"Look! It's so easy!" My friends laughed as my face grew red and I attempted to cover it with my hands. I'd become an impromptu game, nice and easy to play with.

Look, see what V does! All we have to do is say a name and she starts to blush and grin like a fool!

Apparently, I have a crush smile. A crush giggle. A crush all-out laugh. And a crush expression when I'm doing everything in my power - unsuccessfully, might I add - to repress any of the above. There's even a crush wrinkle of the nose when I'm trying to keep from smiling.

DAMMIT! I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO HAVE TO PUT UP WITH THIS!

Crushes. The classic love-'em-and-hate-'em. You don't want to have a crush. You hate having a crush. Think about it. It's called a crush because it winds up kicking the crap out of your heart. It's not a good thing. It's BAD.

So why is it, when you're doing all you can to forget that you have a crush that you don't want, when someone says the name OF your crush, you grin like an idiot?

That's right. It's because you are an idiot.

I mean, it should be the opposite way around. There should be a crush scowl. A crush grimace.

The smiles should be reserved for a boyfriend. A relationship. Something in which you are actually benefitting from the situation.

So why do I, despite knowing that this is a bad thing, knowing that it's just going to continue to frustrate me until this process of elimination I have begun is successfully completed, still wind up SMILING?!?!??!?!

I DO NOT HAVE A CRUSH, OK? I had a crush and I'm getting rid of it. Purging, if you will. Saying, "Dude, you're such an idiot, so stupid that I won't waste my time thinking about you."

Except for the random girls' night out when he comes up in conversation and I wind up hiding my face in my hands and giggling through my fingers.

I'm very much looking forward to the time when the mention of him doesn't ellict this kind of response. In the meantime, I can at least I know that I'm getting there.