric told me he was supposed to beat on me. courtesy of my father. ??? he'd called, i wasn't there yet, he told eric to beat me up for it. my father and my supervisor conspiring against me. madness, i tell you. :)
highlight of the night--"i'd rather be that tin thing he's screwing!"--pumpy
i walked into work today and eric told me he was supposed to beat on me. courtesy of my father. ??? he'd called, i wasn't there yet, he told eric to beat me up for it. my father and my supervisor conspiring against me. madness, i tell you. :)
10.24.2001
my name is victoria. i am a senior in college and am preparing for the rest of my life.
i think of others and take their opinions into consideration. at times, i bend over backwards to make things easier for others. i have a difficult time saying no to requests, for example.
some call it a flaw, others call it a virtue. i call it a bit of both.
i care about what others think and what others feel, true. however, when push comes to shove, i will do what i need to do. i will not sacrifice myself, my well-being, my happiness, entirely for others.
i am not a sidekick, i am not a doormat, i am not someone who is easily manipulated.
just felt a need to clarify.
i think of others and take their opinions into consideration. at times, i bend over backwards to make things easier for others. i have a difficult time saying no to requests, for example.
some call it a flaw, others call it a virtue. i call it a bit of both.
i care about what others think and what others feel, true. however, when push comes to shove, i will do what i need to do. i will not sacrifice myself, my well-being, my happiness, entirely for others.
i am not a sidekick, i am not a doormat, i am not someone who is easily manipulated.
just felt a need to clarify.
10.23.2001
10.22.2001
i don't know what it is exactly...perhaps a combination of things.
my overly insane schedule finally making me snap...watching, of all things, "josie and the pussycats", lack of sleep, some really fucked up drugs that were slipped into something i ate or drank...the fact that it is coming up on 3 a.m...
but i am in an amazingly good mood. and i don't feel like anything can put me out of that good mood right now.
i'm going to write my kirk mediation about the bachaae (without ever actually reading it, whoops), i am going to curl up in bed, and i am going to drift off to happy sleep. when i wake up, i am going to find something adorable to wear, i am going to go to class, and i am going to be in a good mood.
so there.
my overly insane schedule finally making me snap...watching, of all things, "josie and the pussycats", lack of sleep, some really fucked up drugs that were slipped into something i ate or drank...the fact that it is coming up on 3 a.m...
but i am in an amazingly good mood. and i don't feel like anything can put me out of that good mood right now.
i'm going to write my kirk mediation about the bachaae (without ever actually reading it, whoops), i am going to curl up in bed, and i am going to drift off to happy sleep. when i wake up, i am going to find something adorable to wear, i am going to go to class, and i am going to be in a good mood.
so there.
10.21.2001
10.20.2001
10.19.2001
after completing all of my work, i walked into class, set up my stacks of papers on my desk, and promptly felt like i was going to faint. i spent all of class in health services--curled up on a bed feeling like i was dying. i was: dehydrrated, exhausted, trying to function with no food in my stomach, and just all sorts of fucked up.
today has been hellish. everything is coming down on me, and i don't feel like i can get it all done. i don't know how i'm going to make it through the next few weeks.
today has been hellish. everything is coming down on me, and i don't feel like i can get it all done. i don't know how i'm going to make it through the next few weeks.
10.18.2001
i wrote my essay, i wrote eight responses to essays. all within the span of 16 hours.
i have a massive pile of papers next to me, all ready for class. 19 copies of my theatre essay, then two copies of each annotation, one which is attached to the essay itself.
i went to sleep around 4 last night when my body would no longer function.
i didn't think i'd get it all done, but i did. barely!
i'm psyched about my essay--i needed a really good angle that tied everything together, so i focused on louns. i like it. :)
i have a massive pile of papers next to me, all ready for class. 19 copies of my theatre essay, then two copies of each annotation, one which is attached to the essay itself.
i went to sleep around 4 last night when my body would no longer function.
i didn't think i'd get it all done, but i did. barely!
i'm psyched about my essay--i needed a really good angle that tied everything together, so i focused on louns. i like it. :)
10.16.2001
tomorrow is supposedly my one stress-free day of the week.
mix in two talks with writing for media students (informing them that if they continue to procrastinate and not go to story meetings, they will not fulfil requirements for writing courses because we won't have enough stories at the end of the semester), driving the paper to the printer and making sure extra CORRECT copies of last issue are published so we can submit to competitions, learning my lines for arcadia, rehearsal and a budget meeting with dennis, dianne and paul, i don't think it will be a stress-free day after all.
at least the paper will (should, had better) look good.
mix in two talks with writing for media students (informing them that if they continue to procrastinate and not go to story meetings, they will not fulfil requirements for writing courses because we won't have enough stories at the end of the semester), driving the paper to the printer and making sure extra CORRECT copies of last issue are published so we can submit to competitions, learning my lines for arcadia, rehearsal and a budget meeting with dennis, dianne and paul, i don't think it will be a stress-free day after all.
at least the paper will (should, had better) look good.
10.15.2001
this just in from the big blue house:
howie and jamie on tv
hey kids,
just wanted to let everyone know to set their vcr's on record on october 24. here's what's happening:
she says will be on dawson's creek (the WB - season premiere????)
i will be on street team tv (music choice - 10pm with pete yorn, this episode also features john mayer) www.streeteamtv.com
so be on the lookout.
word up.
love,
jamie
she says on dawson's creek.
i always said it would happen...just took a couple years longer than i expected.
heeheeheeheehee
howie and jamie on tv
hey kids,
just wanted to let everyone know to set their vcr's on record on october 24. here's what's happening:
she says will be on dawson's creek (the WB - season premiere????)
i will be on street team tv (music choice - 10pm with pete yorn, this episode also features john mayer) www.streeteamtv.com
so be on the lookout.
word up.
love,
jamie
she says on dawson's creek.
i always said it would happen...just took a couple years longer than i expected.
heeheeheeheehee
paper's just about done. i'm just waiting for baz to get here so we can collect for output and then get the hell out of here.
looks alright...i wish some things had gone differently, but not much to be done about it now. and they are things that will drive ME crazy when i see the finished product on wednesday, but joe or jane q. public won't notice when they pick it up to read.
c'est la vie...just wanna go home!
looks alright...i wish some things had gone differently, but not much to be done about it now. and they are things that will drive ME crazy when i see the finished product on wednesday, but joe or jane q. public won't notice when they pick it up to read.
c'est la vie...just wanna go home!
AURGH.
nothing ever goes entirely right with the defender.
i don't understand how students can be signed up to take writing for media classes--therefore pretty much qualifying them as majors or at least minors--and not care about what section they write for and how the story turns out.
WHY ARE YOU TAKING JOURNALISM COURSES?!?!?!?!
nothing ever goes entirely right with the defender.
i don't understand how students can be signed up to take writing for media classes--therefore pretty much qualifying them as majors or at least minors--and not care about what section they write for and how the story turns out.
WHY ARE YOU TAKING JOURNALISM COURSES?!?!?!?!
10.14.2001
most of the section editors were done with their sections by 9. i left around 10:30. i'm now going to start going over proofs, with the hope of being done by 1 so i can wake up to talk to writing classes and kick young writers' asses.
i think you could say it was a very surprising, but very pleasing defender sunday.
i think you could say it was a very surprising, but very pleasing defender sunday.
i earned tonight.
so fucking fun. heaven, hell, and purgatory in the 3s. i'm not one to sit there and party just because eveyrone else is partying. i've been partying because i've earned the right to do so. and i'ev had a blast. i'd prefer to ignore what i've had to drink this evening, because it surprises/amazes me...we've done so well...
so fucking fun. heaven, hell, and purgatory in the 3s. i'm not one to sit there and party just because eveyrone else is partying. i've been partying because i've earned the right to do so. and i'ev had a blast. i'd prefer to ignore what i've had to drink this evening, because it surprises/amazes me...we've done so well...
10.13.2001
10.12.2001
i'm about to spontaneously combust.
too much...too much...i feel like i'm starting to flounder a bit. up to my eyes in defender stuff...i feel like i can't get anything done the right way and each time one task appears to be nearing completion, i look at the list of what i still need to do and it has quadrupled. so i walk about with my mind racing and, if i look at it all at once, i feel like i shouldn't be alloting myself the time to breathe, sleep or eat.
i thought i was getting a grasp on this whole editor thing, but it's so hard. i can't please anyone, everyone's coming up to me with problem after problem, i have to juggle it all, and i feel like i'm dropping everything. i'm supposed to be the one who has it all together, and i feel like the cracks are starting to show.
arcadia tonight. first rehearsal with everyone in the cast, first rehearsal with our new bernard (collin). it should be good. it'll be a good opportunity to break away from my fucked up reality for a few hours...
have to work on the ad situation for the pages sometime today, then rehearsal, then work tomorrow. then relax and perhaps even party a wee lil bit tomorrow night before defender sunday.
i just want ONE DAY OFF...
in other news, howie's site got a makeover...i like the concept behind it...color scheme is rather painful, general design things need some work (jesus christ, i am an editor, aren't i?). he actually updated the road journal (now "road news"), which was a pleasant surprise. special kudos to the "madrigals" theme to the site, especially for the "flash" photo under "music."
no time. must work. must not have a nervous breakdown.
too much...too much...i feel like i'm starting to flounder a bit. up to my eyes in defender stuff...i feel like i can't get anything done the right way and each time one task appears to be nearing completion, i look at the list of what i still need to do and it has quadrupled. so i walk about with my mind racing and, if i look at it all at once, i feel like i shouldn't be alloting myself the time to breathe, sleep or eat.
i thought i was getting a grasp on this whole editor thing, but it's so hard. i can't please anyone, everyone's coming up to me with problem after problem, i have to juggle it all, and i feel like i'm dropping everything. i'm supposed to be the one who has it all together, and i feel like the cracks are starting to show.
arcadia tonight. first rehearsal with everyone in the cast, first rehearsal with our new bernard (collin). it should be good. it'll be a good opportunity to break away from my fucked up reality for a few hours...
have to work on the ad situation for the pages sometime today, then rehearsal, then work tomorrow. then relax and perhaps even party a wee lil bit tomorrow night before defender sunday.
i just want ONE DAY OFF...
in other news, howie's site got a makeover...i like the concept behind it...color scheme is rather painful, general design things need some work (jesus christ, i am an editor, aren't i?). he actually updated the road journal (now "road news"), which was a pleasant surprise. special kudos to the "madrigals" theme to the site, especially for the "flash" photo under "music."
no time. must work. must not have a nervous breakdown.
10.09.2001
quick summary of the weekend:
saw "serendipity" sunday. twice, actually. michelle and i went to see a matinee here, then when i went home, i took my parents to see it (mom really wanted to see it with me, and i didn't have the heart to tell her i'd already seen it--plus it was sweet that she saw the movie trailer on tv, thought of me, and wanted to see it with me). love it. something about a sappy romantic movie (especially since it stars john cusack) that makes me happy. i was also thrilled that "83" made it into the movie and the soundtrack, which my mother bought for me today. so what if we only met john twice and spoke to him for an hour and a half tops. it's thrilling to see someone i've thought of as a great little secret for almost a year becoming bigger. i feel like, in my own dopey little way, i was involved in the process. or something, whatever.
spending time at home was good. my parents are having a much harder time having both tom and myself out of the house than they let on. i was only going to be home for the night, but i stuck around to spend time with my mom today. it made her happy, and seeing it make her happy made me happy.
my house is so different...they cleaned out a lot of things and moved stuff around and bought new things...walking into each room and seeing it changed threw me for a loop. it looks good, obviously, but at the same point, in my own self-centered perception of things, nothing is supposed to look different. every time i come home it should all look just like how i left it. it made me sad, admittedly. but at the same time, happy that they're doing OK without us...but also rather sad. it feels like they're settling in for getting visits from us from time to time...in a sort of circle, i feel like my mom now, stopping in to visit my grandmother for a weekend, then heading back to my own life. it feels too early to be feeling this way, a sentiment i think my parents both feel as well. but then again, part of the process of growing up. adjustment.
saw "serendipity" sunday. twice, actually. michelle and i went to see a matinee here, then when i went home, i took my parents to see it (mom really wanted to see it with me, and i didn't have the heart to tell her i'd already seen it--plus it was sweet that she saw the movie trailer on tv, thought of me, and wanted to see it with me). love it. something about a sappy romantic movie (especially since it stars john cusack) that makes me happy. i was also thrilled that "83" made it into the movie and the soundtrack, which my mother bought for me today. so what if we only met john twice and spoke to him for an hour and a half tops. it's thrilling to see someone i've thought of as a great little secret for almost a year becoming bigger. i feel like, in my own dopey little way, i was involved in the process. or something, whatever.
spending time at home was good. my parents are having a much harder time having both tom and myself out of the house than they let on. i was only going to be home for the night, but i stuck around to spend time with my mom today. it made her happy, and seeing it make her happy made me happy.
my house is so different...they cleaned out a lot of things and moved stuff around and bought new things...walking into each room and seeing it changed threw me for a loop. it looks good, obviously, but at the same point, in my own self-centered perception of things, nothing is supposed to look different. every time i come home it should all look just like how i left it. it made me sad, admittedly. but at the same time, happy that they're doing OK without us...but also rather sad. it feels like they're settling in for getting visits from us from time to time...in a sort of circle, i feel like my mom now, stopping in to visit my grandmother for a weekend, then heading back to my own life. it feels too early to be feeling this way, a sentiment i think my parents both feel as well. but then again, part of the process of growing up. adjustment.
10.03.2001
i just had to run the recovery disk on my computer.
yeah.
so all my mp3s are gone. my shn's of howie, john, pmb...all gone. i didn't even think about the number of papers, emails, IMs i'd wanted to save. yeah, they're all gone too.
but in better news, WEST WING WAS ON TONIGHT!!! that show blows me away.
oh yeah, the printer fucked up the newspaper. some headlines got all fucked up.
i'm thrilled. can't you tell?
yeah.
so all my mp3s are gone. my shn's of howie, john, pmb...all gone. i didn't even think about the number of papers, emails, IMs i'd wanted to save. yeah, they're all gone too.
but in better news, WEST WING WAS ON TONIGHT!!! that show blows me away.
oh yeah, the printer fucked up the newspaper. some headlines got all fucked up.
i'm thrilled. can't you tell?
10.02.2001
well, we beat the final time of putting the paper to bed from the first issue--by ten minutes...
i left the lab at 5:20 a.m. during most of the day, i was freaking out about everything--we weren't going to get it done, we weren't going to be able to beat the virus shit, we weren't going to be able to publish (i'm still nervous about that, but i'm refusing think about it)...but once 1 or 2 a.m. hit, a cool composure came over me. yes, the paper would get finished. in fact, the paper was going to look great. and i hit my zone--checking every nitpicky little thing to make sure it's absolutely correct. stuff i didn't think i knew. ideas about layout (which i'm really getting interested in--i took a book from the lab and will probably spend much of tomorrow pouring over it) and whatnot.
and i'm proud of this issue. not that i haven't been proud of the other two--obviously i have--but the stuff we have in this issue is tremendous. layout, the stories we were able to get, the lengths the staff went to to get them...i'm proud.
granted, i don't know if paul was just saying this to appease baz and myself because were were still there at 4 a.m., but i don't see why he would have said it if he didn't think it--there was no reason to. he said that he felt the first issue and this issue are award-winning issues. and when baz and i then replied wise-assedly about how we sure as hell better enter them in a competition this year, he replied right away that we would be.
hearing something like that filled me with excitement, adrenaline, and even more pride.
and leaving the lab tonight at 5:20, walking home in the chilly air (is it actually october???), i was filled with happiness, exhaustion (obviously), but again, the sense that, no matter how much i bitch about it, this is what makes me happy to do. and the thought of doing this for the rest of my life is pretty damn sweet.
i got home, saw bethy (who was half-asleep, silly girl), then went and sat on the front porch. the sky had changed ever so slightly from black to an deep, rich indigo, and it was beautiful to sit there in the silence (save for a car passing by on rt. 15 in the near distance) and realize what the defender staff does. well, we bitch, we moan, we curse people up and down, but we spend these hours preparing the campus for what they're going to know each week. granted, a great number of them pick up the defender to laugh at it and then cast it aside, or just to read campus speaks or whatever, but they look at it, nonetheless.
and my goal for this semester (at least, still undecided about the year-long committment) is to make sure they can't find a justifiable reason for laughing at the defender. i'm not going to allow anything in the paper to let them laugh.
how's that for motivation?
i left the lab at 5:20 a.m. during most of the day, i was freaking out about everything--we weren't going to get it done, we weren't going to be able to beat the virus shit, we weren't going to be able to publish (i'm still nervous about that, but i'm refusing think about it)...but once 1 or 2 a.m. hit, a cool composure came over me. yes, the paper would get finished. in fact, the paper was going to look great. and i hit my zone--checking every nitpicky little thing to make sure it's absolutely correct. stuff i didn't think i knew. ideas about layout (which i'm really getting interested in--i took a book from the lab and will probably spend much of tomorrow pouring over it) and whatnot.
and i'm proud of this issue. not that i haven't been proud of the other two--obviously i have--but the stuff we have in this issue is tremendous. layout, the stories we were able to get, the lengths the staff went to to get them...i'm proud.
granted, i don't know if paul was just saying this to appease baz and myself because were were still there at 4 a.m., but i don't see why he would have said it if he didn't think it--there was no reason to. he said that he felt the first issue and this issue are award-winning issues. and when baz and i then replied wise-assedly about how we sure as hell better enter them in a competition this year, he replied right away that we would be.
hearing something like that filled me with excitement, adrenaline, and even more pride.
and leaving the lab tonight at 5:20, walking home in the chilly air (is it actually october???), i was filled with happiness, exhaustion (obviously), but again, the sense that, no matter how much i bitch about it, this is what makes me happy to do. and the thought of doing this for the rest of my life is pretty damn sweet.
i got home, saw bethy (who was half-asleep, silly girl), then went and sat on the front porch. the sky had changed ever so slightly from black to an deep, rich indigo, and it was beautiful to sit there in the silence (save for a car passing by on rt. 15 in the near distance) and realize what the defender staff does. well, we bitch, we moan, we curse people up and down, but we spend these hours preparing the campus for what they're going to know each week. granted, a great number of them pick up the defender to laugh at it and then cast it aside, or just to read campus speaks or whatever, but they look at it, nonetheless.
and my goal for this semester (at least, still undecided about the year-long committment) is to make sure they can't find a justifiable reason for laughing at the defender. i'm not going to allow anything in the paper to let them laugh.
how's that for motivation?
10.01.2001
i have far too much fun writing kirk with the reasons i'm not in class--ever...
to: kirk
from: me
Subject: nasty RAM-eating viruses attack defender!
hey kirk--you know, i really should have thought twice about doing defender, if only because each week seems to provide a new obstacle...
this week's installment finds our heroine valliantly fighting evil Nimda viruses as they attempt to wreak (sp?) havoc on the defender drive...our production day was pretty much shot to hell, as i called in rick murphy from IT to save the day...
fortunately, our drive didn't have to be completely erased (which was a possibility), but it does mean that we have very little done for the paper. baz and i are going in tomorrow around 9 to get some work done on it so we don't have another 5:30 a.m. finish time...
i'm going to get all the notes from joe, and i'll be catching up on the work, ready to go on wednesday. if we can kick butt and get enough done in time, i'll try to get both of our shining faces into class at 10:30. if we can't, however, care to join in the war against computer viruses? we need all the help we can get...
sorry again, talk to you soon,
vic
to: kirk
from: me
Subject: nasty RAM-eating viruses attack defender!
hey kirk--you know, i really should have thought twice about doing defender, if only because each week seems to provide a new obstacle...
this week's installment finds our heroine valliantly fighting evil Nimda viruses as they attempt to wreak (sp?) havoc on the defender drive...our production day was pretty much shot to hell, as i called in rick murphy from IT to save the day...
fortunately, our drive didn't have to be completely erased (which was a possibility), but it does mean that we have very little done for the paper. baz and i are going in tomorrow around 9 to get some work done on it so we don't have another 5:30 a.m. finish time...
i'm going to get all the notes from joe, and i'll be catching up on the work, ready to go on wednesday. if we can kick butt and get enough done in time, i'll try to get both of our shining faces into class at 10:30. if we can't, however, care to join in the war against computer viruses? we need all the help we can get...
sorry again, talk to you soon,
vic
comments about today:
- my throat feels so ridiculously raw. i've been coughing non-stop all day, and each time, i just want to cry. it is NOT fun.
- defender was attacked by the nimda virus today. the nimda virus almost won. however, i got on the phone with one of the IT guys (at home, i almost felt bad) and informed him that despite what he was telling me, the defender most certainly WOULD print on tuesday and therefore, hearing the semi-homicidal tone in my voice, he came over to the lab. i think it should be ok, we only lost one section (and luke printed it out beforehand, so at least he knows his design stuff). thank goodness.
now i must write the damn leahy story and polish my editorial before bed.
- my throat feels so ridiculously raw. i've been coughing non-stop all day, and each time, i just want to cry. it is NOT fun.
- defender was attacked by the nimda virus today. the nimda virus almost won. however, i got on the phone with one of the IT guys (at home, i almost felt bad) and informed him that despite what he was telling me, the defender most certainly WOULD print on tuesday and therefore, hearing the semi-homicidal tone in my voice, he came over to the lab. i think it should be ok, we only lost one section (and luke printed it out beforehand, so at least he knows his design stuff). thank goodness.
now i must write the damn leahy story and polish my editorial before bed.
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