what an interesting few days.

i'll focus on today, since i'm tired and don't want to focus on things that make no sense. easter dinner at becca's, with bec, irene, baz and lucas. i had called lars to let him know that i'd be in the 300s when he was leaving, so shortly after we began eating, he and pete stopped by. irene invited them in and offered them some food -- they jumped at the chance to have turkey, mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes, corn, rolls, the whole nine yards.

so it was a hilarious dinner party -- very interesting mix of people, but a great time. becca was recording snippets on her camcorder, we were laughing and i was sitting there wondering how this group had assembled, but amused and entertained by it. i've never been a huge fan of easter celebrations (well, since i was a little kid with the egg hunt every easter morning), this was definitely one of the best i've had in a good while.

i've got spare time now that the internship is finished -- i'm already amazed that there is time for me to just relax. i've played guitar the past two days, and while my fingers are already cursing me, it makes me very happy.

oh, and i finally bought josh clayton-felt's "spirit touches ground" yesterday during a stop at pure pop. revel...revelrevel.

it's not even 11 and i feel so drained...might have something to do with not falling asleep til after 5 this morning...but i digress.

alright, the most fucked up weekend is about to get even more interesting.

wish me luck...

sign i'm working as an editor/paginatior too much--i realize that the template for my blog would look a lot better if there was a text inset in the boxes so the text doesn't run right up to the edge...therefore giving the page more space and not straining the eye...

good lord, i need help. ;)

"life as a house" tonight. i'm impressed with what hayden did with the role. yes, yes, i am impressed indeed.

tonight i received my own official f coffee mug. i suppose it's rather like retiring from a job and getting the gold watch or whatever they give these days. only since i was (am...nope, was) a volunteer intern, i got a mug. which was pretty sweet.

yes, that is exactly what i'm saying...tonight was my last night at the f. it was actually quite sad...getting handshakes and goodbyes from everyone and being told i have letters of recommendation whenever i want them...and realizing that i won't be in the sports room all the time anymore...i suppose that's why i rarely quit things--i wrap my life around whatever i'm doing and can't imagine NOT doing it anymore. but i told mike to make sure they call me when they want things covered. i don't want to be finished permanently there.

i will have houseguests this weekend.

that is all.

break!!!!!!!!!!!

alright, so here's my deal. i'm having difficulty writing this story. my head isn't very clear and i'm tired.

so i'm going to be smart for once. i'm going to sleep now, wake up early and write this damn thing. that way my head will be on straight and i know that i'll be thinking about what i want to write while i fall asleep, so i'll be able to hammer this out before LS, have paul look it over, and give it to matt.

i work better on a major crunch of a deadline anyway.

i want to go home and go to sleep!!!!!!

upcoming music

soulive - april 23
martin sexton!!!!! - may 30

the good news: the only day of the year i will say i love the federal government. (read: i got my federal income tax check today!!!! i'm the money...the skies are sunny...)
the bad news: it's after 1 a.m., i'm still at defender, and two section editors aren't done with their sections yet.

the good news: i think we have a band for the benefit concert.
the bad news: i think i'm going to have to kill a member of the defender staff.
and i didn't do overly well on my oscar picks.

damn you, opie!!!!

ok, here we go. my official, slightly revised, but uninfluenced oscar predictions for this evening:

best actor - denzel washington, training day
best actress - nicole kidman, moulin rouge (i know, i'm going for the upset!)
best supporting actor - ian mckellen, lord of the rings: the fellowship of the ring
best supporting actress - jennifer connelly, a beautiful mind
best director - peter jackson, lotr
best film - lotr

i'm gunning for some upsets, but i think it'll be pretty accurate. i really think nicole will pull it out, and i think russell crowe shot himself in the foot with best actor, allowing denzel to sneak in for a much-deserved win.

i'm already starting to run back and forth...heehee

the day of the oscars has arrived!!!!

yippee...i know i'm going to be running between the defender lab and the tv in the classroom over.

i feel like my head has been ripped open. hurts so badly.

all i want out of life right now is to leave work, go home, and make myself chicken noodle soup. cns has never sounded so good before.

in odd coincidences that really make no sense...

driving back from my trip to the printer this morning, i drove past the 300s field and noticed a couple of birds that were startled off the road by my oncoming car. for some reason, i thought about when fabio was hit by a bird while riding a rollercoaster. i have no idea how the thought popped in my head, but there it was.

at the f tonight, i was searching the entertainment wire and found a "celebrity birthday, did you know..." type of thing. and the three-year anniversary of fabio being hit in the face by the bird on the rollercoaster is this weekend.

??????

my thoughts exactly.

that said, i've downloaded a bunch of martin sexton. for some reason, i had it in my head that i didn't like martin sexton. but now i think i was thinking of someone else (maybe mason jennings?). i want to find lyrics to "caught in the rain." if you have them or can find them, let me know.

that is all.

hahahahahahahahahaha

new, GQ john seen in full force.

but in the april issue of "interview" magazine, apparently the john boy is interviewed by sir elton himself...i've got to find this magazine. it will be an odd experience, but i suspect i'll be laughing my ass off.

i thought i'd never see old john again, but the mayer boy surprised me tonight.

watched the re-run of "late world with zach" on vh1. first of all, if he can have a show, why can't i? i was not impressed with zach at all. stupid moronic man--or, at least, that's his on-screen image. i wasn't impressed. sorry.

but john? fantastic. they showed bits before and after the commercial break--john being an ass, singing a bit of "no such thing" before breaking into a five for fighting impersonation, covering "superman." john in his goofy wonderfulness (shut up about the grammar, i'll describe it how i want. no editing tonight!)

and when he actually performed "nst," it was a healthy-looking, happy john in front of the band. none of the button-down shirt with odd-looking jeans bit--just john in a tshirt and normal jeans, smiling, looking into the camera at times, but just generally having fun with the song. for the first time in a good long while, he didn't look tired, didn't look sick, didn't sound like his voice was fading. i had a grin on my face the whole time. it was the "your body is a tacostand" john from last year.

i thought he'd been lost for good. glad i stayed up to see that there are still traces of the old john behind the whole "rock star with a band and big tourbus" image we've been fed lately.

i've been on a music donwload frenzy.

my computer will start to dislike me very soon. which means i will have to start going through my songs and deleting ones i don't listen to. or at least burn them to cd first.

but it's so hard to choose. even if i've listened to it only once, i hate the feeling of deleting a song. it's like i'm saying the song isn't good enough. :(

frustration.

i don't like to let people see when i'm getting stressed. people have enough going on, they don't need to see a whiny victoria bitching about the choices she's made. but every once in awhile, i just snap. and in order to get my thoughts out this time, i'm just going to pound the keys a bit with the hope that i'll feel better.

the urge to scream was prompted by my editor at the f tonight. i called to see if i could come in at 8:30 instead of 7 (i wanted to make sure someone was at the s.a. open forum--not to mention that i was interested in attending for my own personal interest), and i got a runaround answer that could be simplified to "we want you here at 7." fine, whatever. keeping in mind the number of times i have come in early, switched around my schedule, showed up on a friday night for what was supposed to be a "busy night" but was actually just one or two phone calls and four hours spent staring at a blank computer screen. the one time i ask if i can come in late and they tell me no. they should know that i have been busting my ass for them and i wouldn't ask if it wasn't important.

i just feel like i'm running from obligation to obligation and have no time to relax or sleep or clean my room or watch television or go to a movie. all of the things i'm doing are things i've always wanted to do--and, don't get me wrong, i'm happy to be doing them--but having them all weighing down on me at once is pushing me to my breaking point. and they don't all fit together--missing a meeting i should cover for defender because i have to be at the f, calling in sick to work because i have to cover a story, not being able to focus on my senior sem because i have defender, not being able to get an assignment done because i've got work followed by f followed by story ideas for defender...

and that's not even including the opportunity to see my friends--i feel like i'm constantly running in or out the door, saying hello to my housemates as i rush off to the next thing. within the span of sunday night-monday night, i talked to lars on the phone more than i saw or talked to beth or michelle--and it's entirely my fault. i need to have time to spend with my favorite people. but to whom do i say, "no, i can't do that, i need time for myself"? the f is counting on me. the defender counts on me. my grade for senior sem is riding on what i do. and my body is constantly screaming at me for not sleeping enough, not eating enough (or not eating well enough), my room is in desperate need of cleaning, there are dishes and downstairs to clean, i have things in my car that i brought back from spring break with me that are still in the trunk...

i have to tackle things one item at a time. it's the way it works best. but it's hard right now to do that--as i work on one thing, i get calls or emails or reminders of the other things i need to do. and i'm constantly yawning or rubbing my eyes because i'm tired. and i find whatever phone is available and stare at it, wanting to call my friends and talk to them about how they are doing.

i know it's just a little slump--part of the cycle. but seeing the days fly by and graduation race closer makes me feel all that much more desperate. the little kid in me wants someone to give me a hug and tell me that i don't have to worry about all of this. and that graduation isn't going to be here before i know it. and that i won't look back on the last year of my college career, wishing i'd done less and had time to live a little more.

alright, enough whining. have to get to the f. don't mind me, i'll be perfectly fine in no time.

i was wondering if anyone would contact the defender about it...

we received an ad from planned parenthood, ran it last week and will run it this week. i knew that people would probably have something to say about the fact that we are accepting an advertisement from an organization like that, particularly because we're at a catholic college that refuses to discuss making condoms available to students. ultimately, however, i guess i just felt that it was important. it's not like planned parenthood deals strictly with abortions, afterall. in many respects, i think st. michael's hides from these issues way more than it should--using the "we're a catholic college" bit instead of really dealing with issues that should be dealt with.

abortion is a heady topic--one that i don't necessarily have a concrete opinion of--and i know that running the ad will make and apparently has made some people uncomfortable. however, who am i to say that we refuse to run an advertisement for an organization that offers help to women in a variety of manners?

i feel like my superhero alter ego right now would be Issue Girl. dealing with all of these important decisions and whatnot...it messes with my head a bit.

3:30 on a defender monday...not bad, considering that i had to conduct interviews, organize and sort notes, and write a story...i'm actually quite pleased, to be honest. rachel and paul get gold stars for all of their help. yay!

it felt so good to be able to work on a story for once...paul laughed at how giddy i was. i loved being on the phone with people and leaving messages and being able to get things confirmed and ask tough questions!

highlight of the night was the last phone call i made. keep in mind that i did feel really bad for having to call at midnight, but it needed to be done.

*phone rings*
person called (hereafter referred to as p.c.): *picks up phone* you are not seriously calling me at this time of night, are you?
me: yes i am.
p.c.: what the fuck do you want?
me: i want a statement. want to make one?
p.c.: jesus christ...

hey, i got the statement. and next time, maybe he'll think twice when he doesn't return my voicemails. :):):)