"When they asked me what I wanted to be I said I didn’t know.
’Oh sure you know,’ the photographer said.
’She wants,’ said Jay Cee wittily, ‘to be everything.’"
--sp

if you take the worst day you've ever had at your job and multiply it by 100, then add 1 for good measure, you'll have a basic understanding of my shift tonight. from the instant i got through the door, everything was falling to pieces.
so besides wanting to kill co-workers and beat myself senseless, what did i do? worked my ass off and finally (thankfully) got through the day. a really bad day was bound to happen sooner or later.
i bought myself a new journal yesterday while in burlington--a simple spiral-bound notebook. i love my old journal (royal blue velvet cover with embroidered design and beaded tassel), but i needed something that i could go anywhere with and look nondescript. "the book" wasn't exactly a subtle space for writing.
there's nothing like opening up a new notebook and uncapping a new pen. the writing juices are flowing again.
i also made a borders run with baz and finally took malcolm's advice by purchasing the electric kool-aid acid test. he had told me about it last summer during playhouse as we discussed morrison and janis, and i've been meaning to pick it up ever since. i finally stumbled across it and figured i should trust his judgement.
the frustrating part now is having to wait to begin reading it until i finish reading sylvia. normally, i'd read both at the same time, but i believe each deserves my complete attention. or at least i know sylvia does, it's that damn good.

another one has come over to the dark side... congrats. ;)

he will be missed.

tomorrow:
- breakfast with brother (bonding time--aw, how sweet)
- pool/gossip time with baz
- dinner w/ baz and bec?
- possible waterfront walk/photography time for me
- visit to the joshua's apartment

it will be a very good day.
which will make up for tonight's shift.
i think i'm going to buy myself a new journal as well.
now i sleep.

i'm going to be making the trip up to burlington tomorrow to spend my day off relaxing and visiting. anyone up for a walk by the waterfront (danelle?????)
the mystery roll of film will never reveal its secrets. none of the pictures came out. not a single one. i need to find my d.c. roll.

what the hell is up with my guestbook? "anyone who's down with mary j sign here"???? note to self: find out what the deal is with that and FIX IT.

absence makes the heart grow fonder, yadda yadda yadda.
my parents and i made the trek up to burlington tonight to see "little shop". i was excited to see what they'd done with the production and to scream and holler for chris and rachel, who are both in the cast.
collin had also made the drive to catch the show.
baz was there.
phyllis was there.
ben parker and amanda lacey were there.
becca swung by at the end to see collin.

my father made the comment that i should try to find a way to get back on campus because it's obvious that i "belong there," from the manner in which i was running around and hugging people and chatting.
obviously i love being there, but this showed me just how much i need to be away this summer.
i finally had the chance to appreciate my being there. it's gotten to the point that i'm used to being there all the time, and therefore i don't realize how lucky i am when i'm there. i love being home, i'm so glad that i came home, and i get the added bonus of having a blast when i stop by burlington to visit.
best of both worlds.

in other news, my parents and i did get into a spat about the 3rd--at this moment in time, they're saying they don't want me making the trip down. more on that to follow.
overall, though, a great evening that made me very very happy. i'll write more when i have more time tomorrow. :)

if your nickname is princess joey and today is your 21st birthday, i want you to go here. :)
happy birthday sweetie!!!!!

i had the strangest, most frightening, wonderful dream last night, and i don't know quite what i think of it now that i'm back awake.
a group of friends from school and i went to a murder mystery theatre event. although unlike any murder mystery i'd ever heard about. the event took place in a huge mansion with numerous rooms and passageways we were free to explore. first however, the audience was led into a large dining room, where we all sat. i remember being terrified--the room was massive and medieval in design, lit only by torches. of course, a thunderstorm was raging outside, so lightning was seen through the windows.
we then watched the first scene of the murder mystery--with moving scenery that would (seemingly) automatically flip and spin around to depict different locations. we saw the principal actors and how they had arrived at the mansion--and in fact, most of them had suffered horrible deaths and needed to find the killers--whom they thought was in the auidence. it was very graphic and very realistic, leaving me shaking.
once that was done, we were free to explore, and new scenes would be performed along the way. in many respects, it was also similar to a haunted house (ripe with the jump-out-of-your-seat element). so michelle and i decided that we weren't going anywhere without the other, because we terrified, so we timidly walked down a hallway with other audience members into what looked like a dungeon setting. i sat down, she sat down next to me, and we watched the scene. only the two people who sat on either side of us were actors in it and scared the shit out of us in the dark.
somewhere along the way, we were close to figuring ou the purpose of the event. the actors were pushing michelle and myself to discover the meaning of life (looking back on this now, i'm laughing). we were running through twisted passageways with the goblin-like characters running after us, our shadows bouncing in the torchlight, and we came across a large key. michelle grabbed it and ran for the entranceway, as i followed behind. just as she was reaching her hand out for the door, one of the goblins hit a switch, and she fell through a trapdoor that slammed back into place behind her.
so i was left by myself with all of these people (one of whom broke character and assured me michelle would be fine), and i was trying to figure out the meaning of life. so i ran the other way and searched the corridors, finally coming up to another locked door that had the word slow on it. and i stopped suddenly and realized what it was, informing the other characters of it. relax, take your time, and enjoy life.
i also met a guy there--and although i remember absolutely nothing about him, the nervousness i originally felt that grew into confidence and happiness leaves me convinced that there is someone special out there for me and i will find him. i know it sounds cheesy, but i can't put into words how secure and happy i felt when i was around this mystery person--it was just nice. it made me feel happy to wake up and start the day.
also at one point, i wound up at a building i knew to be jenkelly's house, it had whte columns and was a brick building and was really pretty--but it was also on the smc campus. i was writing in a spiral notebook with a green cover which i referred to as my journal, and i remember writing that i was surprised i'd never been to jen's house before--after all, it is right between mccarthy and the library. how did i never see it before?
i don't know, it's odd. it was a really bizarre dream, and i don't know where it came from. at different points, i was terrified, scared for my life, and amazingly happy. i just felt a need to write it all down. so i did.
now i must clean the house and go to work. oy vay...
michelle's birthday is TOMORROW!!!!!!!

i remember way back in the day when i got my box for photographs. i thought i'd never fill it.
now i'm sifting through the pictures, trying to figure out which ones i should post somewhere...
ah, a challenge.

[later]
so it's a pain in the arse to do. but in order to bring joy to the lives of others (hehehe), i give you this...
enjoy...:)

i posted a few of the paradise pictures here...more (read: john) pictures will be posted shortly.

i am too exhausted today to even begin a long, rambling, descriptive entry. so what follows is a short series of statements about my saturday.
my legs ache--but good, i'm-accomplishing-things ache. i hope, anyway. ;) being back is definitely good for me. although i found it far too amusing that in the middle of lunch hour, lloyd (my boss) called to ask me computer questions. USER SUPPORT NEVER ENDS!!!!!!!
i realized i have two rolls of photographs somewhere that i must develop--including roll 2 of d.c. pics. unfortunately, i have no idea of where said rolls are.
i'm trying to figure out which howie show to go to. very excited about the prospect of going to howie show(s).
i requested off the 3rd of july. need to figure out details (read: talk to joey)
if all went according to plan, jesse got married today. in odd coincidences, i heard eve 6's "here's to the night" (the song i associate with him) on the radio today more frequently than ever before. i'm excited for him, but it feels so odd to think he's actually married.
i'm very much wishing i was 21, as i hope everyone up at school is having a fun time downtown...i wanted to go up to celebrate baz's birthday (belated) with them, but i got stuck working and i wouldn't have been able to do anything because of my lack of alcohol priviledges...damn the man.
it feels like more happened today, i think my mind is just too tired to process it. i plan on getting to bed (relatively) early tonight and watching almost famous.

but it would be so nice to be 21 already, dammit.

i am exhausted. utterly exhausted.
but in a good way, finally.
i worked my ass off tonight--there are so many slackers there now, but i got to boss their sorry asses around until they accomplished things.
alright, now that i got that out of my system--it actually feels rather good to be back. warped as that might sound. i enjoyed closing tonight, although i can obviously see that some people need to learn all of the closing games. i take for granted how long i've been playing said games...
alright, sleep is necessary. mikey wants me working at 10 tomorrow. as in about 8 hours from now.
hahaha--feels good to be home.

look at the sexy bitches--and i suppose the singer too...
pictures came back and look wonderful.

OY VAY!!!!!!
(anticipating michelle's "amen to your oy")

what do i need to do to get fox to realize i'm the answer to all of their problems?

HIRE ME TO BE A CRITIC!!!!!

in other news, it is so frustrating to be tempted to write someone to say hello, but be uncertain of if i should. i mean, if someone is online, the worst that can happen is that i get ignored, but still, risking trying to talk to that person is too much right now, and i have no idea of why.

i will go to sleep with the hopes that i make sense in the morning.

i've started writing my version of the great american novel. the scary thing is that i'm not joking.

i'm trying to give "room for squares" a fair shot. for about the past hour, i've been walking around with it in my discman. some of the songs are alright, i suppose. but why, WHY did he feel the need to cheese up "love song for no one"??? it sounds like a whiny ditty that should be sung by justin timberlake and the rest of the nsync boys. not john. aurgh...
what i would give to be able to hop on a plane and fly to chicago for friday. at house of blues chicago, they're one-upping the wonderful lineup. howie day opening for john mayer, but also matt nathanson opening for howie opening for john. matt is the best guy--he spent his 28th birthday with us at smc--i got him to come play the coffeehouse. unfortunately, they scheduled it for the same night as sister helen. how bad did i feel...but he was wonderful. i would love to see him with the other two fellows...
on the way home from school this evening, i commented on that fact, and my father told me he wouldn't be shocked if i saved up money and did something "crazy" like that--hop on a plane to check out a show...funny how things change in a few years. he never would have considered it before, and now it sounds like i've got a standing green light for it...odd.
been cleaning and decorating my room--first time since freshman year. i think it was time to take down the poster of ben affleck from his "armageddon" days--replaced with james dean and some m.c. escher...i need masking tape for everything else though. i swear i should buy shares of stock in masking tape. every time i move somewhere i have to buy a whole damn roll...
photos come back tomorrow, and i got the word back from jeff, i'm in on the paradise b&p. cds being sent out tomorrow...
happy happy.

how is your 'concert series across the usa' going?
hehehehehehe. so here's my dilemma. howie plays at the ironhorse on the 14th. HOB on the 15th. i know there's no photography at HOB. i don't know about ironhorse. but depending, perhaps michelle could come (if she wanted to) if we went to HOB. therefore making HOB look more viable.
what to do what to do...
for the record, let it be known that john did look at michelle during the show, but being the selfish bitch i am, i focused primarily on my own connections in previous posts. in fact, at numerous times, i was going to get her attention during the show to comment on the fact, but if i looked over at her, she was staring up at john with those big ol' googly eyes, so i figured i'd let her swoon and would tell her later.