status check - pleased
background ambiance - silence
BMA votes are being accepted. among the worthy acts nominated: guster, howie day, josh ritter. bleu and ryan montbleau, dar williams and catie curtis ...
8.31.2004
because i've got it on the brain
status check - fabulous
background ambiance - rain
it's maddening, but wonderful.
leaning intently over an empty page, scribbling down something without even thinking about it, then turning to the next blank page to start anew ...
... the next moment, you look up and realize you've raced through two hours and you have page upon page of that which you refuse to look upon as you go to sleep. you're locked into the story and you just need to rest your mind until you can pick up the pen and start again ...
... but you place the notebook by your bedstand with the thought that perhaps something particularly extraordinary will come to you in your dreams.
these are the late night hours that i enjoy. other people be damned. all i need right now is my paper, pen and mind.
background ambiance - rain
it's maddening, but wonderful.
leaning intently over an empty page, scribbling down something without even thinking about it, then turning to the next blank page to start anew ...
... the next moment, you look up and realize you've raced through two hours and you have page upon page of that which you refuse to look upon as you go to sleep. you're locked into the story and you just need to rest your mind until you can pick up the pen and start again ...
... but you place the notebook by your bedstand with the thought that perhaps something particularly extraordinary will come to you in your dreams.
these are the late night hours that i enjoy. other people be damned. all i need right now is my paper, pen and mind.
8.30.2004
writing the passingly decent american novel
status check - drained
background ambiance - typical monday sounds
And indeed there will be time
For the yellow smoke that slides along the street,
Rubbing its back upon the window-panes;
There will be time, there will be time
To prepare a face to meet the faces that you meet;
There will be time to murder and create,
And time for all the works and days of hands
That lift and drop a question on your plate;
Time for you and time for me,
And time yet for a hundred indecisions,
And for a hundred visions and revisions,
Before the taking of a toast and tea.
- t.s. eliot
it's interesting to see how the pursuit for inspiration strikes. after some of last night's revisions to the notebook intended to make the story flow more smoothly (which i believe it will), i went to see "garden state" for the second time. i remembered feeling such a rush of desire to create (write! compose! even just plain scribble madly!) the first time.
i enjoyed the film just as much, if not more, the second time around. but when i got home, i felt so defeated, convinced that there was no way i would ever be able to create something that fascinates others as much as the movie fascinates me.
after struggling over a few pages' worth of new writing, i put it aside. i plan to resume tonight - this time, just to write something i would enjoy reading. i won't go through my characteristic process of revising that which isn't yet complete - i'll just pound out the ideas and the plot that has begun to flow through my mind. it may be complete drivel, but it will be a completed version of complete drivel and i'll have something to work with.
i want to have the first draft finished by the end of september. by the time i ring in my twenty-fourth year in november, i want to have something edited and ready to at least show others. no more slacking. the story is in my mind, along with the initial characters are there - i just need to be in tune with it and put it all onto the page. and have fun with it.
background ambiance - typical monday sounds
And indeed there will be time
For the yellow smoke that slides along the street,
Rubbing its back upon the window-panes;
There will be time, there will be time
To prepare a face to meet the faces that you meet;
There will be time to murder and create,
And time for all the works and days of hands
That lift and drop a question on your plate;
Time for you and time for me,
And time yet for a hundred indecisions,
And for a hundred visions and revisions,
Before the taking of a toast and tea.
- t.s. eliot
it's interesting to see how the pursuit for inspiration strikes. after some of last night's revisions to the notebook intended to make the story flow more smoothly (which i believe it will), i went to see "garden state" for the second time. i remembered feeling such a rush of desire to create (write! compose! even just plain scribble madly!) the first time.
i enjoyed the film just as much, if not more, the second time around. but when i got home, i felt so defeated, convinced that there was no way i would ever be able to create something that fascinates others as much as the movie fascinates me.
after struggling over a few pages' worth of new writing, i put it aside. i plan to resume tonight - this time, just to write something i would enjoy reading. i won't go through my characteristic process of revising that which isn't yet complete - i'll just pound out the ideas and the plot that has begun to flow through my mind. it may be complete drivel, but it will be a completed version of complete drivel and i'll have something to work with.
i want to have the first draft finished by the end of september. by the time i ring in my twenty-fourth year in november, i want to have something edited and ready to at least show others. no more slacking. the story is in my mind, along with the initial characters are there - i just need to be in tune with it and put it all onto the page. and have fun with it.
8.29.2004
playing around
status check - creative
background ambiance - olympic closing ceremonies
... This is summer's last stand.
The constant breeze, rustling tree branches and curtains, does little to break the thickly unsettling haze that covers the city. Like thousands o its other uncomfortable residents, I have sprawled out on the couch, directly in front of the an and within arm's reach of a tall bottle of cold water.
My computer sits on the desk, waiting for me to pound out my latest review, but I can't bear to peel off of my resting place. The computer is hot. My desk chair is hot. My mind is melting.
In truth, I'm not in the proper frame of mind to write the review. I was at Jig's last night, where I listened to Tremors, the newest Hot Band to generate any buzz.
Those in the local circles made the funk-fused threepiece sound like the latest Dispatch, but I hadn't seen it. The harmonies were too overpowering, rhythm too unsteady and the lead guitarist had enjoyed too many Jaegar shots before taking the stage.
It won't be a favorable review anyway, but any draft written now would include barbs prompted more by this heat than the band's performance. The HBO gods are giving me an excuse to research instead - "High Fidelity" has just started. I can feel productive without even making my way across the living room to pull the much-loved DVD copy off the shelf. I can just lay here, speaking all the parts while John Cusack's character discusses the importance of Championship Vinyl ...
background ambiance - olympic closing ceremonies
... This is summer's last stand.
The constant breeze, rustling tree branches and curtains, does little to break the thickly unsettling haze that covers the city. Like thousands o its other uncomfortable residents, I have sprawled out on the couch, directly in front of the an and within arm's reach of a tall bottle of cold water.
My computer sits on the desk, waiting for me to pound out my latest review, but I can't bear to peel off of my resting place. The computer is hot. My desk chair is hot. My mind is melting.
In truth, I'm not in the proper frame of mind to write the review. I was at Jig's last night, where I listened to Tremors, the newest Hot Band to generate any buzz.
Those in the local circles made the funk-fused threepiece sound like the latest Dispatch, but I hadn't seen it. The harmonies were too overpowering, rhythm too unsteady and the lead guitarist had enjoyed too many Jaegar shots before taking the stage.
It won't be a favorable review anyway, but any draft written now would include barbs prompted more by this heat than the band's performance. The HBO gods are giving me an excuse to research instead - "High Fidelity" has just started. I can feel productive without even making my way across the living room to pull the much-loved DVD copy off the shelf. I can just lay here, speaking all the parts while John Cusack's character discusses the importance of Championship Vinyl ...
dog days
status check - hot
background ambiance - indoor fan
it feels like summer's last stand.
while we all prepare to welcome in september and the accompanying long-sleeves, sweaters and the like, the summer is defying our expectations and reminding us that august requires the shorts, tank tops, glasses of cold water and fans.
the sun is shining, tempting me to go outside and explore, but i'm instead waiting until the heat breaks later this afternoon before wandering life outside the apartment. i intend to return to the fairy-tale-reminiscent old red mill, but i know that doing so now would leave me uncomfortably sticky and light-headed by the time i get there.
instead, i write - both here and in the novel notebook.
and remain amazed that the most gripping events of this olympiad have been, in fact, the marathons. the crazy men ran today amid international fans, greek patriots and the one insane man who possibly ruined lima's gold-medal pace by pushing the brazillian man off the course and into the crowds. lima finished third - i think he could have won it.
last night, i sat on the back porch steps and felt the humid breeze try to cool me. the wind was restless, as if waiting for a shower to break the silence. i felt equally impatient - as i feel as if something is about to happen. i'm going to have some form of a breakthrough shortly - but i have no idea of what it is and precisely when it will happen. i can just tell that some type of change is imminent.
i'm excited about it, but equally nervous. i don't know what's about to occur, nor how i will turn out at the end. i have to hope i'm prepared for it. but i feel like i am.
now i just have to keep on keeping on until the situation actually presents itself to me.
background ambiance - indoor fan
it feels like summer's last stand.
while we all prepare to welcome in september and the accompanying long-sleeves, sweaters and the like, the summer is defying our expectations and reminding us that august requires the shorts, tank tops, glasses of cold water and fans.
the sun is shining, tempting me to go outside and explore, but i'm instead waiting until the heat breaks later this afternoon before wandering life outside the apartment. i intend to return to the fairy-tale-reminiscent old red mill, but i know that doing so now would leave me uncomfortably sticky and light-headed by the time i get there.
instead, i write - both here and in the novel notebook.
and remain amazed that the most gripping events of this olympiad have been, in fact, the marathons. the crazy men ran today amid international fans, greek patriots and the one insane man who possibly ruined lima's gold-medal pace by pushing the brazillian man off the course and into the crowds. lima finished third - i think he could have won it.
last night, i sat on the back porch steps and felt the humid breeze try to cool me. the wind was restless, as if waiting for a shower to break the silence. i felt equally impatient - as i feel as if something is about to happen. i'm going to have some form of a breakthrough shortly - but i have no idea of what it is and precisely when it will happen. i can just tell that some type of change is imminent.
i'm excited about it, but equally nervous. i don't know what's about to occur, nor how i will turn out at the end. i have to hope i'm prepared for it. but i feel like i am.
now i just have to keep on keeping on until the situation actually presents itself to me.
8.27.2004
shift switch
status check - contemplative
background ambiance - quiet, at the moment
i had a post here talking about the past - spurred mostly by the fact that the college kids are back in town and the realization (courtesy of my flatmate) that it'll be six years tomorrow since i first arrived in this town as a college freshman orientating myself with campus.
i spend too much time thinking about the past. during my days, i wind up thinking back on a regular basis, while i've spent my insomnia-prompted nights focusing on the future.
i need to reverse this pattern. remember the nights in my dream state, focus on the future while i'm conscious.
whenever i get like this (i.e. not able to sleep when other, reasonable folks are enjoying their REM cycles), i wish there was someone else around, or at least reachable via some form of communication, with whom i can discuss these random thoughts running through my mind. i remember the things i'd like to share, but i recall them when there's no one else around to enjoy them.
for instance, last night (well, early this morning) i dreamt that i was helping guster with the cover art for their new album (i have no idea of why i was thinking of guster, but i'm assuming the new album bit was because of my recent frequent music purchases). i was shown a mock-up of it, featuring a large slice of olive green pie. when i commented that i didn't think it looked quite right, whoever was holding the mockup reached into it, pulled out the piece of 3-D pie and asked me to adjust it accordingly. we then searched for large, vegas-style lettering and a thousand paper airplanes to throw. the airplanes would be seen in the distance, as would the lettering. but the wind gust that carried the planes knocked over the letters, sending sparks everywhere for a big old mess.
i don't know why i was thinking guster, pie or vegas, but the dream was there, ridiculously vividly. and i'm not sure why i'm thinking of it again or describing it now.
i need to look to the future - or do something new for my present. i want a new hobby. i want to travel somewhere new. i want to write a chapter of my novel, but the characters haven't given me the next pieces of the puzzle yet. i want to meet someone new and find out what makes them tick. i want to catch up with someone i haven't seen in years. i want to go off to find some adventure or realize an adventure has found me. and i want to go to sleep realizing that something exciting is right around the bend, waiting for me to approach.
i'm happy right now - very happy, actually. i'm doing some form of what i want to spend my life doing, i've got friends who love me as much as i love them. i have a happy little place that i call my home with two fantastic people crazy enough to live with me. but i get wanderlusty and find myself wondering what else is going to come up - and get impatient, wondering when it'll get here or when i'll get to it.
i wind up feeling envious of the people i read about in various forums, people off in other parts of the country - sometimes the world - doing all these things that seem romatically fascinating from my little space. i'm acutely aware of the fact that these other adventures come with their share of problems and stress. i know it's never as exciting as it looks. and i'm realize that the number of people who do such amazing things are extremely small - that they're a special bunch. but i'm not ordinary - i'm special too. is it just that i'm more typical than i think, or is it that i missed a turn somewhere? and which realization would be more devastating?
why can't i just be perpetually satisfied with what i have? why i can't i make things easier that way? am i even supposed to?
much as it has always been a comfort to be able to spout such gibberish to myself, for whatever reason, i feel this need tonight to connect with someone else.
background ambiance - quiet, at the moment
i had a post here talking about the past - spurred mostly by the fact that the college kids are back in town and the realization (courtesy of my flatmate) that it'll be six years tomorrow since i first arrived in this town as a college freshman orientating myself with campus.
i spend too much time thinking about the past. during my days, i wind up thinking back on a regular basis, while i've spent my insomnia-prompted nights focusing on the future.
i need to reverse this pattern. remember the nights in my dream state, focus on the future while i'm conscious.
whenever i get like this (i.e. not able to sleep when other, reasonable folks are enjoying their REM cycles), i wish there was someone else around, or at least reachable via some form of communication, with whom i can discuss these random thoughts running through my mind. i remember the things i'd like to share, but i recall them when there's no one else around to enjoy them.
for instance, last night (well, early this morning) i dreamt that i was helping guster with the cover art for their new album (i have no idea of why i was thinking of guster, but i'm assuming the new album bit was because of my recent frequent music purchases). i was shown a mock-up of it, featuring a large slice of olive green pie. when i commented that i didn't think it looked quite right, whoever was holding the mockup reached into it, pulled out the piece of 3-D pie and asked me to adjust it accordingly. we then searched for large, vegas-style lettering and a thousand paper airplanes to throw. the airplanes would be seen in the distance, as would the lettering. but the wind gust that carried the planes knocked over the letters, sending sparks everywhere for a big old mess.
i don't know why i was thinking guster, pie or vegas, but the dream was there, ridiculously vividly. and i'm not sure why i'm thinking of it again or describing it now.
i need to look to the future - or do something new for my present. i want a new hobby. i want to travel somewhere new. i want to write a chapter of my novel, but the characters haven't given me the next pieces of the puzzle yet. i want to meet someone new and find out what makes them tick. i want to catch up with someone i haven't seen in years. i want to go off to find some adventure or realize an adventure has found me. and i want to go to sleep realizing that something exciting is right around the bend, waiting for me to approach.
i'm happy right now - very happy, actually. i'm doing some form of what i want to spend my life doing, i've got friends who love me as much as i love them. i have a happy little place that i call my home with two fantastic people crazy enough to live with me. but i get wanderlusty and find myself wondering what else is going to come up - and get impatient, wondering when it'll get here or when i'll get to it.
i wind up feeling envious of the people i read about in various forums, people off in other parts of the country - sometimes the world - doing all these things that seem romatically fascinating from my little space. i'm acutely aware of the fact that these other adventures come with their share of problems and stress. i know it's never as exciting as it looks. and i'm realize that the number of people who do such amazing things are extremely small - that they're a special bunch. but i'm not ordinary - i'm special too. is it just that i'm more typical than i think, or is it that i missed a turn somewhere? and which realization would be more devastating?
why can't i just be perpetually satisfied with what i have? why i can't i make things easier that way? am i even supposed to?
much as it has always been a comfort to be able to spout such gibberish to myself, for whatever reason, i feel this need tonight to connect with someone else.
8.26.2004
public service announcement
status check - lovely
background ambiance - gregory page - bon voyage mon cheri
if you haven't heard gregory page's "bon voyage mon cheri," go here. now. do not delay. stop waiting, just do it! he never ceases to amaze me.
background ambiance - gregory page - bon voyage mon cheri
if you haven't heard gregory page's "bon voyage mon cheri," go here. now. do not delay. stop waiting, just do it! he never ceases to amaze me.
8.25.2004
chris m and me
status check - amused
background ambiance - coldplay
per usual, my office nextdoor neighbor, red square, has been blaring the music all night, providing background music for the end of my day. while i've spent most of the evening bobbing in time to the live jazz, the musicians have taken a break and the dj has taken over. he's pumping "politik" through the speakers so loudly that i smile as i imagine coldplay performing right outside my office window.
background ambiance - coldplay
per usual, my office nextdoor neighbor, red square, has been blaring the music all night, providing background music for the end of my day. while i've spent most of the evening bobbing in time to the live jazz, the musicians have taken a break and the dj has taken over. he's pumping "politik" through the speakers so loudly that i smile as i imagine coldplay performing right outside my office window.
they weren't kiddin' ...
status check - decent
background ambiance - typical wednesday evening
wow, that whole opposable thumbs thing really is quite remarkable. you realize just how remarkable it is when you also realize you have annoyingly limited use of the thumbs - or, at least, one of them.
i pulled a classic stupid victoria move early this afternoon, walking up church street to meet with one of my flatmates for lunch. it seemed simple enough at the time - reach into the bag, pull out the wallet, be ready to go.
but upon reaching, my hand found not the wallet, but an unclasped pin waiting to strike my poor, innocent funny fifth finger.
slice! i quickly pull my hand out and discover a nice gash on the left side of my right thumb. without immediate access to a bandaid, i'm forced to make due with an always-stunning temporary napkin bandage. i walk up church street, trying to downplay the fact that my thumb is bleeding, i feel like a tool and i know the flatmate waiting for me is going to good-naturedly laugh at my situation. i'd do the same - after making sure she was ok, that is. fortunately, she made sure i was alright before starting to chuckle at both my expense and the self-depricating humor i unleashed.
i figured the worst of the situation had already passed, but then i got to work - and promptly realized the truly annoying nature of this injury. as one of those writerly types, i use my fingers all day long. come up with the story in my head, get it onto a screen with the fingers on the keyboard keys.
the pin's decision to strike the thumb proved particularly vicious. i've always prided myself on my ability to type - i'm pretty accurate with my keystrokes and i'm a fast typist.
since i don't get the opportunity to spend much time using ornate words in my journalista work, probably the most frequently used key is the spacebar - the key i normally hit with my right thumb. bam! the left side of the right thumb hits the bar and i'm onto the next short word. bam! hit space again. right where i cut myself a few hours before.
so there's this annoying delayed reaction to my writing today. i'm wincing whenever i hit the spacebar, which means i'm wincing about once every second and a half. because i'm cool like that.
the only other time i can recall being this cool was junior year of high school during softball season. we were gearing up to play one of our local quasi-rivals and i was scheduled to start on the mound (yep, in high school and my one disasterous season of college softball, i was a pitcher). that day, i managed to cut my right-hand middle finger on an exacto knife in biology class. which meant i couldn't pitch - as it's pretty tricky for a pitcher to grip a softball with a big bandaid on a key pitching finger. so instead i played first base, talking with the opposing baserunners as they stood on first.
"hey, weren't you supposed to pitch today?"
"yeah."
"why aren't you?"
"uh, cut my finger."
the cut finger - the ultimate badass injury. and i'm feeling just as badass now.
background ambiance - typical wednesday evening
wow, that whole opposable thumbs thing really is quite remarkable. you realize just how remarkable it is when you also realize you have annoyingly limited use of the thumbs - or, at least, one of them.
i pulled a classic stupid victoria move early this afternoon, walking up church street to meet with one of my flatmates for lunch. it seemed simple enough at the time - reach into the bag, pull out the wallet, be ready to go.
but upon reaching, my hand found not the wallet, but an unclasped pin waiting to strike my poor, innocent funny fifth finger.
slice! i quickly pull my hand out and discover a nice gash on the left side of my right thumb. without immediate access to a bandaid, i'm forced to make due with an always-stunning temporary napkin bandage. i walk up church street, trying to downplay the fact that my thumb is bleeding, i feel like a tool and i know the flatmate waiting for me is going to good-naturedly laugh at my situation. i'd do the same - after making sure she was ok, that is. fortunately, she made sure i was alright before starting to chuckle at both my expense and the self-depricating humor i unleashed.
i figured the worst of the situation had already passed, but then i got to work - and promptly realized the truly annoying nature of this injury. as one of those writerly types, i use my fingers all day long. come up with the story in my head, get it onto a screen with the fingers on the keyboard keys.
the pin's decision to strike the thumb proved particularly vicious. i've always prided myself on my ability to type - i'm pretty accurate with my keystrokes and i'm a fast typist.
since i don't get the opportunity to spend much time using ornate words in my journalista work, probably the most frequently used key is the spacebar - the key i normally hit with my right thumb. bam! the left side of the right thumb hits the bar and i'm onto the next short word. bam! hit space again. right where i cut myself a few hours before.
so there's this annoying delayed reaction to my writing today. i'm wincing whenever i hit the spacebar, which means i'm wincing about once every second and a half. because i'm cool like that.
the only other time i can recall being this cool was junior year of high school during softball season. we were gearing up to play one of our local quasi-rivals and i was scheduled to start on the mound (yep, in high school and my one disasterous season of college softball, i was a pitcher). that day, i managed to cut my right-hand middle finger on an exacto knife in biology class. which meant i couldn't pitch - as it's pretty tricky for a pitcher to grip a softball with a big bandaid on a key pitching finger. so instead i played first base, talking with the opposing baserunners as they stood on first.
"hey, weren't you supposed to pitch today?"
"yeah."
"why aren't you?"
"uh, cut my finger."
the cut finger - the ultimate badass injury. and i'm feeling just as badass now.
8.24.2004
(pause)
status check - peachy keen
background ambiance - same old, same old
we interrupt this afternoon of combing through a story looking for the tiniest of unpleasent stylistic quirks to make a series of random, somewhat quirky self-serving observations.
- august is already hinting at the fall to come, with crisp sweatshirt-necessary mornings and nights. soon i'll be back in my favorite season, clad in courdoroys, tweed (we like) and sweaters. i'm preparing to bid adieu to sleeveless anything for months upon end ... but thoroughly befuddled about where summer went.
- i love making stops at my semi-regular online reading spots and realizing that the writers i follow and enjoy are as infatuated by certain newish releases as i am. it almost feels as if we're this collective creative coallition, bobbing our heads to the same soundtrack while we scribble pages and screens of our respective rambles.
- i fear my insomnia has returned. i picked up on this at about 5:30 a.m., as i continued to stare at my bedroom wall ...
- i'm digging the new mraz funk stylings. and i'm surprised that i am.
- starting tomorrow, i'm waking in the mornings, starting off the day with a jog (or something equally athletic) and then enjoying some coffee. i'm doing this morning thing again - and i'm doing it right.
- speaking of coffee, i'm craving it now. will wait - a bit, anyway.
- when i finish my novel, i'm going to reward myself with a vacation of some west-coast form.
background ambiance - same old, same old
we interrupt this afternoon of combing through a story looking for the tiniest of unpleasent stylistic quirks to make a series of random, somewhat quirky self-serving observations.
- august is already hinting at the fall to come, with crisp sweatshirt-necessary mornings and nights. soon i'll be back in my favorite season, clad in courdoroys, tweed (we like) and sweaters. i'm preparing to bid adieu to sleeveless anything for months upon end ... but thoroughly befuddled about where summer went.
- i love making stops at my semi-regular online reading spots and realizing that the writers i follow and enjoy are as infatuated by certain newish releases as i am. it almost feels as if we're this collective creative coallition, bobbing our heads to the same soundtrack while we scribble pages and screens of our respective rambles.
- i fear my insomnia has returned. i picked up on this at about 5:30 a.m., as i continued to stare at my bedroom wall ...
- i'm digging the new mraz funk stylings. and i'm surprised that i am.
- starting tomorrow, i'm waking in the mornings, starting off the day with a jog (or something equally athletic) and then enjoying some coffee. i'm doing this morning thing again - and i'm doing it right.
- speaking of coffee, i'm craving it now. will wait - a bit, anyway.
- when i finish my novel, i'm going to reward myself with a vacation of some west-coast form.
8.22.2004
sprint, bitch, sprint!
status check - fabulous
background ambiance - silence
i never realized the potential possessed by marathons until i was on the edge of my couch this afternoon cheering on the women olympic marathoners. what a race! sure the first 20-odd miles are rather slow going, but then, wow. you have marathoners struggling against their bodies and minds to finish, you have americans charging up from behind to take the bronze, you have drama, humidity and strategy - we were all honestly gripped by the last half hour or so. they should market this. "marathon - kind of slow start, but golly! what a finish"
svetlana, so sorry about the bars. it's this karma thing, see?
one chapter written and i've been laughing while writing. knock on wood.
i will wake up earlier this week. i swear.
background ambiance - silence
i never realized the potential possessed by marathons until i was on the edge of my couch this afternoon cheering on the women olympic marathoners. what a race! sure the first 20-odd miles are rather slow going, but then, wow. you have marathoners struggling against their bodies and minds to finish, you have americans charging up from behind to take the bronze, you have drama, humidity and strategy - we were all honestly gripped by the last half hour or so. they should market this. "marathon - kind of slow start, but golly! what a finish"
svetlana, so sorry about the bars. it's this karma thing, see?
one chapter written and i've been laughing while writing. knock on wood.
i will wake up earlier this week. i swear.
losing touch
status check - groovy
background ambiance - indoor fan
i wish anything i could say would make a difference.
made the too-long-but-always-seems-worth-it-at-the-time trip to bradford with beth and becca last night so we could catch averi's return to the middle earth - and the first show back after several weeks off for recording. we figured it would be fun to see the guys perform again, despite the fact that the trip requires making a diagonal cut across the state of vermont. but hey, we always say we wish there were more vermont shows, so we ought to show support when there is, right?
the middle-aged bohemian vibe of the middle earth also makes it worthwhile. it's a fun place to see a band you know - everyone else there is (stuart's family aside) pretty much oblivious to anything other than the music and how you can contort your body in time with the rhythm. it's an ecclectic little spot in the middle of nowhere and people arrive ready to have happy frappy fun.
the three members of the "we listen to this band way too damn much" tour also were ready for the fun that was had. we laughed and sang along from our little back table - two-thirds of us made it to the dance floor for the obligatory "shake your ass" songs. as we were among the minority of the crowd - people who were familiar with the band - we also were able to enjoy good-naturedly heckling both the band and ourselves under our breath.
i had a great time. but it was again more the expereince of being there with my friends than the band itself. it's been like that a lot lately.
the truth of the matter is that i felt insulted. in yet another instance, we were ready for a strong set and were presented with a sub-par performance. it's become the norm for any of averi's recent vermont shows - and it's because only four-fiths of the band actually seems to give a damn about being there.
last night, chad sounded as if he had a cold. perhaps he's been worn out by recording. perhaps things didn't feel right on the first show back after a break. whatever the reason, he was off. his voice improved during the second mini-set, but still was shaky throughout. he forgot lyrics (granted, this happens all the time, but normally he can gloss that over - and it's rarely during "flutter") and seemed to have this mayer-like stage delivery that just rubbed me the wrong way at times. he gave the audience no credit that we knew what ear monitors were. he seemed three steps behind everyone else.
it's been the same way the last few vermont shows i've attended.
his energy at the last metronome show as non-existant and he seemed pissed off by the lack of turnout. fine, fuck it - beth and i danced to graham colton, drank with dennis and had a good time - actually, uncharacteristically far too good of a time (read: wound up waaaay too drunk).
chad gave an alright set at nectar's, then came off as completely antisocial to the group of fans we'd gotten together for the evening. he just did not seem to want to be there at all. ok, screw it - my friends and i danced and rocked out to their set and then headed off to manhattan's and had a blast.
the rest of the band? solid whenever we see them. stuart, chris, michael and matt are strong performers and they have given the same level of energy at the shows i've been able to attend throughout new england. i love knowing that i'll be able to hear stu completely own a guitar solo or that i'll be able to dance along with michael's insane sax melodies.
but with chad, i've just been hoping that he'll give the out-of-boston shows his full attention. which is tough, because he's the person i've always wanted to see do the best. but the chad i associate with the band isn't the chad who stands on stage now - and i just have to realize that and go with it.
i'm sure it's more exciting to be headlining paradise in boston in front of his adoring hometown crowd - and i'm sure more nerve-wracking as well. he's delivered some great performances there. those positive concert experiences are why i've made sure to be in boston for shows. they're why i wanted to be there the first time they headlined at the paradise, the first performance at avalon, etc. they're why becca and beth have made the trips to boston to see them at the paradise. they're why michelle and i drove to providence and then froze our asses off with the hopes of a good show at the bitterly cold living room. they're why we drove an hour and a half to bradford last night.
but these vermont shows should mean something to him too. any show should. much as i love going to boston, it's still three and a half hours away. there's something exciting about knowing that my favorite band is going to be in burlington - or in vermont - and that i don't have to spend hours in the car to get there. this time, i'm going to be able to go to a show with all of my friends here and we'll all be able to enjoy the band we've put in a lot of time traveling to see, promoting to others, in one case even introducing the music to a group of second graders, for crying out loud.
and then that quasi-local show happens and four of the five band members show up for it mentally.
if chad's not going to commit to the show, why should we waste our time? we can cheer for the other guys while they deliver their performances, but with the lead singer focused more on his hair and channeling jeff buckley than the show at hand, the band can't top past performances.
it's been a trend, but i can't say anything because it's not my place. let's say, hypothetically speaking, i were to send chad an email, saying i wanted to just say that i hope things were alright because i'd been slightly concerned after the last few performances i'd seen.
first of all, i wouldn't get a response, because chad doesn't talk to me beyond the obligatory hello when i say hi at shows. secondly, he can disprove my concern by saying that the fan base is increasing, so they're really getting better. thirdly, he could say that i just don't know what i'm talking about.
but let's face it. i'm not going to say hi and tell him he did a great job at a show when he didn't. second, the fan base would increase more with stronger out-of-boston shows. and thirdly, i do know what i'm talking about.
anyway, we were discussing this a bit during the show when we noticed that another averi fan was walking by our table on a semi-regular basis. while this would normally be completely fine, she would walk by with a snarl on her face each time.
what bothered me is that i felt the desire to snarl right back, to make it clear that we belonged there just as much as she did. to state that we've known the band for years now and we're not some newbies coming to drool over them.
i hated that feeling. i hated not feeling completely comfortable there, i hated feeling the need to justify our presence, i hated needing to figure out why chad was off. and, and much as i had an amazing time with my friends, i hate that i have to say that the experience was a blast, the performance not so much.
most of all, i hate that i feel such a sense of loss about the whole thing.
background ambiance - indoor fan
i wish anything i could say would make a difference.
made the too-long-but-always-seems-worth-it-at-the-time trip to bradford with beth and becca last night so we could catch averi's return to the middle earth - and the first show back after several weeks off for recording. we figured it would be fun to see the guys perform again, despite the fact that the trip requires making a diagonal cut across the state of vermont. but hey, we always say we wish there were more vermont shows, so we ought to show support when there is, right?
the middle-aged bohemian vibe of the middle earth also makes it worthwhile. it's a fun place to see a band you know - everyone else there is (stuart's family aside) pretty much oblivious to anything other than the music and how you can contort your body in time with the rhythm. it's an ecclectic little spot in the middle of nowhere and people arrive ready to have happy frappy fun.
the three members of the "we listen to this band way too damn much" tour also were ready for the fun that was had. we laughed and sang along from our little back table - two-thirds of us made it to the dance floor for the obligatory "shake your ass" songs. as we were among the minority of the crowd - people who were familiar with the band - we also were able to enjoy good-naturedly heckling both the band and ourselves under our breath.
i had a great time. but it was again more the expereince of being there with my friends than the band itself. it's been like that a lot lately.
the truth of the matter is that i felt insulted. in yet another instance, we were ready for a strong set and were presented with a sub-par performance. it's become the norm for any of averi's recent vermont shows - and it's because only four-fiths of the band actually seems to give a damn about being there.
last night, chad sounded as if he had a cold. perhaps he's been worn out by recording. perhaps things didn't feel right on the first show back after a break. whatever the reason, he was off. his voice improved during the second mini-set, but still was shaky throughout. he forgot lyrics (granted, this happens all the time, but normally he can gloss that over - and it's rarely during "flutter") and seemed to have this mayer-like stage delivery that just rubbed me the wrong way at times. he gave the audience no credit that we knew what ear monitors were. he seemed three steps behind everyone else.
it's been the same way the last few vermont shows i've attended.
his energy at the last metronome show as non-existant and he seemed pissed off by the lack of turnout. fine, fuck it - beth and i danced to graham colton, drank with dennis and had a good time - actually, uncharacteristically far too good of a time (read: wound up waaaay too drunk).
chad gave an alright set at nectar's, then came off as completely antisocial to the group of fans we'd gotten together for the evening. he just did not seem to want to be there at all. ok, screw it - my friends and i danced and rocked out to their set and then headed off to manhattan's and had a blast.
the rest of the band? solid whenever we see them. stuart, chris, michael and matt are strong performers and they have given the same level of energy at the shows i've been able to attend throughout new england. i love knowing that i'll be able to hear stu completely own a guitar solo or that i'll be able to dance along with michael's insane sax melodies.
but with chad, i've just been hoping that he'll give the out-of-boston shows his full attention. which is tough, because he's the person i've always wanted to see do the best. but the chad i associate with the band isn't the chad who stands on stage now - and i just have to realize that and go with it.
i'm sure it's more exciting to be headlining paradise in boston in front of his adoring hometown crowd - and i'm sure more nerve-wracking as well. he's delivered some great performances there. those positive concert experiences are why i've made sure to be in boston for shows. they're why i wanted to be there the first time they headlined at the paradise, the first performance at avalon, etc. they're why becca and beth have made the trips to boston to see them at the paradise. they're why michelle and i drove to providence and then froze our asses off with the hopes of a good show at the bitterly cold living room. they're why we drove an hour and a half to bradford last night.
but these vermont shows should mean something to him too. any show should. much as i love going to boston, it's still three and a half hours away. there's something exciting about knowing that my favorite band is going to be in burlington - or in vermont - and that i don't have to spend hours in the car to get there. this time, i'm going to be able to go to a show with all of my friends here and we'll all be able to enjoy the band we've put in a lot of time traveling to see, promoting to others, in one case even introducing the music to a group of second graders, for crying out loud.
and then that quasi-local show happens and four of the five band members show up for it mentally.
if chad's not going to commit to the show, why should we waste our time? we can cheer for the other guys while they deliver their performances, but with the lead singer focused more on his hair and channeling jeff buckley than the show at hand, the band can't top past performances.
it's been a trend, but i can't say anything because it's not my place. let's say, hypothetically speaking, i were to send chad an email, saying i wanted to just say that i hope things were alright because i'd been slightly concerned after the last few performances i'd seen.
first of all, i wouldn't get a response, because chad doesn't talk to me beyond the obligatory hello when i say hi at shows. secondly, he can disprove my concern by saying that the fan base is increasing, so they're really getting better. thirdly, he could say that i just don't know what i'm talking about.
but let's face it. i'm not going to say hi and tell him he did a great job at a show when he didn't. second, the fan base would increase more with stronger out-of-boston shows. and thirdly, i do know what i'm talking about.
anyway, we were discussing this a bit during the show when we noticed that another averi fan was walking by our table on a semi-regular basis. while this would normally be completely fine, she would walk by with a snarl on her face each time.
what bothered me is that i felt the desire to snarl right back, to make it clear that we belonged there just as much as she did. to state that we've known the band for years now and we're not some newbies coming to drool over them.
i hated that feeling. i hated not feeling completely comfortable there, i hated feeling the need to justify our presence, i hated needing to figure out why chad was off. and, and much as i had an amazing time with my friends, i hate that i have to say that the experience was a blast, the performance not so much.
most of all, i hate that i feel such a sense of loss about the whole thing.
8.21.2004
... there's a way
status check - happy
background ambiance - scanner
a saturday putting in my work time, but a soggy saturday that would otherwise leave me with little options for outdoor recreation, so it's all good. normally, i'd say a soggy saturday workday is certainly much better than a sunny one.
on this particular first day of the weekend (and last day of my workweek), however, i'm not particularly appreciative to mother nature for sending along these showers and drizzle. for i am supposed to spend several hours out-of-doors doing that which i do for my crazy living.
rock the vote is making a stop at the waterfront, enticing those youngsters of voting age to cast ballots - bribed with ice cream, american flatbread pizza and temporary tattoos featuring politcal afflication-like designs. the music and the vote-mongering (in the best possible sense) is going on rain or shine and i'll be down there in a half hour to jot down my observations and quotable conversations so i can put it all into perspective for those who choose to (perhaps wisely) remain inside or hit up a movie on such an overcast afternoon.
but as i sit here, doing my pre-reporting research about voting statistics and registration information, i came across a new journal entry, sent from california, seemingly designed to make me smile. references to the beauty of the garden state soundtrack and the wonder that is gregory page, as well as a recommendation of a new name among the list of singer-songwriters i've yet to listen to.
i was able to bypass the disappointment about missing a show with jason, bushwalla and tristan, which really is an accomplishment upon itself, as i cursed being on the wrong side of the country yesterday afternoon, imagining san diegans and otherwise in the areans preparing for a rollicking time at the belly up - another of those places i wish to go when i finally make it out to the pacific time zone.
instead, i found myself inspired and influenced by the wit and wordplay of the esteemed singer-songwriter and smiled at our shared appreciation for "music for people who love that sensitive and often
depressing melody, performed by wussies with hearts too big to care for anything else but you."
so on what could be a glum saturday, i'm going to will the music to be lively, the quotes to pop onto the page and for a good time. perhaps, before heading back to the office, i'll dance a bit in the rain or walk along the water's edge. feeling appropriately creative, i'll make the trip back here, write a fabulous story and then head home to meet up with friends and make the trip to bradford for more music - and, from what i'm willing, a good time.
Sometimes you can WILL great things to happen. I’ve been doing it for years. Expect not immediate results. Instead just throw your goals out there into the open air or into the pages of your morning journal and let the collective subconscious of the world do the rest.
background ambiance - scanner
a saturday putting in my work time, but a soggy saturday that would otherwise leave me with little options for outdoor recreation, so it's all good. normally, i'd say a soggy saturday workday is certainly much better than a sunny one.
on this particular first day of the weekend (and last day of my workweek), however, i'm not particularly appreciative to mother nature for sending along these showers and drizzle. for i am supposed to spend several hours out-of-doors doing that which i do for my crazy living.
rock the vote is making a stop at the waterfront, enticing those youngsters of voting age to cast ballots - bribed with ice cream, american flatbread pizza and temporary tattoos featuring politcal afflication-like designs. the music and the vote-mongering (in the best possible sense) is going on rain or shine and i'll be down there in a half hour to jot down my observations and quotable conversations so i can put it all into perspective for those who choose to (perhaps wisely) remain inside or hit up a movie on such an overcast afternoon.
but as i sit here, doing my pre-reporting research about voting statistics and registration information, i came across a new journal entry, sent from california, seemingly designed to make me smile. references to the beauty of the garden state soundtrack and the wonder that is gregory page, as well as a recommendation of a new name among the list of singer-songwriters i've yet to listen to.
i was able to bypass the disappointment about missing a show with jason, bushwalla and tristan, which really is an accomplishment upon itself, as i cursed being on the wrong side of the country yesterday afternoon, imagining san diegans and otherwise in the areans preparing for a rollicking time at the belly up - another of those places i wish to go when i finally make it out to the pacific time zone.
instead, i found myself inspired and influenced by the wit and wordplay of the esteemed singer-songwriter and smiled at our shared appreciation for "music for people who love that sensitive and often
depressing melody, performed by wussies with hearts too big to care for anything else but you."
so on what could be a glum saturday, i'm going to will the music to be lively, the quotes to pop onto the page and for a good time. perhaps, before heading back to the office, i'll dance a bit in the rain or walk along the water's edge. feeling appropriately creative, i'll make the trip back here, write a fabulous story and then head home to meet up with friends and make the trip to bradford for more music - and, from what i'm willing, a good time.
Sometimes you can WILL great things to happen. I’ve been doing it for years. Expect not immediate results. Instead just throw your goals out there into the open air or into the pages of your morning journal and let the collective subconscious of the world do the rest.
8.19.2004
8.18.2004
turning the tables
status check - interested
background ambiance - typical
long-time readers, first-time visitors, those just passing through - it's time for a little interactivity.
i spend all this time rambling and observing and critiquing, but i want to turn the tables for once. since i've got "garden state" on the brain (just checked out the latest entry at zach braff's blog), i've been mulling over the idea of "you've gotta listen to this song, it'll change your life."
so ...
i'm kindly requesting input from you about some of your life-changing songs. you can list one or one hundred - as long as you include the song and why you selected it.
please add your thoughts - i'm really interested in this. this goes for regular commenters, lurkers, even those who found this while looking for something else.
so speak up! it only takes a minute.
background ambiance - typical
long-time readers, first-time visitors, those just passing through - it's time for a little interactivity.
i spend all this time rambling and observing and critiquing, but i want to turn the tables for once. since i've got "garden state" on the brain (just checked out the latest entry at zach braff's blog), i've been mulling over the idea of "you've gotta listen to this song, it'll change your life."
so ...
i'm kindly requesting input from you about some of your life-changing songs. you can list one or one hundred - as long as you include the song and why you selected it.
please add your thoughts - i'm really interested in this. this goes for regular commenters, lurkers, even those who found this while looking for something else.
so speak up! it only takes a minute.
8.17.2004
you know you want to
status check - amused
background ambiance - what you'd expect at 8:46 p.m.
as the blogger people are all about convenience, you now have the opportunity to do what you've always wanted - to search the archives of this here blog for specific things. want to search your name and see what how much trash-talk is dedicated to you? search away. interested in knowing if i've ever made reference to a particular band? there you go.
i'm finding my own little ways of amusing myself with it, to be honest. for example, did you know ...
- "big fucking boots" has come up three times (including once in which i was shocked people were searching for that)?
- "howie day" comes up 59 times?
- averi, 36 times?
- show, 87; concert, 38?
- higher ground, 25; paradise, 23?
- badassmamajahamba comes up on a single, fabulous occasion.
i'm also amused by the increase in phishy types enjoying all burlingtonia has to offer. as i walked down church street this evening, a band of phish fans were playing for a group of similarly-minded enthusiasts. they're hanging out by nectar's, chilling in the park. and many of them have this smile of happiness/fatigue/etc. on their faces that indicates just how crazy coventry was.
good times.
background ambiance - what you'd expect at 8:46 p.m.
as the blogger people are all about convenience, you now have the opportunity to do what you've always wanted - to search the archives of this here blog for specific things. want to search your name and see what how much trash-talk is dedicated to you? search away. interested in knowing if i've ever made reference to a particular band? there you go.
i'm finding my own little ways of amusing myself with it, to be honest. for example, did you know ...
- "big fucking boots" has come up three times (including once in which i was shocked people were searching for that)?
- "howie day" comes up 59 times?
- averi, 36 times?
- show, 87; concert, 38?
- higher ground, 25; paradise, 23?
- badassmamajahamba comes up on a single, fabulous occasion.
i'm also amused by the increase in phishy types enjoying all burlingtonia has to offer. as i walked down church street this evening, a band of phish fans were playing for a group of similarly-minded enthusiasts. they're hanging out by nectar's, chilling in the park. and many of them have this smile of happiness/fatigue/etc. on their faces that indicates just how crazy coventry was.
good times.
more adventurous
status check - indie and yuppie at the same time
background ambiance - same old, same old
sitting here, in my crisp kakhis, kelly green polo shirt and loafers, listening to the latest rilo kiley album (out today - "more adventurous" - pick it up), i'm feeling quite the clash of genres.
it amuses me.
wrote a whole thing about rilo kiley over at myspace. perhaps i'll wind up transferring it over here at some point, but if you want to read the music-related rambling, head over there and search for my full name. while you're at it, sign up for an account - few people i know have them and my friends list is looking pitiful - i've got rilo kiley and rivers cuomo linked as friends, but few people that i actually, well, know.
why don't my friends get as hooked on this e-stuff as i do? oy.
background ambiance - same old, same old
sitting here, in my crisp kakhis, kelly green polo shirt and loafers, listening to the latest rilo kiley album (out today - "more adventurous" - pick it up), i'm feeling quite the clash of genres.
it amuses me.
wrote a whole thing about rilo kiley over at myspace. perhaps i'll wind up transferring it over here at some point, but if you want to read the music-related rambling, head over there and search for my full name. while you're at it, sign up for an account - few people i know have them and my friends list is looking pitiful - i've got rilo kiley and rivers cuomo linked as friends, but few people that i actually, well, know.
why don't my friends get as hooked on this e-stuff as i do? oy.
8.16.2004
the rock vote
status check - pleased
background ambiance - silence
i'm delighted/thrilled/stoked to be able to ask you to cast ballots in the san diego music awards.
you needn't be a sd resident to be able to voice your appreciation for the music coming from that scene on the left coast. as should be somewhat obvious, considering that i'm on the opposite side of the country, have voted and am telling you to vote. but i digress. some rockin' people are up for awards this year, most notably in the "best acoustic" category. tristan prettyman, anya marina, saba and ... pete thurston.
yep. pete's up for a sdma. which means you need to vote for him. just head over to the website (link above), pop in your name, address and email and then click away on the little circles next to your favorites. as long as pete is one of them.
and, on a side note, vote for mraz as artist of the year.
merci!
background ambiance - silence
i'm delighted/thrilled/stoked to be able to ask you to cast ballots in the san diego music awards.
you needn't be a sd resident to be able to voice your appreciation for the music coming from that scene on the left coast. as should be somewhat obvious, considering that i'm on the opposite side of the country, have voted and am telling you to vote. but i digress. some rockin' people are up for awards this year, most notably in the "best acoustic" category. tristan prettyman, anya marina, saba and ... pete thurston.
yep. pete's up for a sdma. which means you need to vote for him. just head over to the website (link above), pop in your name, address and email and then click away on the little circles next to your favorites. as long as pete is one of them.
and, on a side note, vote for mraz as artist of the year.
merci!
8.15.2004
simma down, nancy drew
status check - amused
background ambiance - nick drake - one of these things first
while she knew she should take time to look into her own life, do her own writing, take care of her own messes - it just felt right to take a weekend to retreat into a book, a soundtrack and observe for awhile. to try piecing together a story from the snippets of phrases and allusions, laughing at the hypothesi that emerge during the process.
i need to start work on the novel. tomorrow. i've been feeling particularly literate as of late.
i've got a hankering for a frozen raspberry margarita and some more chapters of harry potter's latest adventures (picked up the paperback so i could finally reread it all 800+ glorious pages). i'll get to enjoy one of the two before i drift to sleep.
p.s. so nice to know remy zero is featured on a soundtrack compilation other than she's all that (actually, did they even release a soundtrack for that? i think i meant to buy it for a friend back when the movie came out and i couldn't find it) and smallville. can the band get back together again now, please?
background ambiance - nick drake - one of these things first
while she knew she should take time to look into her own life, do her own writing, take care of her own messes - it just felt right to take a weekend to retreat into a book, a soundtrack and observe for awhile. to try piecing together a story from the snippets of phrases and allusions, laughing at the hypothesi that emerge during the process.
i need to start work on the novel. tomorrow. i've been feeling particularly literate as of late.
i've got a hankering for a frozen raspberry margarita and some more chapters of harry potter's latest adventures (picked up the paperback so i could finally reread it all 800+ glorious pages). i'll get to enjoy one of the two before i drift to sleep.
p.s. so nice to know remy zero is featured on a soundtrack compilation other than she's all that (actually, did they even release a soundtrack for that? i think i meant to buy it for a friend back when the movie came out and i couldn't find it) and smallville. can the band get back together again now, please?
8.13.2004
olympic spirit
status check - lovely
background ambiance - san diego radio
friday the thirteenth - traditionally my lucky day. as i have millions of stories to write today, i hope the luck of the thirteeth helps me out.
the light at the end of the print-lined tunnel? the olympics kick off tonight with the opening ceremonies.
while i'm not generally much for drinking games these days (unless it's the fabulous game called "let's do shots with the musician"), the parade of nations drinking game holds a special place in my heart. the rules are simple and unforgiving. drink each time a new national flag enters the stadium.
the salt lake city ceremony prompted the rally cry of "mormons RULE!" (this came to us around the time germany entered) who knows what athens will have in store ... 202 nations participating and it's sure to cause debauchery.
bring on that torch, dammit!
background ambiance - san diego radio
friday the thirteenth - traditionally my lucky day. as i have millions of stories to write today, i hope the luck of the thirteeth helps me out.
the light at the end of the print-lined tunnel? the olympics kick off tonight with the opening ceremonies.
while i'm not generally much for drinking games these days (unless it's the fabulous game called "let's do shots with the musician"), the parade of nations drinking game holds a special place in my heart. the rules are simple and unforgiving. drink each time a new national flag enters the stadium.
the salt lake city ceremony prompted the rally cry of "mormons RULE!" (this came to us around the time germany entered) who knows what athens will have in store ... 202 nations participating and it's sure to cause debauchery.
bring on that torch, dammit!
8.12.2004
the sweetest star that fell
status check - tired
background ambiance - crickets
i hoped that the clouds would clear enough to see the meteor shower at its peak tonight, but it was not to be. the cloud cover obstructed my view of the shooting stars and my tired eyes were playing tricks on me, creating specks of light on the clouds that i believed to be meteors until i noticed they were present when i looked to the back yard as well.
for some reason, i wanted to recall precisely how i felt while watching the meteor shower junior or senior year - but i was unable to recall the sharp details of the experience. i remembered laughing about missing a particular meteor, feeling as if i'd missed the best moment of the night, but i couldn't recall whether it was warm or cold, if there was a breeze - even what time of year it was.
reaching for a faded memory - and grasping at a frayed edge of that memory - that's when you realize you are truly getting old. there are too many memories to keep each one fresh. the more experiences you add to your canon of experience, the less vivid each one can be.
which is why i write. i want to be able to at least read about the details of the moments, even if i can't fully recall them. after tonight's frustration, i searched through my archives and found this:
around 4, a group of 15 of us or so trekked from meg's over to the field across from the east entrance to campus. there was already a sizable crowd gathered there, lying huddled in groups, standing, sitting in lawn chairs. people were offering each other beers, others were smoking--just everyone gathered for relaxation under the stars.the leonids meteor shower was beautiful.
the sky, which was clear all night, had become sprinkled with fluffy clouds, which seemed to glow in the night sky. they were racing by, but the stars seemed to move more than the clouds did. when a meteor burned across the sky, everyone on the field shouted and laughed. some meteors were quick flashes in the corner of my eye, while others burned so bright they left a long trail and glowed there for a second, temorarily burned into my vision.
my mind flashed back to sophomore year, watching phil-dog, christopher, and collin rehearse "picasso at the lapin agile", when picasso (phil-dog) says, "i want to leave a trail, a long string of fire, so bright it leaves an imprint on your mind" or something like that.
initially, i sat by myself, looking up at the stars, but eventually, i found myself keeping warm with baz, liz and phil. i left around 5:15 or so and trudged back to my room, where i fell into the deep, intoxicated sleep that weekends provide, waking up today at 2:30 in the afternoon.
november of senior year. upon this discovery, i felt somewhat comforted.
background ambiance - crickets
i hoped that the clouds would clear enough to see the meteor shower at its peak tonight, but it was not to be. the cloud cover obstructed my view of the shooting stars and my tired eyes were playing tricks on me, creating specks of light on the clouds that i believed to be meteors until i noticed they were present when i looked to the back yard as well.
for some reason, i wanted to recall precisely how i felt while watching the meteor shower junior or senior year - but i was unable to recall the sharp details of the experience. i remembered laughing about missing a particular meteor, feeling as if i'd missed the best moment of the night, but i couldn't recall whether it was warm or cold, if there was a breeze - even what time of year it was.
reaching for a faded memory - and grasping at a frayed edge of that memory - that's when you realize you are truly getting old. there are too many memories to keep each one fresh. the more experiences you add to your canon of experience, the less vivid each one can be.
which is why i write. i want to be able to at least read about the details of the moments, even if i can't fully recall them. after tonight's frustration, i searched through my archives and found this:
around 4, a group of 15 of us or so trekked from meg's over to the field across from the east entrance to campus. there was already a sizable crowd gathered there, lying huddled in groups, standing, sitting in lawn chairs. people were offering each other beers, others were smoking--just everyone gathered for relaxation under the stars.the leonids meteor shower was beautiful.
the sky, which was clear all night, had become sprinkled with fluffy clouds, which seemed to glow in the night sky. they were racing by, but the stars seemed to move more than the clouds did. when a meteor burned across the sky, everyone on the field shouted and laughed. some meteors were quick flashes in the corner of my eye, while others burned so bright they left a long trail and glowed there for a second, temorarily burned into my vision.
my mind flashed back to sophomore year, watching phil-dog, christopher, and collin rehearse "picasso at the lapin agile", when picasso (phil-dog) says, "i want to leave a trail, a long string of fire, so bright it leaves an imprint on your mind" or something like that.
initially, i sat by myself, looking up at the stars, but eventually, i found myself keeping warm with baz, liz and phil. i left around 5:15 or so and trudged back to my room, where i fell into the deep, intoxicated sleep that weekends provide, waking up today at 2:30 in the afternoon.
november of senior year. upon this discovery, i felt somewhat comforted.
8.11.2004
gardens and yankees
status check - delighted
background ambiance - same old, same old
informative notes:
- true to predicted form, the phisheads are beginning to pop up in burlington. amusement ensues. hope it doesn't rain in coventry ...
- garden state opens in burlington next friday. as in 8.20. do not ask questions, just go. see it. thank me later.
- wilco is playing the flynn in september. need i say more?
background ambiance - same old, same old
informative notes:
- true to predicted form, the phisheads are beginning to pop up in burlington. amusement ensues. hope it doesn't rain in coventry ...
- garden state opens in burlington next friday. as in 8.20. do not ask questions, just go. see it. thank me later.
- wilco is playing the flynn in september. need i say more?
goodbye red, hello d.t.
status check - pleased
background ambiance - same old same old
after spending two days worrying myself silly with thoughts of car payments, insurance quotes, credit and the like, i'm the giddy owner of a new (to me) vehicle.
it's amazing how the stress lifts once you sign the papers. you'd think it would be the other way around. i imagine it will be back in full force tomorrow - well, in about a month. but for now, it's celebration time, the dawn of a new era.
while waiting about 15 minutes to sign all of the endless forms (so many i'm convinced i signed saturn the right to use my likeness, take my firstborn child and release all of my personal information to countless spammers), i hastily ran out to red to empty him out (i know vehicles and ships and things are generally considered female, but i like to think that red was the only constistent man in three years of my life). i was in such a hurry that i had to stop and think to myself that this was my goodbye. red deserved better than that. so i sat in the drivers' seat for a minute until my mother walked up and asked me what the hell i was doing.
after the car was clean, i patted red's hood and walked from him toward d.t. - the new, gleamingly gorgeous car in my life.
and the answer to the all-important question: the first musical selections played in d.t. post-purchase were tides' "keep it a secret," followed by ryan adams' "rock n roll."
background ambiance - same old same old
after spending two days worrying myself silly with thoughts of car payments, insurance quotes, credit and the like, i'm the giddy owner of a new (to me) vehicle.
it's amazing how the stress lifts once you sign the papers. you'd think it would be the other way around. i imagine it will be back in full force tomorrow - well, in about a month. but for now, it's celebration time, the dawn of a new era.
while waiting about 15 minutes to sign all of the endless forms (so many i'm convinced i signed saturn the right to use my likeness, take my firstborn child and release all of my personal information to countless spammers), i hastily ran out to red to empty him out (i know vehicles and ships and things are generally considered female, but i like to think that red was the only constistent man in three years of my life). i was in such a hurry that i had to stop and think to myself that this was my goodbye. red deserved better than that. so i sat in the drivers' seat for a minute until my mother walked up and asked me what the hell i was doing.
after the car was clean, i patted red's hood and walked from him toward d.t. - the new, gleamingly gorgeous car in my life.
and the answer to the all-important question: the first musical selections played in d.t. post-purchase were tides' "keep it a secret," followed by ryan adams' "rock n roll."
8.10.2004
assessment
status check - defiant
background ambiance - same old same old
i'm incessently overanalytical at times. mainly when i have to be decisive. which i'm not a fan of. too many decent options from which to choose.
but i need to just enjoy the ride. well, the process of selecting a ride. and insurance quotes. and budgeting. and thinking about how long i will have whatever ride i decide on.
(and thinking of car names and bumper stickers in the rear window and how i can get a college decal without paying too much in the bookstore and finding visor cd sleeves and other key things.)
i suck.
background ambiance - same old same old
i'm incessently overanalytical at times. mainly when i have to be decisive. which i'm not a fan of. too many decent options from which to choose.
but i need to just enjoy the ride. well, the process of selecting a ride. and insurance quotes. and budgeting. and thinking about how long i will have whatever ride i decide on.
(and thinking of car names and bumper stickers in the rear window and how i can get a college decal without paying too much in the bookstore and finding visor cd sleeves and other key things.)
i suck.
8.09.2004
end of a red era?
status check - nostalgic - and silly
background ambiance - same old, same old
regardless of which car i buy on wednesday, the fact remains that i am saying preparing to say goodbye to my first and ever-faithful green car named red. i'm feeling almost traitorous as i think about it now - while i'm testing out a snazzy red mid-sized suv, my little green plastic car is sitting in a parking lot at a dealership, waiting for me to return and take him for another spin. little does he know that he'll likely soon be heading to that dealership in the sky.
it might be considered overdramatic to get nostalgic about a car, but let's face it. i've been called overly dramatic before and surely will be called the same thing in the future - for once, it's just not about some band or song. furthermore, find me one person who doesn't look back fondly on their first car - and try to tell me you didn't get the least bit sentimental when the time came to give it up and move on.
i bought it just over three years ago and have since nearly doubled the mileage it handled in the previous nine years it roamed the highways. my first important car decision was what song to play in the discman/car sterio hookup i'd purchased the day before (for those curious minds, it was howie day's "after you" from the 6.18.01 paradise recording. i know, big surprise.). my first solo trip in the car was to the sound barrier, where i picked up an eqx bumper sticker (fell off ages ago) and a round dmb dancing nancies decal (still at the top of my back window).
i've had the fuzzy dice, the mardi gras beads, the strawberry shortcake air freshener. on my 21st birthday, red was covered with printed signs with embarrassing moments in my college history. for two years, surfer bob caught wave after wave on my back dash.
i sat in red's passenger seat two years ago, crying my eyes out as i left st. michael's on graduation day. i watched dc fade into the distance as i headed back to vermont and steered the car up to burlington for the start of my new career. i swear it could drive itself to boston and from the driver's seat, i determined that exist 37 on 93 south is the earliest you can glimpse the boston skyline. i drove it through the city, i drove it through the country. it survived summer and snow, hail and this summer's freak monsoon-like downpours. it even survived the parking lot behind my first burlington apartment (although it did wind up a little worse for the wear) and the oppressive heat of gridlock traffic in saratoga springs before a dave matthews show.
this car has just fucking ruled and i almost wish i didn't have to give it up. can we just bronze it and store it somewhere, funny back bumper, engine indicator light, tempremental drivers window and all?
driving in my car, a live jason mraz show keeping me energized, i realized that i was happy. the cool night was hinting at the autumn to come and i was happily cozy in a fleece, the window slightly cracked so the breeze was on my face while the heater kept the rest of me warm. the night sky was clear while the lack of streetlights allowed the stars to spread out above and in front of me. i was singing along with the music, a hot cup of coffee in my hand, having just left a campfire, great friends and hugs. an assignment was waiting for me at home, the information there and the framework of the story already written ...
background ambiance - same old, same old
regardless of which car i buy on wednesday, the fact remains that i am saying preparing to say goodbye to my first and ever-faithful green car named red. i'm feeling almost traitorous as i think about it now - while i'm testing out a snazzy red mid-sized suv, my little green plastic car is sitting in a parking lot at a dealership, waiting for me to return and take him for another spin. little does he know that he'll likely soon be heading to that dealership in the sky.
it might be considered overdramatic to get nostalgic about a car, but let's face it. i've been called overly dramatic before and surely will be called the same thing in the future - for once, it's just not about some band or song. furthermore, find me one person who doesn't look back fondly on their first car - and try to tell me you didn't get the least bit sentimental when the time came to give it up and move on.
i bought it just over three years ago and have since nearly doubled the mileage it handled in the previous nine years it roamed the highways. my first important car decision was what song to play in the discman/car sterio hookup i'd purchased the day before (for those curious minds, it was howie day's "after you" from the 6.18.01 paradise recording. i know, big surprise.). my first solo trip in the car was to the sound barrier, where i picked up an eqx bumper sticker (fell off ages ago) and a round dmb dancing nancies decal (still at the top of my back window).
i've had the fuzzy dice, the mardi gras beads, the strawberry shortcake air freshener. on my 21st birthday, red was covered with printed signs with embarrassing moments in my college history. for two years, surfer bob caught wave after wave on my back dash.
i sat in red's passenger seat two years ago, crying my eyes out as i left st. michael's on graduation day. i watched dc fade into the distance as i headed back to vermont and steered the car up to burlington for the start of my new career. i swear it could drive itself to boston and from the driver's seat, i determined that exist 37 on 93 south is the earliest you can glimpse the boston skyline. i drove it through the city, i drove it through the country. it survived summer and snow, hail and this summer's freak monsoon-like downpours. it even survived the parking lot behind my first burlington apartment (although it did wind up a little worse for the wear) and the oppressive heat of gridlock traffic in saratoga springs before a dave matthews show.
this car has just fucking ruled and i almost wish i didn't have to give it up. can we just bronze it and store it somewhere, funny back bumper, engine indicator light, tempremental drivers window and all?
driving in my car, a live jason mraz show keeping me energized, i realized that i was happy. the cool night was hinting at the autumn to come and i was happily cozy in a fleece, the window slightly cracked so the breeze was on my face while the heater kept the rest of me warm. the night sky was clear while the lack of streetlights allowed the stars to spread out above and in front of me. i was singing along with the music, a hot cup of coffee in my hand, having just left a campfire, great friends and hugs. an assignment was waiting for me at home, the information there and the framework of the story already written ...
dilemma
status check - torn (yes, much like natalie)
background ambiance - television
i hate making big purchases. i'm not good at it, which means i only do it on rare, rare occasions. i wind up thinking "now do i REALLY need this?" and coax myself out of it.
i'm buying a new (to me) car on wednesday and i'm already going crazy about it. my dream car is parked in my driveway, as i'm borrowing it for two days to test it out. yet i'm sitting here thinking about all the little purchases i'd have to give up and am already starting to think, "now REALLY ..."
the funny this is that if i were to buy it, i'd have a red vehicle. i currently have a green car named red. does this mean i'd have to name the new car green?
aurgh ... shouldn't have to be making such adult decisions ...
background ambiance - television
i hate making big purchases. i'm not good at it, which means i only do it on rare, rare occasions. i wind up thinking "now do i REALLY need this?" and coax myself out of it.
i'm buying a new (to me) car on wednesday and i'm already going crazy about it. my dream car is parked in my driveway, as i'm borrowing it for two days to test it out. yet i'm sitting here thinking about all the little purchases i'd have to give up and am already starting to think, "now REALLY ..."
the funny this is that if i were to buy it, i'd have a red vehicle. i currently have a green car named red. does this mean i'd have to name the new car green?
aurgh ... shouldn't have to be making such adult decisions ...
8.08.2004
exhaustion - continued.
status check - tired
background ambiance - television
maybe someday, someway, somehow, sometime we'll get together and we'll break it down
and I'll ask, "why you gotta be so shy, why you gotta be that way?"
well maybe, baby, I like it that way
shy that way
- t.prettyman & j.mraz
go see "garden state." catch a fantastic band-backed matt nathanson set at a city near you. enjoy howie's improved band, but also hit up a solo set. enjoy vegetarian curry in chinatown. laugh at improv in cambridge. scream along lyrics to "with or without you." see tides live. take part in a high school reunion and enjoy it. catch up with someone you haven't seen since college. break into the song's harmony while navigating the neon-lined streets of boston. wonder who the hell thought bubbles would be a good idea. laugh.
background ambiance - television
maybe someday, someway, somehow, sometime we'll get together and we'll break it down
and I'll ask, "why you gotta be so shy, why you gotta be that way?"
well maybe, baby, I like it that way
shy that way
- t.prettyman & j.mraz
go see "garden state." catch a fantastic band-backed matt nathanson set at a city near you. enjoy howie's improved band, but also hit up a solo set. enjoy vegetarian curry in chinatown. laugh at improv in cambridge. scream along lyrics to "with or without you." see tides live. take part in a high school reunion and enjoy it. catch up with someone you haven't seen since college. break into the song's harmony while navigating the neon-lined streets of boston. wonder who the hell thought bubbles would be a good idea. laugh.
8.07.2004
born again from the rhythm
status check - exhausted
background ambiance - tristan prettyman - guest check
i need a weekend to recover from the week's end.
background ambiance - tristan prettyman - guest check
i need a weekend to recover from the week's end.
8.04.2004
nice problem
status check - pleased
background ambiance - keyboard
too much music.
not enough time.
such a predicament.
what's to be done?
hear as much as possible.
soak up the sound.
smile like a fool.
sing harmony.
come back for more.
background ambiance - keyboard
too much music.
not enough time.
such a predicament.
what's to be done?
hear as much as possible.
soak up the sound.
smile like a fool.
sing harmony.
come back for more.
an attempt at justification
status check - amused
background ambiance - keyboard clicking
i need to just think of it as saving money in the long run.
stopped by pure pop to pick up some driving music for tomorrow. planned on either the shins or modest mouse, wound up going with the shins' "chutes too narrow" (since one of my flatmates has modest mouse anyway). just as i was ready to head to checkout, i stumble across keane's "hopes and fears," on sale for a tempting $7.97.
while i'm half-cursing myself now for buying both, i'd wind up buying them separately anyway ... and keane was on sale, so it would be a travesty to overlook the opportunity to save money. so really, in the grand scheme of things, i just saved myself a few dollars. this is a good thing.
i just won't focus on the fact that i know i'll be picking up tristan's cd on friday. and that i'll be supporting the fabulous matty nay with a shirt purchase on thursday. and perhaps adding to my howie poster collection (yes, i know. i'm a dork). and that whole food thing ...
but again, these can be justified. i'll save money on shipping by buying tristan's cd at the venue. matt is completely worthy of my money - more so than almost any other musician i know of. and the potential howie poster? well, it's simply another piece of my growing concert poster collection that will one day be worth thousands of dollars.
right?
background ambiance - keyboard clicking
i need to just think of it as saving money in the long run.
stopped by pure pop to pick up some driving music for tomorrow. planned on either the shins or modest mouse, wound up going with the shins' "chutes too narrow" (since one of my flatmates has modest mouse anyway). just as i was ready to head to checkout, i stumble across keane's "hopes and fears," on sale for a tempting $7.97.
while i'm half-cursing myself now for buying both, i'd wind up buying them separately anyway ... and keane was on sale, so it would be a travesty to overlook the opportunity to save money. so really, in the grand scheme of things, i just saved myself a few dollars. this is a good thing.
i just won't focus on the fact that i know i'll be picking up tristan's cd on friday. and that i'll be supporting the fabulous matty nay with a shirt purchase on thursday. and perhaps adding to my howie poster collection (yes, i know. i'm a dork). and that whole food thing ...
but again, these can be justified. i'll save money on shipping by buying tristan's cd at the venue. matt is completely worthy of my money - more so than almost any other musician i know of. and the potential howie poster? well, it's simply another piece of my growing concert poster collection that will one day be worth thousands of dollars.
right?
introspection
status check - contemplative
background ambiance - television
i am an emotional packrat. and it's time to clean house.
background ambiance - television
i am an emotional packrat. and it's time to clean house.
8.03.2004
left coast rock
status check - elated
background ambiance - same old same old
i meant to order tristan prettyman's album last week but, for whatever reason, forgot to.
is it that i forgot or that i subconsciously knew that i'd be able to pick it up in person on friday at the paradise lounge?
believe what you will, but i think i'm psychic.
howie, matt and tristan in a span of two days - my minibreak plans are getting better and better by the second. and i've earned them, dammit!
p.s. for those in the boston area NOT attending mn/hd/o.a.r. on thursday night, head to somerville. tides are playing the sky bar, doors at 8, 21+. everything good in music is happening late this week, apparently.
p.p.s. tristan's making the trip east-side, which means billy and pete should follow. immediately.
yup.
background ambiance - same old same old
i meant to order tristan prettyman's album last week but, for whatever reason, forgot to.
is it that i forgot or that i subconsciously knew that i'd be able to pick it up in person on friday at the paradise lounge?
believe what you will, but i think i'm psychic.
howie, matt and tristan in a span of two days - my minibreak plans are getting better and better by the second. and i've earned them, dammit!
p.s. for those in the boston area NOT attending mn/hd/o.a.r. on thursday night, head to somerville. tides are playing the sky bar, doors at 8, 21+. everything good in music is happening late this week, apparently.
p.p.s. tristan's making the trip east-side, which means billy and pete should follow. immediately.
yup.
8.02.2004
paul
status check - amused
background ambiance - silence
check your email. thank you. :)
- the management
background ambiance - silence
check your email. thank you. :)
- the management
go now, you are forgiven
status check - exasperated
background ambiance - same old, same old
it hasn't ceased to amaze me that "the last dispatch" flew so low beneath people's radars up here. band forms at a vermont college. band plays up here numerous times, as does several solo offshoots of band. band prepares to play final show - free show expected to draw a large crowd. show ultimately brings between 60,000 (boston herald) and 110,000 (boston globe). yet people up here say nothing. i'd think they didn't even know about it, but i made numerous references to it.
but mention phish and everyone goes nuts. countdown to coventry in full swing. it frustrates me to a ridiculous degree.
and it's not even that i had an amazing time at the show. i'll be honest - i didn't.
sure, i had a fun time hanging out with friends on the esplenade. i enjoyed taking a weekend roadtrip for musical purposes. i enjoyed catching those few lines of "much ado" matinee on the common. a couple of the songs i was able to hear were great - hearing "the general" played live for the final time was fantastic.
but my experience during the actual show was lousy. our seemingly fabulous seats wound up being obstructed by cooler-toting, beer-spilling sorority types who refused to listen to the music. twice, i feared the bottles being thrown from everywhere would hit me - one would have, had it not slammed into the sign right in front of me. i yelled at the people behind me, yelled at the people cutting over our blanket. i was kicked, i was stepped on, i had water and beer spilled all over. i even got into an argument with a guy trying to sell free samplers for a dollar apiece. i was reminded a million times that the yankees suck (big shock). i couldn't hear most of the music and only saw a bandmember or two on three occasions.
i had a very idealized notion of the show - perhaps based largely on my positive experiences at woodstock. with over 200,000 people there, i was still able to hear every song of every band i wanted to see at the time. i remembered lying in the grass listening to rusted root and knew this would be the same way.
unfortunately, the crowd that would have been rocking to limp bizkit back then was in full force at saturday's show.
with all that, i'm glad i went. as i said, the day itself? lot of fun. during "elias," people were dancing and i was able to forget temporarily that the crowd sucked. got to say hi to someone in my college journalism program i hadn't seen since graduation. "the general" rocked (particularly interesting point made by beth - final encore of a farewell show includes the audience singing back to the band, "go now, you are forgiven." coincidence?) getting to tell off free music exploiter felt really good - and perhaps stopping the people behind from throwing glass bottles into the crowd was a huge relief.
if we hadn't gone, we would have wondered what it was like and wished we'd been there. we went, we were there AND we survived. definitely an expereince for the great american novel.
hey, look - a photo.
p.s. regardless of his injuries this season, despite his bitterness over the arod attempt (for which i don't blame him), i was in mourning upon hearing the "no more nomar" news. he's been my favorite player since his rookie season and i even have a nomar bobblehead doll. i think the trade will, all in all, be good for boston, but it marked a sad day for yours truly.
background ambiance - same old, same old
it hasn't ceased to amaze me that "the last dispatch" flew so low beneath people's radars up here. band forms at a vermont college. band plays up here numerous times, as does several solo offshoots of band. band prepares to play final show - free show expected to draw a large crowd. show ultimately brings between 60,000 (boston herald) and 110,000 (boston globe). yet people up here say nothing. i'd think they didn't even know about it, but i made numerous references to it.
but mention phish and everyone goes nuts. countdown to coventry in full swing. it frustrates me to a ridiculous degree.
and it's not even that i had an amazing time at the show. i'll be honest - i didn't.
sure, i had a fun time hanging out with friends on the esplenade. i enjoyed taking a weekend roadtrip for musical purposes. i enjoyed catching those few lines of "much ado" matinee on the common. a couple of the songs i was able to hear were great - hearing "the general" played live for the final time was fantastic.
but my experience during the actual show was lousy. our seemingly fabulous seats wound up being obstructed by cooler-toting, beer-spilling sorority types who refused to listen to the music. twice, i feared the bottles being thrown from everywhere would hit me - one would have, had it not slammed into the sign right in front of me. i yelled at the people behind me, yelled at the people cutting over our blanket. i was kicked, i was stepped on, i had water and beer spilled all over. i even got into an argument with a guy trying to sell free samplers for a dollar apiece. i was reminded a million times that the yankees suck (big shock). i couldn't hear most of the music and only saw a bandmember or two on three occasions.
i had a very idealized notion of the show - perhaps based largely on my positive experiences at woodstock. with over 200,000 people there, i was still able to hear every song of every band i wanted to see at the time. i remembered lying in the grass listening to rusted root and knew this would be the same way.
unfortunately, the crowd that would have been rocking to limp bizkit back then was in full force at saturday's show.
with all that, i'm glad i went. as i said, the day itself? lot of fun. during "elias," people were dancing and i was able to forget temporarily that the crowd sucked. got to say hi to someone in my college journalism program i hadn't seen since graduation. "the general" rocked (particularly interesting point made by beth - final encore of a farewell show includes the audience singing back to the band, "go now, you are forgiven." coincidence?) getting to tell off free music exploiter felt really good - and perhaps stopping the people behind from throwing glass bottles into the crowd was a huge relief.
if we hadn't gone, we would have wondered what it was like and wished we'd been there. we went, we were there AND we survived. definitely an expereince for the great american novel.
hey, look - a photo.
p.s. regardless of his injuries this season, despite his bitterness over the arod attempt (for which i don't blame him), i was in mourning upon hearing the "no more nomar" news. he's been my favorite player since his rookie season and i even have a nomar bobblehead doll. i think the trade will, all in all, be good for boston, but it marked a sad day for yours truly.
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