8.30.2006

I want a moment to breathe.

When you have time, the minutes stretch out before you. No one is calling, demanding, hoping, expecting. When you have time, you wind up with seemingly infinite time.

And you're bored. Of course.

But when you're pressed for time -- that's when walls you didn't know existed start to crowd in on you. Everyone wants something. Everyone expects you to spend borrowed time with them. People are left disappointed, angry, frustrated.

And it falls on you. Why are you bailing? Why are you not around? Why are you running late? Why can't you just be there and do this and be the way you are supposed to be -- the way you always are?

I've grown tired of saying "I'm sorry, I don't have time." Or, moreso, using it as a form of apology.

I'm tense. I'm prone to snap today. I know that another day, a few more hours' sleep and I'd be looking at everything in a different manner.

But it's today, and I didn't get that sleep.

All I see is red. And it's so bright that I want to cry.

2 comments:

Joeybonbon said...

Oh my darling... I wish I could be there to give you a gigantic hug!

I hope you know how much I love you... and I'll talk to you sometime soon - when you have time, because I know how crazy your schedule is right now.

Just know that a girl in Quincy loves you something fierce!

Yeah, that's right. Take THAT Tyra!

Anonymous said...

all i know is that you're owed some good ass karma pretty soon.

and you better get my share too, cos i'm sure as shit not seeing it.

xoxoxoxoox