i've finished about three pages of my ten-page literary seductions paper, and i think i sound rather intelligent for a change (so difficult to go from journalistic style of writing--say what you have to say quickly and as simply as possible--to a more scholarly style--my vocabulary increases a couple of grade levels and i feel like i have to write like a pompous ass--no offense, english majors).

title? "nin vs. nabokov: gratuitous sex or guilty tease?"

oy.

CONCERT TOMORROW. METRONOME. BE THERE.

alright, so my exploits today have left me cold, exhausted, and just hoping that this concert is going to go well.

made a million and a half posters and posted them all around campus, sent emails asking for support, and then, oh yes, then i went to the university of vermont to hang them.

now, keep in mind that i attended a tiny high school (graduating class of 33) and currently attend a somewhat larger (but still pretty damn small) college. at the places i've gone to school, everything is where it should be and all is relatively easy to get to.

but groovy uv? oh no. i drove in without problem, but then had to find visitor parking. the signs were horrible--didn't tell me where the hell to go, so what do i do? i try to find the one place i know on that campus--the library.

well, as i drive by amused uvm students on the "shuttle only" one-way road, freaking out because there are shuttles coming and it looks like they're going to turn onto the one-way road i'm driving on in the opposite direction and looking for somewhere--ANYWHERE--to turn, i'm shrieking (thankfully, with the windows up) about how fucking ridiculous the campus is! "I HATE UVM!!!!"

eventually, i found parking--by the fucking water tower--so then i had to march around campus trying to figure out where to hang the posters. didn't see a bulletin board in the library, so i decided to just hang a poster on the post by the library. the old mill building? fucking maze of rooms. so i found a couple of bulletin boards and just tacked the damn pieces of paper up. i spent a good hour there, i don't know how many people will see the posters, but i tried my best, dammit.

i think i'm going to go back tomorrow with some more copies and find new places to put them.

all things considered, i must have put up one hundred posters today. i'm tired, frustrated, and i just want this to work out. i'm hoping hoping hoping it will.

interesting, yet fun weekend.

p-day saturday. official p-day drink was a spin-off (by name only, apparently) of last year's pimpin' p-day punch (i was not present to partake in said punch last year, as i was cavorting in d.c.). this year's included a LOT of fruit, which, naturally, soaked up alcohol. that pineapple packed a punch, i'll tell you that much.

today i attempted to cook the traditional, end-of-the-semester defender dinner. made lasagna, tossed a salad, provided garlic bread, etc. i don't think i killed anyone. in fact, i received compliments, so i'm happy. it was nice to have a sunday without a deadline, a chance for everyone to sit around and relax. i was a fan...i was also a fan of skye's dessert--strawberries dipped in sour cream and brown sugar (while i normally hate sour cream with a passion, let me tell you, this was fantastic. i highly recommend that everyone tries it).

i finally remembered to download a mp3 of the doors covering "who do you love." it was my theme song during the playhouse summer after my sophomore year. i've been downloading like crazy the past day or two because i'm realizing that i will soon be off-campus (and away from smc's unreliable, yet speedy, network connections). if you have any recommendations of songs i should download before it's too late, let me know.

michelle and i headed down to manhattan's last night because timme and patterson were performing at open mic night. after successfully parallel parking for the first time ever (i've had my license for over four years now, you'd think i would have been able to do it sooner), i had a grand time. then went to mckee's pub.

i'm already looking at things with a new perspective--seeing hordes of smc seniors and realizing that these are the last weeks i'll be at the same places with them. seeing old friends and running up and giving them hugs because it's good to see them. laughing with people, talking...forgetting about petty arguments or whatnot because it's not worth it. just happy to be there with them at that moment.

also keeping in touch with actf people...getting an email from somewhere across the country definitely brightens my day. can't wait to see rhiannon, mark and daniel in connecticut...

senior sem presentations to the public today. just want to get the damn thing over with...

How You Approach Life and How You Appear To Others

You are always questioning and learning, and you seem young
and alive no matter what your chronological age, for your mind
is always alert, curious, flexible and open to new experiences.
You have a childlike enthusiasm for anything new and you learn
easily, but you also get bored rather quickly. You can be
something of a scatterbrain, for you tend to have so many ideas
and irons in the fire that it is hard to keep track of them all.
You need and crave variety, change, mental stimulation, and an
active social life.

Articulate, clever, often funny and witty, you are always a
refreshing and interesting conversationalist. You enjoy meeting
and interacting with a variety of different people. You are
friendly, flirtatious, and charming in a light, playful way, and
no matter how badly you may be feeling, you never appear heavy
or somber. You may seem frivolous to other, more serious souls.
You have a sense of humor and a sense of perspective that
prevents you from taking yourself or life too seriously. In
fact, you may seem flippant or unconcerned about matters that
others consider very important.

In general, you respond to life mentally and objectively
rather than emotionally, and you may not empathize with people
very much. You do not like to be weighed down with too much
responsibility or with others' emotional burdens. Furthermore,
if you cannot UNDERSTAND something reasonably and logically,
then very often you would prefer to ignore it, including your
own and other people's irrational feelings, desires, and needs.

Consistency and reliability are not great virtues of yours
and your life is apt to be full of changes and movement due to
your restlessness. You become nervous and fidgety if things are
not moving quickly enough. You are interested in what is current
and up-to-date, the newest trends in thought or style.

Your gifts are a quick mind, verbal facility, a flair for
language, social sophistication and polish, the ability to
communicate, converse, and build bridges between people and
between ideas. You tend to become an incessant chatterbox or
gossip if you do not have work or other involvements that
utilize your mental, verbal, and social skills.

The Inner You: Your Real Motivation
Quiet, deep, emotionally complex and intensely private, you
are not a person who is easy to get to know and understand. You
are extremely sensitive but disinclined to show it, and you
allow only a special few into your inner world. Like a wary
animal, you are cautious and mistrustful of those you do not
know until you "sniff them out". You are very, very instinctive
and intuitive. You usually have a strong, immediate gut reaction
to people, even though you may be unable to clearly articulate
why you feel as you do. Your feelings and perceptions go deeper
than words.

You also have a powerful need for deep emotional involvement
and you form very intense love bonds and attachments. You are
possessive and often jealous of anyone or anything that you
perceive as a threat to your bond with someone you love. When
you commit yourself to someone or something, you are
wholeheartedly devoted and expect complete loyalty in return.
You merge with or "marry" the person you love at a very deep
level and therefore separations are extremely painful for you,
and often stormy and nasty. When you have been wounded, you are
not inclined to turn the other cheek and will retaliate if at
all possible. Certainly you will never forget the injury and
often you harbor grievances and resentments for a long, long
time. Forgiveness doesn't come easily to you.

Whatever you do, you do with passion and fervor, and you
often go to extremes. You are either hot or cold, never lukewarm
about anything. You can also be very narrow: either you are 100%
involved in something or else it doesn't exist for you at all.
Rarely are you emotionally detached and objective. You
definitely have a fanatical streak. You are also immensely
strong-willed and your tenacity in pursuing your objectives
often borders on being obsessive. Fierce pride, courage, and
emotional strength are yours in abundance.

You love mysteries and are deeply attracted to the hidden,
dark, secret side of life. You never take things at face value
and are always probing beneath the surface of people and
situations to discover what is REALLY going on. You tend to be
more of a cynic than an idealist.

it could be worse. "do you think i'm sexy" could have stuck. hehehe

rod stewart's "forever young" pops into my head each time i'm asked about or think of ACTF (which is, naturally, all the time). grrrr.

i did, however, come home with new music to check out. so far, i've looked into mates of state (very good) and fugazi (a little on the frightening side).

senior sem presentations this evening. wish us luck...

less than a week ago, i was sweltering as i wore a tank top and shorts in d.c.

now i'm shivering in my wool pea coat and a hooded sweatshirt as it SNOWS in vermont.

grrrrr.

The National Critics Institute Scholarship (NCI) offers a work/study program for professional theater critics and arts writers. In its 28-year history, NCI has attracted more than 200 writers from newspapers of all sizes, magazines, and TV and radio stations to its two-week conference at the Eugene O'Neill Theatre Center in Waterford, Connecticut, each summer. The National Critics Institute enjoys a close relationship with the National Playwrights Conference.

NCI was established to assist in elevating the level of arts criticism in the United States and to provide writers the opportunity to grow at the same pace as the arts and artists whose work they review and interpret. These goals are made possible by daily critiques of plays and films in tutorial sessions with a resident master critic.

this, ladies and gentlemen, is one thing i will be doing this summer.

YOU WILL BE REINCARNATED AS A GOD! ---------------------------------- What else is there to say? YOU ROCK! You are so kind and so selfless, it's surprising as hell you haven't already been nominated for sainthood. You will either come back as a god, or as pure love, or maybe as a star or a moon. Either way, you are beautiful and you deserve the greatest happiness in everything you do. It's a good thing there aren't too many people like you -- if everyone had such good karma, the human race would disappear, and reincarnate into a giant mass of beauty!

What Will You Be Reincarnated As?

i am sublimely happy.

i won't even try to describe my feelings about the ACTF national festival because words won't do them justice. i will simply say that i had an amazing experience (by far, best festival i've been to), met gloriously wonderful people and feel like i am on top of the world.

oh, and while i didn't win the compeition (go daniel, go daniel), i did win a scholarship to the o'neill this summer.

revel...revelrevel.

i really do never sleep the night before ACTF.

need to sleep now, then wake up around 7 so i can get ready, run over to defender to finish collecting for output, then come back here, make sure i have everything, and leave for d.c.

oy.

think break a leg thoughts for me...

i love that john reaches a pinnacle point in his senior sem and i get a backrub.

this system rules. :)

hello, my name is victoria. i am currently on my way to becoming stark raving mad.

i fly out to d.c. tomorrow.

if i make it to tomorrow, i will be very pleasantly surprised.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY THOMAS MICHAEL!!!!

as i always say, april 15 marks many things. tax day. the day the titanic sank. the day lincoln died. etc. etc. etc.

but also, the day tom came into the world and stole away my only-child status. >;)

not complaining at all. happy 19th, kiddo. love you lots, have a wonderful day.

*hug*

this has been the most interesting of weekends. but grand, grand fun.

forgot to mention that i had another completely random dream last night--only in this one, roy scheider was trying to kill me. only he wasn't really roy scheider, he was roy scheider being someone else. i remember that we were at a concert, we were both chaperoning a bunch of little kids and we rode there on a school bus. after the show, in a parking deck, he was trying to kill me, and i was trying to beat him away with his cane--only it was one of those really cheap plastic ones that bent all over the place like a wiffleball bat whever i hit him. he walked away to get a weapon while a henchman held me, he came back with a sharpened pencil, i screamed, then i woke up.

??????

today has been a day of significant trauma.

shorty came into defender today to give us some tips on quark. shortcuts, ideas, etc. while it was great that he stopped by and gave us so much helpful information and constructive criticism, i would have appreciated some more positive feedback. i know time was limited, but still...the newspaper is like my baby and i don't like to have my baby bashed, if you know what i mean.

i picked up my cap and gown today, as well as graduation announcements. i feel that should be self-explanatory. as if i didn't already feel the pressure of g-day weighing down on me, i will now have the black gown, hat, and purple and gold '02 tassle hanging in my closet, reminding me of how i will soon be kicked off campus and expected to make a name for myself.

following that and my practicum class (donna is an angel for making class fun, therefore preventing me from having a nervious breakdown), i was fortunate enough to be invited (forced, dragged, etc) to the "exit counseling session" provided by student accounts and vsac. i sat there in a daze as i attempted to fill out paperwork and learn about interest rates and how, essentially, i will be paying a ridiculous amount of money for the next ten years. i left feeling confused, lacking a future, and incredibly, incredibly poor.

then drew was a pompous ass. while i still think you're great, hun, you were an ass.

then senior seminar. where i realize that, while the benefit concert is in good shape, it has to come together enough for presentations next week. but wait! i won't be here next week! but baz might have to present it on her own. so, needless to say, i started getting a little nervous about this whole "i need to pass this class so i can graduate" concept.

now, i am waiting to hear back from mark about setting a date for the concert while trying to not lose my cool. and i just want to spend the afternoon out in the sunshine. and i realized that "the virgin suicides" needs to go back to blockbuster because it was due at noon today.

shit.

HOLY SCHNIKIES!

joseph marcell is playing friar laurence. or, i should say, GEOFFRY FROM 'THE FRESH PRINCE OF BEL AIR' IS PLAYING FRIAR LAURENCE!!!!

HAHAHAHAHA.

romeo is being played by paul whitthorne, who played PROTEUS in the two gentlemen of verona i saw at the shakespeare theatre last year!

too funny.

cast info about the show...clint is playing the role of gregory.

i swear, today is one of those days where i can't stop smiling or laughing. i don't really know why...i'm just in a fantastic mood. maybe because i'm realizing that things are going well, the weather is getting warmer, and i'm just determined to be in a good mood!

my schedule for next week in D.C. was fedexed to me today--looking at it, i squealed:

wednesday, april 17
7:30 pm - critic's institute sees "romeo & juliet" - the shakespeare theatre.

clint's show! he had told me he'd try to get me tickets if i had time during the week - he's got a small role in it - but now, forget that! i'm thrilled we're going to be writing a shakespeare theatre review again this year...i have to make up for the humiliating "proteus/petruchio" experience of last year. and i'll see a clint performance for the first time since shenandoah over a year ago...

if it's anything like last year, we'll go to the show, then get a little tour of the space afterwards. it amazed me last year--the theatre has next to nothing for wingspace, yet the design team can conjure up these grand, gorgeous sets that make it look like the space is huge. it's all an example of utilizing what's available. you'd never know how limited they are in terms of space unless you're actually on the stage or backstage.

i'm rather confused by the schedule--it says we don't meet until wednesday morning, but i wonder if we're supposed to write a review at tuesday night's show? otherwise, we'd only review two shows--which seems odd. i would think we'd at least do three. but going off the assumption that we're reviewing three shows, the lineup would be:

tuesday night - the lepers of baile baiste (the show i wrote my winning review for at regionals--i love this play!)
wednesday night - romeo & juliet (!!!!!!!!!!!)
thursday night - the movie game

it's amazing how i can be completely calm while thinking about actf, but the minute the package is in my hands, my stomach is turned upside down. i was like this last year (granted, situation was slightly different - i'd never been there before), and louns calmed me immensely. i was busy freaking out about flying and being at the kennedy center, and he was making comments about m&ms with the presidential seal on them.

too bad louns isn't here this year.

in other news, i had the oddest dream last night--i was on a version of the real world or maybe RR/RR challenge, and we were playing a field hockey game inside a small gym (keep in mind that i've never played field hockey before). we each had our own sticks with our name on it, and i was the star. i was kicking the shit out of people, scoring goals, the whole deal. one girl (who bore a striking resemblance to sharon from boston) was getting pissy because she said i was cheating (i swear, my dream would happen in real time, but be spliced with commentaries - including my own. if that's not an odd experience), and i maintained that she was a wuss and i was aggressive. and that i could kick her ass.

kyle from chicago was in it, he was on my team, we got along really well. but i don't remember anything else. and, when i woke up this morning, my neck was incredibly sore and i could barely turn my head to the left.

hmm.

so, upon investigation, i find that lucasfilm.com person found this little space by my description of "lord of the rings." with the LotR reference came an observation about star wars and how my favorite star wars movie is "the one with hayden christensen in it."

i would just like to inform lucasfilm.com people who visit here in the future that i am, in fact, very appreciative of all star wars has accomplished. i have clear memories from my childhood of the times in which i saw each film. one interested in theatre and film (and one who has spent a great deal of time focusing on technical aspects of theatre) cannot NOT like star wars.

that said, put me in Ep III. :):):)

hehehe.

so i decide to check out who's visited my site for the first time in forever (during all of my template switching, i'd forgotten to put the code back on for sitemeter), and i see that someone from lucasfilm.com stopped by...

yes, i would be more than willing to take the part of anakin's love slave in episode III. :) have your people call my people.

I am 77.5% British, just like
Michael Caine
Though you know your way around London you are most likely to retire to the West Coast of the USA.

Take the Brit Quiz at
www.darrenlondon.tripod.com/britquiz1.htm
Quiz written by Daz

i just need to focus on the fact that i only have two more issues and then i'm done.

BLEARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!

70s social tonight. i decided to be my rock star self...bought a black t-shirt with a little british girl playing records on it. it says "i love rock & roll."

i love this shirt. i feel rock star angst. rage rage rage.

i need to drink more.

becca gets five gold stars for the heads up on john mayer appearing on kilbourn.

old john! just him (on acoustic) with dela! besides the demonic faces he was making, it was the best television performance of "no such thing" i've seen yet.

happy happy...revel...revelrevel...

all i want out of life is to be able to play guitar forever and ever and ever.

too bad i don't really know how to play.

need to work on that.

i love having numb fingertips--i feel like i'm starting to accomplish something.

take free enneagram test

i scored 16 (my highest) in types 4, 5 and 6, and scored 15 in types 2 and 3. no clear winner, but according to the site, type 4 wins by a hair.

so tired.

it was good to be able to get away to montreal for the day. the cinémathèque was pretty neat--i felt very much like i was in a jetsons-inspired reality. they have over 7000 films there, and you can access any you'd like. we sat at small consoles that are available for either one viewer or two in these armchairs that have the speakers located in this warped headrest type of setup...and, if you look to one of the far walls, you can see the robot (yes, robot) pull out the video disc that has your film on it and watch it set it up for you. my group was in a larger room upstairs initially, watching the robot work on a large screen--so, at the time, it looks like the robot is huge, operating in a room that could pass for a hidden chamber of the pentagon or something. in reality, the robot might be five feet tall and is in a tiny little space. just watching the thing operate was interesting enough, let alone being able to watch all of these examples of candian film (animation, experimental, features, you name it).

as i said yesterday, i hadn't been to montreal since sixth grade...i loved taking a day trip to a whole other culture...standing outside and watching everyone pass by with different fashion, mannerisms, speaking french to each other...

getting away was definitely nice. was able to focus on the new environment, instead of dwelling on stupid bullshit.

and i got another skyline to view and be happy about. as we drove away, i looked back at it (set against the twilight--so beautiful...) and baz laughed at me. "you just had this little-kid expression on your face."

ah...cities...i'll be living in one one of these days, i tell you...

the st. michael's student association voted today to NOT release vote counts in elections.

?!?!?!?!???!

"don't tell me how close it was, just tell me who won."

SHEEP!!!!

a good day was had. montreal tomorrow--senior sem trip to the Cinémathèque québécoise. should be pretty cool. and i know i'm a horrible st. michael's student for saying this, but i haven't been to montreal since...sixth grade?

elijah wood intrigues me immensely...and this article just added to that.

random defender photo, courtesy of the bazi girl...the caption is making me wince a little today (this one time, at ACTF...), but i chuckled at it nonetheless. :)

today has been a rather dreary day, thank you very much...but my friends are great. thank you.

jesse is the best. :)

"no such thing" was just on MTV2.

that just totally fucked with my head.

Oh what a shame that your
pockets did bleed on St. Valentine's
And you sat in a chair thinking
"Boy I'm such a Prince!"
Well life's a train that goes
from February on day by day
But its making a stop on April First
--rufus wainwright, april fools

I, I’ve got to tell you
But there’s only so much that you will hear
I got a head full of questions
That I just can’t make disappear

And you are always runnin’
To find a fire with water in your cup
So if we’re not burnin’ down
Then we will surely be dryin’ up

And I never thought I’d leave you, but I don’t belong
Seems right, I will always love you so don’t get me wrong
But I’m already gone
I’m already gone

And I, I watched you dreamin’
Sweetly sleeping
How could I turn on you
While I had been singing your praises
But you had so many faces
I couldn’t make them true
So who was fixin’ who
Turns out I never knew

And I never thought I’d leave you, but I don’t belong
Seems right, I will always love you so don’t get me wrong
But I’m already gone
I’m already gone

And it, it took a long time
Before I realized where I had been
While you were out savin’ strangers
To make sure they’d never leave you again.