*embarrassed chuckle*

awhile ago, i made a point of making reference to people by first names (unless, naturally, the person in question is particularly well-known, in which case there is little chance of my being embarrassed by anything i write. afterall, it's been well-established that any embarrassing posts i make about famous people are probably proclamations of adoration in one form or another and it's not like those people will ever stumble across my blog). it stemmed from a post from senior year, in which i made reference to two of my housemates, one of which found the blog (or someone in her family? the details are fuzzy). ever since, i've been all about the first name action.

it's not worth it to go back through really old entries and edit them accordingly, but i was both amused and embarrassed to find that someone did find the same embarrassing (now, that is) post by searching for another full name that was included ... i need to remember that this little space here has come up on search engines during some funny, alarming and downright ridiculous searches - but it can also come up on others!

nevertheless. i don't know who was doing the searching, but if it's a prospective casting type, let me say that clinton is a fantastic actor who has impressed me each time i've had a chance to see him perform (although i've not had the opportunity to do so in about two years, i'm sorry to say). if it was the actor himself, well ... um? hi, how've you been? *feeling sheepish*

speaking of college ... went back to campus today, as i accompanied becca to the mlk convocation in the chapel. saw numerous familiar faces and felt the still new awkwardness of being somewhere i used to know so well but now feels incredibly different. standing in front of the chapel, i turned and faced the campus, remembering that, only a few years ago, the buildings, walkways and fellow students were my existance. it was where i spent most of four years and came to feel at home. but now, with so much that has happened since graduation, it takes a moment to understand that. and instead of feeling as if i'm home, i struggle to remember what it felt like to feel at home there.

i'm just old, i suppose. it was great to be there and see everything - i have so many fond memories of the place and am, all things considered, so glad i made the decision to grow, learn, live and love there. but i'm definitely not a college student anymore - and i've got to say that, again all things considered, i suppose i'm glad i'm not. sure, things are odd right now and i miss the old days frequently, but it's just that - i miss them. i wouldn't want them back.

with a hugely busy day tomorrow (the arrival of my couch and loveseat - hurrah!), filled with activity, interviewing and writing, i'm preparing to relax while i can ... i found a great deal on a dvd package during my shopping with becca and am preparing to enjoy "moulin rouge" - one of those movies i've always said i should get but never actually did. it's accompanying movie is "william shakespeare's romeo + juliet," one of those movies that, in retrospect, shaped my life ever so much more than i realized at the time.

it's funny, though, as i was picking up said "we worship baz luhrmann" package, i instantly flashed back to sitting in the small kennedy center room on day one or two of senior year actf, as i and maybe one other critic defended both "r+j" to the rest of the group, met with the playfully scathing look of one in particular as he discussed how much luhrmann butchered shakespeare ...

two years later, i'm still yet to be convinced. bwahaha.

oy.

i can't help but feel old and slightly disheartened when i visit the message boards these days. i remember when it people were talking about the music ... now it's "how does howie spike his hair???" "any brand names for jason's floppy hat?" "hey, look! it's john and heidi klum!"

was i ever that kind of a fan? i don't believe so ... i hope not ... it's a reality - things'll never be the way they used to. but is it bad that i really don't want howie to go on tour with barenaked ladies? am i wrong for thinking guster deserves someone less sell-out to tour with than john (and it makes me half-wonder if guster is selling out by association)? can you blame me for not wanting mraz to appear on "american dreams" - as dion, no less?

in better news, i'm focusing on musical discovery of my own. nothing like hearing music you've never heard before ... it brings me great joy.

rising from the ashes ...

i'm working on rebuilding my music collection, after the mishap that cost me all of my college-age mp3s. what can i say? i don't listen to half the stuff, but i just need to know it's there. in case i want to.

at the moment, i'm taking advantage of this computer (southern vt) and its high-speed internet by downloading some concerts i can then enjoy on disc while i'm up north. i'm currently working on two mraz shows (big surprise) i didn't know i could find online ... a 2000 LRC (living room concert) show and, in a major shock to me when i came across it, the 11.18.02 show at higher ground. also known as the show opening for howie day that i cursed up and down while in dc.

aurgh. sundays are a horrible day for freelancers - i've got deadlines approaching, but no one's in their offices ... selfish bastards. ;)

forgot to mention i'm insane by definition

when i was younger and would get into bitch mode, my mother would refer to me as "mopey vic." at the moment when i gave a particularly scathing or whiny remark, she'd simply look at me and say, "there she blows!"

well, mopey vic is in rare form this evening. i attribute much of it to the fact that i've been sick all day. while intending to accomplish a great number of things, i wound up writing my column, curling up in my chair, taking naps (during which my phone seemed to ring constantly - sorry to those who called, i didn't feel like moving to answer) or otherwise accomplishing next to nothing. achy head, queasy stomach ... all the fun of an annoying cold without the complete 'well yeah, i'm sick' vibe. a cold tease, if you will.

since it's incredibly difficult to be an optimistic lass when one wants to curl up and die, i spent my semi-conscious hours feeling sorry for myself. well, that's not entirely accurate. it wasn't that i was pitying myself or anything, but the frustration of my lack of forward movement hit home and hit home hard.

i've known for years that i'm meant to be a writer. while the precise details have changed over time and after introductions to various forms of writing, the important part has always remained the same. i'm supposed to write and i'm supposed to make a name for myself doing it. what can i say? i've always been ambitious, i'll always be ambitious and i don't want to ever stop that need to excell at whatever it is i'm doing.

but there's something throwing a big wrench in the plans. the writing has been incredibly difficult lately. it's all-consuming, taking from me my thoughts, my energy and my time. yet i don't feel as if i'm gaining anything in return. what do i have to show for myself right now? i'm a freelancer yet to find out if i'll get a fulltime job. i struggle on a daily basis to come up with something that begins to meet my self-imposed standards and rarely feel as if i've come up with something that makes me happy. i find it impossible to acknowledge the reality that there are times - many times, in fact - at which point you need to simply crank out a story and turn to the next. i can't settle for cranking things out. it's not my nature.

so i'm constantly pushing myself and frustrating myself to meet those standards, probably succeeding only in taking two steps back each time i try to take a single step forward. i'm basically psyching myself out. for the first time, the writing truly feels like work. and it leaves me exhausted.

i can't let the frustration get to me, as i'm still trying to prove to the powers that be that i'm someone they want around on a permanent basis. meanwhile, i'm existing in my little suspended reality, focusing so intently on the fact that i know karma is going to swing back in my favor and i'm going to get what i deserve. but what if i don't? what if it turns out that this was one big wild goose chase to get me up here and i'll be left on my arse to figure out what to do next? what will next be? and if that's the case, how will i be able to focus on the fact that it wasn't me, it was the circumstances? how do i know it's NOT me?

i guess i've always just known that this is what i would do with my life - but now i'm starting to question whether that is actually the reality of the situation. i feel as if there's something that must be coming around the corner to give me a big wake-up call one way or the other, but i'm almost scared to find out what form it will take. i'm 23 years old and i'm supposed to be able to succeed. i don't want to wake up one day, find out i'm 35 and i'm older, alone and not doing what makes me happy. i don't want to be that age and in the same place i'm in now. i want to be doing something exciting with fascinating people and the passion for work and life i've felt in the past. what am i supposed to do if it's not this? where's my big blinking neon sign giving me some form of direction? where are the friendly faces and new adventures around every bend? that's the program i signed up for ...

i guess i'm just in a holding pattern at the moment. and i don't deal well with holding patterns.

i really feel as if i want to get away for a little break - experience something new. the lack of answers professionally, the cold, the solitude ... it's all wearing on me and i want to escape. i want warmth, sunshine and the promise of, if nothing else, something previously unexperienced. california has been on my mind constantly. at least if i was there for a little vaca, i'd be a few times zones away from all the shite here ...

but, alas, must focus on practicality. bollocks. socal, do not give up on me yet - i'll get there sooner or later.

to further add to my sense of befuddlement, i learned that an old boyfriend of mine is now engaged to be married. while it's been years since i've even spoken to said former flame and i've changed so much since that point in my life, the fact that someone who was once so close to me (whether for good or bad i won't even get into) is now preparing to wed. i wasn't concerned with the particular details - hell, could have been anyone - but was struck by the sensation of feeling incredibly old.

when did all this happen? when did former housemates go and get married? when did old boyfriends get engaged? when did i start to worry that everyone i know is going to be on their own paths to happiness and i'll still be wondering where to go?

and why do i have to learn about everything less than pleasant when i'm already feeling less than one hundred percent?

oh now i will be selective, calm, cool and collective
and listening to the voice and its prospective
hoping that the choice is appropriatley respected
protective me
protective me
protective me
protective me
but i would like a little sugar in my coffee
i would like a little dream
and i'd prefer another smoke before the morning or anything else in between

bah. it's one of those days from which i must simply hide beneath the covers. i'll close my eyes, wish these 24 hours away and wake up to sunshine and a new day - a blank page.

random incoherencies.

i need to begin writing this week's column, so i don't wake up tomorrow morning to a blank page and an ever-so-rapidly approaching deadline. but before i do, a few general amusements ...

i haven't been so happy about a happy meal toy in ages. perhaps it was due to the incredibly ridiculous cold we suffered through today, perhaps it was due to losing power for an hour, perhaps due to my perpetually skewed little brain. whatever the reason, i came across one of the new "lilo & stitch" happy meal toys today ... it's called "rude stitch" and features the pesky little alien with his ears falling down behind him, beyond his shoulders, a big grin on his face, huge sunglasses blocking his little alien eyes. technically, you're supposed to be able to push play-dough through the little hole in his mouth so he's forming a gene simmons-style tongue that's just sticking out there for the world to see.

but i found myself thinking of a different musician ... with the ears the way they are (god i wish i could find a picture online to prove my point) and the big sunglasses and the grin, i found myself singing "did i fool ya?" all day long ... i now have one in my posession that i am calling not stitch, but lil' toca. i swear, if toca was blue, it would be him. it amused me to no end and continues to do so now. it just needs a teensie little gnomie and it would be all set.

i've found that what they say is true ... no one ever remembers the good things you say when you're a critic. they always remember the bad and they'll always bring it up. it amused me. i still knocked the play, even a few months later. as if i won't stand by my word? riiiiiight.

uncle crispy videos are splendiferous.

the cold is driving me mad, i need to be somewhere warm. my jokes about visiting cali are starting to seem more and more like a damn good idea ... earthquakes be ready, my frozen toes will welcome you over this hell any day. nowhere should be this cold. i never remember it being so cold in my past ... what gives?

and, finally, the friday five:

1. what does it say in the signature line of your emails?
depends on if i feel like deleting the sig or not. in most cases i do, so i really don't know why i even have sigs with my various email accounts. nevertheless, that's not the nature of the inquiry. sigs include (in no particular order of which account i use most frequently or anything) "she can crawl out of frame while she's hanging on the wall," "but i'm not even sure i'm a real bohemian revolutionary!" or *victoria*.

2. did you have a senior quote in your high school yearbook? what was it?
yes. it was "even a fool knows you cannot reach the stars, but that does not stop the wise man from trying."

3. if you had vanity plates on your car, what would they read?
i don't think i'd ever get vanity plates. anyway, even if i wanted them, i'd have to move to another state, as the vermont "writer" vanity plate is already taken, i've been informed. otherwise, perhaps ... *pondering* maybe "revel."

4. have you received any gifts with messages engraved upon them? what did the inscription say?
indeed i have. "you are my sunshine."

5. what would you like your epitaph to be?
hmm ... i'd like to think that others would know me well enough to come up with something appropriate ... besides, thinking of one's own epitaph is a bit creepy. that said, one then must figure out what one is referring to with "epitaph." as in tombstone? or the brief written comentary on the deceased's life?
if it's a tombstone, i hope the word "dreamer" makes an appearance.
if it's a commentary, i hope "dreamistic" comes into play. i read that in an obit a little over a year ago and loved it. i'd also hope the commentary includes that i was much loved, surrounded by laughter. successful wouldn't hurt, either. but, then again, that's as long as those words are appropriate for my life. don't sugarcoat things, tell people about the life i actually lived, know what i mean? if i wind up being a craggy old bitch, i want people to know that, dammit.

apples and oranges of the furniture variety.

obviously, we know the heart-wrenching experience i have had regarding my college couch. i'm slowly coming to terms that it'll never again hold a spot in victoria living quarters.

that said ... turns out a friend of the family is looking to get rid of some of his furniture ... and i've been offered a couch, a loveseat AND a rocking recliner. for no cost, although i'm certainly going to give him something for it.

the three pieces will never replace my wise $40 investment of years ago, but i firmly believe that the gods are smiling upon me after the couch-napping my brother committed and karma is back in my favor.

i'll be able to spread out in the comfortable furnishings my living room requires while my old couch will continue to flourish in college living quarters. only difference is that those quarters are now in somerville instead of burlington.

speaking of the boston area ... next weekend holds much music, traveling and laughs, i hope. friday night - degraw/tolcher/vaco in burlington. saturday - road trip to the greater boston area, where i will blow my customary kiss to the skyline and figure out how the hell to get there. saturday night - averi in providence. sunday afternoon - visit somerville, hopefully grasshopper, before a return to all things burlington.

side note: see "big fish." i highly recommend it. alison lohman's resemblence to jessica lange is almost eerie, while ewan mcgregor turns his zip accent from "down with love" into a delight. beth asked if the story was logical in its progession - i'll say that it is not, but there's a logic in its lack of logic. it's worth seeing in the theater.

that said, will they just name "2" "spiderman 2" already? the "2" title in the trailer continues to piss me off.

***editor's note: please update list to the following: couch, loveseat, rocking recliner, possible recliner, desk, and wooden stand. thank you, karma gods ...***

sweet is the sight ...

when i first heard "she says" almost four years ago (really, just under four years now), i was sure i'd heard the song before. on the radio or something, i wasn't sure where. when i asked howie if it had gotten airplay, he gave me a quizzical look and replied that he didn't believe it would have reached any radio airwaves near me.

i was sure it would be on the radio in no time - it was too good a song to stay underground.

tonight, i watched howie on letterman, performing "she says," the third single off the album and probably one of my favorite all-time songs. if i closed my eyes, i could have imagined myself back at the coffeehouse either time he performed there. or at either of the paradise shows i enjoyed - rocking out at the 12.28.00 show from the balcony, where i performed the now-infamous doubletake or looking up at him from the front row as he sang the song immediately in front of me at the 6.18.01 show - or at the ironhorse. or at the mhz studios, where i tried to focus on the music and not the blinking lights of the television cameras. or in fairfax as he opened for tori. or finally headlining again in boston, this time at avalon.

i've heard that song live so many times in so many different places - i haven't heard any song live as many times as i've heard "she says" and i love it every time.

the letterman performance was decent enough, i suppose ... pretty straightforward, lacking his typical energy, but hey ... it's a mainstream perforamance and considering all the jazz about last week's "i was supposed to be on but then i wasn't" i was happy to see he was on at all. not as good as the other performances i've seen/heard/experienced, but hey. it was "she says." on television. good god.

it's about time it reached the rest of the world, but i'm not quite sure if i'm ready to let the rest of the world share in it. they'd just better appreciate what they're hearing.

congratulations and happy birthday, howie.

back in the hunt.

tomorrow i will be enjoying a lovely training session of how to cover disaster, death and distruction - while it's always helpful to learn from experts about how to cover potentially tricky subjects, it's not exactly the feel-good session of the year ... but i'm looking forward to it nevertheless. armed with some resumes, i intend to storm that place and sell myself (in the prospective job way, not the prostitute way). we shall see what happens ...

i should be preparing for sleep but am instead preparing to tune up my resume and then watch letterman ... howie's performing and i find it somewhat fitting that i should watch it, as by the time his taped segment plays, it will be after midnight, therefore january 15, therefore his 23rd birthday.

i have this thing about birthdays. it takes forever for me to wind up remembering when someone has a birthday, but once i get it into my mind, i rarely forget. i still remember that my friend megean from the middleton days (i moved to vermont when i was five) celebrated her birthday on july 17. don't know why i keep that bit of unnecessary info in the abyss of my mind, but it has simply never left me.

phone numbers tend to be the same way, although not as persistent. i also remember the phone number to my middleton house. but that also is due, i believe, to the fact that it consisted of three different numbers, each of which was on the same column of the keypad. i used to love pretending to dial it as a youngster.

i meant to comment awhile ago about the fact that my musical clone was revealed to me a few days ago ... while talking to me on the phone, beth was perusing the wares on sale at amazon.com, where she came across one of those recommendation lists. you know, someone takes the time to list a whole bunch of cds, books, etc. they particularly enjoy. i think i made a couple back in college, but haven't in ages.

if i were to try to, however, the list beth came across would be a near clone. i can't remember who wrote it, but i wound up finding it by typing in "matt nathanson" into the music selection. there are two posted, one albums, the other singer-songwriter types. check it out. there were only a couple of albums that i don't love, one of which (sondre lerche) i want to listen to, but simply haven't gotten my hands on the album yet. it was rather eerie, really. check it out, be amazed.

speaking of not being able to find things ... i've been searching everywhere for the "mystery white boy" dvd. i can't find it. anyone know of any stores with it in stock?

on a final note before i turn to resume madness ... rilo kiley. 1.20.04, as in next tuesday. middlebury. i think i'm making the trip. any partners in crime?

back from the stone age ...

they said it would never happen, but i finally set up internet at the apartment. so this comes to you from the frozen north of burlington, where the temperature last night and this morning was supposed to reach the coldest lows in 23 years.

needless to say, when someone tells me it's going to be the coldest since i was two and a half months old, i heed their recommendations and stay curled up with movies, work and coffee - speaking of which, i feel a need to thank green mountain coffee roasters for their delightful gingerbread blend, which warmed both my body and spirit this morning. mmm ... java goodness ...

the next days hold a series events that will result in a lot of driving, mingling and hopefully general amusement. today is the great "paint the apartment" day, in which i have some home decorators (ok, my parents) traveling north to help me further beautify the apartment. i'm sure a trip to home depot will result in various new fun accents for the place. i'm probably heading down south this evening, as i will be attending a vermont journalism training session in rutland tomorrow. but after that, i'm back up north to attend a chi-chi reception at the flynn for my column ... then back to southern vermont because i'm working friday ... then, i believe, back up here for the rest of my column. good god, i'm tired just thinking of the driving ... but it should be fun, nevertheless.

i'm other amusement, i'm signed up to be an extra in a movie being filmed in rutland next week. the dork i am, i've always wanted to do something like that ... granted, in my ideal situation, i'd be starring in a movie, but i lack the, well, talent and experience to do so. and since my dc time came to a close without an extra stint on "the west wing," i think this could be a lot of fun. i just have to cheer as an audience member at the paramount ... why not, right? and i'm thinking i might propose to have the experience be the fodder for the following "a&tc" column. it'll be either that or the gavin degraw/michael tolcher/vaco show at uvm on the 23rd ...

i do what i can.

i may have had to get rid of all the files on my computer, but i left my father a nice little "hey, it works now, but have fun staring at this" present on the computer desktop.

a moment of silence, please

because this stupid computer decided to crash (well, technically windows still opened, but it was impossible to do anything or open any files without starting it up in safe mode), i was forced to erase the better part of three collegiate years late this afternoon. i was, fortunately, able to save my papers and journalism stories, but the rest - videos, photos and my incredibly massive collection of mp3s - is lost forever.

but besides that major loss, i have had a fabulous, wonderful, all-arond great weekend. besides successfully hooking someone else on "sex & the city," i was able to relax, laugh and discover that i am a big fan of schmirnoff twisted drinks, particularly cranberry.

more to follow when i feel more writerly.

wait a minute ...

i realized today (or, rather, was reminded by someone today) that i have a cousin in san diego who invited me (and everyone else in my extended family) to visit at any point.

good god, i need warmth already so i get california out of my mind ...

... if only i knew then what i know now ...

... i sure as hell would have stayed. no matter what.

from one year ago today ...

1.8.03 - what follows is my mraz tale of woe...
so i finish up my night at work, change into proper concert gear and head out to arlington so i can find iota and be there nice and early so i'm sure to get in. after arriving, i order a drink and follow that up with some dinner (a gardenburger with fries, for those who were dying to know--may i note that it was an exceptionally tasty meal) and prepare to wait a couple of hours until showtime.

when i walked in, i immediately recognized toca from the cbs morning show, but didn't see mraz right away. eventually, however, i saw him and realized that he's just as attractive as everyone says. i was prepared for a fun evening of music and, if i felt gutsy enough, conversation with him. or at least the chance to hear him play and then buy one of the live cds i've been wanting.

after eating dinner and realizing i had about an hour and a half to kill, however, it hits me. all of the people, the smoke, the music (cd music over the pa, the quasi-soundcheck mraz and the guys were doing, plus some guy playing guitar in the corner)--all of the stuff i normally love about shows--it hits me like a ton of bricks and i realize that 1) i feel incredibly sick, to the point of wanting to faint or throw up and 2) there's no way i'm going to make it until they start to take money for tickets, let alone make it through the whole show. since i'd already traveled out to arlington and had eaten dinner there and everything, this was the most wretched of realizations and i fought my quickly fading body and tried to stick it out. i walked around the little club area, searching for a spare seat where i could curl up for a bit--anything. but there was nothing for me to do except stand there and try to not fall over or leave. i tried the standing bit for about five minutes before finally accepting that i was going to lose that little game (and, while i wanted to make an impression on mraz, i didn't want it to be "hey, that's the girl who passed out at my virginia show!"), so i was sensible and left.

i didn't want to, i was cursing myself during my entire walk back to the metro, trying to psych myself up to turn back and go back in. but i was so dizzy and felt so nauseous that i knew going home was the right thing. knowing it was the right thing, however, didn't make it suck any less. and, adding insult to injury, i wasn't able to get one of the live cds because they didn't have the merch table set up when i was getting ready to leave. so i'll have to order it online, i suppose.

i think it was a combination of factors that led to my feeling so ill--but the biggest thing was that it was yet another example of how the day after the day after a very long day sucks. sunday was a ridiculously long day, with waking up at 4:30 a.m. to get to the airport and then getting back down here, and i was wired on monday, but i was dead to the world while at work yesterday. this was perpetuated by being at the club and having everything going on around me.

but it wasn't a total loss. i got to see mraz, techically. i even got to hear him during soundcheck. i know where iota is, so going there for future shows won't be a problem. and i had a tasty dinner. i was right in leaving, and i feel ok today, although i think i still need to get another good night's sleep because i'm a little tired today.

but i'm still pretty disappointed about how it panned out.

and, with that, the string of vickie-less mraz shows begins. but, in good news, thanks to that misadventure and my resultant posting on rkop, i had the opportunity to interact with a certain fellow mraz fan ...

... so it turned out to be a good thing all in all. :)

but i'll say that i was listening to my copy of the show today and i'm still bitter to have missed it.

bollocks.

so yesterday, so yesterday ...

ah, the random mismash of fun i can relay this frigidly cold evening in southern vermont. this is the kind of day that i love - one where i find myself laughing constantly, i feel the positive aftermath of working on my body and the successful feeling of working on ... well, my work.

the victoria definition of a great friend: one with whom you can just laugh and find the humor out of any situation, whether focused on a relevant task/topic or not. depending on how you want to view this evening, elizabeth and i were certainly focused ... whether you want to regard it as relevant or not is up to you. confused yet? well, sign up for friendster and do some searching, baby ... i think beth was right in stating that it is a good thing it wasn't around when we were in college. far too much amusement for one's scholastically-minded own good ...

i should also provide some clarification about the reason why i first became a fan of howie day. certain parties have raised claims that it was strictly because my young (19-year-old - good god, has it already almost been four years???) impressionable self was intrigued by an attractive singer-songwriter.

well, i'll admit it. the reason why i stuck around for howie's performance at the coffeehouse was because he could play guitar, sing, was attractive and - most importantly at the time - i thought he was british.

now for the new howie fan, i should provide some backstory. during howie's early touring years, he would deal with the potential awkwardness of stage banter by offering his name between songs. "hi, my name is howie day and i'm from ..." and you could fill in the blanks, pretty much. iceland, france, australia, new zealand and, the first time i fell victim, england. i had gotten to the show a little late and, after the first song i heard him sing, he said with a british accent, "hi, my name is howie day and i'm from london." so my english-accent-loving self stuck around and realized i'd fallen for the joke a few songs later when he said he was howie day and he was from new zealand.

after a great set - and after a now embarrassing exchange after i decided to talk to him about "she says" - i picked up a copy of his blue sampler and have been hooked ever since.

in conclusion, then, i admit - i started listening because i thought he was british. OK?!?! ;)

in other news - i figured it was only fair to offer a plug to check out syd's site because he made reference to - and posted in the press section - the first night review. "We just got a great review of our show in Burlington, VT on New Year's, check that out."

well, that's because it was a great show. i report what i find. and may i repeat for my readers, whoever you are, that syd was great. i highly recommend checking him out. and, for our ani fans, i should add that i discovered yesterday that one of the live cds i picked up includes an amazing cover of "both hands" that i absolutely love ...

goodness me, i'm still laughing about everything tonight. time to warm up, relax and ultimately get some sleep ...

carson daly, you suck.

just as a lark, i signed up for a ticket request to see howie day perform on last call. they said they would email about a week before the event to inform people of whether their requests were approved. i didn't hear anything, so i assumed a last-minute trip to nyc would not be in my cards.

however, i receive email YESTERDAY telling me that my request was approved for the taping that begins in approximately two hours from now.

and i totally would have been up for a random, fun roadtrip ...

bollocks. bastards.

continued admiration

admiration: \Ad`mi*ra"tion\, n. [F., fr. L. admiratio. See Admire.] 2. Wonder mingled with approbation or delight; an emotion excited by a person or thing possessed of wonderful or high excellence

rival: \Ri"val\, v. To be equal to in quality or ability.

new year, new writing to both admire and rival. i know i do this each time i see a new bit of written goodness on the site. i know i go off praising and borderline gushing and i know it must have gotten old eons ago, but i can't help it. to be able to come up with such written delights is such a gift and, dammit, i'm going to praise those gifts each time. it's my own little reminder to keep writing, keep striving and all of that goodness.

so. here i am, in proctor, enjoying my family-less house. the family is all in massachusetts, visiting loved ones and enjoying a mini-road trip. i am here, enjoying internet access, email and conducting research for the piles of stories i have waiting to be written. i've found that i'm not as strong a freelancer as i might like to be ... if i'm not in an office (newsroom, i should say), i decide to make my calls an hour later, the next day ... my procrastinating ways have started to show a bit too much for my own good. so this afternoon will be spent catching up and doing my freelancing like the best of them ...

it also means i don't have to engage in an excessive amount of physical activity, as i'm recovering from trying one item on the "victoria's list of things to do in life." i was at the gym yesterday morning, engaging in a typical get-up-get-moving mini-workout, when i saw a sign about a new class being offered. yes, it was the much-anticipated-never-tried kickboxing. so i figured it was about time i gave it a shot and got in touch with my inner kickboxer.

so i returned early yesterday afternoon, almost leaving three times before class began because i was nervous and figured everyone else would know what they were doing. but i forced myself to remain, calling my nagging doubts wretched names and waiting it out. after wrapping my hands and finding a set of boxing gloves, i began my hour-long introduction to all things kickboxing. i did my pushups and cardio. i learned the punches and kicks. i went through the intervals, where for 90 seconds, i continuously kicked a bag, worked on footwork, jumped from side to side and, finally, repeatedly punched at the instructor, who was cushioning each side cut with her hand pads.

90 seconds doesn't sound like a long time, but when you're punching at the rate of nearly two punches per second, it feels like an eternity.

after the class, i felt like a million dollars but, at the same time, wanted to curl up and die. i dragged myself home, had a nice healthy dinner and promptly sprawled out on my carpet because my favorite chair was, frankly, too far away. after relaxing and catching up with various people via phone, i curled up in bed and, after some difficulties drifting off to dreamland, slept as i feel i've never slept before. fatigue-driven deep slumber. how grand.

yet now i sit here, muscles aching that haven't ached since high school athletics, contemplating picking up a tae-bo tape so i don't rely strictly on a once-a-week class that i don't know if i'm going to return to. yet inspite of it all, i feel amazing ... it's about time i kicked my ass getting back into shape.

in other, less-aching news ... over the last couple of days, i've been fortunate enough to touch base with some people i haven't really talked to in ages. there's nothing better for my living-solo soul than to be able to laugh and chat with friendly voices from my not-so-distant past ... makes me feel as if i'm not in the hey-look-i'm-a-currently-solitary-writer haze ... which is a good thing. i had the opportunity to catch up with a friend i've known since freshman year of college on monday evening and discovered that we are both contemplating d.c. visits at approximately the same time ... i would be hoping to visit friends from my time there, he would be hoping to visit one of his close college friends (and a friend of myself as well) who has recently moved there (never fails: i leave and THEN people move there. figures.). we promised to keep each other abreast of plans if and when they develop so perhaps something could be coordinated. how much fun it would be to be able to go out on a weekend night in a group of friends and acquaintances-to-be-met ...

this month includes a much-looked-forward-to weekend as well ... as i believe i will be enjoying a great deal of concert excitement in several new england states. on friday the 23rd, i intend to enjoy virginia coalition, michael tolcher and gavin degraw at uvm. on saturday, i'll head down to massachusetts, where i'll meet up with various and sundry friends before heading to see averi at the living room in providence, rhode island. i believe i'll have the chance to catch up with my brother and (finally) enjoy some grasshopper on sunday before heading back to vermont. hurrah! music! fun! merriment!

speaking of averi, many congratulations to them on hiring a manager - best of luck with the label booking prospects ...

alright, enough procrastination. back to work.

xoxoxox - victoria

ps. i should note that last weekend envolved much merriment. my only regret is that i still don't have internet at the apartment, as one miss rebecca would have been in rare form for her second guest blog. it's amusing, as she was the one who drank like a champ and i was the one who woke up the next day with a 64-piece marching band pounding through my head ... what can i say? i'm so concerned about being a good hostess that i even take over hangovers that aren't intended for me. but don't get any ideas - i don't intend to be so selfless in the future. oy.

???

so i was bored and decided to check out my friendster account (for the first time since i, well, signed up for it) ... and had a request for friend confirmation from daniel.

?!?!?!?

email me, dammit!

oh how easily i'm amused in life

britney spears marries childhood friend - ok, i obviously know very little about this. but i do know that if you get married - in vegas - at 5:30 a.m., if you're not drunk, you're certainly on something ... and you can't be a "little stunned" that you got married. you did, after all, go through the whole ceremony and all ... bwahaha. i should note, however, that i heard bits and pieces of "in the zone" this weekend and did enjoy it - more than i expected to. it's certainly a good dance album.

friday five:
what one thing are you most looking forward to . . .

1. ...today? sex & the city at 9 p.m. about damn time. :-)

2. ...over the next week? hearing about the job situation.

3. ...this year? establishing myself as a journalist. as well as the countless good concerts and events to come. memories are to be made in 2k4, i believe ...

4. ...over the next five years? seeing where life takes me. exploring the highways and byways of my future.

5. ...for the rest of your life? happy times, laughter, friends, good music and love.

i will now look forward to "sex & the city" (side note: bought season three today -- is there anywhere around me that sells season one???) while burning to disc the 10.09.03 mraz show from northampton. good times ...

weekend recap (including what is probably the world's first hangover exchange) to follow ...

i should note that only a few musicians deserve the complete caps post i am about to write. that said ...

DAMIEN RICE IS PLAYING HIGHER GROUND ON APRIL 20.

REVELREVELREVELREVELREVEL.

whoop-de do - happy freakin' new year

so here we are, boys and girls, in the wild times of 2k4.

gosh, feels an awful lot like 2k3 ...

my bitterness is half in jest. it's just that i hate new year's eve with a passion. least favorite in my list of holidays, new year's is, to me, a day full of expectations and hopes that are never met. it's probably the biggest letdown holiday of the calendar year.

don't get me wrong - i spend just as much time as anyone else looking back at the year past and forward to the 12 months to come. i make resolutions, i try to watch the ball drop each year and freak out over dick clark's ever-preserved appearance. but it seems as if there's just so much attention cast on 24 hours out of all the hours of the year - and after 8 p.m., it just gets more and more ridiculous.

part of this year's jadedness comes from the fact that i worked. but, in many respects, i took this to be a potentially beneficial factor. after all, i'd be going around town covering things and trying to capture the sense of hope and anticipation in the air.

but instead, i just wound up feeling blah. i don't get why everyone gets so excited. i don't understand why everyone wants to spend so much time focusing on the fact that it's a minute later than it was before.

nevertheless. i spent new year's much as i've been spending a lot of time lately - on my own (insert carrie bradshaw voiceover talking about being single & fabulous - exclamation point!). because it was drizzly for a little bit, there was a definite possibility that they would cancel the fireworks, so rather than stand out in the cold for a half hour, i headed home. by the time i walked back to my car from the waterfront and made it to my house, the clock had just hit midnight and i had a lovely view of the fireworks from my back balcony. good times.

so i watched television, spoke with some friends via phone, wishing them a happy new year, send warm thoughts to all those i wasn't with for the first moments of 2004, drank a bottle of boone's farm (bwahaha) and dragged my tipsy self to bed around 1:30.

whoo hoo.

but, in good news, i found a new singer-songwriter that is fantastic (prepare yourself - here comes the first vickie music plug of 2004) - syd. he played two sets downtown yesterday and i was floored. i interviewed him for my column and he and tuck are laidback guys with an incredible thing going. i wound up picking up some bootlegs and syd's debut album (i will happily burn copies of the bootlegs for whoever's interested - he encourages it). he scores extra points for taking care of the obligatory covers with one song, a medley including "stir it up," "bubbletoes," "why georgia," "the sharp hint of new tears," "semi-charmed kind of life," "what's my age again?" and "glycerine," with a few others thrown in as well. the scary thing being that it all forms this incredibly cohesive single song. i dug it. while i've heard some of his music before, it didn't really click with me until yesterday. now i'm hooked.

and, i should note with a laugh, it's always amusing to hear updates about people from waaaay back in the day. i know life goes on and people continue to do their things when i'm no longer a part of their existances, but for some reason, i half expect them not to. it's as if once they're out of my life, they've put on perpetual pause mode or something.

and then you hear that those lives are not on pause - well, not really, anyway. always interesting ...