The First Day

I hate having shit to say and not knowing how the hell to get it out. I'm a so-called writer, for Christ's sake - I should know how to just get it down onto the page.

There's a button-down shirt hanging in the other room, a tie loosely knotted and dangling from the hanger. For some, tomorrow brings The First Day, a new return to familiar places. I imagine the experience to be much of the same, only different - covered with the glossy, somewhat jittery sheen of new backpacks, fresh notebooks and unchewed pen caps.

The thoughts of a first day have been on my mind with increasing frequency the last couple of weeks, as the calendar days have crept closer to August 30. I don't know why this time of year has affected me moreso this year than the previous two, if not only because there's supposedly a comforting cushion of time between today and back then.

Regardless, the arrival of August 30 brings with it some reflection and a surprising number of anxiety pangs. And the realization that I really shouldn't spill my guts about it all on here, but that I don't really know what I would write anyway, were I to put my pen to a lined piece of paper.

A lot has changed between now and then. Mostly for the better. But I can't pretend that I don't sometimes still think about it all.

I remember sitting in my mother's recliner, looking at the suitcases and wondering what the hell lay in store for me. I wish I could have known then what I know now, but had I, I wonder if I would have gotten on the plane.

Dear Me Then:

Everything turns out pretty OK in the end.

You'll meet some cool people. You'll meet some people who seem amazing at the time, but watch out for them. They'll make you want to cry every now and then.

You'll fall in love with neighborhoods, you'll love the new nightlife about to introduce itself to you. You're going to learn just how quickly politcal affiliation becomes a deal-breaker. It matters. You'll laugh over how much it does.

You'll have a horrible hangover the first morning you wake up in your new place.

You are going to see how things work from the other side, and you're going to have a chance to learn from the best. Some lessons you'll pick up right away, others seep into your being with much more subtlety.

You're going to discover this amazing place where they make the best Mexican ever. Go there often. You'll get the occasional meal on the house. Actually, know what? Eat at a lot of places. Just eat. Please. Thank you.

Keep on writing. You'll need to look back on this sometimes.

Limit your running to once every other day, please. You'll thank me for this later.

Flirt outrageously with HGC. You'll have fun. And when you meet the hot staffer and you introduce yourselves to each other, remember his name right away. Just trust me on this one. It will spare you embarrassment.

Go to concerts. Don't save all your money and miss out on some amazing experiences. You still sometimes feel as if you're playing catchup three years later.

Your good friends from home will remain good friends, although you might have some rough patches. Bring a rainjacket with you if you go anywhere on November 12. You'll need it.

Do not, and I repeat, DO NOT drunk dial anyone when you go to celebrate your birthday. And, related, he will not call you back. Ever. OK? Get over it.

Spend as much time in the National Gallery as you can. You'll love it there and miss it later.

Be scared. Seriously. There are some rough times ahead for you. But know what? You're strong. And you're capable. And through it all, even when you want to give up, you know that you can make it through. And you do. You wind up with some of the things you want in the end.

But of course, you're never satisfied with that. Because you're me. And that's what we do.

Have fun. Learn from this. And remember what I said about the running.

Love,
Me Now

have you voted for averi today at opprocks.com? if not, please do...you can vote today and tomorrow (voting ends tomorrow), but only do so once a day so they don't eliminate your votes!

all day today, i have had not only the cursed bowl of halloween candy in front of me, but also a tray of authentic new jersey sticky buns that rob brought in (he got the jp award today, suffice to say). my gum-chewing has increased by leaps and bounds today...i'm proud to say i have not partaken in any of this sugary decadence (but fear not, soon-to-be-temporary-washingtonians, i have already assured beth that there will be indulgence this weekend--that's why i have to be good now! did someone say jumbo slice saturday night???). but it's been a test of willpower...willpower i wasn't aware that i really had.

i'm going to have to do some hardcore novel-writing tonight...for some reason i think my novel won't be finished until december--november is a really bad month for me to be writing. visitors last weekend, visitors this weekend...have to finish reading the second book of lord of the rings so i can indulge in some orlando bloom movie action around christmas...oy of the vay variety!

i'm taking a break from the packing process (well, i'm just about finished with packing, it's more of the loading up the car process, but i digress) to quickly fill you in on the latest example of bostonian debauchery--as well as my preparations for leaving (which occurs in a few hours--yeah, i doubt i'm sleeping tonight too).

but before d.c., boston: once again, averi kicked some concert arse with their performance at the house of blues. i actually love the venue--kind of rustic/laidback/intimate/casual--michelle called it "almost divey, but not really," which i think fits it really well. the basement and main floors of the building serve as dining space while the second and third floors are performance space (second floor has the stage, third is dressing room area). the band packed in a good crowd and delivered a fantastic performance. they played every track off of "direction of motion" (if not all ten, then nine of the ten), as well as two new songs (i love "she waits"), the "with or without you" cover, "garden of eden" and "despondent" and chad performed a solo acoustic song. the band was obviously having a blast--just watching the look of joy wash over their faces as the crowd sang along and cheered was wonderful.

it was a great night--definitely worth the trip. it was great to see the band perform once more before i leave (while i hope i can see them again soon, who knows, right?), it was good to be able to talk to chad a little bit and it was wonderful to be able to have one last boston adventure with my concert-going partner in crime michelle. from wandering harvard square (i want to go back sometime, i was intrigued by the area) to hoping against hope that we didn't miss the last t and all the laughs along the way, i had a great, great time.

after waking up far too early and making the trip back to vermont, today has been rough--putting it mildly. it's a lot easier to think about moving when there's more than 24 hours before said move. besides feeling like i don't have everything done and the apprehension of "what if they all hate me?", there's the horrible process of saying goodbyes. not that seeing people is horrible, obviously, but i suck at goodbyes. comes with the overdramatic sap character trait. needless to say, i've been crying all day. but it's not entirely my fault! everyone's been incredibly sweet. said goodbye to michelle this morning, was listening to the radio and i heard "ghost" for the first time (on the radio, that is). the whole "wow, everything's changing so quickly" thought popped into my head and boom--i cried. mike had asked me to stop into work, so when i did, becky gave me a scrapbook she had made for me. it was covered with winnie-the-pooh (a.a. milne style, not disney--score) fabric and has a gorgeous maya angelou quote on it and has colored pencils, a glue stick--the works--inside. everyone signed it and wished me well--i cried. met up with becca and baz to hang out for a bit and say so long for now--cried in the car. got to bethy's, talked and watched a bit of the vma's before saying goodbye--cried at her house and in the car. got a couple of emails that meant a lot to me--cried.

i am such a sap.

but hey, it's an adventure, and i think i'm ready for this. despite my apparent failure to stop the waterworks, i'm excited about what tomorrow brings. this is going to be a fun year--nothing i've ever experienced, that's for sure! so here goes...

i don't know what exactly the status is for internet at my apartment--we either have AOL now or will be getting it shortly, but the short and long is that i don't know when i'll update here next--as soon as i can, i will say that. until then, cell phone calls will have to suffice...a day without blogging? this feels so wrong...anyway, until next time...wish me luck.

and the colors are much brighter now
it's like they really want to tell the truth
we give our testimony to the end of the summer
it's the end of the summer,
you can spin the light to gold.
- dar williams (thanks beth)

averi tickets: check.
final purchases for moving: tomorrow.
license: tomorrow.
haircut: hopefully tomorrow (the whole aunt taking care of it bit didn't exactly pan out...but it was good to see the fam nonetheless).
packing: tomorrow.

i hope to be just about finished with all packing by the time i go to sleep tomorrow. no pressure or anything.

i have returned from the great apartment search and can inform my readership (all three or four of you) that i do have a place to call my own when i move to washington on august 30 (yes, a week from friday), which i will share with two roommates and am very excited about. revel...revelrevel.

i don't know about you, but i'm going to be living it up in the greater boston area one more time when averi rocks the hob cambridge. care to join me for one last night (at least for a little while) of new england drunken debauchery?

more tomorrow--all this trapsing around has exhausted me and i need to start sorting/packing in the a.m. now i reward myself with a viewing of "empire records" and the inevitable continuation of a rousing game of phone tag. ;)

alright--i admit that i'm a bit out of the loop when it comes to musical trends right now. i've been listening to my mp3s, cds and whatnot, pretty much ignoring mtv and even eqx--something i need to work on, i'll acknowledge (the eqx part, that is). so i've never seen mayer's "no such thing" on trl, never seen him on anything other than vh1 or mtv2 and am quite happy not seeing him on big-time-mainstream-this-is-cool-music mtv. so i cannot quite understand how he wound up being popular enough so quickly to wind up with a vma nomination. i don't understand how it happened that, when my father and i went to d.c. for my interview, i found "no such thing" or "your body is a wonderland" on the radio four separate times (and that was just on the way back). and i don't understand how i can come across something like this. i just find it too funny...

updates of sorts: while it all depends on tuesday (doesn't everything lately?), i think i'm going to be able to see averi at hob. revelrevel...i start my job by 9/3 by the latest. revelrevel...

i'm gaining an appreciation for orlando bloom and all the asthetic delight he provides...and i discovered today that, nearly two months ago, my uncle sent me a tape of "empire records," the envelope containing which i came across while going through some newspapers and whatnot stored away. this brings me great joy.

my mother and i went professional shopping today--professional clothing shopping, that is. i'm very pleased to report that not only do i now have a professional wardrobe (who would have thought THAT would happen--i'm blue-jeans-and-t-shirt-at-all-times-girl), i have a professional wardrobe that i really LIKE. and am excited about wearing. and didn't spend a million and a half dollars on. and i have new glasses coming to me soon--love love love them...revelrevel.

things are going extremely well--i'm working hard at getting everything set and things seem to be coming together (as well as can be expected, anyway, there are some things that are, at this moment, somewhat out of my control). i'm a happy girl.