at week's end
status check - second wind (or is it fourteenth?)
background ambiance - phones, office chatter

hallelujah, it's friday. i don't recall being so ready for two days off in eons. work has been going exceptionally well, but has just been crazily busy this week. to say i've earned the weekend serves as a gross understatement. my agenda includes exploration, amusement and whatever else constitutes not having to think about responsibility. ahhhh ...

question for the day: how do you review something and thus think in-depth about something designed to allow you to not think for three hours? my attempt at it runs tomorrow. look for it. i enjoyed myself at the show, anyway, and managed to run into the delightful johnoghue, the person i'd planned on inviting to the show until i realized i had five minutes to find out if he wanted to go and had no idea of how to get in touch with him. all works out in the end. :)

my musical calendar is shaping up beautifully. averi tomorrow (as i told a colleague of my weekend plans, he laughed and said, "i didn't know whether to reply with "again?" or "of course."). graham colton on the 10th (perhaps a bit of averi's opening set, depending on when i get out of work), mraz on the 20th.

and then there is my dream show. featuring a lineup i never dreamt would come together on the same billing at a venue at which i've wanted to see a show. featuring one of my favorite live bands and the two artists firmly rooted at the very top of my must see list.

guster, ben folds and rufus wainwright. at the fleet boston pavillion. i still can't believe they are all touring together, even as my ticket is being processed. the only negative aspect of the lineup is that a three-way headlining tour means none of them will perform for as long as i want. but i can deal with that.

see paul? i told you i'd get to catch rufus live! i was just, uh, waiting for the perfect time. right. yep. ;)

in other news, i'm taping nightline tonight and applaud abc for its broadcast plan. i am shocked and disgusted that anyone would refuse to air it. anti-war propaganda? please. try reality.(please note the link)

in other news, today is one of those first glorious days of sprummer (spring/summer) where it kills you to have to remain inside. yet your spirits are bright and the world seems wonderful. ah ...

revamp
status check - better (thank god)
background ambiance - ringing phonescleansing my mind of any stress and clutter process begins.

fuck the stress. fuck the anxiety. fuck worrying about it when i know it'll get done. fuck getting myself worked up. i've never been good at being stressed. when i do it, when i let the stress hit me, i shatter into a million pieces. so i adapt. instead of being stressed, i generally (the past few days being the exception) turn stress into fuel to work. item one. focus, attack, vanquish. turn to item two. think about it - what is being stressed going to accomplish? it'll leave me with an ulcer or drinking problem by 30. no thanks.

i've been going crazy the last couple of days, trying to focus all of my attention on accomplishing things. apartment? been working on it. stories for work? getting those done, albeit rather sad ones (in an emotional way, not in a quality level manner of speaking). wake up, make calls. check apartments, head to work. file my copy, race home, say hi, to go sleep. let the cycle continue.

but i'm not going to let that continue. time to relax and enjoy the coming summer, dammit! to get a kick out of the little things, like a new journal entry (how could i not mention it) or the fact that i'm reviewing a play tonight. to prepare to clean out of the monstrosity that is my car so i can take to the road this weekend and enjoy city, song and sun. to trust my cohabitants when i'm assured that everything will get done and i'm stressing in a manner completely out of character. of course it will.

so there you have it. i'm chilled. i'm relaxed. it's all good. and, although i really did not need to see a polaroid of jason mraz's right retina, thanks to it, i can say i've laughed heartily today. what more does a girl need?

perks to this search
status check - groovy
background ambiance - rilo kiley

i just had a delightful chat with a potential landlord - laughing, comparing notes on area writing types we know, etc. i informed him that regarded of what comes of the apartment process, i'm going to keep him in mind and pick his knowledgable brain.

anyway, beth, check email if you get an opportunity.

off to prepare for the day and an apartment visit. i feel good about this one - wish me luck.

etc. etc. etc.
status check - 2 apts down, X to go
background ambiance - 6 p.m. news

those in the area who read the paper may have seen the two stories today of mine that ran today (or perhaps you didn't. in which case, you suck. kidding. xoxox). decidely not happy, feel good stories, to say the least (one on a pair of robberies, the other on ... well, it was sad. fire and animals). so upon arriving to work in my emo-emoting madness (so it seems from previous post, anyway), i was looking forward to something more ... upbeat. happy. i'd even be down with something bubbly to write.

instead, i get a story even more distressing that those previous. nothing like asking police to describe the details of an accident. ew. sad.

i have been given a huge ray of late-afternoon sunshine, however. as i walked back in from my second apartment visit, one of my editors asked if i'd be up for covering a play (musical, no less) tomorrow night.

lalalalalalalalalala, again - only this time i'm singing happily. everything else'll get done - gotta have fun along the way.

p.s. go here. pre-order. revel in the sd goodness and be all sorts of ahead of the game. i'll be doing the same.

did you hear that snapping sound? it was me.
status check - present. kind of.
background ambiance - the pixies, where is my mind?

i don't want to deal with anything today. i want to clamp my hands over my ears and sing "LALALALALALALA" until all the worries and headaches go away. tired, frustrated and not feeling overly confident about myself, i head into the rest of my day and start of my workday just wanting it to be over.

when you're younger, you can just ignore everything away and somehow, it magically gets done. now that i'm an "adult," i have to deal with it all. but that doesn't mean i can't wish for a fairy godmother to clear away the cobwebs.

or to just turn me into a pumpkin so i don't have to think. in fact, that might be better.

love the poltz
status check - pondering utilities, parking and the like
background ambiance - weezer, say it ain't so (yeah!!)

apartments on the brain. i'm preparing to walk over a couple of streets to check out a potential new home. i'm going to an "apartment showing." i hate those - i always feel as if i'm going to compete with others in a potential renter pageant. and i'd be prepared to beat down the winner with my runner-up roses. gimme that tiara, bee-atch.

fortunately, the one and only steve poltz brought me out of my home search mindset for a few moments, making me laugh out loud with the following. i thought i'd share it and hopefully brighten your wednesdays while i'm off asking about gas or electric heat.

take me oot the ballgame (excerpt from 04.04.04 journal)

As they say in canada; "take me oot the ballgame eh? take me oot to the crowd. buy me some beer eh? screw the crackerjacks just get me a beer eh or i'll puck ya in da mouth der eh boy." blah blah blah "fer it's 1--2--3 srikes yer oot at the old ball yaaard."

my music listening patterns have begun to return to some vickie classics - i'm quite pleased. jeff buckley has been on my mind as of late - rereading "dream brother" and have been listening to "grace" and various mp3s constantly. weezer has also made a series of strong appearances on my playlist. i haven't found any that dog yet, though. i sense a trip to pure pop in the near future.

aka: don't fuck with me!
status check - amused
background ambiance - beth alerting us to red sex tickets

What is Your Destiny? by Valcion
Name
Color
Birthday
Destiny	Destroyer of Human kind
Date when you fufill your destiny	August 8, 2022
Created with the ORIGINAL MemeGen!

prompted
status check - AURGH.
background ambiance - nada

i drove by higher ground today on my way back to the office, planning on taking a snapshot of the building as i've always known it - and, thus, as i'd always remember it. sentimental? me? i don't know what you're talking about.

it was not to be, however, as by the time i got there (please note: less than 24 hours after the last show - and yes, trey was there), the sign was already off the front of the building, a couple of u-haul trucks already out front, gear already being loaded out of the building and off to storage until the new venue (wherever it may ultimately be) is ready for more fans and more shows.

and i felt blue. not nearly as blue as i'll feel when the building's completely gone, but blue nonetheless.

-------------------
(warning, melodrama follows)

i will admit that a portion of the blame belongs to me. i let myself be dazzled, focusing on the brief flash more than what may be standing in the shadows. it's easier to float away on a whimsy, wondering 'why not?' as i laugh, joke or otherwise carry on. because it's only temporary, i tell myself. they won't have time to get to know the real me and, thus, say 'uh, no thanks' and move on. they're moving before they know and i can daydream about what might have been. what might have been always seems better than what was denied.

but this has only been perpetuated by the amazing individuals i've encountered. they blind me and captivate me for a short time before disappearing to all corners of the godforsaken globe, leaving me dazed and amazed in a land that suddenly seems less vivid than before.

and i'm left unable to forget, not at all the way i intend it to be. they're off, charming someone else, while i remain under a spell cast long ago.

they have no idea, while i have no intention. and it's juvenile and pathetic and i need to just stop. i can try romanticizing it on paper (fine, screen), but nevertheless, it's just a series of impractical, over-idealized notions that never amount to anything substantial. nor will they.

Each time my heart is broken it makes me feel more adventurous
(and how the same names keep recurring on that interminable
list!), but one of these days there'll be nothing left with
which to venture forth.

deja who?
status check - decent
background ambiance - the printer

i've found myself in a number of deja vu situations as of late - triggered by a phrase or situation into feeling as if my life has temporarily raced full circle - or that i've dreamt of the situation i later find myself in. i loathe such moments and have been grimacing as they've appeared increasingly over the past two weeks. i always wonder if i'm imagining things or if they're founded in reality. did i really dream writing about a specific brief? and if so, why would i waste my dreams or (depending on what one wishes to describe them) premonitions on something so random?

with such a backstory, waking from last night's dream sent me into a slight panic. i'd turned off my cell phone before drifting to sleep and awoke to the need to call my family and make sure all was quiet and safe. in my dream, my father had suffered a heart attack during the late night hours and the following frantic calls to my cell phone were obliviously unanswered.

when i woke, i needed to call and check. turning on my phone, i discovered that a message was left during the middle of the night - from my brother. a feeling of dread sets in until i hear the message, during which he informs me that he'd had a grand day and simply hoped to let me know and chat. relief washes over as i call home and my father answers.

dad: "hey there, you're awake early. what's up?"
me: "uh, hello! just wanted to make sure everything was ok with you guys."
d: "of course - why wouldn't it be?"
m: "i assumed it was, but know those dreams where you don't know if they're real and you want to make sure?"
d: "i hate those. what was the dream?"
m: "um ... nothing important. i'd rather not say."
d: "what was it? did something happen to one of us?"
m: *thinking "yes, actually, you died."* "eh, yeah. but it's all good. don't even sweat it. i'll talk to you soon, ok? i love you."
d: "love you too. we're fine, don't worry. talk to you later, ok?"
m: "great. tell mom i love her, too. take care of yourself! bye."
--------------
in other news, al green and lucinda williams will be playing the shelburne concert on the green series. this pleases me very much.

and as for the graham colton show scheduled for the 10th at nectar's? the show i'm looking forward to catching part of for a good start to a work week? averi's opening.

i know, i know ... the irony does not escape me.

only jason can kind of pull of the trucker hats, dear.
status check - indifferently amused
background ambiance - chucky d, reading portions of "the hipsters' handbook"

this amused me far too much.

Which Band Should You Be In? by couplandesque
Your Name
Band Name	Weezer
Role	Keyboardist
Trademark	Well-Worn Doc Martens
Love Interest	The Vocalist
Created with the ORIGINAL MemeGen!

"i'm just like a pile of leaves"
status check - peachy keen
background ambiance - scanner

it's often said that in order to further one's writing, one must further one's reading. while i'm sure the original author of said quote hardly expected it to carry over into blogs and livejournals and things of that nature, i've adapted it for the times. many a time (such as now, during a saturday morning shift), i will look through the work of various online authors such as myself to see how other people in the world are doing - what they're thinking, what they're like. it's paid off numerous times over - i've been introduced to music that now dominates my playlists, ideas that i've mulled over and writing i've connected with. such is the case today, as i came across a reference to a poet i've been reading all morning.

------

an excerpt from Meditations In an Emergency
Frank O'Hara (1956)

My eyes are vague blue, like the sky, and change all the time;
they are indiscriminate but fleeting, entirely specific and
disloyal, so that no one trusts me. I am always looking away.
Or again at something after it has given me up. It makes me
restless and that makes me unhappy, but I cannot keep them
still. If only i had grey, green, black, brown, yellow eyes; I
would stay at home and do something. It's not that I'm
curious. On the contrary, I am bored but it's my duty to be
attentive, I am needed by things as the sky must be above the
earth. And lately, so great has their anxiety become, I can
spare myself little sleep.

hmm.
status check - calm, at the moment
background ambiance - scanner. i'd like to "office space" that sucka

to say my day has raced by would be a gross understatement. instead, i'll say my day reached warp nine speeds and i was holding on dear life.

but i've made it (she says, knocking on wood with an hour left). snippets: called the office of my old bossman for the first time since starting work as a journalista. press conference (of sorts). trip to court. many, many a call to make and receive. i had "hey ya!" stuck in my head all day. thought i was going to drown in a sea of briefs or shorts (stories, that is). i learned what a "hoosegow" is. i was saddened to read about pat tillman's death in afghanistan. i wish "the calcium kid" would wind up playing in the us, ideally somewhere around me. i'm looking forward to next weekend. i'm delighted to see that graham colton will be playing at nectar's early next month. i'm ready to make the last of my calls before heading out for the evening. kbye.....................

.
status check - fine
background ambiance - the frames, rent day blues

i had almost forgotten how much i enjoy living with someone. so nice to walk through the door, say "hello!" and hear a "hi there!" in response from upstairs. the fact that it's beth makes me all the happier. although we (by which i mean i) need to work on this whole opposite schedule thing.

in completely unrelated news - funny when you realize people don't have the same thought processes as you do ... i would have thought it goes without saying. but it's all good. whatever.

it's friday - but, since i'm the ever-nice colleague, it's really thursday. figure that one out. eh? eh?

the man i'm used to seeing almost every day as i walk by (or in, as is often the iced coffee case) dunkies is, i believe, the man found by the waterfront yesterday morning. never knew him, but we said hello once, and i still feel a sense of loss. much as if the d.c. corner prophet (i realize now that i used to think of her as a curbside prophet, in a completely non-mraz-related way) by union station, who scolded me and others for our coffees, cell phones or anything else, or the mud-caked woman by the fountain, who always said "hello there, honey," in a ragged whisper, were to pass. never a chief player in my life, but played a supporting role in my day-to-day travels for a time.

da da da
status check - spacey
background ambiance - scanner (of course)

it's my one allowed (by myself) spacey work day. i arrived at work awake, alert and ready to take the journalistic world by storm. i'd gone to bed at a reasonable hour the night before (for once), woke early (for once), walked down to church street and then went running. i was back home, finished with all of my daily or semi-daily tasks before i've been waking up as of late. good start!

after that, crash. just out of it - not sure why. taking me twice as long to do what shouldn't take long at all, sources are frustrating me ... ugh. and i hate feeling like i'm not with it. i can't help it if the people on the other end of the phone line aren't cooperating. i should be able to help it if i'm not cooperating.

but there's a definite silver lining to the day. my phone rang during the late morning and i answered, surprised to receive a call from ,my parents during the day. i heard my father on the other end, sounding positively giddy with excitement. after torturing him by not asking what was going on (i was kind, it was only a few minutes), i finally asked and received word that my attempt at helping him with his tournament had scored a success. this morning he found a six-foot tall box waiting for him at home (i interrupted: "my mail-order groom finally arrived! SWEET!"). the letter he had sent (after i found the contact info) for a raffle prize was answered - with a hockey stick autographed by john leclair. !!!!!! he was elated and i was thrilled. i don't even like hockey (unless i'm actually at the game, in which case i go nuts), but a john leclair stick? SO COOL!

he wanted to thank me, since, he said, he wouldn't have gotten the stick had i not helped him out. i'd forgotten that i had in the first place, so hearing his elation on the other end of the phone was an unexpected, but certainly welcomed, surprise.

(side note: if anyone wants to go in on this raffle, which he holds at his annual golf tournament, contact me and i can get you entered. lots of prizes, generally including tickets to baseball games - i was invited to fenway to join a winner last year, where we saw the sox kick arse - and other cool things. there are always a lot of prizes and it's a great cause - the ronald mcdonald house. send me email or comment and i'll get information your way. winners do not have to be present at the time of the drawing.)

still a little bit of your song in my ear
status check - lovely
background ambiance - scanner & the song in my head

i've begun to think that less is more at times, when it comes to this whole posting business. i tried to write succinctly about last night's show (mr. damien rice & company at higher ground), but it just wasn't happening. so i gave in and rambled on as i felt fit.

consider that the official disclaimer. read at your own risk.

-----------

i used to wish that every concert i attended would be magical. that i could walk out of a venue moved to the core of my being, shellshocked and giddy about having participated in such an amazing musical experience as the one i had just expereinced.

now, with more shows under my belt (amazing, good, not-so-good and horrible performances among them), i neither hope nor want such a wish to come true. the reason why such amazement follows a truly great performance is because they are so rare. there are many good performers out there who put on engaging, enjoyable shows. but the shellshock kind are few and far between. i'm fortunate in the respect that i've been able to experience as many as i have*, but a good amount of time had passed since the last time i'd been in such a state. probably since ... well, when were last fall's ani and guster flynn shows?

damien and company's set last night left me dazed and grinning like a fool. i've felt ridiculously overdramatic all day today, thinking about it. but fuck it, i don't care - i loved it and i will gush as i see fit. the show reminded me of why i love music so much and how it can move me so deeply.

everything just seemed right: the drive to higher ground, windows down, singing along to old school pearl jam and dmb on the radio, hitting every green light along the way. a perfect pint of vodka cran, a good crowd for the show. being able to say hi to kj and hopefully being able to help out with future food drives. lingering near the back of the audience, but able to see the stage perfectly. the way bass and intention electronic static can, when amplified, make your feet shiver and energy surge through your body as you wait for the inevitable explosion of sound. followed by the whisper of a collective audience voice adding ghostly accompaniment to a ballad. the focused silence shared by everyone present. the rendition of "cold water" performed with a blacked-out stage.

i could not have asked for a better set. i didn't get to hear "childish," but the song wouldn't have fit the set's mood. "cannonball" surged to the top of my list of favorite songs - i played it constantly all this morning and am singing it to myself this afternoon. "volcano" was a high moment, but didn't dominate audience response, as is often the case with singles. "older chests," "amie" and "eskimo" were brillaint.

and he covered "hallelujah." ok, i've heard covers of buckley originals and buckley covers live before. howie covered "lover you should've come over" at the iron horse. matty nay teased "last goodbye" at the st. michael's show. and many, many a musician has covered "hallelujah" since leonard cohen wrote it. i know this, of course. but as damien sang, i felt like i could close my eyes, reopen them and see jeff buckley on stage. i was in shock. it was the closest i'll ever come to hearing buckley live.

lisa got in on the action, presenting a brilliant cover of "seven nation army" (yeah!). and damien's first encore song, "black is the colour" was spellbinding.

it's so frustrating to try to write about such a show. don't want to overly gush, but want to give enough credit where it's due ... i just wish those who couldn't be there had been. and i hope those who were were similarly moved. next time damien is anywhere around here, i'm there, no questions asked. probably one of my top five concert experiences.

* among the list of astounding performers i've seen (in no particular order): aerosmith, live, counting crows, dmb, pmb, mayer (pre-"room for squares"), day, mraz, ani, tori, and guster. at least one show of each of these performers have left me with that glazed-over astounded post-show feeling all concert-attending fans love.

so come on courage, teach me to be shy
status check - soaring
background ambiance - silence

i thank the stars for nights like tonight.

a very merry unbirthday
status check - happy
background ambiance - general office chitchat

i say unbirthday because i have failed to mention here two birthdays that recently occurred. one of which because the day itself was crazy and i didn't have time to provide proper online observation, the other because, well, i didn't know until today.

anyway. very happy birthday congratulatory wishes (albeit slightly late) to miss rebecca and mister pete. hurrah!

tonight i will say hello to damien rice (live, that is) and goodbye to higher ground. i suppose it fits that my last hg show will be an opportunity to check out someone's live performance for the first time. some of my best concert memories of the place stem from that very premise.

i will be giddy if i have the opportunity to hear "childish."

my flatmate arrives tomorrow!!! hurrah!

ok, bye. xoxo - v

never change
status check - amused
background ambiance - wind howling around my lair - er, apartment

it's funny, those people you know/knew/perhaps will know again one day. i've found that they generally fit into one of two categories.

the first: you hear something or see something. either from or about someone you've known. but you feel the person is so different from what you knew that you get angry. or you want to cry. because the person was important to you, for whatever reason. and someone who has meant something to you should not be relegated to the appendix of your life. there should be something tangible left to look on. nor should you be relegated. you should not have to wonder what the other is doing. how the other is doing. and either not get an answer or really not want to know the answer. you should not have to come across a reference and sneer because you question the intentions. the person you knew is not the person who remains.

to you, i say goodbye. i have spent far too much time focusing on you, losing out in this situation. you think not of me, i shall think not of you.

fortunately, i was reminded today of another group.

just as before, you hear something or see something and laugh because while the details have changed, the fundamentals remain. the outlook, the use of an expression or style are just as they were whenever the person last flashed into your life. you feel your awareness of the past enhances your enjoyment of the present.

i was grinning tonight, as i saw the familiar style and flair of someone i used to know. it was if i was suddenly back in a room, hidden away from the rest of the world, early in the morning. flipping through sheets of papers, surveying the results of another night's labor. always reading one first, wondering where in the reading order i fell.

he's still brilliant, still a pain in the ass in the best way. because he's so bright and talented. he served as my gilbert blythe two years ago, pushing me through his skill to produce the best work i could. and he made it look so damn easy.

but i digress. i suppose the point of my rambling tonight is that i'm happy to have read of him. i hope someday we can get back in touch. but i thank him. after spending far too much time lately upsetting myself with thoughts of people who are now shades of those i once knew, seeing that someone still resembles what i remember was a welcome treat.

-------

in other news, i was also able to forget my own musing for a bit to help someone else. i speak to my brother quite regularly, generally quick calls from one to see how the other's doing, chatting or laughing about something. but he called tonight after having a frustrating few days. and wanted to talk to me to see if i understood anything going through his mind - or if i could make him feel better about it all. the fact that he sought that from me was the greatest feeling. well, second to hearing him say that i helped.

-------

and now i provide the laughter for the evening. please visit the following links.

Victoria Beckham Disappointed That Nobody Claims To Have Had Affair With Her

David Beckham Affair Sparks Increase In Cheating Teenage Boyfriends

unexpected unconsciousness
status check - dazed
background ambiance - lord of the rings: two towers

somewhere in the midst of frodo's struggle to reach mordor, i fell asleep, streched out on my couch, a light blanket tucked under my chin. while i had been watching the movie, i was more focused on the sound of the first thunderstorm of the season raging outside, noting each flicker of lightning and counting until the thunderclap growled. i thought of how i am looking forward to warmer nights like this, when i can open my bedroom windows and feel the heavy air enter my room, marked by the clean scent of the rain.

when i awoke, the thunder had passed on. i had dreamt i could smile as i said goodbye and looked away. and be content.

but i better be quiet now, i'm tired of wasting my breath. - elliott

a reminder.
status check - athletic (post-workout)
background ambiance - drice, childish

for those planning to attend tuesday's damien rice show - rock for a remedy food drive. please bring something. i recall matty nay saying on the point awhile back (before his rfar performance) that highly recommended items include tuna fish and tomato soup. and no glass items.

thank you.

and if kj happens to swing by here between now and tuesday - hope to be able to say hi! i'll be late, but i've got a bag of goodies to contribute. :-)